In their cabin, after the steady calm of the Cayman Islands, Alicia and Brett took turns showering and preparing for the evening. Tonight was the luxury dinner, a chance for all to dress up, having professional photos taken of their efforts, embracing sophistication over comfort. Since Alicia missed her senior prom, she's wanted to recapture that foundational experience of youth. She didn't know if it was as significant as so many had claimed, as defining or magical, or if it was like so many other rites of passage, overblown and exaggerated. There were so many other things missing in her life now, a feeling of no past, no future, just the present. Yet still, she had wanted it, and tonight was a chance to reclaim some lost measure of it, at least aesthetically.
Brett dressed in a plain black blazer and white dress shirt, simple, classic, although not properly hemmed or fitted, he wore it well. When Alicia emerged from the bathroom, Brett's eyes widened fully as he spoke,"You look stunning." Alicia curtsied as she wore a strapless light pink ankle length dress, and silver wedge heels, a golden necklace adorning her slender neck, an emerald pendant flattering her modest cleavage, hair in a braided bun, with subtle smoky eye shadow.
He adjusted his tie as he spoke. "I mean wow. Jesus."Alicia smiled, blushing slightly. She couldn't believe that she had attached any notion of worth to this, but she felt good, for the first time since they were on the cruise. She grabbed her matching pink clutch as Brett offered his arm like a gentleman. She took it, it felt right.
The two waited to be seated in the fine dining room, a massive hall meant to emulate an establishment of class and exclusivity. It did well enough, until servers started doing the YMCA before dinner, foregoing classy jazz and ambient piano for a bizarre performance. Brett whistled, clapping along with the other passengers who were dancing near their tables. He spoke to Alicia with a wink, "Show them a thing or two, you could do some ballet to this!"
Alicia mocked putting a gun to her head.
"Oh come on, don't be like that. I mean, yeah it's awful, but weird. Weird is good!"
Alicia sighed, "Depends on your definition of good."
As the calming and elegant mood was soon reset, they heard Roy's thunderous voice call out to them as he approached. To their astonishment, Roy looked the part of a sartorial gentleman, wearing a perfectly fitted single breasted gray suit with vest, salt and pepper hair tied back into a small ponytail, beard combed, trimmed to contour his face, simple spectacles, a structured and tapered silhouette, seams hemmed to accent his large shoulders and thick wrists.
Roy spoke, a cocktail in his hand.
"We meet again. You both look nice."
Brett clasped his hands together in a display of thanks, nodding his head politely.
"Thank you Roy. You look dapper. You clean up well."
It was an honest compliment, one that Roy found amusing, as he observed Alicia, adoring the way that little pendant would center on her tits harmonious and soft, he knew that before the cruise was over he would bury his cock in her cunt. He grinned at Brett, speaking with an unusual candor.
"Well, the feeling is mutual my friend."
Roy clapped his heavy hand on his shoulder before turning to Alicia and speaking.
"A very nice shade of dress you've selected."
Alicia smiled and nodded, taking the compliment as a continued development of his peace offering, a beguiling effort on his part she thought. Brett narrowed his eyes slightly, knowing that this was a confidence game, Roy couldn't have been a threat to him, instead a cloying annoyance. Brett took a sip of his scotch.
"So Roy, who are you here with?"
Roy gestured towards a side of the dining space that couldn't be seen, obscured by waiters and passengers.
"Oh. Just with a friend."
Alicia saw Tania sitting at an empty table, dressed in an obscenely short dress, somehow forgoing her duties, Alicia knew in her heart there's no way Tania was his friend this evening. She sipped her ice water, teeth aching from the cold, speaking quietly, "Well, we hope you have a great evening."
Roy smiled, he gave Alicia one last quick glance, admiring her eyes, migrating to her thin, delicate lips. He figured she must taste as excellent as she looked. He spoke.
"You both as well. See you around, enjoy your dinner."
Roy turned and walked away, not a heavy plodding mass, but surprisingly nimble.
Brett shook his head, adjusting his tie bar.
"He just keeps getting weirder."
Alicia nodded and chuckled.
"Wait I thought you said weird was good?"
"Not that kind of weird! You think he uhh "paid" his special friend over there?"
"Oh stop. Come on."
Brett prepared his napkin across his lap.
"Tell me, why do you not suspect that?"
"It's possible, it happens of course I just don't think that kind of thing occurs on a cruise ship. I don't know."
"Sure it does. It can occur anywhere. I mean, remember that young woman he was with on the island?"
"Well, ok. I mean if a woman chooses that, she chooses it. As long as it's not against her will. And I think their laws there are different than ours anyways."
Brett nodded, sighing before speaking again, feeling as if she was somehow defending Roy, even subconsciously.
"I'm surprised you don't have more objection to that. I mean especially since you're pretty well...ardent about your stances socially."
"Well, people change. Maybe to some women...or men it's empowering."
"I suppose so. So why don't you think he's doing that?"
"I don't think he even has the ability to woo a sex doll let alone an escort."
They both laughed and were surprised with the quality of their entree, artfully prepared prime rib and roast duck, with a fine mixologist on bar, finishing their meal with an espresso martini.
Under the delicate lighting, Alicia studied Brett, looking closer to the refined man she had married, seeing past the disappointment in their misunderstandings, his emotional affair, their distance. He wasn't the same man, he had changed, as they both had. Still, with his strong chin and kind eyes, he was every bit the man she fell in love with. She took her napkin off her lap and spoke with an unusual directness.
"You want to go back to the room now?"
"Yeah. That sounds nice."
Brett helped her stand, kissing the top of her hand and pushing her chair in for her. They walked back to their cabin, quiet and occasionally stealing a glance at each other's eyes, or body. She would playfully speed up and walk ahead of him, teasing with her hips. He could only bring himself to smile, purposefully slowing down as she looked over her shoulder to smile at him wryly. As they entered, she took off her heels, she was nervous but spoke as sultry as she could, "Lay down in bed. Close your eyes."
He took off his blazer and loafers, loosened his tie, and took off his socks, unbuckling his belt and letting his cock free from his boxers. He wanted this. He needed this, like air itself. He laid down and closed his eyes. He felt the bed sink as she climbed atop his waist, wearing the lace and golden chain wireless bustier with matched garters, the dark blue of the silken lingerie playing off her olive skin. He had to grit his teeth from saying anything, knowing that she hated talk during intimacy of any kind, wanting it to be natural, close, organic.
He caressed her slender waist, feeling the small chains, cold to the touch resting on the silken fabric below, intricate woven details caressing his fingertips. He ran his hands down her strong thighs, cherishing them as he sat up, hand grasping at the back of her neck as he cradled her, kissing her collar and softly moving to her lips, his intense glare fading against into the dark as she closed her eyes, what had been latent for two years was rousing, her heart beat faster, his hands drifted towards her abdomen as she pressed her thighs on the side of his own hips, grinding against him. He could feel her wetness through the sheer material. They scrambled against each other, mute and in passion as their mouths recreated once familiar bonds and movements, embraced. Yet, Brett was soft.
She felt below her, pausing, her heart racing as she spoke softly, "Are you ok?"
"Babe I'm fine... Lets keep going."
They pushed, pulled, immersed themselves in their effort, struggles falling to loss. She rolled over and ran her soft hand down his face, in the dark feeling a tear. Brett sighed. His own performance anxiety was a punishment from not just his own body, but the animosity built over the lack of intimacy betwixt them. What he wanted so badly was in front of him, presented in astonishing glory, yet he remained flaccid. He desperately tried to make himself hard, feeling more tears blur his vision as his fist tirelessly worked his softness. He licked his lips and felt a cold sweat dampen his thinning hairline as he tried to calm himself with steadied breath. Alicia spoke, loving and kind,"It's just not meant to happen right now."
He looked down, ashamed. He had remembered the first year they spent making love, how they would finish and hold each other, his load sprayed against her stomach or tits, sometimes hanging off her lips, or seeing her throat bulge as she swallowed every drop of him, that undeniable warmth, their intertwined musk hanging heavy around them, a coupling that made them feel as if they were the last lives left in the universe. She kissed him on the cheek and ran her fingers across the sides of his head, his memories sinking along with his hopes as she spoke, "It's ok. Really. We tried."
He stared at the floor, gently taking her hand away from his face, and turning over on the bed, the wall his focus now, not daring to look at the woman he cherished, in her prime, he didn't want to offer words or gestures, which would all register as hollow. The room was cold. He ran through a million possibilities of what was wrong with him, with them.
She changed out of her lingerie, there was no coldness in her action. She slipped into a gray flowing knee length bodycon dress and put her hair in a messy bun, slipped on some modest leather, heeled sandals kissing him on the cheek. She turned the lock, it was heavy and loud, breaking the silence of the room as the bolt slid back. Brett looked over his shoulder, a tear stained face he spoke with remorse on every syllable, "Guess I'll see you later."
She nodded and smiled weakly trying to remain comforting in her tone.
"I'm just gonna get some air. I need...some time. I hope you understand."
He turned over and buried his head in the pillow. Her pussy was still wet as she left.
At night the ship's environment changed, the bustle of families and the zealous complaints of the elderly were gone, instead the pursuit of reckless passion filled every bar, small nightclubs opened, every corridor a cackling mixture of women in heels and men dressed mostly slovenly harassing the women. The groups of young women produced teasing waves at the obnoxious young men with "single inch" pinching gestures, as the men delivered middle fingers as retorts and consoled each other at their failures.
Everywhere she went she could see it, the drunken singing and screaming, debauchery, all of the college youth smiling wide and anticipating life, corralled above the deck where they passed cigarettes and the persistent rot of bad weed blanketed all. She was relieved that mostly, she was a ghost during this time. She earned a few smiles from women, and the occasional nod from a younger man sometimes out of nicety and politeness but a few times out of attraction. She was old enough to know the signs now, as Brett had taught her over the years how to pick up on when men were doing more than being friendly. She should have paid attention more.
From the top deck stringed lights swayed with the movement of the ship. Alicia went to the decks below, trying to walk away from her own feelings. She was sure that something would have happened between her and Brett. Everything felt right, she felt so relaxed. She didn't blame him, she also blamed herself.
She made her way towards the perimeter of the casino, smelling the acrid tobacco and visible haze that was associated with the tables of poker and high rollers, hundreds and thousands of dollars gone and gained in moments. She watched the lights of the slot machines and parlors shine with a steadied neon glow, blanketing the faces of both winners and losers at each table.
