Always Three

British English and grammar.

Just a quick 950 word bit of nonsense.

***

Always three

Mick was one of life's observers; a guy who noticed things and filed them away in his head. He noticed for example that every time he had sex with his wife, Toni, she needed to pee straight after. And when she did so, she folded three pieces of toilet paper to wipe. Always three; it didn't mean anything of course - he just noticed.

Then he started thinking she might be having an affair; just a vague suspicion. For the last couple of months, she'd always worked late for an hour on Thursdays. Mick was not wealthy, and couldn't afford an investigator, or surveillance equipment. One Thursday, he called her office after five pm, and was told yes, she was working late.

He knew a woman who worked with Toni. So one morning he contrived to bump into her in the newsagent's.

"Working late again next Thursday, Moira?"

"Oh, hi Mick. No, why do you ask?"

"Toni does. I wondered if the whole department did."

"Oh that! No, only Toni - well, sometimes a couple of others - she just makes up the hour, because she takes a longer lunch on Thursdays."

"Of course! I forgot!" Mick said.

Then, one Thursday evening, came a breakthrough. Watching tv on the sofa, something glittered for a moment. Mick delved between the cushions and missed it. He pulled all the cushions off - and there was a jade earring. She'd been wearing both when she left this morning. He replaced everything and pocketed it.

When Toni got home, she wasn't wearing any. After dinner, he volunteered to do the dishes, and crept back to watch her through the partly open door. She also took the cushions off and dug her fingers round the edges of the frame. She even lifted the sofa and peered underneath.

It was time to book a Thursday afternoon off. A week later, after she'd left, he went to the bathroom, armed with a pen. He counted back to the 8th sheet of paper, while filming with his phone. He rested it on the seat lid, and wrote the number 8, wound the roll back, and left for work.

Lunchtime, Mick parked some distance from his house, and saw Toni's car pull up. She went in by herself. Two minutes later, a Porsche parked outside the neighbour's. A man got out and walked to their side door. Toni let him in. Thirty minutes after that, he came out and drove off. Mick followed him. He drove to her company, confirming they worked together. While he was still watching, Toni pulled into the same carpark.

Soon after 5 pm, the Porsche pulled out and Mick followed it to a much better part of town. Once the guy had driven into his garage, Mick knocked next door.

"Sorry to bother you. Is Mr Appleby at home?

"No Mr Appleby here."

"Oh, he must be next door then."

"I'm afraid not. Next door is Mr Maynard. You must be in the wrong road."

"Oh, sorry to have troubled you."

He got home before Toni who was working late of course.

"Don't start any dinner love. We're going out."

"Really? Where?"

"Secret. Now come upstairs and put your sexiest dress on."

In the bedroom, he instructed her to wear stockings, but no bra. She giggled, but went along with the 'secret'. When her makeup was done, she said she needed a pee.

"Sure. I'll come in with you. There's something I want to show you."

She sat on the toilet and Mick said: "There's an 8 written on one of the sheets of paper. Guess how far back it is."

"What?"

"Just guess. How many sheets before the 8?"

"OK, 6."

She pulled three off the roll and folded them to wipe herself. The 8 was clearly visible two further in.

"OK, I was wrong." she said.

At the front door, she said: "I'll need a coat; it's chilly, especially with no bra."

"No need. It'll be hot where I'm taking you, and the car will soon warm up."

They set off. Mick drove them to Maynard's house, watching her closely all the way. Not a flicker of discomfort; clearly she'd never been here before. They pulled onto his drive, and Mick got out.

"Come on then. This is where the party is!"

Toni got out too.

"Before we go in, there's two things I need to show you.."

"Be quick then, I'm freezing!"

"I'm sending a quick movie to your phone."

She looked at the screen and frowned.

"What's this?"

"It's me, writing that number 8 in the toilet roll; notice the time is 7.30 -- after you left for work. I write it on the 8th sheet. But when you unrolled to take your three, it was 2 from the end. So you came home during your usual long Thursday lunch break."

"I did not!"

"Your lover parked his Porsche next door."

She gasped.

"You always have a pee after sex Toni, and you wipe yourself with three pieces of tissue, folded up. That's how number 8 moved towards the end of the roll. Never mind, we'll discuss it when we get home. Meanwhile, I'd better move our car onto the road, so our host can get his out of the garage. Won't be a tick."

He backed out and wound the window down.

"Here, you forgot this!"

He held his hand out and she came back to the car. He sounded the horn and passed her something. He was just in time to see Maynard open the front door, before he roared off. Toni spun round towards the house; then looked at her hand. She was holding a jade earring.