An Epiphany

I wish I could say that I was broken-hearted. I wish I could say that I was devastated by her actions, but I can't.

To be very honest, I was more relieved than anything else.

Do I wish that things were different? With all my heart.

I loved her. I cared for her. I wanted to make a life with her. I wanted to have children with her and raise them together in love and happiness, but it wasn't meant to be.

It wasn't always this way. We once had a very happy life and we were deeply in love, at least I was. The details of our romance aren't really important, but we met, dated, had fun, shared numerous adventures in a few exotic locations and I thought we would spend a long and happy life together.

We were both young, college educated, and had great, well-paying careers with plenty of room for growth. We had purchased a nice home in a good neighborhood, and we were well on our way to living the dream.

Linda is a beautiful woman with a great intellect. However, I was to learn she was also a very manipulative, cruel woman who seemed to take pleasure in causing others great emotional pain when she felt like it. In short, she was an evil bitch.

If I were to describe myself; I'm above average in looks and height, but I am in outstanding physical condition. I'm no Adonis, but I am trim and fit.

We had been married for a little over three years when things started to change. I thought we shared the same values of honesty, compassion, family, and loyalty. Prior to getting married, we had long and detailed discussions concerning the value we placed on being honest with each other. We also discussed that faithfulness was an absolute must in our lives and there was no forgiveness for any act of infidelity. We also discussed that we wanted to have a family. We never decided on the number of children we wanted to have, but it was at least two. After that, we would decide if we wanted more. Part of buying a home in a good neighborhood was the excellent reputation of the schools that were in our area.

Our discussions also included when we would start a family. We had decided that a little after we had been married for three years would be ideal. We thought this would give us time to establish ourselves in our jobs and also save some money if Linda decided not to return to work after our children were born. However, when the time came, she wanted to wait a longer before she went off her birth control. I was fine with that, but she was very vague on when we would start a family. Once again, I didn't press her on it, but I did question her why she felt the time wasn't right. Once again, she was very vague and never really stated a reason why she wanted to wait. I was disappointed, but I didn't force the issue. I was willing to give her space on this issue.

Shortly after this discussion, other things started to change. It was gradual, but as cliché as any story concerning infidelity. She started working late, not too late, but later than before. Promises of some type of promotion with a nice raise and a bonus were the reasons given. However, nothing specific was spelled out.

Next was the infamous "Girls Nights Out (GNO)". She was getting to know the women she worked with on a more personal level. Of course, this would help with the mystical promotion she was working toward.

During this time, she seemed to dress just a little better, sexier, and she took more care of her appearance. Yes, it was all for the promotion.

Along with working late, GNOs, and more time at the gym (to lessen her stress) we were spending less and less time together. Additionally, her attitude toward me started to change. It started with subtle digs and mild criticisms. Nothing over the top, just more negative comments than ever before and with an edge to them. Also, the comments were on topics that really meant nothing. It seemed she was going out of her way to insult me. At other times she was outwardly disrespectful. I called her on it, but she always blamed it on stress of working toward the promotion or I was being too sensitive. When I talked to her about the promotion, and the changes in her attitude and personality, she promised to be better, but it never happened. When I spoke even stronger to her about her behavior, she graduated to being defensive and/or openly started to disparage me. When I called her on that, I got the silent treatment. This type of emotional roller coaster was very tough on me. I valued communication and I wasn't getting it, or it was so negative that I shied away from open confrontation at times. However, there were times when the discussions degraded to shouting matches. At other times, her attitude was one of indifference. She acted like she didn't give a shit about my feelings or my concerns. I really felt she was toying with me for some perverse reason.

I still tried to talk to her at various times, trying to get her to tell me what was going on. I sent her text messages and emails telling her my thoughts and feelings. I sent her cards and flowers to her work. I tried to set up romantic dinners, I offered to take her on small getaways, I suggested counselling. I tried to head off the disaster that was becoming our marriage. I pointed out the problems as I saw them on numerous occasions, but she just denied there was an issue, or that I was exaggerating things, or she made promises to be better, but once again, she never really tried. At other times, her verbal assaults were very vicious. These personal attacks, especially about deeply personal issues that I had only ever confided in her, were deeply hurtful. Also, I was accused of trying to control her, of not wanting her to be successful, etc. etc. It was all pure bullshit.

Instead of seeing the damage she was doing to our marriage and that we were in real trouble, she started working later, rarely eating with me, or spending time together. She also started to be seen out at restaurants, clubs, and other places with various groups of people, both men and women, by several of our friends. Once again, this was all in pursuit of "The Promotion". Other times, she denied that she was where our friends or acquaintances had seen her. Her denials were especially vigorous when she was seen with another man.

Only a blind idiot wouldn't recognize what was going on. However, after a few months of her shitty attitude, lies, deception and lack of communication, I was ready for a life-changing event to happen to finally put an end to what was now a very unhappy marriage.

However, instead of one great cataclysm, or me finding unconvertable proof of her infidelity, or finding her in bed with someone else, I had a very simple epiphany.

Why the fuck was I trying to save a marriage with this evil bitch?

Yes, I considered her treatment of me to be evil. You can't claim to love someone, to want to spend your life with them, but then treat them with such open contempt and a lack of respect. Also, by this time, there was no doubt in my mind that she was having an affair. Besides not having sex for the past several weeks, her excuses of not being intimate with me were beyond lame, so I just stopped trying.

Anyway, after my epiphany, I moved quickly to put this marriage behind me. I found a lawyer and I had her prepare the paperwork for our divorce. We had our own accounts and credit cards but shared a household account and a savings account. I split the moderate amount of these accounts and just put my share of the money in my separate account. We each had our own 401(k) and investment accounts, so I didn't have any need to do anything there.

I then had the lawyer file a Quit Claim Deed on the house. We had a moderate amount of equity in it, but I just wanted out, so I didn't want to wait for her to sale the house or buy me out. I also wanted to use this as an incentive for her to just sign the papers and to move on. I didn't think she would fight the divorce and would probably sign the papers the moment she received them.

The company I worked for was an international conglomerate, with offices throughout the world, and numerous offices in the United States. I arranged for a transfer to another office on the opposite side of the United States. I just wanted to start a new life and I thought a change of scenery would do me good. My parents were deceased, so I had no family keeping me in my current hometown. Additionally, my closest friends were spread throughout the country, so once again, no one was keeping me here.

Once the divorce paperwork was ready, I called Linda and asked her to be home that evening so we could have a discussion. I wasn't going to have her served at work, I planned to give her the paperwork in person. She claimed she was working late, but I told her it was extremely important to our marriage that she be home so we could talk. Her response was that I was a "Drama Queen", and she would be home by 9:00 pm and we "might" talk then, provided she was in the mood and not too tired.

I figured she was probably going out with her lover or someone else, so I arranged for and paid extra for the process server to track and trail her and then serve her wherever she was at 6:00 pm.

Prior to calling Linda, I had already packed everything that belonged to me in my SUV. Other than my clothes, I really didn't have many personal items. I left all the furniture, photos, household items and little mementos that Linda and I had collected throughout our marriage. I had no interest in any of it. I did make sure, with the exception of the photos, that there was no trace I ever lived in the house.

I didn't destroy anything in the house or do anything that would make any type of a dramatic statement. I just didn't have the energy for it. I also didn't leave her a note. I had tried for weeks to talk to her, so I figured the divorce paperwork would speak loud enough. Besides, I had nothing more to say.

At 6:05 pm, I received notification from the process server that she had been served at a local restaurant, having dinner with some dude.

At 6:07 pm, I received a call from Linda, which I declined. I had forgotten to block her number, so I did it then. Once again, I had nothing further to discuss with her, so I didn't see the point in taking her call.

I then got into my SUV and drove away from my hometown for the last time.

About 10 minutes into the drive, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a crying Linda. She was begging and pleading with me to talk to her, that she was on her way home so we could discuss our problems. I just told her to sign the paperwork and then I hung up. After that, I didn't answer any more calls that evening.

Once I got tired, I pulled into a motel and spent the night. The next morning, I checked my phone and saw a variety of text messages and voicemails. Most of them were from Linda (using another phone), several were from her friends and one from her father. With the exception of her father's voicemail, I deleted them all and blocked the numbers of any phone the messages came from.

Once I had eaten, I got on the road, heading for my new job and home. I then called her dad and briefly spoke to him. Supposedly, Linda was devastated by the divorce and totally blindsided. He also claimed she needed to speak to me and that she would do anything it took to keep us together.

I simply told him it was a done deal. I let him know that I had tried for months to get her to talk to me, but she had no interest in fixing the problems as I saw them. I also told him that I knew she was having an affair and that was a deal breaker for me. He asked me for proof, but I told him that I didn't have photos or anything like that, only that her lies and deception, coupled with the disrespect and lack of communication led me to not trust her. I further told him that I lost all trust and faith in Linda, and I had no interest in trying to reconcile.

I had always gotten along with him, so I showed him the respect of speaking to him and letting him try to talk to me into coming back, but I told him what was done was done. In the end, he wasn't happy, and he started to get an attitude with me. Instead of responding in kind, I wished him a good life and hung up.

Over the next several weeks, I received numerous phone calls and text messages from a variety of friends and acquaintances, but I usually didn't respond, or I kept the calls brief. They all claimed that Linda was devastated, but I thought she was playing the victim. Maybe she had her own epiphany, but it didn't matter. I had no interest in her or in her wants and desires anymore. My life with her was done.

I did hear from my lawyer concerning the possibility of court-ordered counselling, but a quick teleconference with my lawyer, her lawyer, and the judge made this a dead issue. I made my position concerning our marriage and reconciliation very clear, coupled with the fact I now lived thousands of miles away, so the judge denied her request. I never believed Linda truly wanted to reconcile. I thought it was all for show. Once again, she seemed to enjoy being the victim.

Since I never answered a call from a number that wasn't on my contact list, I never spoke to her live, however, she was able to leave me several voicemails. Once I heard her voice, I just deleted them, blocked the number, and I certainly never responded to them. She also tried to send me emails, but once I realized they were from her, I just blocked the address and deleted them.

Finally, a little over six months after I left, I received my divorce decree in the mail.

After that, I never heard from Linda again. I did hear about her from several friends and acquaintances, on occasion, but I mostly listened politely and never engaged them about her. In time, she wasn't mentioned again.

I never figured out what happened to her to make her treat me the way she did. The change in her was very dramatic and out of character, at least for the person I thought she was. Maybe, she was faking it the whole time I knew her and the false face she presented finally gave away; or maybe she had some type of psychiatric event; or maybe the prospect and reality of starting family caused her to freak out and kickoff the destruction of our marriage. I will never know, but I am at peace with my decision never to find out what caused her to treat me and our marriage in such a disrespectful and evil way.

I know some people might want to know why I didn't try to "burn the bitch", but truthfully, I didn't have the desire or the energy. It takes way too much effort and time to set everything up. Once I had my epiphany, I didn't see the need for payback, nor did I need to get any evidence of her cheating. What would it have proved, especially considering I didn't care who got the blame for our marriage ending. If she lied and told the world I was at fault, who cares? I no longer allowed her to have any type of control over me. Besides, I moved away from her and anyone else in that area. I don't give a rat's ass what they think of me. I had the fresh start I desired and needed.

In the end, living well is the best revenge... and I am certainly doing that.