While to all outward appearances we looked like a happily married couple, the hidden truth was that neither of us was sexually fulfilled with each other. It was more a case of mutual boredom than anything else. Don't get me wrong, we had a great start to our sex life. As the years went on, we reached a point where neither of us had felt sexually content for over a decade. We had fallen into the "married with kids" sex rut for well over a decade. We didn't plan on it happening this way, but it happened anyway. Slowly, gradually and without either of us noticing it.
The next thing I knew we suddenly stopped discussing sex at all. In our 20s, we always communicated about everything sexual. We were eager and willing to explore and expand our sexual repertoire. Then, bit by bit, things got more and more rote. Sex became less and less frequent. It was almost as if we had sex only because that's what married couples were supposed to do and not because we desired it. When we would "do the chore" it was usually once every 4-6 weeks.
I convinced myself that this is what happens to all couples in their 40s. I used to sit at work and get hard-ons thinking about my wife's body and what we were going to do in bed that night. But by this time, I was a middle-aged guy with a respectable career, mortgage, car payments and PTA meetings. I'm too old to have sex on my mind all the time, right? After all, you can't be 20 forever, right? My days of being able to fuck and cum 3-4 times a night were over, right?
Our sex life turned into once a month, usually on a Saturday or Sunday morning. While we were still lying in bed one of us would shoot the other a look as if to say "OK, let's get this out of the way." It was the same ole same ole. I would always leave my PJ top on and she would hike up her sleeping gown and lose the panties but keep her top covered. Our idea of variety in those days was that once or twice a year she would get on top and ride me. Hardly any kissing, foreplay or oral sex. No expressions of pleasure. We said nothing to each other as it was happening. Within 5 minutes from the time I took my PJ bottoms off, we were dressing again and casually discussing the errands we had to do later in the day. It was as if the sex we just had never happened. No cuddling, no compliments, no nothing.
I noticed but didn't really care that I'd always shoot really quick during those days. Usually, it was a minute at most and often less than that since we only did it once a month. Soon our dry spells were longer than that. Once one of our dry spells lasted 3 months. Even though I always had an orgasm, it never felt like a good release. Kind of like jacking off. During those 10 + years I don't ever recall her having an orgasm. In all honesty, I can't say it bothered me. I just chalked that up to her age and "the change."
Not that we weren't in love because we were, and still are, each other's best friends. We would go to shows or go out to dinner but that was it. As the saying goes, good sex will never save a bad relationship, but bad sex can undo a good one. That's what was happening to us. Not a good place to be.
We had always been open with each other. I told her I had bi experiences before we got married and she was fine with it as long as I didn't cheat with men or women. She also was impressed that I was honest with her because as we know, most men would never admit having sex with another guy and those experiences and longings would remain buried in the closet for the rest of their life.
It amazes me how many married bi guys there are out there. They too stopped having sex with their wives and now only have sex with other guys. They typically started in high school or college but thought they'd "grow out of it" when they got married. They were all scared to death to tell their wives because all of them were certain their wives would divorce them or worse, out them to their friends and families. Being sexually unfulfilled they would eventually go online looking to either give or get a bj with other married guys. I know because I was one of them.
On the other hand, she is very straight and, until we hit the rut, had a very healthy sexual appetite. She was almost always the aggressor when it came to sex. She loved to let me know when she was horny. When we were alone, she'd come out and say it. In public she would whisper in my ear that she was going to suck my cock when we got home or that she needed my tongue in her pussy and I better be ready to do it. I was so turned on and complimented by it that I often made an impromptu excuse about having to leave and get home. To top it off, she was always a very verbal and vocal lover. That is until we settled into the upper middle class suburban married with kids routine.
As sex became less frequent and satisfying, I must admit I had a few affairs. Some were virtual and online, some were in person the old fashioned way. Most were with women but some were with men. She claimed she never cheated on me, but I have my doubts. If she did, I couldn't blame her. I had turned into such a lousy lover. Still, I was unhappy and guilt racked that I was sneaking around and lying to her.
Then one Saturday night when we were alone because the kids were gone away for the weekend, we split a bottle of good red wine. We talked about how happy we were for the kids and what a great job we did raising good kids while we each balanced family and demanding careers. I thought it would be a typical Saturday night; watch a movie, go to bed and pass out and maybe screw in the morning. It seemed that's all we did on Saturday nights anymore. After the red wine was finished I cracked open a bottle of well chilled champagne and our conversation meandered from topic to topic.
Eventually it focused on us as a couple soon to be empty nesters since our kids were on the verge of moving out. I said maybe we can get a second wind and "kick up our heels" and travel or do something fun. I could tell something was on her mind, but she just couldn't say it. I could tell something was bothering her and she was doing her best to suppress telling me it. The after our second glass when she was obviously drunk she just blurted out:
"How come we don't have sex like we used to?"
We had great sex back in the early days. Even though I don't have the biggest cock in the world, she loved riding and especially sucking it. In those days she had a "rule." Her "rule" was never to cum in her mouth and when I pulled it out and came, never get it in her hair. She told me that the BJ's would stop if I ever did any of these things, and I never did. When you have a wife who loves sucking your cock (a lot stop doing it after a year or so) you don't do anything to fuck it up. There are too many guys out there who I've met whose wives either never once sucked their cock or they did in the beginning of the relationship and then just stopped after a couple of years.
Anyway, I had no idea she felt this way or was even thinking about sex anymore. I asked her to explain herself. She elaborated and told me she was not satisfied with the frequency and the quality of sex we had. I had no idea she was as unfulfilled as I. Being a guy with a male ego I just had to ask if she became sexually frustrated because she got tired of my small 4.5-inch cock. I have always been self-conscious about it ever since I started showering with guys after gym in high school. I couldn't help but notice that almost every guy had a bigger cock.
But that wasn't it.
"No honey, you know how to use what you got. That's not the problem. I think you've become bored with me because I no longer have the body I did when I was 30."
That certainly wasn't the issue for me. I mean who in their 50's still looks like they did in their 30's? I'm still 6'1 and put on 40 lbs. She's still 5'11 and was now a size 16. She was either a 10 or 12 when I met her.
I then told her what I had been feeling for years.
"You know and let's be honest, we have become bored with each other sexually. It's become routine and boring just like cleaning the house."
I could see this hit home with her. She had tears in her eyes. She was hurt by my words and I knew it. Then she laid a big one on me.
"You're right I do think it's a chore. Do you know why? It's because you haven't made me cum in over 10 years."
I felt very insulted. I thought to myself, "what a fucking shitty thing to say."
To which I countered back, "that was the last time you sucked my cock. I stopped eating your pussy years ago because you never returned the favor. You lay there like a beached whale and hardly move."
She shot back with, "I don't have the time to move because you cum in 30 seconds."
So after a few "fuck you" comments and a "yeah maybe if I had a guy with a bigger cock" comments we decided to take a break and let calmer heads prevail before we hurt each other any further. We slept in separate bedrooms that night.
