Appreciated

After 'Intervention' I wondered how I could follow that, so I decided not to. I had a couple of silly stories floating round, here is the first. I was not planning on publishing these but, as you writers out there probably know, once you have a story in your head the only way to get rid of it is to write it down, then it needs just a tweak. Once you have spent all that effort, you might as well let others enjoy your work. This is just a silly little story.

I know it goes against the grain of LW fans, but for this occasion, I am going to take Loving Wives literally because she is a loving wife who made a mistake.

So, none of my usual warnings, this is a slice of fantasy and fiction.

Marriage is a partnership, but sometimes things go slightly awry.

We got married when we were both twenty-four, we had both been around a bit and had previous relationships, but when we got together that was it, there was nobody else for me and I thought she felt the same about me, still do to some extent, however that feeling has been dented. She was stunning, five foot eight, a classic 34, 26, 34 and the cutest nose I have ever seen, with a smile that lights up my day when she smiles at me, and sixteen years later it still does. We both put on a few more pounds, I had filled out a little bit, that was okay, because I was a skinny runt, and she had more curves now. They sat well on her. I thought they made her look even better. She made a great deal of effort to make sure she didn't put on too much weight.

The big four zero was approaching for both of us, and I could tell she was starting to feel a little down. I tried to cheer her up, make her happy, I tried to get her to laugh, and I listened to her worries. I did not think she was past it like she told me, and I told her so. The worries were real to her, that was important.

Tuesday

Then a Tuesday evening about a month before her birthday when she hit me with it.

We just finished eating dinner. She had been a little nervous since she got in from work. I waited, being patient. Smiling at her and stroking her as I walked past, just to let her know I was there. "Darling, I'm going out on Saturday with somebody from work. Don't be upset, it's just dinner, it's not a date."

She was missing something out here. "What do you mean it's not a date; you normally go out with Mary or Jane. So, who are you going out with?"

"It's Jason from work. Trust me it's just dinner, it's not a date, nothing else is going to happen.

"He wants to buy me dinner for some help I gave him on a project last month. He was stuck, and I helped out, a new set of eyes, I saw something he missed. He said he appreciated what I had done for him. He wanted to pay me back. It's nice to feel appreciated."

I managed to keep my calm. I would need the complete story before I decided what to do.

I tried not to shout. "I am somewhat confused, why are you telling me it's not a date so much? If I'm right, Jason is the one who has slept with most of the women in your office?"

"Only the single ones."

"Yeah right!"

"I know the way your mind works; you think this is about sex. It's not a date. I just want something different, to be appreciated."

Appreciated! I was boiling inside, but I managed to keep my temper. I carried on.

"If I remember the Christmas party and your stories correctly, this Jason's about thirty-one or two-ish? Been with the company a few years, blonde, about six foot, fit, been married before, nasty scar over his right eyebrow? Good looking bloke? Walks with a slight limp?"

"Yes, that's him. He fell over a few years ago, smashed his face on a table and broke his leg."

Several questions were running around in my head. I would need to get answers to all of these questions. I would have to ask Sally one at a time. I was not going to do this easily. "When was this decided?"

"He thought I was a bit down yesterday, the weekend was a bit rubbish, wasn't it?"

She was correct. One annoying thing happened then, it went from bad to worse. They say bad things happen in threes, well not in our household on Saturday.

The electric kept on tripping off, it took us ages to find the problem. It was the kettle base plate, it had shorted inside, we discounted it initially because the kettle was not on it and not switched 'on'. We found it by resetting the circuit breakers one at a time. That delayed Sally starting her washing and the housework. I went out to buy a new kettle. That was when I discovered the car had a flat tyre; I had to drive to the garage slowly on the flat run flat. It couldn't be repaired so I had to buy a new one before carrying on into town to buy a new kettle.

All sorted, so after a decent cup of tea with the courtesy of our new kettle, I started to mow the lawn. Then the belt on the grass collector broke and it spread grass all over the ground. I was thinking to myself that there were three bad things to happen to us today. We would not get any more, that was when a gust of wind caught the washing and broke the line, and all the clean washing Sally had spent the morning doing fell on the grass that was all over the ground. I remember singing a string of expletives. All the washing would have to be done again. I helped her.

I took the collector box off and finished cutting the grass and then started raking it up by hand. I was nearly finished when Sally told me the kitchen sink was leaking and there was water in the cupboard under the sink and on the kitchen floor. She has stopped using the sink. I stopped raking the grass and looked at the leak.

I could see the U bend was out of shape. Sally admitted she caught the U bend quite hard when she put her cleaning tool tray away in a hurry.

Never mind, these things happen. I remember thinking to myself. Sally cleared out the cupboard and dried the kitchen floor. I took the U bend apart and found a damaged seal. By now all the plumbing shops in town were closed. So that was the sink out of action for that night. No big deal, we could work around it, just bloody annoying. I would have to go to the local plumbers and replace the seals in the morning. I went back to raking up the grass, which the wind that had snapped the washing line spread around.

We had planned a Saturday date night, starting with both of us in the shower together cleaning each other off the day's detritus. But with everything going wrong, we called it off, we were knackered. It was Sally's turn to cook but she suggested a take-out instead. I agreed, we worked out pizza or fish and chips was probably the safest option after the days' events. But in the end, we decided that just a can of soup and a chunk of bread would do plus the odd glass of wine for her and a beer or two for me. We went to bed early and just cuddled.

It had been a crappy weekend up to that point, so on the way back from the plumbers I decided to do something special for Sally. Her favourite is lamb and, as it was my turn to cook Sunday dinner I called in the supermarket and got a leg of lamb and a bottle of a wine I knew she liked. I pulled out all the stops. I investigated the breaking drive belt and found the collector box rotating brush was jammed and that was why the belt snapped, more work, but during the week after the spares arrived. I concentrated all my efforts in the afternoon on making dinner special. Sally did the ironing all morning. In the afternoon whilst the house was full of the smell of roasting lamb and after she had finished the ironing, I rubbed Sally's feet and calves because they were aching after standing up most of the morning. Sally had worked hard, the washing all done, the house looked like a new pin ready for next week.

Dinner was good, I let Sally have most of the wine. I switched to beer. We sat in front of the telly and I think we dozed off. Another early night but we promised ourselves we would make up for it next weekend.

She was correct, it had been a crap weekend, but that was no reason to go out with another man, even if they were not going to have sex, and what about our replanned date night.

I was surprised I kept my anger under control. I still needed the whole story before I did anything.

She carried on. "He noticed I was a little down last week and when he saw how sad I was yesterday. I told him what happened to us, and he offered to take me out on Saturday to cheer me up and to thank me for the help I gave him. I said 'no', but he asked me again today. He said it was just what I needed, it would just be dinner."

"So where are you going?" It was getting a tad easier to control my temper.

"He says he's going to try and get a table at the Red Lion hotel; they have a bit of a dance floor there as well and he likes to dance."

I'm not sure I kept the calm exterior I was aiming for because inside I was seething. One of the best hotels in town and a dance floor. Going out with the office Lothario, sounds like a night of seduction even if she is not planning to have sex.

"So, what's the plan then, dinner, a little dancing, then up into his room for a few hours of passion and then home to your husband late evening as if nothing has happened?"

"See, I knew you would take that approach. There will be no sex." She said angrily.

"What did you expect me to think, you're going dancing with a man that's not your husband in the best hotels in town, what am I supposed to think? Straight out of the seducer's handbook."

"Trust me David. It's not like that. I'm not going to sleep with him; he doesn't play with married women. He said it's too risky."

"So then why are you going out with a man not your husband even if you're not planning to have sex, and notice I used the word planning?

"Why didn't you tell me you want to go out for dinner and dancing? I would love to have done that with you.

"Do you know I was here for that crappy weekend as well? Who's taking me out so I feel appreciated?"

She looked down at that, guiltily.

She said quietly. "I just want to be appreciated, I'm getting over the hill, I'm forty next month, but he shows me attention. Please, nothing is going to happen."

I stood up. I would not control my anger this time. Looking down at her I said loudly. "Don't pay you attention, don't appreciate you. Are the flowers I bring you a waste of my time and money? I cook you special meals, was the lamb on Sunday shit? You ate it all. I rub your feet, I tell you I love you because I do, I hold you when you cry. Do those things not show the appreciation I have for you? For what you brought to this marriage."

I paused. "Notice I said 'brought' past tense."

"But you're my husband, that's your job, this is somebody different, something new."

"Nope, it's not my fucking job." I growled at her. "I do it because I love you, because I want to make you happy, and you deserve it." I leaned over the table, lowered my voice. "You don't feel appreciated sometimes, well nor do I. When was the last time you initiated making love, when was the last time you told me you loved me?

When was the last time you rubbed my feet? You don't think you're appreciated, well I'll show you bloody appreciation. I'm going to the pub."

I stood up and headed towards the front door.

"Can I come with you?"

"Please yourself."

"Wait for me, I'll put some makeup on and be with you."

I did not wait. I got to the pub; it was going to be quiet. Tuesday nights are normally very quiet. My mates would not be there. That was good. I didn't feel like talking to anybody. Even Jack the landlord just poured my beer without a comment. Five minutes after I sat down Sally came bursting in through the door. She sat down opposite me.

I had nearly finished my pint, most of it went down in one go.

"I asked you to wait."

"No, you told me to wait. There was no 'please' and I know your parents taught you how to say please and thank you."

Then she realised there was no drink for her.

"Where's my drink?"

"Probably still behind the bar. You want one, you fetch it."

She stood up. "So, this is how it's going to be is it?" She stomped off towards the bar and came back with a very large gin and tonic.

"So, I get told off for not getting you a drink, but when you go to the bar you don't get me one and you can see I have nearly finished this." I say holding up my nearly empty beer glass. "See, now I don't feel appreciated." I finished my beer and went to the bar and got myself another pint.

I sat down. "Yes, this is the way it's going to be if you're going out having dinner with other men apart from your husband. So crack on and we will see where we end up in a months' time."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean if you have to go looking for appreciation from another man, then you won't need it from me will you?"

"Don't be silly, you're getting this all out of proportion. It's just dinner, there's not going to be any sex." She said quietly, trying not to draw additional attention to us. I did not care.

"It's just dinner now is it, it was dinner and dancing earlier."

"Well, okay there might be a little dancing. I can't see what you're getting so upset about?"

"Then you could look in the mirror and ask the person looking back at you if you would be comfortable with your husband looking for appreciation or whatever you want to call it outside of our marriage, and then ask yourself why am I going outside my marriage to get appreciation. I've had enough of this, I'm going home."

I finished my beer and stood up. She held my arm, I looked at her, she said. "There is not going to be any 'whatever', it's just dinner, I keep telling you that."

I leaned down and growled. "Don't forget the dancing."

I left; Sally followed me. She tried to slip her arm in mine like we normally do. I shrugged her off and then I walked on the inside of the pavement. I always thought that the gentleman walked on the outside, she tried to take her usual place on the inside. She didn't deserve that protection anymore.

We got home. The dinner plates were still on the table dirty. Usually, we would tidy them away together, it was a shared task. I didn't, I fetched myself another drink, turned the television on and plopped down in front of it. I did not get her a drink or ask what she wanted to watch. She got her own drink after she cleared the plates away. She didn't say anything. I would probably have ignored her if she had.

It was icy in the bedroom.

Wednesday

The following morning I got up early. I normally make the sandwiches for both of us to take to work in the morning and put a fresh pot of coffee on for her and make my tea. Not today I made my tea and left for work.

I was a grumpy bastard at work. I had a chat with some of my workmates during tea break. Some of them told me a similar story that when their wives got to a certain age that they felt their wives went through a transformation. Some it happened at forty-five some at fifty. They told me it was as if all of a sudden the women wake up one morning and realise things will never be the same and that transforms them. whereas it just grows on men.

Talking with them it appears some wives just get on with it, some do strange things like trying to turn things back, going to the gym and girls' nights out. Some try for one last blast and realise that things would not be the same. The consensus of these amateur psychologists and marriage guidance counsellors, but professional husbands was that once they had got used to it things settled down. A few suggested I keep an eye on her and help her through it.

The implication I thought was not to give her the chance to stray.

One chap came and found me later and let me know, quietly, that his wife went looking for something else, she found it and they ended up getting divorced. I didn't even know he had been married let alone divorced. I was aware of another divorce of a couple about our age, but it was never let on why. Now I was guessing it was a similar situation.

I got a message from Sally just after lunch, they had a water leak at her work, it had trashed a printer and she was rushing around trying to get a plumber urgently as they had to shut off the water and the toilets were starting to stink. Was I available she asked? I had done some small maintenance work for her boss in the past. I told her I could not get away, I could have done. She also had problems trying to get a printer as they had an urgent project management plan to get out and in the post to back up the soft copy. She warned me she might be a bit late.

I got a message she was on her way home, she was only just over half an hour later than usual.

I replied. "It's your turn to cook." That was all.

When she got in she had obviously had a bad day, normally I would take over, have some sort of dinner ready and probably a glass of wine and she would be met with a big hug and sympathy.

There was none of that.

I was sitting at the kitchen table with the place settings out. That was my job today.

I had a bottle of beer on the table, no wine.

She looked at me in disgust, turned round and went and got fish and chips.

Over dinner she looked at me and said, "You could have picked something up or at least got something ready."

"Why? It's your turn." I left it at that.

We were sitting on the settee, and she said to me the words every husband dreads. "Sweetheart, we need to talk."

I was hoping it was going to be an apology, an acceptance of what she had done was wrong and she was not going out Saturday, but I wasn't holding my breath.

It appears Sally had a similar chat at work to what I had, with a completely different outcome.

"You talk, I'm listening, but if I don't like what I'm hearing, I have an alternate plan." That did not dissuade her, she carried on

"I talked to the girls at work, they can't see your problem. I know you think there's going to be sex, but there isn't. That would be cheating even if I told you about it."

"Anyway, it's my life, it's my body. I have a choice of doing things I want, if you don't like them, I'm sorry about that. I will tell you now I do not want to have sex with him. Please trust me I will not have sex with him."

She sat there calmly as if that all made sense to her. What she didn't realise was that it wasn't about the sex. Oh yes, I would divorce her if they had sex that goes without saying, although I just said it. She knew that.

I lowered my voice to a low growl. "And how are you going to prove to me you've not had sex with him. Because trust me, I will not believe you if you tell me. And if you do have sex with him, I will divorce you, no ifs, no ands and no buts. So, unless you prove to me one hundred percent you have not had sex with him, I will consider that you have, and I will divorce you and I will see a solicitor on Monday. Do not think of getting him to tell me you haven't had sex because I will never trust a man who invites married women to dinner and dancing."

I paused, leaned forward and looked her in the eyes. "But you obviously don't get it. Yes, I am pissed off with you going out with another man. But what really pisses me off is you are going out with this man because you think I don't appreciate you. Because trust me this last couple of months I haven't felt appreciated at all. You have been ignoring me because you don't feel appreciated, so are you getting that appreciation from another man?"

"You have to trust me, that is what marriages are built on."

"No I don't if you are going out with other men."

As far as I was concerned that was the end of the discussion. I got up and walked into the corner of the lounge where the PC was set up. I just started doing Google searches. Every time she walked past. I changed the screen and when I finished, I cleared my browsing history and the bin.