Don't you hate people who are borrowers? I don't mean the guy who borrows ten bucks that he may or may not pay back, or the housewife who runs next door for a cup of sugar. I mean the guy who borrows your hammer and fails to return it, so when you need it you've got to hunt him down and get it. And you can't use your lawnmower, because he's borrowed that, and when you went and got it, it was out of fuel.
That's George. He's a nice enough chap. Reasonably handsome, or so the women say, reasonably intelligent and with a great deal of charm. It's that blasted charm that lets him get away with borrowing things from everyone instead of buying his own stuff. Speaking personally, I've had it with George and his borrowing.
Being a neighbour, and one of his main victims, I was invited to a barbecue that George was holding one evening. The main reason I went was to make sure that he returned my barbecue at the end of the night. He's just as likely to lend it to someone else, as he is to return it.
I didn't currently have a partner but at a barbecue this didn't make much difference. The men would congregate in one area and the women in another, and seldom the twain did meet.
A public occasion like this was also one of the few times that we'd get to see Jennifer, George's wife. George says she's shy and doesn't like to come out much. I suspected that she's someone else's wife that he borrowed and forgot to return. All joking aside, I have met her before, but only for a moment or two. The one thing I knew about her was that she had a sensational figure. Lucky George, in this area, anyway.
The evening ground on. Wandering around the edge of the crowd I happened to come across Jennifer, for a short time all by herself. I said hi to her, and then had to remind her of who I was. Very flattering to my ego, not. I managed to get her talking, and it was hard work.
After a while it started to dawn on me that Jennifer wasn't shy so much as she was just rather dumb. It seemed that every opinion she had was one that George had given her. I coaxed her to walk around the yard with me, pointing out that I was a neighbour and that we should get to know each other.
At one point I happened to mention that the barbecue that George was using was mine. Jennifer seemed to approve of this.
"George likes borrowing things," she told me. "He says that people own too much stuff and it gets under-used. By borrowing things, George helps to get these things used the way they should be and we don't have a lot of clutter around the place. George says borrowing is a good way of having things only when you need them."
"That's an unusual philosophy," I said. "Most people like to own things. I take it George doesn't really believe in exclusive possession of things."
"No. He says it just helps the capitalist pigs get rich. Everything should be shared, with no owners."
It suddenly occurred to me that by chance we'd drifted into a little section of the yard that was shielded of from the main yard by an overgrown hedge. George probably hadn't been able to borrow some hedge trimmers. Seeing we were reasonably private, I decided to explore George's borrowing philosophy.
"I take it then that George is also eager to lend anything of his that someone might want to borrow?"
Jennifer nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, he does. We don't actually own much but people are free to borrow it if they need it."
"And that goes for you?"
Jennifer nodded again. "Of course. I'd lend anything. I don't mind."
"Then neither of you would mind if I borrowed you for a short time," I said with a grin.
Jennifer blinked. "Um, I guess not, but why would you want to borrow me?"
"Well," I said, idly reaching out and cupping her breast, thumb rubbing against where her nipple should be, "I'm currently without a girlfriend and missing her personal company. Maybe you could fill in for a short while."
Jennifer looked adorable when she was confused.
"Um, you mean as a girlfriend?"
I trailed my hand over to her other breast and started to rub lightly.
"That's right. You feel nice under my touch and I'd really like to touch you some more. Hasn't George ever lent you to a friend?"
Jennifer shook her head, puzzled at the idea. Then her face brightened.
"Oh, I know what you mean. George sometimes lends himself to Sally Hartwood when her husband is out of town. You mean something like that."
George and Sally? That was interesting.
