Bad to Me

My wife, Alana, and I were at an upscale restaurant when I noticed my best friend in the world approaching our table. I quickly whispered to my wife.

“Terrance Landis is coming this way. You remember that I told you how he’s been my best friend since second grade? That’s true, but be very careful around him. He’s a huge pussy hound.”

“Luckily, my pussy is far from huge, so I should be safe,” Alana replied softly. “Isn’t he the friend who happens to be very wealthy?”

I nodded to my wife as I stood to shake Terrance’s hand. He would have none of it. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a hearty bear hug. It was a bit embarrassing in such a public setting.

“Tim! It’s damn good to see you again. It’s been far too long since we’ve spent some time together,” Terrance stated as he slowly looked Alana over from head to tits, with his gaze lingering on her impressive breasts.

“Can I assume this is your lovely wife, Alana? I was in Singapore when you married her, but I did send a gift. I hope you’ve enjoyed it.”

“You’re the friend who sent Tim that new pickup truck, aren’t you?” Alana gushed as she stood and held her arms out for a hug.

“Alana, this is my best friend, Terrance,” I managed as he gently but firmly pushed me to the side so that he could gather Alana into his arms. “Terrance, meet my wife, Alana. I’ve told her a lot about you.”

“You never mentioned he was so tall and good looking,” Alana quickly pointed out as she hugged Terrance longer than I felt was appropriate for a married woman. “What brings you to Daytona, Terrance?”

“I just purchased a condo over at The Dunes, and I’m having it remodeled. I’m renting a room at a local hotel and just stopped in for a lonely dinner.”

“You bought a condo at The Dunes and you’re remodeling it? They’re practically brand new. I can’t imagine you’d need to change very much,” Alana responded. “I heard the smaller units begin at over a million dollars.”

“That’s true,” Terrance agreed. “However, they have small bedrooms. They feel cramped to me. Luckily, a penthouse was available, so I purchased it. I’m having it painted and I’m replacing the furniture.

It was obvious to me that Terrance was doing his best to impress Alana. He had always had the knack of determining what a woman was interested in and heading right to her happy place. Alana was a material girl to the extreme. I had a healthy income and more than a few bucks saved, but Alana seemed determined to spend us into the poorhouse.

We were celebrating our third anniversary, yet she seemed content to ignore me in favor of Terrance. It was so obvious some of the other diners were looking my way with apparent sympathy.

“It appears the waiter is bringing out our meal, Alana. We should retake our seats and eat while it’s still hot,” I reasoned, thinking we’d be able to concentrate on each other once again.

Alana didn’t dispute anything I said, but she upped the stakes as she merely glanced at our steaks. “Terrance, you have to join us! Tim is always talking so fondly of you and I’d like to get to know you better. My husband’s best friend is my friend as well.”

“I hate to intrude on a romantic dinner,” began Terrance as I nodded in understanding.

“Nonsense,” Alana broke in immediately. “Waiter, Terrance will be joining us for dinner. Could you bring a table setting for him? Thanks so much.”

The waiter turned on his heel and began his quest. In less than a minute, Terrance was seated at our table and monopolizing the conversation. I managed to win a game of solitaire on my phone as he and Alana discussed everything and anything. I was pretty much ignoring the entire conversation until I head Alana use my name, as in addressing me.

“Tim, we have two spare rooms. Why don’t we have Terrance stay with us? You two guys could continue to catch up. Terrance would have the chance to enjoy some home cooking. His condo will be finished in a week or so. It wouldn’t be any imposition at all.”

I was stunned at Alana’s statement. She thought Terrance would enjoy her cooking? I had no doubt she’d be ordering some very expensive takeout meals from some very good restaurants, then placing it on her best china. Knowing Terrance as I did, I was reasonably certain that he would be eating at the Y by week’s end. I had explained to her what a pussy hound he was, and I had to admit it. Her pussy would please any connoisseur of fine dining.

My first wife, Helen, had died after 22 years of marriage. She and Terrance had been great friends, but I never worried about them being inappropriate in any way. Helen was as trustworthy and loyal as a wife could possibly be. Sadly, she died from a sudden heart attack five years previously. I grieved for over a year before meeting Alana at a charity function.

She was eleven years younger than I, but it didn’t seem to matter to her. I soon proposed and we’d been married just three years. It was Alana’s second marriage. She had divorced the first husband after she caught him cheating, or so she claimed. One thing I would not do was cheat on my wife. It just wasn’t in me, and Alana knew it.

It didn’t seem to require very much persuasion on Alana’s part to convince Terrance to stay with us, unless you consider the considerable cleavage she displayed as she leaned toward him to catch his every word as persuasion. Her tits appeared to have a will of their own as they swayed, jiggled, bounced and enthusiastically struggled to escape their confines. Terrance stared, transfixed in obvious appreciation.

Naturally, Terrance didn’t have to get up early in the morning to go to work. That is a curse reserved for those of us who don’t have millions of dollars in the bank and more pouring in every day. Alana hadn’t had a job since she had divorced her first husband. Apparently, she had done quite well in her divorce. She had me sign a prenuptial agreement stating I would never have any claim on her money regardless of how long we remained married. I was okay with, it since I had a steady income stream from my investments as well a very good job.

When I came home Monday evening, Alana and Terrance seemed to even more friendly than they had been at the restaurant the previous evening. Dinner was ready and it was exceptionally good. I checked the trash can. As I had expected, I found containers from a local restaurant.

Terrance and Alana were so wrapped up in their own little world that they never noticed when I left the living room in a bit of a huff and stomped up the stairs and went to bed. I failed at embarrassing myself, as they paid me no attention.

I was quite surprised when I came home Wednesday evening and found Alana seemingly waiting for me. She was sitting on the expensive couch she just had to have. Next to her, far too close in my opinion, especially for a male friend she had recently met, sat Terrance.

“Tim, we need to talk,” was Alana’s opening salvo.

I was once again caught by surprise. It was only fucking Wednesday. How in hell could Terrance have worked his magic that quickly? I knew he was good at everything he set his mind to, but this was impressive as hell. It was going to cost me more than a few bucks. I was sure of that.

“Terrance and I have discovered that we’re soul mates,” Alana explained. “We didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did. We both feel terrible about it, but there’s no denying the incredibly strong attraction we feel for each other.

“Tim, I’m going to divorce you. As soon as it becomes final, I’ll marry Terrance. Please, don’t try to talk me out of it.”

“I’ll be damned if I’ll give up my house and half my life savings just because you couldn’t keep your legs closed, and this ass-wipe couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. I’ll fight you every step of the way,” I declared with more conviction than I felt.

“That’s so typical of an insecure little man,” Alana declared with disdain. “I didn’t marry you for money and I don’t want any when we divorce. Terrance and I both believe the divorce will go through much quicker if I just walk away with the money I brought into the marriage.

“What do you think, Tim? Is that incentive enough to grant me a quick divorce?” Alana demanded.

“Where do you want me to sign?” I cleverly retorted.

“I knew money meant more to you than I ever did. I’ll be spending the next few nights with Terrance while we wait for his condo to be painted. I don’t want to hear any complaints. No sniveling, crying or whining,” Alana insisted.

I simply nodded, turned and left for the nearest tavern.

It’s amazing how fast a divorce can go through the courts when the three people involved are eager for it and one of them is very wealthy. A few months later, I was once again a single man.

The weekend after my divorce was final, I returned to the same restaurant I had been in with Alana when she first met Terrance. I found him sitting at a table for two. I simply walked in and joined him.

“Do you want to kiss my feet here in the restaurant, or wait for a more private setting?” Terrance asked with a big grin.

“I don’t know how you can be so happy. You didn’t have to ask Alana to marry you. Now she can go after you for fraud, breach of contract, blatant lying, or being such a prick to her,” I offered.

“Not going to happen,” Terrance replied calmly. “As usual, you don’t see the big picture.”

“Why don’t you enlighten me then? I know Alana and she’s nothing if not stubborn, vindictive and mean as hell.”

“You didn’t feel that way when you asked her to marry you, did you?” Terrance asked with a chuckle. “Think about it. What was the final straw that made you decide you wanted to get rid of her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it was finding out her damned personal trainer was porking her three times a week. For some reason, that tripped my switch. She had me over a barrel. If I went for a divorce, even for adultery, she would have gotten half of everything, plus spousal support. That’s why I called you for suggestions.

“I never thought you’d get her to ask for a divorce by Wednesday, though. That was amazing. Your line of bullshit must have improved over the years,” I added.

“It has more to do with how my portfolio has improved over the years. Once she realized how much money I had, she couldn’t seduce me fast enough. I have to say that I’m going to miss her between the sheets. Banging your wife was one of the greatest highlights of my life,” Terrance gleefully admitted.

“That particular talent of hers was what got me into the mess,” I replied seriously. “You did a great job getting me free from a gold-digging bitch, but why aren’t you more concerned about how she’ll take being dumped? She might figure out the entire scheme. She may be a slut, but she’s a smart one.”

“Remember that I mentioned the big picture?” Terrance asked. “For an engagement gift, I gave Alana a weekend at Ritz with a spa day included.”

“You idiot,” I spat at him. “Didn’t I tell you that Alana’s stud, the personal trainer, was now working as a masseur at the Ritz? She could have run into him.”

“No shit? I asked for him by name when I set up the spa date,” Terrance revealed. “Last night I decided to visit her, just to see how happy she was with her gift. Since I had paid for the room, I had a key. Fortunately, I also had my phone set to video. Not surprisingly, I found her exceedingly happy… with her gift.”

“She was with him? You have video? She was cheating on you?” I managed as I slowly organized my thoughts. “You must have been very upset. Perhaps angry enough to break off the engagement?”

“Alana was devastated at my unforgiving attitude,” Terrance responded with a smirk. “It was the first time she had ever done anything like that. It would never happen again. I agreed with her on that. It won’t be happening to me. She’s out apartment shopping right now, at least between her sobs and curses.

“You owe me a dinner for getting her to state that she wanted a divorce on Wednesday,” Terrance added with a wide smile.

“You saved me a fortune, Bro. I’ll be delighted to buy you dinner. You’ve always been there for me. Alana has no clue about relationships, but you do. That’s what love is.”