"Even though hubby and I have danced around the subject of me going outside of our marriage ... I can't help but have this lingering sinking feeling that no matter how much I tell myself cheating won't change the love I have for him, something has got to change, right? My respect for us as a couple? Respect for myself? I torture myself with these thoughts. This is such a big decision for me."
Karen read the words again. The post hit home with her. The woman who had written them seemed to share some similarities, to have some idea of the things going through her own mind. She herself had never even danced around the idea of her own infidelity with her husband, but the decisions she had made seemed to put Karen in this other woman's company. She had been reading the boards on Literotica for some time - first, she had rationalized, to find ideas to spice up her marriage. She was honest with herself, though, and soon accepted it was for her own erotic stimulation.
The thought of a kindred soul was comforting, but she knew she had to travel this road alone.
A graceful, intelligent 36-year old wife and mother of a 10-year old daughter, Karen had been married 12 years. She had never physically broken her marital vows but she had entertained the fantasies and thoughts. She did not feel unique in that respect. Her husband had been the beneficiary of her delectably decadent thoughts on occasion, back during those times early in her marriage when she actively worked to be the best wife a man could have. Her friends would have been somewhat surprised at just how much her sexuality meant to her, because she treated it as a treasure that would lose its allure should she expose it to the light of day.
Reading the posts and stories on Literotica and other sites fueled her desires and gave her ideas, but her mind was too strong to lose herself in a sexual frenzy that would cost her everything she had built in her marriage.
She shut down her computer and set about finishing her packing. The trip would be short, a couple of nights in Atlanta, at her employer's quarterly meeting. After her daughter had entered first grade Karen had looked for something to keep herself busy. The part-time job selling cosmetics was what she settled on. Being part-time it would leave time for her family, and it would also offer some additional money for vacations and such. The two reasons that had convinced her, however, she had not shared with anyone.
She had always been intrigued by what made women attractive to men sexually. In this job she would get to continually consider that thought, how different women chose to go about it, how she could focus the cosmetics to achieve diferring results in the actions of the men towards the women wearing them. Her client list grew as her success in helping women become attractive became evident.
Most importantly, the company required her attendance at quarterly work sessions, out of town. Away from her family.
She had long ago calculated that the only way she could maintain her family life, and satisfy that lustful whore within, was to have some time away from home where she would be free to fuck other men. The job gave her the perfect cover. The reasons she gave her husband and family for taking the job - keeping busy and bringing home extra money - fit perfectly with the persona that was familiar to her family and friends. Frugal. Good wife and mother. Smart and personable.
She wasn't sure when she came to accept the fact she could fuck other men and keep it a secret. Not be bothered with guilt, at least not so much guilt she could not bear. Perhaps she had seen too many people die with lives unlived. Maybe she was simply too well-read to accept less than life could offer. It had long ago ceased being an issue with her, all that was in question now was the timing.
She took no extra care packing for this trip, even though this was the trip where she would break those marital vows. Her outward calmness and methodical behavior stood in contrast the significance of the step she was about to take, had long planned to take. Only occasionally did Karen entertain the smallest of doubts.
Like the woman posting on Literotica, she wondered how things could stay the same in her marriage, after she invites another man into her.
*