I think my husband is having an affair. These past couple of months he's become quite secretive and yet at the same time he is more attentive to me than he has been for a long time.
I'm Julie West. My husband, Scott, and I have been married for almost twenty years. They've been really good years, too. We've been unable to have children because he has a low sperm count. We resigned ourselves to that fact some time ago and have never really worried about it.
We met while we were both in our final year of University. I was doing a Graphic Design course and he was doing accounting. We enjoyed each other's company from the start. We became best friends and then lovers. By the time we got married we were inseparable.
We always had a close bond. When we found out that we couldn't have children we decided to focus on our careers. I am a freelance designer working from home. He is a partner in a small but growing accounting firm. We also became the best auntie and uncle our nieces and nephews could have. We spoilt them rotten and then gave them back to their parents.
We both turn forty later this year. While neither of us is really worried about it, after all it's just a number, I am concerned about his behaviour.
We have never really hidden anything from each other. We know each other's passwords and codes for our computers and phones, and we have always shared bank accounts. It's never been something we've ever thought about. It's normal for us. We are also quite open when on the phone. Overhearing conversations and then discussing them with each other is normal for us. We often answer each other's phones too.
Recently, Scott (my husband) has changed. He is never without his phone. He used to be terrible with leaving it lying about but now he is very careful to make sure he has it with him. He has also begun to leave the room when he has a call. He's never done that before.
He has never been concerned if I see what he is doing on his computer but now he often closes it when I come into the room.
It's beginning to worry me. He's changed.
The other thing he's been doing is paying me more attention. He seems to want to make love more often than ever before. Our sex life has been great but has slowed down recently. We are both getting older and the passion isn't always there, although we both love making love to each other.
Recently he has been much more amorous. He's tried to initiate love-making almost every day for the past six weeks or so.
I decided to talk to my closest girlfriend about it. She dismissed it, almost out of hand. It was as if she didn't care. She told me that Scott would never do anything to hurt me, and to be patient and everything would be okay.
It frustrated me because it seemed like she was hiding something too.
I decided I needed a male perspective. There is one company I work with a lot. The owner is a really nice man who has become a friend to both of us. When I told him about my concerns he told me he didn't think it was possible, but as a friend to both of us he preferred to stay out of it.
He had just employed a new designer, who I had the opportunity to work with on an advertising campaign. Tony was a genuinely nice guy so I decided to talk to him.
He asked me a lot of questions and seemed to confirm my fears. He said that the secretive behaviour was an obvious concern. He also told me that Scott being more amorous was a classic cheater's trait. Often male cheaters would increase the sex with their partner so they felt less guilty.
He asked me about Scott, too. I felt that he was beginning to talk him down in an effort to win my trust. When I thought about it I realised he was giving me good advice but was also hoping that I'd do the same as my husband, but with him. He wanted to bed me!
Fortunately I realised this before he made a real move so I decided to discontinue my personal conversations with him and just keep is to business.
But he did plant a seed in my mind. If Scott was actually having an affair, and that was looking more and more likely, maybe I could too.
I decided to watch Scott's behaviour closely over the next little while before I did anything stupid. I even toyed with the idea of hiring a private investigator, but held off on that for a while.
His behaviour seemed to get even worse from my perspective. Once I heard him on the phone but when I went into the room he was in, he hung up without saying goodbye. He seemed to be really happy all the time. He would come home from work with a huge smile on his face. Even he couldn't have had days that good!
I know that sounds stupid - him being happy all the time. But it seemed false. He seemed to be overly happy, almost happy with himself. It was as if he was part of an in-joke, but no one else was. The more I thought about it the more I realised that his behaviour was odd.
So I bit the bullet and decided to hire a PI. It would cost me a thousand dollars for a week of surveillance but I figured it would be worth it. If it confirmed my fears I would take it out of his hide. I spoke to the PI on a Thursday and he assured me he could begin the following Monday. I was to contact him the week after to organise a time to meet.
As it turned out it was the Wednesday of the following week that I met him. The news was disappointing. It was inconclusive, but his opinion was that there was something going on. He had photos of Scott entering and leaving a Hotel with a strange woman. There were no pictures from inside because the PI couldn't access the Hotel. Its' management wouldn't allow it.
So I had pictures of my husband and another woman in the vicinity of a downtown hotel, the thoughts of an experienced PI, and my own suspicions. I decided that I should confront him with what I had.
A week before my birthday he had to go away for a three-day weekend for work. His firm had some executive bonding session, or some such. I decided that I would talk to him before he left. Before I had a chance to, though, he informed me that his flight had been moved forward and he was leaving from work on the Friday afternoon. He told me this on the Friday morning, as he was dragging his suitcase out to his car. Needless to say, I was unimpressed.
That night I was really down. Because of my suspicions I thought that he was probably enjoying a weekend with his new playmate. I was feeling every bit of my age and felt really frumpy. I decided to go and have my hair done and maybe a manicure too. Fortunately my hairdresser was available.
I did all that and felt much better about myself. My hair looked fabulous and I had both a manicure and a pedicure. My nails were fantastic. I decided I would go out for a drink after dinner.