Andria turned her back to me with her hands on each shoulder of her green dress. She slowly pushed each strap of a shoulder. "Oops, these are always falling down". Turning slowly around and placing her arms under her breasts she continued, "I might as well take this off. But I'm such a screw up. I cannot even do this right".
Keeping one arm under her tits, she lowered her other hand to the bottom hem. She started to pull up..............
The sun shone against my eyelids and I awoke with a start. I was laying on a park bench and I was cold and stiff. I glanced at my surroundings and recognized I was in a small park close to my 'reno'. My thoughts came back to the events of last night. Cheating? Anger filled my head. Then I realized in my delirium I had a suicide attempt. Then the next thought was fear. Extreme fear!
I moved my sore legs to stand. There was a coffee shop around the corner and strong coffee helped clear some thoughts. What was I going to do? A church bell rang in the near distance. It was Sunday morning after all.
I checked my cell phone to see what time it was. It wasn't there. I checked all my pockets. Nothing. I must have lost my cell phone in the chaos that transpired last night. Probably during my ill-fated suicide attempt.
I walked towards the bells and entered the church (temple). I was trying to get a grip. I sat down in the corner of the last row. There weren't many people. I bowed my head and prayed.
I was startled awake when a hand touched my shoulder. It was the minister. "The service is over" he gently told me.
I glanced around and everyone else was gone. Realizing I had fallen asleep, I sheepishly muttered, "Sorry."
"That's okay. You're not the first person to fall asleep to my sermons" he quietly smirked.
"No, n-no" I stammered. "I had a really rough night"
"Do you want to talk about it?" he inquired in a soft, mild manner.
"I don't know" I muttered.
"Are you feeling, Okay?" he asked in his soft manner, but he stared intently into my eyes. (He would later tell me that I had 'wild' eyes, which brought forward his next questions).
"Do you have lowered feelings?" he asked in a firmer manner.
"Yes"
"Do you have suicidal thoughts?" he pressed.
How did he know? How did he know to ask? But I replied honestly, "Yes".
"Do you have a plan, time and means to carry out these thoughts?" he pressed onwards.
Out of my mouth came a plan--my plan. A means--my suicide was very specific and I detailed the event. A time--tonight. Tonight! I wasn't aware that I had these thoughts hidden away.
"Come with me" he guided me up and out of the building into his car. (When I talked to him later, he told me he used "safe-TALK"* to help me. *This is a suicide prevention technique).
He started to drive and I asked "Where are we going?"
"To the hospital" he said in his soft but firm way.
"Okay" I meekly replied but secretly happy that I might get help.
We arrived at the psychiatric hospital. He brought me to the admitting nurse and told me, "Tell her everything you told me." I nodded. Five minutes later I was back in the waiting room but I now had a security guard beside me. The minister asked the security guard what was happening. When he was told that they were waiting for a room to open. He turned to me and said, "You're in good hands now." and proceeded to leave.
"Wait" I reached out. He turned back again to me, and I added "Thank you".
He smiled and said "Just doing my job."
I could write 3 more chapters on suicide prevention and my stay at the psychiatric hospital. This isn't the correct forum to digress further. I just want everyone to know that there is help and hope.
Carrying on with my story in the Loving Wives' Sense.
On day 1 at the hospital, I had called my mom. I asked her to tell Andria that I had gone to Las Vegas to get some time and space.
Very few people knew of my hospital stay. I only spent 5 days at the hospital. I immediately responded to the medication. I was eventually diagnosed with a mental illness and would have to take these pills for the rest of my life. There were side effects with the biggest being it caused me to be sluggish. I had only about 80% of my usual energy--but I had my sanity. Now, I always say: 80% of 'something' is better than 100% of 'nothing'.
Three days later, I returned to work. Covid was running amuck and they were thrilled to have me back. I had asked for a transfer to another department and it was granted immediately. William did poke his head into my office the first day. He wanted to apologise and probably wanted me not to go to management about the events of 'that' night. I told him not to worry and proceeded to get back to work.
Just as he was leaving, he mentioned something about my wife being 'crazy'. I stopped for a moment, when it hit me. Crazy! This was the biggest thing my wife and I had in common.
I finished work at 6 pm. It was a long grueling day dealing with Covid. When I reached my truck, Andria was standing there. "Why didn't you tell me you were back?" She jumped at me and hugged me.
I didn't return the hug and she immediately began apologizing for 'that' night. I kept my words to a minimum and said, "I have had a long, long day, and I'm tired"
"Okay, we'll talk at home. It's been so long without you," she smiled.
"I'm not going home".
"What" and she started babbling other responses.
"I need more time and space." I gruffly added.
"Oh, no darling. We can talk and get through this. Please come home" she pleaded.
I just opened my door and got in. "Tell you what, we can meet Sunday and we can talk then. With Coruna Virus it's just so busy at work"
"Can I least call you before then? You aren't picking up my calls." she pleaded more.
"New phone, new number, new life" I resolutely added and drove off, leaving her standing there.
The end of the work week actually seemed to come quickly. There were rumors that we might have to work from home at some point. It was so busy that I hadn't thought of Andria much. She did call the office a few times to see if we were still on for Sunday. I told her yes. She assumed we were meeting at our house but I wanted a neutral location and suggested the coffee shop close to the park. She agreed.
I arrived at the coffee shop and Andria was already there. She ran over to my truck. It was a pleasant late March day--jacket weather, but she only had on one of my favorite dresses and she wasn't wearing a bra. She bounced gloriously towards me and I made a point of keeping eye contact, but I couldn't mistake the sway and jiggle of her breasts out of my peripheral vision.
She jumped into my arms and said "I wasn't sure you were going to make it," then rose up to give me a kiss. One advantage of being so tall is the ability to avoid being kissed.
She picked up on my aloofness and proceeded to apologize and profess her love for me.
I guided her to a table and got us coffees (mine black, hers 3 cream/3 sugar). I sat down and I took a sip. She seemed to be waiting for me to say something, and I began with "I don't think this is going to work".
She teared and again started to apologise and explain.
"You had sex with my boss! There's not much to explain" I emphasized. I was glad I had taken a pill before our meeting. I wanted to keep myself in check.
She started to really explain and it was long winded, but there was nugget of sense in what she said. "I am 34 and I am not as good looking as I use to be."
"You are gorgeous, Andria" I countered.
"Let me continue and allow me to get most of this out." She paused for a second then continued, "I have crow's feet, a few grey hairs, my boobs are starting to sag," to which I kept silent and maintained strict eye contact. She carried on, "I perhaps can't have a baby, I'm more tired in general and, I'm not as good looking as the girls in porn that you watch."
"Okay, stop." I had to interject. "First, you don't watch enough porn. Most of the girls are ugly skanks. And yes, you are gorgeous. More beautiful than I first met you. Even your boobs, while perhaps shifting a bit, are even more spectacular. Especially when you don't wear a bra." I smirked.
"I didn't think you noticed" she blushed as she suddenly became aware of a few lecherous stares from other customers.
I spat out, "But that doesn't explain your infidelity with first Lounge Lizard and more hurtfully my boss. You were definitely drunk at the night club, but you weren't as drunk as you let on with my boss."
"Yes, I had drank way too much at the night club but we had the best mind-blowing sex afterwards. And with your boss, I knew of your cuckholding desires and thought that was going to be another great night of sex."
"What? Cuckholding?" I questioned. "What makes you think I wanted you to cuckhold me?"
"That's the porn we most often watch together." she stated.
I was stunned but I did a little memory recap. We didn't watch that much porn together. Then I blurted, "I'm not into that kind of sex. I suppose I probably watch 20 or more different genres of porn, but I select what I watch by searching for the prettiest girls, not the type of porn."
"Oh, I just wanted another night of you displaying that kind of passion" she added.
"That's another thing. You keep calling that the best night of sex. That was one of my worst nights that I ever experienced," I professed.
"What? You seemed so into it," she expressed.
"I turned into a person that I didn't want to be. Sort of a Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde personality."
"Oh, I am so sorry. I screwed all this up. My anxiety to get pregnant probably put me into some delusional persona." she said as she looked down, but quickly looked back up at me, "but I love you so much. I don't need to have a baby."
