Awaenings

This story is the second episode in a series entitled "Awakenings". If you have not read the first episode of this series, I encourage you do so before beginning this chapter.

I remind you again that I write cuckold stories. While I try to make them loving cuckold stories, they do depict an alternative life style. If you're offended or upset by stories about sexual attitudes and behaviors that are different from your own, I strongly suggest that you find something else to read.

*****

I was up at 6:00 the next morning. Amazingly, I'd slept through the night. Feeling somewhat revitalized; I dressed, stopped at Lyle's Cafe for a quick breakfast and went into work.

I was in my office at 7:15. As soon as I sat down at my desk I took out my cell phone and turned it on. It was time to reopen communication with the world. I had six messages. The first three were from Jeanne. They were all pleas to call her so that we could talk some more. I deleted them.

The fourth message was from Tricia, my oldest daughter. "Dad, mom just called me. She was frantic. She said that you left her and she's sure you're going to divorce her. Dad, that can't be true. You love mom. I know you do. You could never divorce her. Please call me."

The next call was from Jodie, my youngest daughter. "Daddy, Tricia called me and told me that you left mom. I called mom. She's distraught. I think she's having a nervous breakdown. Please call us. You have to talk to mom. You have to try to work this out."

The last call was again from Jeanne. It was another plea for me to call her.

I set my cell phone down. I knew that I had to call my daughters, but I wasn't certain how much I wanted to tell them. Jeanne was responsible for this mess. It was up to her to explain the situation to our daughters."

Deciding that my best course of action was to call Jeanne before I called Tricia and Jodie, I picked up my desk telephone and dialed Jeanne's cell phone. It was 7:30. I knew she'd be up getting ready for work.

After four rings Jeanne answered. "Michael, thank you for calling."

"Hello Jeanne."

Clearly uneasy, Jeanne quietly answered; "Hello Michael."

"Jeanne, Tricia and Jodie both called last night."

There was a long pause. Finally Jeanne said; "Yes I'm sure they did. What did they tell you?"

"I haven't talked to them yet. As you know, I had my cell phone off last night. They both left messages."

"Are you going to call them?"

"Of course, they're our daughters. They're concerned and they deserve an explanation."

"What are you going to tell them?"

"I'm not going to tell them anything. Jeanne you created this mess. You're going to call them and explain the situation."

"I did call them last night."

"Yes, but you only told them that I left you. You didn't explain why."

"Michael, that's not true. I told them everything."

"Nonsense, you wouldn't dare tell them the truth."

Jeanne sighed. "Michael why are you creating such a fuss? You're making a mountain out of a molehill. This is just something I have to do. Once it's over I'll be the most loving wife you've ever imagined. I'll spend years expressing my gratitude."

"Jeanne, do you remember yesterday when I asked you the question that made you swear at me and hang up the telephone."

"Yes Michael, I really am sorry I did that."

"I'm going to ask that question again."

"No Michael, please don't"

"Jeanne if our marriage is going to have any chance to survive I have to ask it and you have to give me an honest answer."

Resigned, Jeanne said; "Okay."

"How would you feel if you walked into the Kennsington Grill and saw me sitting at a table with another woman and I was holding her hand?"

Jeanne started crying.

I waited for a moment and then I said; "Jeanne, answer the question."

After a few seconds Jeanne screamed; "Damn it Michael, I'd feel awful. I'd feel absolutely devastated."

"And that's how I feel right now."

There was a moment of silence and then Jeanne quietly added; "But I shouldn't feel that way."

There was more silence. I waited. Finally Jeanne said; "Micheal I'm sorry. I was stupid. I did a lousy job of preparing you for this. I thoughtlessly dumped it on you all at once and that was unforgivable. I should have made sure that you felt loved and desired before I broached this with you and then I should have waited. I should have given you some time to get used to the idea. It all happened so fast. I was excited. I stupidly ignored your feelings."

"Jeanne, what are you talking about?"

"Michael, what I did with Derek was just sex. It had nothing to do with love. You have to believe me, you're the only man I'll ever love."

"Yeah well last night this Derek guy got a whole lot more sex than the man you love has gotten in a very long time."

"I know Michael and I'm ashamed about that."

"Are you Jeanne? I'm a bald headed, overweight, old man that other women would never find attractive. How could you possibly be interested in sex with me?"

"Damn it Michael, I'm sorry I said that. I'll regret those words for the rest of my life."

"But you did say them."

"Yes I did, but I didn't mean them. Michael, you cornered me and I lashed out at you. The truth is, I'm terrified that another woman might steal you away from me. You're a smart, strong willed, affluent man who also happens to be kind and loving. There are a slew of good looking divorced women our age who would love to get their hooks into you. If you want to get laid, all you have to do is start sending signals that you're available."

"Like you did with your stud."

"Yes, like I did with Derek. That's true Michael, but there's a difference. Derek doesn't want to steal me from you. He just wants to have sex with me. Those women want you, they want all of you."

"But you gave Derek something that you weren't giving to me."

"Yes, I did do that and I regret it. Michael if you'll just give me the opportunity, I'll spend the rest of my life making that up to you."

I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say. While part of me wanted to believe Jeanne, another part of me was writing this off as more bullshit.

Jeanne waited. After a few seconds she said; "Michael say something, please say anything."

"I don't know what to say."

"Michael, have I destroyed our marriage?"

"I don't know, it's possible."

"Please don't say that. There has to be a way."

"Jeanne you still haven't told me that you're going to stop seeing Fischer."

"Do I have to? Michael you have to believe me, it really is just sex."

"Sex that I've been denied."

"That will change, I promise."

"You mean that when you're not partying with your stud, you'll favor me with an occasional mercy fuck."

"A mercy fuck? Of course not. They won't be mercy fucks and they won't be occasional either."

"Jeanne you haven't condescended to have sex with me for several months. Why should I believe that you suddenly find me desirable?"

"Michael, you're not hearing me. My indifference to sex had nothing to do with you. It was about my own insecurity. I felt old and ugly."

"You called me an overweight, bald headed old man who could never attract another woman."

"God Dammit Micheal, I didn't mean that!"

"You said it!" I sighed. "And I can't stop hearing you say it and I can't stop seeing Fischer kissing you on our front lawn."

"Michael I screwed up. I screwed up badly. I made a mistake. It was a big mistake. We all make mistakes. You have to forgive me."

"Are you going continue seeing Fischer?"

There was a long pause. Finally Jeanne said; "No of course not. I really don't want to lose you over this."

"But you'd like to keep seeing him."

"Michael, what do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to lie?"

"No, but that last statement makes me believe that I can never again trust you."

"Michael, I promise I'll stop seeing him. As soon as we're finished talking I'll call him and tell him that."

"And then you're going to call Jodie and Tricia and explain what's happened."

"They already know about everything."

"I don't believe you."

"Michael, call them."

"They really know?"

"Call them Michael."

"All right."

"Michael will you please call me after you talk to them."

Disconcerted by the discovery that my girls might actually know what Jeanne was doing, I said; "Yeah sure, of course I will."

"I have a busy morning. Will you call me after lunch?"

"Sure, right after lunch."

"Michael, this doesn't have to be the end of us. Talk to the girls, they'll help you understand."

"I will." I was feeling morose. My voice reflected my mood.

Jeanne said; "Michael I love you."

"Do you Jeanne, do you really?"

"Yes Michael, I really do."

"Right now I find that hard to believe."

"Michael call the girls, they'll explain everything."

"Okay, good bye Jeanne."

"Good bye Michael. I really do love you."

After ending the call I set my telephone back on its cradle, sat back in my chair and closed my eyes. I was confused. Jeanne seemed to be suggesting that the girls not only knew about her transgression with Derek, they approved of it. I didn't understand. How was that possible?

As I sat at my desk thinking, my cell phone rang. I picked it up. The caller ID said it was Tricia.

I pushed the button. "Hi Tricia."

"Hi daddy."

There was an awkward silence. Finally I asked, "Did mom call you?"

"Yes she did." Tricia paused. After a moment she said, "Daddy?"

I waited.

Suddenly there was another voice. "Daddy, I'm here too." It was Jodie. "Daddy, I don't understand. Why are you acting like this? Mom loves you, I know she does."

"I don't know Jodie. Right now she's certainly not acting like she loves me." I told them about what happened when Fischer picked Jeanne up at the house.

Tricia said, "She told us about that dad. She regrets doing it. Now she realizes that she needs to be more discreet."

"She needs to be more discreet?" The statement puzzled me.

Jodie said, "Of course daddy, lots of people have fuck buddies; but almost everyone tries to be cautious about revealing it. Being indiscreet isn't cool."

"Are you telling me that the two of you have these", I paused for a moment and then I said, "You know, buddies."

"Yes daddy, we do."

"Tricia, you do too?"

"Yes daddy, you know him. It's Randy Parkman, we've been getting together since the summer after we graduated from high school."

"Really?"

"Yes, we're good friends and we enjoy doing it with each other. It's just fun."

"Tricia, you're engaged. Does Paul know about Randy?"

"Of course he does. I love Paul. I would never lie to him."

"And he's okay with it?"

"Yes daddy, Paul understands that I don't love Randy. It's just a little sex on the side."

"Does Jeanne know about Randy?"

Jodie said, "Mom's cool, we talk about this stuff all the time."

"Apparently I'm not cool."

"It's a little harder for a daughter to talk about sex with her dad."

While I realized that Jodie was right, I also now understood that my daughters had most likely been the source of Jeanne's desire to experiment with other men. Suddenly feeling totally demoralized, I said; "I have to get back to work. Thank you for talking to me about this."

Picking up the change in my mood, Jodie said; "Daddy, we need to talk about this some more. It's really not that big a deal."

"Jodie, I'm sorry. I can't do that right now. Maybe we can talk again later."

"When daddy?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry, I really do have to go. Say hello to your mother for me." And then I ended the call and shut off my cell phone.

I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes. For the first time in twenty-seven years I felt like I was alone, all alone.

Two minutes later my desk telephone rang. I picked it up.

Ruth said; "Michael, your daughter Tricia is on line 2."

"Ruth, I can't talk to her right now. It appears that she and Jodie actually encouraged Jeanne to have this affair."

"Michael, I'm so sorry. I'll take care of it. I'll tell them you're in a meeting and can't be disturbed."

"Thank you Ruth." I paused for a moment and then I said; "Ruth I need a break from all of this. For the rest of the day I just want to be an accountant. I have several files that require my attention. I'd like to work on them without being disturbed by anyone."

"I'll take care of it Michael. If there's a problem I'll pass it to Jason."

Jason Ridner was a very able accountant. He'd been with me for eleven years. I knew that he was capable of handling any problems that might arise. "Thank you Ruth, I appreciate this."

"Don't worry Michael, Jason and I are both in your corner."

After I hung up my telephone I wondered just how much Jason knew. As I sat back in my chair I realized that he most likely knew everything. Jason, Ruth and I were not only coworkers we were also close friends. If Ruth knew I had a problem she would have to tell Jason. That was all right with me. The support of two good friends would make it much easier for me to weather this crisis.

Ruth mounted an effective defense. I was left alone until the end of day.

At a quarter to five there was a knock on my door. "Hey boss, it's me Jason. Can we talk for a minute?"

Realizing that this conversation was inevitable, I said; "Sure Jason, come on in."

My door opened. Jason stepped into my office but stopped just inside the doorway.

"Jason please come in and sit down." I motioned towards the chair in front of my desk.

He smiled and sat down, but it was clear that he was still nervous.

"Jason relax, we're friends. I assume you already know what's happened between Jeanne and me."

Nodding, Jason said; "Boss, I'm so sorry."

"Thank you, it's been difficult."

"I'm sure it has. Is there anything Barb and I can do to help you? If there is please tell us. I called Barb this afternoon and told her what happened. She's absolutely distraught. Boss, I think Barb may love you even more than she loves me."

Barb was Barbara Ridner, Jason's wife. She was a wonderful woman and totally devoted to Jason just as Jason was totally devoted to her. They had the kind of marriage that until the past two days I'd believed Jeanne and I had.

Oh and Barb did love me, but not anywhere near as much as she loved Jason. About a year after Jason started working for me he came to me and confessed that he and Barb had made some imprudent decisions regarding their credit cards. They had five cards maxed to the limit. The monthly payments were killing them. Jason was doubly ashamed because he was an accountant and felt he should have known better.

I resisted the temptation to lecture Jason. Instead I sat down with him and worked out a plan that would get them out of the mess they'd fallen into. I also financed the plan which allowed them to escape from the obscene interest payments they were being forced to make. Eighteen months later they were out of debt and Jason and Barb never forgot what I did for them. There wasn't any doubt in my mind that Barbara Ridner did love me.

I laughed. "Jason, Barb will never love anyone as much as she loves you."

Jason nodded. "Yeah boss, I know that; but she does care about you."

"And I know that."

"So will you come over to the house for dinner tonight? After dinner we can have a few drinks. If you're too tired or too spiffed to leave you can stay in our guest room. What do you say boss? Barb is ready to put a pot roast in the oven."

"Jason I can't tell you how much that invitation means to me and if you offer it again in a week I'll happily take you up on it, but tonight I need to be able to think. Tonight it would be better if I stay at my motel and try to figure all of this out."

"You know that might be easier if you let your friends help you." Ruth was standing in the doorway to my office.

Nodding, I said; "Yeah Ruth, you're probably right; but this is a problem that permeates to the core of my existence. The decisions that I make right now are going to have a dramatic impact on the rest of my life. I need to make those decisions by myself."

"Okay boss, I understand. What do you want us to do?"

"Go home and have a wonderful evening."

Ruth looked at Jason. He nodded to her. She turned back to me and said; "We understand. We'll give you your space, but we need you to understand something too. We're your friends and we want to help you get through this. If you need us you have to promise to call. We don't care if it's three o'clock in the morning, we want you to call. Michael, you are not alone. Will you promise to call?"

"Yes, if I need you I'll call. I promise; but tonight I really do need to sort this out by myself."

Jason said; "We understand boss." He stood up and looked at me. I looked at him. He smiled. I smiled back. When he saw me smile he nodded and then he turned and walked out of my office. As he passed my secretary he took her arm and said; "Come on Ruth, right now this is a battle he needs to fight on his own."

Ruth held Jason's arm and said; "Just a minute." She turned back to me. "Michael."

"Yes Ruth?"

"Don't forget that the Montgomery's are coming in at 10:00 tomorrow morning."

Charles and Edith Montgomery were my two most important clients. Charles Montgomery's family started a trucking company in 1929. Montgomery Freight was now one of the largest shipping companies in the United States. Edith Montgomery was born Edith Chalmers. Her great grandfather, Benjamin Chalmers was a blacksmith who in 1921 realized that the emerging auto industry was desperately in need of precision metal parts. Chalmer's Tool and Die was now one of the largest automobile parts manufacturers in the world. Managing their financial interests alone was enough to keep my firm in black ink.

Charles and Edith were also friends. Jeanne and I had dined at their house and they had dined at ours. When their grandchildren were born we were present at the christenings. When our girls graduated from high school Charles and Edith attended the receptions. Our relationship was far more than just business.

If I had a meeting with the Montgomery's at ten in the morning, I would be there. Personal problems would have to move to the back burner. Nodding, I said; "Don't worry Ruth, I'll be here."

Smiling, Ruth said; "I'll be here too. I know just how much the Montgomerys mean to this firm."

As she turned to leave. I said; "Thank you Ruth, I appreciate that."

She stopped. "Boss, we all appreciate everything you've done for us." And then she disappeared out the door.

I spent the next two hours reviewing Charles and Edith Montgomery's files. When we met in the morning I wanted to be certain I was up to speed on their financial situation.

By seven o'clock I was confident that I understood their current status, so I closed their folders and locked them in my file cabinet. Once that was done I sat back and started thinking about my personal life. It was a mess. Jeanne was seeing another man and my daughters, the center of my universe, were encouraging her to do it. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut.

I contemplated divorce. While it was an ugly prospect I was in an untenable situation. I was beginning to feel like I didn't have a choice. That thought alarmed me. My father taught me to believe that there was always a choice.

It was a warm August evening. I decided to take a walk. It felt good to get outside. I passed a sandwich shop. Realizing I was hungry I stopped and bought a roast beef and cheese sandwich. I sat on a bus bench while I ate it. When I was finished I started walking again.

Dusk came, I kept walking. The night lights came on and the cocktail lounges, restaurants and night clubs started filling.

I passed a small bar, The Cosmopolitan Lounge. A neon sign in the front window advertised jazz piano. Deciding that it looked appealing and a glass of scotch would taste good, I went inside.