It was wan awful weekend. I was consumed with guilt.
I felt guilty every time I saw my husband for cheating on him, but the funny thing was, it didn't feel like it was cheating really. I knew it was wrong to hide it from him, wrong to have done it really. I had, however, convinced myself it wasn't cheating, because he couldn't give me the things she gave me. Because she was a woman, I told myself, it was different, okay.
Then there was the all consuming guilt of having both sex with another woman, and sex with one of my employees. This guilt I couldn't talk myself out of. When I took my shower and washed myself I felt disgusted that I was with another woman, nothing like that moment where I couldn't say no. And then I'd think about it and start to desire all those feelings again, the guilt intertwined with the ecstasy, driving me mad.
I shied away from my husband's advances all weekend. He was becoming more and more amorous as we continued exploring his sexuality, but this weekend, I couldn't handle it. I was consumed with thoughts of Friday, and of Monday morning.
I made it through the weekend, but Monday was going to prove daunting. I woke up early to shower and tried to convince myself I was sick. I had never called in sick to work a day in my life, so while it might have been a plausible excuse, Sandy would have known.
"But maybe she'll call in sick," I thought to myself, "or quit."
Here I was tearing myself apart over something that was so awful, so wrong. What had I gotten myself into? My life was insane. I was feeling overwhelmed. My job was piling on top of me, and now I went and really complicated my work life.
And then there was my husband. I was starting to realize that this crazy joke I played was going on way too long. Was it a joke? It didn't seem like one for him, he was embracing his role. The house was never cleaner, the food never tasted better.
It was the sex. For a while the power is intoxicating. I felt so strong watching him on his hands and knees pleasing me, or spreading his cheeks out and begging me to put myself inside of him. It's no wonder I went and had sex with a woman, I thought, I married one.
It was about then that my husband woke up and asked me what was wrong.
"I think I'm too sick to go to work," I faked sniffling and crawled back into bed.
"Oh honey," he grabbed my back and started to rub my muscles, "I think you're just stressed out and we didn't do anything about it this weekend."
I wanted to brush him away. I felt dirty letting him touch me, like I was using him. He slowly worked my muscles until he was at the small of my back then flipped me over. Then he gently massaged the inside of my thighs as he pressed my legs open, revealing my inner lips.
"Honey, I don't feel up to it," I reached a hand down to cover myself from his gaze, but he slipped it away and soon his face was buried deep within me.
It didn't feel like much at first, his tongue searching around looking for a place to make me shudder, then I closed my eyes and I saw her. Sandy was between my legs and all of a sudden my body was consumed with passion. I felt my juices dripping between my legs and his tongue.
I reached down and pulled his head deeper and deeper towards me. His tongue pressed passionately between my legs, his hands exploring my breasts.
I started to scream, pulling on his head, hoping to push it deeper inside of me, want it to fill me, consume me. I lurched up in the air, repeatedly pushing my sex hard against his face, almost beating him with it, and then, suddenly, I collapsed.
"So are you good for work now?" he slid up behind me, wiping his face on his t-shirt before discarding it.
"Yes," I laid there quietly for a moment, "I guess I'll need another shower though."
I drove to work disgusted with myself. I felt sick, my stomach was tied in knots. What was Sandy going to do? How could I fantasize about a gay relationship while my husband was trying to please me?
I pulled over into a parking lot and started crying.
It took me a while to collect myself and convince myself that I couldn't look back, only forward. I drove off to work.
"I was still early," I thought, as I walked off the elevator and strolled past the empty cubicles towards my office. "Maybe she won't be here yet."
I was wrong.
I opened the door to my office and saw her sitting at my desk and at that moment, I fell in love. My legs immediately buckled, I could barely hold myself standing up. The sight of her sent my stomach to my throat. I realized, whatever had happened had done something to me.
The look in eyes said all the same things back to me. She was radiant. I walked over to my side of the desk, not even noticing that my expense reports were already filed away, and touched her on the shoulder, not really knowing how to proceed.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be in your chair," she quickly stood up, pushing the chair out from underneath her.
"It's okay," I laughed, "are we alone?"
She walked to my office door and closed it quietly.
"We are now," she walked up to me and gently placed her arms around my side, cupping my ass in her hands.
I pulled her closer, one hand on the small of her back, the other on her shoulder, and then we kissed.
My body melted. I felt the pressure of the weekend drift away. Her tongue gently explored my mouth, mine hers, our hands holding each other as close as possible.
"I'm sorry," she said, pulling herself back and straightening up her skirt and blouse. "I was so nervous you were going to hate me. I couldn't sleep all weekend."
"Me too," I was so relieved.