After the Affair

My name is Grace Dawkins and I am 46 years old. I still look pretty good and I work out a lot to keep myself in good shape. I am married to Perley Dawkins, my husband of 25 years, but I have been having an affair with a young man, 20 years my junior. We met at the gym and he propositioned me and I accepted. Why? Good question. We spent this afternoon together in a motel room and I had just left. My story starts as I return to the home my husband and I shared for the past 23 years and where we raised two wonderful children.

I arrived home at just after 4:00. That would give me plenty of time to have a shower and change. I had put a roast in the oven earlier and the automatic timer should have come on about an hour ago. I could peel some potatoes and wash some carrots and put those in to bake for the last hour. By the time Perley, or Perk as I called him, came home dinner would be done and on the table.

I decided to do the potatoes and carrots before I showered and changed. I dropped my purse on the table and took my small overnight bag into the laundry. I emptied the intimate things that I wore for my young stud into a laundry basket containing my pajamas and underwear. I would start that load right after I changed.

As I began to peel the potatoes, I thought back to the pleasant afternoon just past. I had gone to the motel today to meet Jason, as I had for the last 5 Wednesdays. This time was a little strange, but probably the best of the meetings. I arrived on time at 1:30. Jason saw me through the peephole and opened the door stark naked! He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the room. He wrapped his arms around me and began to kiss me passionately! He was very excited. He kissed my lips with lots of tongue, kissed my nose, and then moved to my neck just below the ear. I began to shiver with pleasure since that is my most intense pleasure spot. He kissed over to the hollow of my throat, just below my chin and finally moved down to my cleavage.

"Unbutton your blouse. Leave it on, but unbutton it!" He stood back to watch me and I tried to make it sexy, but he was too impatient. I got the buttons undone and opened my blouse for his inspection. He growled and grabbed me again pushing my bra up over my breasts, then used his tongue to tease and nip at my nipples. He took each one between his thumb and forefinger and rolled them back and forth until they jutted out hard and firm. He then took one in his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, causing waves of desire to build in me. He did first one and then the other. By now I was shuddering with lust and desire. I reached for his erection, but he batted my hand away.

"Take off your panties. Leave your skirt on." Again, he stood back to watch. I did as he asked, wondering at this change in his behavior. He had never done this before. I removed my panties and pushed them away. He pushed me to the bed and had me lay down. He laid beside me and began to kiss me as before.

As he was kissing my breasts, he began to roughly finger me, getting me wetter than I already was. He continued this until I could take no more.

"Fuck me now, Jason. I can't stand much more of this. I'll cum on your hand if you don't put that beautiful cock into me now!" I was squirming and twisting and was so close that I could almost feel the pleasure of an orgasm.

Jason pushed my skirt up till it was bunched around my waist and pushed my legs apart with his knees. He crawled between my spread legs and took his cock in his hand.

"Hold it! Take it in your hand and put it in! Show me how much you want it!" I kind of liked this more forceful game playing. Jason held himself above me while he watched me take his cock in my hand and rub the head between my pussy lips, getting it wet and lubricated. I finally put it at the entrance to my waiting wetness and told him to push it in.

He pushed and entered me easily. I was wet and willing and ready to be fucked senseless! As he entered, I left my hand where it was and circled his cock with my thumb and forefinger while he pumped in and out of me. This gave an added intensity to our fucking that we both enjoyed. It also made him cum much sooner but that was OK for the first time.

Jason pumped into me slowly at first and then began to pump faster and faster. I wrapped my legs around his humping ass and pulled him in on every down stroke. I rose to meet him and urged him on with whispered dirty words. " Fuck me hard, you bastard. Use that cock and drive it deep inside me. I want you to fuck me as hard as you can." He loved that and I got a thrill from it as well. I got so turned on when he talked to me that way. I had never done this with Perk and I wondered how I could begin it with him.

"You like this slut? You like this hard cock pumping in and out of your juicy wet cunt? Is this what you want?" Jason kept this up as he pounded into me. I felt like a whore and loved every minute of it. "Tell me!"

"Yes, yes, yes! Fuck my cunt with your hard cock. Give it to me. Harder!" The words came so easily now after the previous times. It had been difficult at first but I began to enjoy it and it became easier and more exciting. I was learning to be a slut!

Jason pounded into me like a madman! He was like a man possessed. He came so hard that it surprised me. I held him tight to me while I felt his seed spurt into my vagina. As he spurted, I came! Wonderful. Dirty. Cheating. All feelings that made this afternoon worthwhile.

"What brought that on? I've never seen you that way before." I liked it but wondered where it had come from.

"Just some role playing. I watched a movie last night where the guy raped a girl with her clothes on. It made me hot so I wanted to try it. I didn't want to rape you or anything, but I thought the idea of screwing with clothes on was exciting."

Whatever turned him on. Since I enjoyed it, I guess I had no reason to be offended. Being treated like a rape victim was sort of kinky.

We rested for a time and began all over. This time I got undressed and Jason fucked me doggy style. He was able to last longer and he pumped into me for all he was worth. He was giving me the fucking that I had come for and I let him know I enjoyed it. Later, I gave him a blowjob while he ate me out, 69 style, and then I sucked him to get him hard again. We fucked missionary style again, this time was slow and sensuous and felt good.

At 3:30, we got dressed so that I could go home to my wifely duties and he could go to work. He worked second shift at the local steel mill. That was why we could meet in the afternoons. As for me, with my schedule, Perk never wondered where I was since I was everywhere.

I was still breathing hard after my flashback as I finished the potatoes and carrots. I put them into the roaster and set the timer for 45 minutes. I went into the laundry room and put the load of intimates into the washer. They would be done and in the dryer before Perley came home. It certainly would not do to have him see these things since I had never worn them for him. Finally, I showered and changed into a summer dress that Perley loved.

I was now the perfect housewife and my husband of 25 years would not notice anything different. I would do nothing to hurt him because I loved him more now than when I first married him. He was all that I wanted and we had raised two beautiful children together. They were out and on their own and both were very happy and successful. I had a life that I loved and would die if anything happened to ruin it. Then what was I doing? I dropped that thought like a hot potato!

I glanced at the clock and noticed that it was almost 5:15, just about the time Perk got home from work. I started to set the table and got the roast out of the oven. Everything was ready. I went in to the living room to have a drink while waiting for him to arrive. While I waited, I thought again about Jason.

I was a very busy housewife, with committee meetings, the gym and normal household chores. I had quit smoking about 3 years ago and joined the Gold's gym down the block to head off the inevitable weight gain. I went Tuesday and Fridays and loved it. I looked and felt better than at any time during our marriage and Perk commented on it all the time. I was proud of my body. As a result, our sex life had picked up considerably and Perk and I enjoyed our love making even more now that the kids had all gone.

Unfortunately, the gym is also where I met Jason.

Jason joined just last year and he began to make it a point to be there when I was. It wasn't obvious at first, but I soon noticed that he was usually there when I was and he usually took the equipment next to mine. He finally introduced himself and we began to buddy up for a lot of the exercises.

Jason began to compliment me on my appearance and condition and he made it a point to let me know that he thought I was very hot. It didn't take long till I began to look forward to being with him and for his comments. It was almost like I needed his praise to feel good. From there it didn't take long before Jason began to make suggestions about getting together. Since these suggestions made me horny, Perk enjoyed the benefits after my gym sessions.

I noticed that it was now almost 6:00 and Perk should have been home by this time. I just put it off to him being a little late due to traffic or a last minute phone call. If he didn't show by 6:30, I would have to put dinner in the oven to stay warm. He would call if he were going to be that late.

Well, to state the obvious, I finally gave in to Jason's suggestions and we met one day at the Waverly Motel, off I-95, south of town. We went there because it was in the opposite direction from every thing I was familiar with. We had sex and it was pretty great. Jason was 20 years younger that I was and he had the stamina of a 25 year old. I enjoyed his energy and enthusiasm. There was no sophistication to what we did, just raw fucking and sucking and rutting. That was totally different than what I had with Perk. I guess I wanted to see what it was like. I remember the first rush of guilt and the way I felt that evening when I was with Perley. I could hardly look him in the eye and finally pleading ill, went to bed early. I don't know if the guilt disappeared or if I just buried it deep down where I didn't have to face it. Either way, I continued what I had begun.

It was now 6:35 and Perk had not come home and had not called. I began to worry. He was never this late without a phone call. I put the roast back in the oven and called his cell phone. No answer. The service said his phone was not turned on. That was very strange. I called his office and got his voice mail. I left a message to call right away. I waited but no call. I called three times but got nothing.

I went back into the living room and thought again about today and Jason and the whole affair. That is what it was: a sleazy affair. Not love, not intimacy, not sharing, just raw sex. Why? I knew why. I just wanted to know what it was like. I had friends that were single and they talked about their love life with their current partners. I had only ever known Perley. He was my first and only. I wanted to share what they talked so much about. I did it because I could and because I wanted the same thing they had. But why had I let it continue if it was only curiosity? I had no answer. Maybe I had better find one!

I had never considered what it would do to Perk if he ever found out. That was because I was going to be sure he never did find out. No pain, no hurt and I would keep the secret close to my chest. He didn't deserve to be hurt because he had never given me any reason to cheat on him. Foolish, foolish thinking! I was old enough to know better. What is the old expression? We make plans while the gods laugh?

It was 7:15. Now I began to worry in earnest. Perk had never been this late without calling. I wondered if I should call the police? They would just tell me to wait. I wondered for the first time if he could know anything about what I was doing. Of course not! He gave no indication of ever doubting me. As I sat there, I suddenly felt a chill go down my back, like a premonition of doom. I walked into our bathroom and looked at his side of the double vanity. His things were gone! I had the first feelings of panic.

I ran to the closet where he kept his clothes. All gone! Shoes, underwear, socks and ties, gone! I looked for the suitcases, also gone. He had packed up everything and left! Why had he done this? Why in the world would he leave me without a word? That wasn't like Perley to not let me know if he was delayed or in trouble. It suddenly dawned on me: He had found out! There was no other explanation. He knew and he had left me!

What could I do? Where was he? How could I get in touch with him? I sat there in the kitchen of my suddenly empty home and felt my world slipping away. Why had I done this? For what? I was a slut and a cheat and a liar and my husband, the only person in the world that understood and loved me without reservation, had left me because of what I had done.

Now full panic set in. I had no way to reach him and no idea where he could have gone. I could only wait. I sat down at the kitchen table, set for a dinner with my husband of 25 years that was never going to happen. I broke down and cried as I looked at the empty chair. His favorite cup was at his place. The saltshaker that he kept close, even though I always nagged him about his blood pressure, set next to the centerpiece. I cried for over an hour setting in that chair. I finally got myself up and collapsed on our bed. I cried myself to sleep.

That was last Wednesday night. It was now a week later and I had not heard from my husband since he left that day. I tried his work number but his secretary coolly informed me that Mr. Dawkins was not in and had left word that his location was not to be disclosed to anyone. I talked with the kids but they just mentioned that dad had called them from work a couple of times. I didn't let them know anything was wrong.

I called the office three more times and tried to get through to him. I was refused every time. The last time I called, I was determined to get through to him.

"But I'm his wife! I have to talk to him. It's an emergency! Give me a number where he can be reached!" I yelled at this dimwit who refused to tell me where my husband had gone.

"I understand Mrs. Dawkins, but your husband said that I was not to give his location or number to anyone, including you." I could almost hear the smirk on her face over the phone.

"I am calling the police! They will make you give me the number where he is." I was going to find him if it was the last thing I did. I had to make him understand that this was nothing that we couldn't work through. It was only sex and not love. I loved him only! He had to hear that!

"That is fine with me. I will be glad to give the police a copy of the instructions Mr. Dawkins left for me." She disconnected and I sat there fuming. It was clear that Perk had no desire to talk to me and had made sure that I couldn't find him. It was easy for him since he owned the company! It was a small but very profitable software company that made modifications of existing software to customize it for specific applications. He often boasted of some of his bigger clients.

I tried to go to his office, but I couldn't get past Jerry, the security guard. He had known me for years but he told me he had strict orders not to let me in. I tried to bluff my way past him but he picked up the phone and started to call the police.

"Please Mrs. Dawkins: I'll lose my job if I let you in. I have a wife and two kids and I can't risk it. I'm sorry. You always treated me good." He was right. It was his job and I had no right to get him fired. Even though I was desperate, my own screw up was what caused this. It shouldn't cost him too.

Over the next few weeks I went through the different levels of loss: grieving, apathy, anger and finally acceptance. I now knew that Perk knew of my affair with Jason and had decided to end our marriage. I was angry with him because he would not give me a chance to explain. But then I asked myself what I could say that would explain my need for sex with someone else. I had no answer that made sense and none that would have ever satisfied me if I had caught him cheating. I finally had to accept that I had screwed up so badly that there was no way back. I was beginning to learn the price for my folly.

During the next 4 months, I heard nothing from Perk. I did, however, receive word from his attorney that a deposit would be made into our checking account every two weeks that should cover all of the necessary expenses of running the house and maintaining my life. The deposit was very generous and I was able to continue on without having to make any changes. I didn't go back to the gym, however, and I never saw Jason again. He called several times but I finally told him that we were over and not to call or try to contact me again. Too little, too late. Otherwise, things went on.

The fact that Perk had not contacted me about a divorce, and the twice-monthly deposits gave me a tiny bit of hope that maybe something might happen if I could just wait. I determined to do just that. My marriage may be over, but I would not go down without a fight!

It was 21 weeks and 3 days after Perk left me when I answered a knock on my door and found Perley standing there. My heart began to pound and the blood rushed to my head. I staggered a little and caught myself on the doorframe. I noticed that he was not smiling and looked haggard and pale.

"Perk, please come in! My God, I have been so worried about you. Where were you and why didn't you ever call me? I know that you knew what I had done but I expected you to be angry and hurt and I expected you to demand that I leave and divorce me." I was babbling and out of control. Through it all, he just stood there looking at me without expression. "Can we talk about it?"

"I wanted to talk to you but I wanted to be sure I understood my own feelings completely before I saw you. That's why I haven't called or seen you." He came into the living room and sat down on the edge of the big chair that he always used when he came home in the evening. It broke my heart to see him setting there like a visitor and not my loving husband.

"Where have you been for the last 5 months? Your secretary wouldn't give me any information and the police said that you were fine but just refused to contact me. They told me that was your right, so they couldn't do anything. You made sure that I couldn't see you at work. I have been so worried and frightened." Perk just watched me as I wrung my hands and walked back and forth in front of him,

Before he could say anything, I started. "Please let me say the things that I need to say to you before you start. I will be honest about everything even though it makes me look terrible. I have been so wrong and have done so many hateful things and I am so ashamed. I am so sorry that I hurt you and I don't know what to say to make it right." I had to get everything in before he left me again. I continued almost in a panic to get it all out.

"I cheated on you and lied to you and destroyed the beautiful life that you and I built over the past 25 years. I don't know what I was thinking when I did those hurtful things. I know that I didn't love Jason and it was only sex. I know how trite that sounds but it is true. Most of my friends are either single or divorced and they are always talking about their boyfriends. The talk always gets around to sex and they all brag about what a great lover their guy is. I never knew any man but you and I began to wonder what it would be like. Not that I was unhappy or dissatisfied with you, but just what it would be like to have another man. After a while, it became almost an obsession."