Closure

A comment firstly - this was written because a few people commented on the need for what happened next to Julie and Scott. It was going to be a BTB but I chose a more realistic ending. So it sort of just ... ends. Sometimes life's like that.

*****

It wasn't actually the last I heard from my husband, but I never did see him again.

I tried to contact him every day. I spoke to his parents and his siblings. No one would give me any information. They just told me that I needed to be patient. I contacted his work but they told me he had taken a sabbatical. They couldn't (or wouldn't) tell me where he was.

My last resort was email. I emailed him every day in the hope that he would talk to me. But he didn't.

I decided to try and go on normally. I went back to work and kept myself busy there. I did love it and began to love it again.

About six weeks after I last saw Scott I arrived home from work one night as was normal. As usual I put my car in the garage. Something was different but I couldn't work out what. I went inside and by-passed the living area to go straight to the bedroom. I still felt that something was out of whack. I checked the wardrobe and found that all of Scott's things were gone. I checked the drawers - empty.

"That's what it was with the garage," I thought to myself. "It was clean."

I went back out there and had a closer look. Sure enough all of Scott's tools were gone. He had obviously come during the day and cleared everything out. I was sad that he felt he needed to do that without seeing or speaking to me.

I went back inside, this time to the kitchen. I saw an envelope on the table, with Scott's wedding ring and his sim card on top. That made me cry.

I opened the envelope. Inside there wee two further envelopes. One looked official. I didn't want to open that one. The other one was personally addressed to me and was handwritten.

With great apprehension I opened it. I decided I would need a drink so I poured myself a glass of wine, went into the lounge room and sat down to read what turned out to be quite a long letter.

"Dear Julie,

I know I said I'd be home and we'd talk but I don't think I want that at the moment. Frankly, I'm scared of what I might do if I saw you. So I'm going to try and tell you how I feel via this letter.

Do you remember when we first met? I remember seeing you for the first time and I was speechless. You were so beautiful. I remember pinching myself when we first began to get to know each other - surely this couldn't be happening!! But it was. We clicked straight away, didn't we? And we became really good friends before we were lovers too. I knew before we even slept together that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

When you said yes after I 'popped the question' I was the happiest man on the planet. Do you remember what we talked about? I do. Apart from the wedding plans we talked about how many kids we were going to have. We argued over whether we would stop at four or just keep going until we couldn't physically have any more.

The wedding and our honeymoon were the greatest time of my life. I loved you more than life itself and I decided while we were away that I would never do anything to hurt you.

And even when I had a bad day at work I tried never to bring it home. I think I succeeded. You never knew that the firm was nearly bankrupt a few years ago, did you? I didn't tell you because I knew you'd worry and there wasn't anything you could do about it so I never said a word.

I was devastated when I found out about my low sperm count. But I was devastated for you because I knew that you had your heart set on having a big family. Remember what I said when I told you? I told you that I loved you so much that if not having kids was going to hurt you then I would let you go and find someone who could father children for you. I was prepared to live my life in misery to make sure you would be happy."

Julie wiped her eyes. She remembered only too well. She loved Scott even more when he said that. She knew how much it hurt him to say that. For him to forgo his own happiness for her had overwhelmed her at the time.

"I thanked God when you told me it didn't matter, that we would just have to spoil any nieces and nephews we had.

We decided to be the best we could be at work. I was so proud of some of your work over the years. Some of the designs you came up with for that environmental house were amazing. I could never have thought of that.

And your innovations in the disabled home were fantastic. When you received that award I was so proud of you I thought I would burst. I quite happily told everyone I was the husband of an award-winning designer for a long time after that.

I fell in love with you many times over the years. I still pinched myself from time to time that you had chosen me. I felt like the luckiest man on earth.

I decided to give you something in return for your fortieth. The party was to be a historical view of your life. I had invited people you knew when you were little, from all the schools you went to, from College and from our more recent life too.

There were even a few old teachers, too. Part of the night was going to be like a school reunion for you because there were people invited that you hadn't seen for thirty or more years.

I had invited people from all over the world too. Some of your friends live in Europe, South America and Africa. They all said they were coming.

Your mum and dad, and your sisters were a great help. They helped keep you busy when I needed you out of the house, or when I was meeting with Suzie, the woman from the Metropolitan.

When you collapsed I just thought you'd become over-excited. I was worried about you. When I found out why you collapsed I wanted to vomit.

I had no idea what you were feeling. I suppose I was so excited to see how you would react when you saw everyone, I didn't see you then and there.

And to the crux of the matter.

Finding out you slept with another man hurt, Julie. It hurt a lot. But what hurt even more was that you spoke to other people about it. I sort of understand you talking to a girlfriend, but a colleague? And then an Investigator?

All you needed to do was ask me. I would have told you. And if you didn't believe me then I would have spoiled the surprise.

But you didn't.

You chose another path. One that has led us to where we are now.

Julie, I loved you with all my heart. But you shat all over it. I feel like you wrenched my heart out, stomped on it and then put it back in my chest. I feel like you pissed all over our marriage, simply because you didn't trust me enough to talk to me.

I thought you were better than that, Julie. I thought we had no secrets from one another.

Obviously I was wrong.

Like I said, I have no desire to bring up another man's child. I know that you won't abort it, and I won't ask you to. But I'll never live with you again either way.

You've damaged me, Julie, to such a degree that I seriously contemplated killing myself. I've gotten over that, I think, but it scared me.

You were my life, Julie. But now I can never trust you, or believe you, again. And I refuse to live like that.

So this is goodbye. I've resigned from work, so I'm officially unemployed. You will see in the other envelope there are divorce papers. Sign them, or don't. After twelve months we will be declared divorced anyway. That's the way the law works here - twelve months of separation equals divorce.

There are a set of instructions regarding the house and our other assets. I think you'll find them fair. You will have noticed that I've removed all of my stuff from the house. If I've taken anything you especially want, contact my lawyer. He'll get in touch with me.

Don't try and find me. If you do I'll ignore you anyway. Don't try and fight the divorce either. I'm not coming back. I'm not interested in counselling. The only way I'd come back is if you can somehow magically undo what you did. I know that's not possible so I won't be back.

I did love you once, Julie, more than anything. But not now. Not after what you did.

Goodbye Julie."

Julie wept. She wept because she knew Scott so well that she knew he meant every word he had written. And she knew it was her own fault.

She was useless for the next few days as she realised what had happened to her marriage. She cried over it and cried over what she once had.

But eventually she realised that she was going to have to move on, as difficult as that would be. She was fortunate that she was a freelance designer. She could take work when it suited her. She had just finished a job where she was needed at the company's head office. She decided that she would only take small jobs she could do from home.

She decided to contact Peter, the father of her unborn child. She had no expectations and didn't want him to feel under any obligations.

When she messaged him she simply told him her husband had left her and asked him to contact her so they could talk.

He rang her the next day. He sympathised with her but let her know firmly but gently that he had no intention to leave his wife.

She thanked him for talking to her and when the call was over she had no expectations that he would ever speak to her again.

Julie decided to concentrate on her own health and that of her unborn child. She rarely went out, didn't drink, and ate healthily. When the time came for her to give birth she was as well as she could possibly be.

Her labour progressed well and she was feeling as comfortable as she could in the situation. After a ten-hour labour she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. She named him Daniel, her ex-husband's middle name.

As a single mum who was a little older than most she and Daniel had their difficulties but generally they were okay. Life went on and gradually she was able to go for days without crying over what she had lost.

She contemplated letting Scott know about Daniel but decided it was not a very good idea. His sister, Jo, still lived nearby. She knew about Daniel but whether she told Scott was not something Julie felt she could ask.

Daniel was a normal young boy in all ways. He ate well and grew like a weed.

Julie looked after herself too, as she didn't want to become sick and be a burden on her son.

She had lost so much but had also gained something. She loved Daniel with all her heart. She learned to find joy in the every day, mundane parts of life. But, to her dying day, she regretted what she did to her husband.