Avoiding Those 4 Little Words

I love reading the stories which include those 4 little words "we have to talk", but often the wife comes across as a complete bitch or as one author points out, having recently been struck by a Martian Slut Ray. This is an attempt to explore if those words would ever be part of a reasonable conversation within a long standing relationship.

Susan and Matt were married 27years ago after a fairly standard college romance, in that time they had successfully raised two children both of whom had fled the nest within the last year.

Matt was nearing 50, at 5ft 10inches and 180lbs he seemed to be in a never ending battle not to put on too much weight and just about managed it, at least most of the time. His original dark hair had increasing flecks of grey, which he laughed off as a distinguishing feature. Still working full time as an engineer, the job took up a lot of time but as he enjoyed it so much he didn't mind the extra hours. Thankfully as the children had begun their own adult lives, this meant Matt had more time to pick up on the hobbies of his youth including golf, fishing and anything relating to the outdoors, he was at last able to go on the extended trips with his long standing friends.

Matt's wife Susan was 48, 5ft 7 with green eyes and blonde collar length hair cut into waves. Regular gym sessions helped her stay in shape, age had still impacted leaving a curvier 38d 28 36 figure. She worked part time as a teacher and had a passion for reading, theatre, film and the arts. She loved classic films from the 50's and favoured vintage fitted skirts, dresses and jackets. Unlike Matt she missed her children terribly and felt a huge void when they left home, this seemed to be compounded by Matt being endlessly busy at work or away on another trip. If asked she would confirm she was happily married but recently she had started to feel... what was it... 'lonely' perhaps. She was sure it must just be a phase that many empty nester mums had to get used to. She tried talking to Matt about it but he seemed a bit oblivious whilst her repeated attempts to do things together as a couple were relegated behind both his work and hobbies. Given how hard he worked she was happy he had time to do the things he enjoyed, she just wished more of than involved her.

Two months later, Susan's was chatting to her friend Helen on the phone. Helen mentioned her son Will travelling down for an interview in the city during the following week, after a convoluted discussion of arrangements and options, Susan insisted Will should travel the day before the interview and stay over with them. It would remove the chance of travel problems, save on hotel costs and would hopefully be more relaxing for the interview. Helen was delighted and informed Will. As expected Matt was fine about the arrangement, having known the family for years he was keen to help.

It was a slightly apprehensive Will that Susan picked up from the train station on Tuesday. Susan almost didn't recognise him, he'd grown so much and looked sharp and professional, with his previous unruly sandy hair and beard trimmed no doubt for the interview. Susan mused: was he really 24 years old now, it seemed only a couple of years ago they had all enjoyed family holidays together.

They chatted easily, spending the next few hours catching up about family and friends. Susan showed him to her son's old room and left him to do some interview preparation. When Matt came home they enjoyed an evening meal together. Will hadn't changed much, he was still shy and quiet in nature, but had an easy going and caring nature which always made him popular and trusted amongst his small but close group of friends. Matt gave him some tips about the interview, a key theme being that he shouldn't undersell himself. Interviews weren't a time to be shy or retiring. It was nice to have company again and Susan enjoyed fussing over the arrangements and making everything as easy as possible for Will before the interview.

It was only a day after Will travelled home that he phoned Susan to say he had landed the job, immediately thanking Susan and Matt for all of the help. He sounded thrilled, telling Susan all about his new role and what it would entail. His enthusiasm was infectious, Susan was delighted and found herself feeling both proud and excited. She insisted Will stay with them until he sorted out accommodation in the city as it was only 3 weeks until his planned employment start date.

Will moved in a couple of weeks later, insisting he'd get a flat and be out of their hair as soon as possible. Neither Susan nor Matt minded in the slightest. Will insisted on paying rent, saying it was fraction of any other accommodation he'd looked at and it had the added advantage of being all set up allowing him to concentrate on making a good start at work.

A few weeks in and Will was doing well at work but due to his shy nature hadn't made too many friends. Susan began showing him the sites on weekends when Matt was busy. Much to her surprise he expressed an interest in the arts and museums, giving Susan the perfect opportunity to revisit the places she loved and talk at length with Will. He was an eager student absorbing lots of information and asking insightful questions, Susan felt in her natural element, maybe it was the teacher in her, sharing her passion and knowledge across a wide range of topics. They often ate out, usually lunches but sometimes dinner before a show.

Matt remained a busy workaholic, he was delighted with Susan's upturn in mood. Having Will to look after seemed to rekindle some of her old spark and it meant he didn't haven't to take Susan to shows and museums which he found interminably boring.

Can a single touch change a relationship?

Susan had been to a show and had dinner with Will. He told her that he had passed his probation period at work and was officially a permanent employee. Susan's was so pleased, without thinking she reached out naturally and held Will's forearm... they both froze.

Will looked down at her hand and then into Susan's eyes, Susan blushed, she tried pull her hand back but seemed unable to do so. They were moving closer, were they going to kiss? They both came to their senses and the moment was broken. Susan removed her hand and returned to congratulating Will about the job, the rest of the night passing relatively normally but with a slight sense on unease.

Susan lay in bed thinking about the exchange. She began to recall the subtle looks Will had given her. He had checked out her figure a few times especially her cleavage but then all guys tended to do that. She found it flattering especially from Will; he was so handsome and fit. They got on so well, she hadn't realised it at the time but it was almost like they had been dating. Could he feel the same way, this was dangerous territory, she couldn't let this develop into anything, and it just had to stop.

Will seemed to be scarce around the house for the next few days and Susan saw little of him. The following week whilst having dinner with Matt and Susan, Will announced that he had the chance of a room with a colleague who lived really close to his work and thought he should take it, emphasising that Matt and Susan deserved some peace. Matt tried to talk him out of it, saying they were enjoying his company. Susan found herself on the verge of tears and excused herself to go to the bathroom. She gave up trying to work out her emotions and gave herself a firm talking to: she really needed to get a grip; she managed to return to the meal and act normal despite her feeling of loss.

Later she was able to catch Will alone in the kitchen. She asked if it was anything she had done. Will look sheepish, saying quietly:

"I think its best I move out, I've become too close to you and have developed feelings for you. That's not fair to you or Matt, you have both have been so good to me and don't need that, I'm really sorry."

Susan was in turmoil, she'd developed feelings too but she could barely admit it to herself and certainly couldn't tell Will. She replied:

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, I've loved your company and think you are right about us getting a little too close. Do you really have a room to go to?"

Will: "Yeah, a guy at work needs some cash, so I can share with him until I get a bit more sorted, it's not really closer to work but it feels like the right thing to do."

Susan nodded: and attempted a smile "It will probably be good for you, spending more time with people your age, don't be a stranger though, and come back if you have any problems."

Will smiled and agreed, although Susan sensed that he wouldn't consider it.

Susan had plenty of time to reflect in the following weeks; Will staying and then leaving highlighted all the things Susan was missing in her relationship with Matt. Although best friends they had no shared interests and spent little time together, sex was rare and uninspiring. It seemed they had been drifting apart for years and the kids had been a big part of what held them together.

Susan tried her best to discuss things with Matt and persisted for the next few months eventually deciding she needed to force the discussion. After dinner on Friday night she was going to talk to Matt whilst trying desperately to avoid the dreaded "we need to talk" phrase.

Susan: "Matt, there's something important I need to discuss with you, can we sit down and talk."

"Of course" replied Matt taking a seat next to her on the couch.

"Sorry Matt this is really difficult, I've been trying to discuss it with you for ages, but couldn't find the right words or the right time. I guess the crux of it is that I'm wondering how you feel about us and where we are at?"

"Well I think we're ok... aren't we?"

"I'm not so sure Matt, I don't think we are ok and I've been struggling for some time and feel so lonely. We're really good friends and I love that aspect of our lives... but we pretty much lead separate lives, we only come back together for family events and we are rarely intimate."

Matt "Oh right, I hadn't realised you felt like that, but being friends isn't a bad thing, and we can do more things together."

Susan: "Maybe, but I have been trying that for quite a while, years in fact. I love you having your own interests and I wouldn't want to stop you from doing all of your hobbies, it's a part of who you are. I don't think we noticed all those years running around after the kids but we seem to have drifted apart."

Matt: "I still love you Susan."

Susan : "I know and I love you, but I wonder if you are still 'in love' with me though, do you still desire me, you remember that feeling where you can't bare to be apart and your immersed in everything you do as a couple. We haven't been like that for a long long time."

Matt hesitated, was there something in what Susan was saying? He realised they weren't as close as they once were, but the idea of not being in love had never crossed his mind. He knew his feelings had changed over time, but assumed they would remain a couple forever and he was surprised Susan had doubts. Susan's comments had an uncomfortable ring of truth though; despite this he tried to justify their relationship.

"We can't expect to be 'loves young dream' at our age, bringing up a family takes a toll, We know each other so well, we support, respect and care for each other, some people would be desperate to have those things, we're still good together."

Susan frowned: "Are we, this is going to sound shocking to you, but I'm wondering if we should try separating for a while, see how it feels for both of us. I feel a bit lost and need some time to work myself out, I've never really thought about my hopes and aspirations after raising a family, I don't want to let the rest of my life to just fizzle out."

Matt: "Whoa you want to get a divorce?

Susan: "No, I honestly don't know, I know having Will here showed me some things that we have being missing."

Matt "What, Will really! You two weren't having an affair, were you?"

Susan: "God no, nothing like that... I've always been faithful. But having him here did demonstrate things I'd missed in a relationship and stirred up a lot of feelings. Spending time together, having joint interests and feeling excited about new experiences, I've missed all of that. It's not about him; it's about me and our relationship. I'm wondering if we still have that intimate connection to be a genuine couple, some time apart might help us work that out."

Matt: "Is that just some excuse to ease your conscience on the way out. I'm assuming this separation would enable you to spend the time trying out other men?"

Susan: "I don't see it that way, it's a genuine attempt to work out what I want and you could do the same. I was thinking about moving in with my sister and then see how things feel. I hadn't thought about other men or dating, but I want to try new things, try to build a life I'm happier in.

Matt spat out: "Does your new things include a guy you've already lined up".

Susan calmed herself before responding: "It doesn't, there isn't anyone else. I guess eventually we both might think about going out with others to see how that feels, but we could let each other know that rather than doing anything dishonest."

Matt: "I don't want you going somewhere else, everyone would know for one thing, including the kids. We should stay living together and try and sort this out between us."

Susan: "Can we both think about it, I thought my sister's would be less hurtful and easier for both of us, but I'm open to other ideas. I do need to change things Matt, I'm just not happy anymore."

Matt felt like his brain was going to explode, thoughts, questions and emotions were crowding in on him and he could feel his anger building, he stood grabbed his coat and left without saying another word.

Susan's eyed filled with tears, she sighed. There was no way to avoid hurting Matt and she was worried about how he would react. Shouting and screaming may have been better but she knew he needed time would work things through logically. At least she was relieved to have finally broached the subject but she had no idea how this would pan out. She thought about her own questions and didn't have many answers: Was she still in love with Matt? Was he still in love with her? Could they still be happy together? Was she throwing away good thing with a good man? What did she want? The only thing she seemed sure about was she couldn't continue on as they had been doing, it was suffocating her.

Matt didn't return until after 11pm, Susan guessed he'd been at their local pub, he didn't say anything as he got into bed and turned his back to her. Susan knew better than to start another conversation until he was ready. She got very little sleep and suspected it was the same for Matt. She kept asking herself if she had done the right thing; was there another better way? She remained restless and full of self-doubt.

It was Matt who started the conversation at breakfast on Saturday morning:

"I've been thinking about what you said."

Susan looked up, unsure what was to follow.

Matt: "I'm sorry you're unhappy, but accept some of what you said made sense."

He hesitated before continuing: "I don't want to lose the life we have built, I love the times we have together as a family. I guess I share some of your feelings and wonder if it would be different with someone else. Having said that and don't want to give up on us.

Susan suspected the engineer in Matt had been working out some form of solution, so prompted:

"Where does that leave us?"

Matt: "I want us both to stay in the house, whilst we work this out, so it remains between us. I can move into one of the kids' rooms and we can live separately. You seemed happier when Will was here, so look to do the stuff that interests you and I'll do the same."

Susan's mind was whirring, could that work, would it allow them to test being apart enough. On face value it changed things, but wasn't as drastic as her own solution.

Susan: "I'd be willing to try that, I have a few questions though."

Matt: "Which are?"

Susan : What do we do about money, meals, family events, also what if either of us go out with other people, just events and dinners I mean, not dating?"

Matt: "Money doesn't change for now; we sort our own meals and attend family events as a couple. In principle we can see other people, but we'd have to be honest and tell the other person, even for a plutonic lunch or dinner. Anything would have to be discreet and no one else comes back to the house. If it's progressing into something else we have to let each know."

Susan: "Ok, I guess that might work and let us test out how an element of living separating feels"

Matt: "I do have another proposal, that we go out together, on a date once a week."

Susan: "Oh right, why?"

Matt: "To give ourselves a chance, we try dating, see how we feel based on something new, not because we're married or obliged to do it."

Susan beamed: "I would like that. I'm in no hurry to give up on us. I'm sorry if that's how it sounded."

The conservations continued but the principles for the trial separation were set. Matt moved rooms and they started their 'almost separate' lives.

After a month, it felt like not much had changed, Susan went to events and shows which interested her but found herself lacking and missing company. If anything separate meals and living felt lonelier than ever. She had enjoyed her dates with Matt but it felt like good friends meeting up and lacked any spark. Matt seemed to be coping with things far better, his busy work and social activities increasing. He even mentioned a single divorced woman was playing as part of his usual 4 ball golf round.

Susan couldn't quite bring herself to try dating anyone else, there were definitely a couple of teaching colleagues who had shown an interest in her but it felt alien to consider after so many years of marriage.

It was a week later when Susan bumped into a colleague Rob Carter at a new pop up art exhibition. They chatted easily and enjoyed the exhibition together. Rob was quite charming and invited her for a drink afterward. He confirmed he was in a similar position as Susan, in the middle of a separation and potentially heading toward divorce, this became the centre of their conversation providing common ground and a sounding board for each other. Susan was relieved to finally share her feelings with someone who understood. At the end of the night Susan was pleasantly surprised when Rob asked her out to dinner on the following Friday.

As Matt was rushing out for yet another game of golf, Susan mentioned that she was thinking about going out with someone on Friday, he hardly seemed to react as he rushed off. She speculated about if he was already seeing his new golfing partner, to her surprise she found herself hoping he was considering it. It might help him decide what he wanted; a critical part of her issues was Matt expressing very little desire for her.

On Friday, Susan enjoyed some morning shopping picking out a new deep purple flared dress and sling back high heels for her date with Rob. In the afternoon she went to the hair dressers and also had her nails done. At 6pm she put on her make up and underwear, choosing a matching red satin bustier and French knickers. She needed nylons to go with the dress and after much indecision chose a suspender belt and black nylons. She waivered, wondering if it was too much but decided it was time to start going for things and take risks that the old Susan would never have considered.

She felt strange, knowing she was potentially preparing herself for someone who was not her husband. Despite this she liked what she saw in the mirror, the dress did its best to contain both her breasts and cover an expansive sweep of nylon covered thighs. Perfume and jewellery finished her preparations.