Yikes!! Randi wants "magic" and "mystery" and I'm anything but magical and mysterious. So, I turned to my buddy Rick, at rkv330, who feeds me great ideas. I thought he'd lost his mind when he floated this one. But the man knows mystery. Of course, I also want to thank Randi, for her super editing, her vision and leadership - and, most of all for her friendship.
*
The rain came down in sheets and the darkness of the Nicolet Forest ate my headlights. All I could hear was the hypnotic slapping of the wipers. It was 2 AM and I was losing my battle with the Sandman.
Then, a figure stepped out in front of me!
I stomped on the brake and swerved into the oncoming lane. There were a couple of thrilling seconds, as I did a 60 mile-an-hour fishtail down the slippery blacktop. I ended-up with the cruiser sitting crosswise half on the road, perhaps two feet from a huge fir.
I was suddenly, VERY WIDE AWAKE!!
The mysterious apparition was female. She stood there a hundred yards back, straddling the white line. She was in no danger of being hit. There were no living creatures within 20 miles; except deer, bear and yours-truly.
I restarted the engine and drove back to where she was standing. The headlights revealed a woman in a weird outfit. I would assume that she'd come from a Halloween party. But, they don't hand out drugs on Halloween; at least in rural Wisconsin, and it was closer to Thanksgiving.
I turned on the flashers, got out, and approached her. The lights painted the rain with a red-and-blue tinge. The woman looked quizzically at my car and said, "What's that, some kind of Studebaker?"
They hadn't made a Studebaker in over fifty years. I thought to myself, "Great!! Two in the morning, and I'm in the middle of nowhere with a certifiable whack-job!!!"
I said, "How much have you had today Miss?"
She said, "Don't flip your wig Mr. Fuddy-Duddy, all I had was a Sidecar." Was that even English? I had no idea what she'd just said... And was she chewing gum!!?
Seriously?!! This woman was standing in the pouring rain, with one hand planted aggressively on a jutting hip, chomping on a wad of gum and arguing with me about how much she'd had to drink?
I said, using my solicitous cop voice, "Why don't we get in the car? I can take you someplace dry."
She looked around, like she had just noticed the rain, and said in a distressed tone of voice, "Where did THAT come from?"
I said, "It's been raining all night."
She said puzzled, "It wasn't a couple of minutes ago."
Yes indeedy! Bat-shit-crazy!!
I couldn't leave her in the forest-primeval. So, I took her by the arm and led her unresisting to the passenger side of the cruiser. It was an old-fashioned Crown Vic with plenty of room up front, even with the swivel mounted computer, and the two shotguns.
She slid in, dripping on my seats. She didn't seem to notice that she was soaked. I guess that's the way it is, when you're stoned out of your gourd. I went around to the driver's side, put the cruiser in drive and started off home. The road featured nothing but wide spots until you got to where I was headed.
She said wonderingly, "How did you do that?"
I said, "What?"
She said, "Make it move without shifting."
Really!!!?? That was disturbing. I said incredulous, "Are you telling me that you've never been in a car with an automatic transmission?"
She said conversationally, "I heard they had something like that on the Olds, but I've never seen one."
Yep, nuts!! They haven't made an Oldsmobile in going-on twenty years.
She looked at the onboard computer, which was sitting between us. She tentatively touched the space bar. The desktop lit up and she jumped back startled. She said surprised, "What's THAT??!"
I was trying to figure out what kind of game she was playing. So, I said patiently, "It's a laptop computer. It's hooked to the Wisconsin CIB database. She looked mystified. I clarified, "Criminal Investigation Bureau. Every patrol car has one."
She said, in a tone that sounded like she thought I was messing with her. "What's a computer, is it some kind of fancy radio?"
That did it. I'm NOT a social worker. In fact, I mostly try to avoid people, which is a bit ironic since I happen to be the County Sheriff. I wasn't going to say one more word until I got this woman's head examined.
We have a clinic in town and the Doc is a smart dude. Maybe he could sort her out. Still, I couldn't help appraising her in the dim light. After all, I AM a guy.
She was a real beauty, even though she currently resembled a drowned cat; perfect complexion, flawless features, and raven hair done up in some kind of World War Two upsweep; complete with a little pillbox hat.
She must have bought THAT ensemble from a theatrical supply store. Even the Goodwill didn't carry stuff that old.
I wasn't having any of "those kind" of thoughts. My mysterious lady was undeniably gorgeous. But she was clearly not right in the head. Plus, women have always been bad news for me. That's why I avoid them like the plague.
*****
It wasn't always that way. Growing up in a small town has a lot of advantages. You're plugged into a way-of-life that hasn't changed materially, since the place was founded. It's humble, and it's relatively stress free. You just don't get too worldly surrounded by people who are exactly like you.
That all changed when I joined the Army. There are only two reliable ways out of a small town, college, or the service. My old man thought that college was a waste of money; while the recruiter in Eau Claire was extremely persuasive.
I rang the bell on the ASVAB, and they gave me my choice of military occupations. The thing that jumped out at me was "helicopter pilot. I had visions of sitting in an Apache blasting evil-doers.
I lasted exactly one month in Army Flight School. Apparently, you need depth perception to be able to fly a helicopter. So, the Army, being the kindly institution that it is, found me alternative employment; Military Police!!
I knew a recruiter in Eu Claire I was going to kill.
They shipped me to Fort Leonard Wood. Let me assure you that; if they ever give the earth an enema, Fort Leonard Wood will be the place where they'll stick the hose.
After that experience, I spent my first few years raising and lowering the gates at Fort McNair. It wasn't glorious. But somebody had to do it.
During that time, I took online classes at UMUC. By my third year I had all the requirements to apply for the Army's Criminal Investigation Service. I had to re-up to get into the Program, and of course the CIS Special Agent Training was back at the bastion of the Ozarks, also known as Hicksville on the Big Piney.
After my second sentence there, I was a certified CIS Special Agent, with a specialty in Special Victims.
*****
The odds of a soldier being posted to any of the hundred bases in the South, or West, are pretty good. The odds of ME being posted to the frozen tundra of upstate New York were one-hundred-percent.
The average snowfall at Fort Hood, which is where the Fourth Infantry Division is based, is zero. The average snowfall at Fort Drum, which is where the Tenth Mountain Infantry Division is based, is 126 inches; or about ten feet. I think you get the picture.
They partnered me with a woman. That's standard protocol for SVU Special Agents. I was the muscle and she was the empathy. Julie was a great partner. She was mid-thirties and moving toward her golden twenty.
The Tenth had just gotten back from hard time in Afghanistan. The incidents we investigated tended to go up after that. So, when a unit deployed or returned we handled a greater number of domestic battery and spousal rape allegations.
That was how I met Janet. A cruiser had responded to a call from the Mountain Community Homes area of the post. We arrived at 13:00 hours, just as the MPs finished squaring away the scene. Julie went straight into the house.
I asked the patrol sergeant what happened. He told me that an intruder had broken in and sexually assaulted the occupant. The call that had alerted them was placed by someone other than the victim. He said that his men were canvassing the neighborhood to identify who made it.
I gave our electronic investigation people a ring and told them to find the owner of the phone. I was pretty sure it was a cell. In the meantime, I went in to the interview.
The woman was sitting on the living room couch, with Julie in a chair opposite. Julie isn't one of those, "Let me give you a hug and make you feel better," kind of women. She's a no nonsense criminal investigator.
The healing process from sexual assault takes a long time. Whereas, the first forty-eight hours are critical for what WE do. And, in Julie's mind the victim had to understand that difference.
Julie was walking the woman through the details of the crime. My role is to observe the victim's reactions. I immediately noticed two things. The first was that she was beautiful, dusky complected, thick dark-brown hair, perfectly symmetrical oval face and big brown eyes.
The second fact was more telling. Her behavior was way off. Rape isn't an act of sex. It's a physical assault that impacts a woman's being to her core. Our instructors had beaten that into our head throughout training. Yet this woman seemed surprisingly unphased.