Adam's Journey

So anyhow, that was the contest which Kristi had told Kori and Ron all about, and about how we had reacted to each other afterwards. She had left out the juicy details that I've told you about, of course, but she did tell them how aroused the evening had left both of us, and how the idea of her with these other guys pawing at her and rubbing on her seemed to have had an unusually powerful effect on me.

And about how my own arousal, partly caused by her actions with these other guys, had turned her on all the more. She had been blown away by the fact that I was turned on by her getting groped, and feeling other guys hard cocks being pressed and rubbed against her, and she wasn't even aware that I had seen the one guy actually fingering her wet pussy.

This was too much, that my friends knew that I was aroused by my woman having near-sexual encounters with other men, and I was embarassed.

Kori sensed it, and came to my rescue.

"I don't think that's all that unusual, you know. I mean, when you think about how gorgeous Kristi is, any guy would get off on watching her have sex. Shoot, I'd like to watch that myself!"

I remembered with disgust how hard I had gotten when I had caught her in the act, how seeing her sucking a stranger's cock had made me hard, and how close I'd been to ejaculating in my pants when she'd straddled him and taken him deep inside of her. Ron and Kori could never know about that!

Ron piped up "Hell yeah, I'd sure watch her! If you guys get back together and want an audience, you know who to call. I'll even let Kori join you and I'll watch the 3 of you go. Or shoot some video! Yeah, that's a great idea..."

I could see that Ron was getting into this idea, and I had to cut him off before he went off the deep end. "Forget it Ronnie, not gonna happen buddy."

Kori laughed at her goofy husband. "Yeah, you could just watch and jerk off while Adam took turns with us, huh? Or while Kristi and I double teamed him, you'd love that!"

She was just making it worse, and I was tired of their comments.

"Come on you guys, I know we kid around about stuff like this all the time, but you're forgetting that Kristi and I aren't a couple anymore. Remember that small detail? And I don't think I'm too anxious for a menage, this isn't the time to kid around about it. I'm just not feeling much like laughing. I guess I'm just not the type that can accept that kind of cheating too easily."

"Although if I wanted to do it, you'd be my first choice K, you hot little babe you!"

I was trying to shut them up, but I wasn't really angry at them, and was trying to take the sting out of my rebuke. Kori was not about to let me get away that easily.

"Oh, Mr. Noble here! You can't accept cheating and yet you've been banging a married woman for what, ten years? Eleven? And even before that, when she was engaged. And you were married part of that time too, remember? Don't act so damn self-righteous Adam, we're your friends and we love you to death, but we know you better that that, so get off it."

"Kori, don't beat me up about Izzy, I told you, that's different."

Kori wouldn't cut me any slack. "It is different Adam, it's way worse. You care about Izzy, you even admit you love her. Kristi didn't give a shit about this guy, she just felt like getting laid and he was a convenient stiff dick. You know she could pick up a different guy every night if she wanted to, but this was the only time she's done it since you two met."

"How do you know that?"

"Because she told me Adam, and I believe her. She'd have no reason to lie to me, and besides, she can't. She's a terrible liar, you know that. Hell, she can't even bluff at poker!"

Ron had been staying out of this, letting his wife thump me, but now he joined the fray on her side. "Yeah, I've been trying to get her to play strip poker with me, but she's too smart, she knows she'd lose."

"Right Ronnie. Or maybe she just doesn't want to take a chance on seeing you naked, did you ever think of that?"

"Oh ouch! It's a good thing I'm not easily offended!"

Kori had a good point, and I wanted to believe her about Kristi. I knew that Kristi could get picked up any time she wanted to, and in fact was quite adept at turning guys away without hurting their feelings.

The first time I had realized that, we'd been dating for about 7 or 8 weeks. We were at the grocery store picking up stuff for a dinner I'd promised to fix for her. Just simple stuff, the makings for a salad, a couple of nice thick steaks, a couple of potatos to bake, and a few other items that were on my list. I already had a good bottle of Cabernet at home to go with the steaks.

We were in the produce aisle getting the potatos and the salad stuff when I remembered that I was about out of salad dressing. I left her there, collecting what we needed, while I ran back several aisles for it.

When I returned she was standing, one hand on our cart, talking to a guy whose pose closely mimicked her own. He was tall, about my height, and probably about her age, with curly blond hair. Good looking I guess, if your taste runs to the hotdog ski bum type.

It took me about 2 seconds to realize that this was the classic grocery store pick-up attempt. Hell, I've used it myself, so I recognized what was happening. I bristled, and stalked toward them, fully prepared to defend my harem of one.

As I got close, Kristi saw me and smoothly averted a confrontation. "Oh Adam, you're back. This is Tim, he saw the steaks you got and was just telling me about a great little steak house downtown."

Yeah, I'll just bet he was. He was probably getting ready to invite her to dinner at that great little steak house, if he hadn't done so already. It's what I would have done.

I stopped, just off Kristi's shoulder, betwen her and him. "Yeah, well that's OK if you're feeling lazy I suppose. I generally like to grill 'em myself, that way I know they're perfect. But remember the name of the place, maybe you and me can try it sometime if we're out slumming. Thanks for the suggestion, Tim."

He could see that the situation had gotten tense, and we mumbled our goodbye's as he took his leave.

We watched him go around the end of the aisle, and Kristi turned to me with a sly smile. "Wow! That was weird. Another second or two and I think you were going to start pissing on the racks around me to mark your territory."

My hackles were still up, and I couldn't yet see the humor in it. "What an asshole. Hitting on you while you're here shopping with me."

"Adam, he didn't know I was with anyone. He took a shot, you can't fault him for that."

She was right in the sense that if I saw her there alone I would have certainly tried to meet her. Nonetheless, I could absolutely fault him for it. "Yeah, well he should be more careful, you know?"

"Adam, honey, I know how to deal with that. You don't have to defend me you know. I'm a big girl, he's not going to steal me away."

"Still, it pisses me off a little bit."

She smiled up at me. "I can see that. But don't worry, I've been dealing with guys like him since I was thirteen, I can handle it."

That knocked me back a little bit "Thirteen? Really? That's amazing. I guess us men are pigs, huh?"

"Well, it was mostly high school guys then, but I developed early and outgrew my gangly, awkward stage, so they thought I was older." She smiled. "I was kind of insecure, so I found it very flattering. But the point is, I learned how to gently push them away. I know the best ways to handle it."

Since that episode I have seen it happen again and again, with minor variations, throughout our relationship. I had thought that when I put the ring on her finger it would let up some, which is probably one of the reasons I had splurged on a fairly large diamond, but it didn't seem to slow the assault very much. Guys are horndogs around a beautiful woman, but I had learned to trust her to turn away all the offers. Until now. Now everything had changed.

I returned my attention to Ron and Kori:

"I know Kori. I know you're right, but why now? What did she see in this guy? Where did I let her down?"

"Adam, honey, it's not like that. I think she just wanted to try someone different for the excitement, the novelty, you know? A lot of us are like that, I think, men and women both. We get wrapped up in the excitement of the moment and end up doing something dumb. Most affairs probably start that way. She says she was thinking that she would tell you about it, pretend it was just a fantasy she had made up, and see if it turned you on."

It probably would have, as a fantasy. I think we all knew that.

"That's crazy K, this was no fantasy."

"She knows that now. Adam, she knows she screwed up big time. Go over there, talk to her. Let her apologize to you, and maybe she can explain. But you be fair, you be honest with her, and tell her about Izzy. She's hating herself right now, and you're just coasting along when you're as bad or worse than she is. I know you Adam, you're too big a man to let her keep hurting like this, and to keep lying to her."

I could only hang my head. Kori was right again, as she so often is, but I was ashamed about Izzy. Well, not about Izzy per se, I think the world of her, but ashamed that I was hiding it from Kristi, and cheating on her, and causing Izzy to cheat on her husband and three boys, and too afraid to admit to Kristi the whole tale. Because I knew she'd want me to promise to never see Izzy again, and I couldn't do that. Izzy is too big a part of my life, and has been since birth, essentially.

After I had watched Kristi drive away that night, and Ron and Kori had stopped by and made me feel like such an ass, I did a lot of thinking. If my friends' goal had been to make me suffer for my own guilt in the current situation, they had succeeded.

I had undoubtedly given Kristi a number of signs that the idea of her fucking other men turned me on. I never realized how many times I had led her to this conclusion until I looked back over them all at once, and then I felt ashamed and embarrassed at my own perversion.

Had I not caught her in the act, and she had told me the story as a fantasy, or as an experience she'd had before we met, I would most certainly have been extremely aroused by her story. But the fact that I had caught her, that I had actually seen her not only fucking another guy, but obviously enjoying it, changed everything.

Or did it? I remembered with considerable shame how hard I had been even as I was throwing things around and roughing up her lover. I also remembered that I had cum later that evening just from thinking about Kristi taking his hard cock inside of her, thinking about how his semen had gushed out of her.

I had to admit my own responsibility, my own culpability for her actions. Kori had suggested that I go over and talk to her, and she was right, I needed to. I needed to go talk to Kristi.

I decided I'd walk over to Wendy and John's house where Kristi had holed up. It's only a few blocks away, and I could use the time to clear my head and allow my emotions to settle, and even for a littleof the arousal to subside. Every time I think about her having sex with someone else this seemed to happen. Very sick, I wished I could control it.

As I got closer to their house, my feet started to drag. I had no idea what I was going to say, and I dreaded the discomfort and awkwardness that would be between us. I was relieved to see only her car in the driveway. I had been afraid that maybe she'd have another man in her bed again tonight.

I stood on their front sidewalk and looked at the house. It was completely dark, apparently I had been too slow and Kristi had gone to bed. As I turned to go back home, a light flicked on in the upstairs bathroom window. I steeled myself and walked up to the door and rang the bell.

I waited a moment before an interior light came on downstairs, then the light over my head on the front porch. Kristi opened the door and stood looking at me, surprised.

"Adam. What are you doing here?"

Not a particularly warm welcome, but a legitimate question; I wondered about that myself. "Hi Kristi. Kori thought we should talk, so I came over."

"So Kori thought that, huh? What do you think, Adam?"

"I think Kori is right. Can I come in?"

She stepped back and motioned for me to come in, seeming a little surprised to realize she had not invited me in on her own. I followed her to Wendy's family room, noticing how nicely the short t-shirt she was wearing hugged her curves, and how it was barely long enough to cover her firm ass. Her soft blonde waves moving over her shoulders as she walked, and the sweet scent of her almost made me stumble over my own feet. God, how I wanted this woman!

I sat on their sofa and she took the chair across from me. Just this simple act spoke volumes about the gulf between us. Normally we would be together on the sofa, or in a chair or recliner, holding, touching, feeling and exploring each other. We could never get enough of touching each other. Even when she would sit astride me with me deep inside of her and just slowly move her hips, fucking me slow and gentle, our hands and tongues were always busy exploring, finding new places and new sensations. The six feet between us now felt like six miles.

We looked at each other, each waiting for the other to begin. Finally Kristi said "Well?"

"I... I guess I don't really know where to begin Kristi. Isn't that horrible? I didn't think the day would ever come that I wouldn't know what to say to you. I mean talking to you has always been so easy, so natural, ever since we met, and now..."

"Oh Adam! I know, it's so awful! All of my plans and dreams for the future had you in them, and now I don't know, and it's all such a mess, and it's all my fault!"

I knew she was wrong, it was not all her fault, and I couldn't let her go on thinking that. "Kristi, tell me, and be honest. Did I do or say anything that made you feel like it would be OK for you to have sex with other men? Is there something that made you believe that, or is this just something you wanted to do?"

She looked at me for a moment, then down at the floor as she considered her answer. She was looking me straight in the eyes as she said "Both, I think. You always get so turned on when I tell you anything about my past sex life, and the more graphic detail I give you the more aroused you get. I guess that made me think you kind of liked the idea."

I couldn't deny what she said. Whenever she would tell me of a past sexual experience it was like some sort of exquisite torture, my extreme arousal at hearing her words mixed with the pain of picturing somebody else fucking her and my shame at my uncontrollable arousal and rock hard erection.

On several occasions I had cum as she described another's cock cumming in her mouth or on her face, or breasts, or deep in her pussy. She was fully aware of how her stories affected me, but she had made it seem such a natural part of our sex play that I had never been embarassed about it with her, until now.

I had to be as honest with her as she was with me. "Um, Kristi? This is tough for me to admit, but when I caught you fucking him, even though I was mad and hurt, it turned me on."

"Really? It did? It made you hard?"

"Oh yeah, it did that for sure. You don't know it, but I actually walked in while you were sucking his cock, and I couldn't look away, I couldn't talk, nothing. I was so angry, just furious, but I just stood there and watched, and got hard, and then when you got on him and started fucking him, oh man!"

"What, Adam? Tell me!"

"Oh Kristi, I don't know! I think I stopped breathing for awhile, and I could see his cum on you, and running out, and I was so turned on I thought I was going to cum in my pants. Is that pitiful or what? What a piss-ant excuse for a fiance or boyfriend or whatever. If I had any balls I would have thrown you both out naked instantly, or grabbed a gun or something, I don't know."

There. It was out in the open, and she knew how ashamed I was, and I didn't have to feel like I was being dishonest with her. Or at least not about that particular topic.

"So? you must think I'm pretty pitiful, huh? Getting turned on while my woman cheats with another guy, right in front of me. Pretty sorry SOB, huh?"

"Adam, just stop it. It's not that weird, I don't think. I think a lot of guys like the idea of seeing their woman, or wife or whatever fooling around with other men. It's sex, and guys get turned on seeing sex. You guys are such voyeurs! Well, so are a lot of women but we don't admit it as easily. If you can just accept that, it will be easier for you."

"OK Kristi, I know you too well. What are you trying to say?"

"Oh Adam, OK, here it is. I'm a one-man woman, I really am, and you're that man. Or I thought you were, I want you to be, but I'm not sure I'm a one-cock woman."

I was taken aback, and I just looked at her, waiting for her to explain.

"I love cocks Adam. I like fat one and thin ones and big ones and small ones. Well, OK, not too small, 3" is just useless, but normal sized ones. I love your cock, so long and thick, you're probably the biggest or second biggest I've ever had, but I like the variety of different ones too, almost like I need it."

"So you've been doing this all along, the whole time we've been together? Are you some kind of sex addict or something?" I was shocked, to say the least.

"No, no, absolutely not, this was the first time I've strayed since we met, but it was killing me, especially when you were gone. I'm used to lots of sex, and you're great at that, but, well, no offense but you're always the same, and a lot of the time you're not there. I love the sex with you, and I love you, but sometimes I want a long skinny dick, or to play with a soft foreskin with my tongue, or to suck a short fat one, or someone that doesn't spurt so hard when he cums, that just floods me with cum. Or somebody that just fucks different. It's exciting for me. Don't you ever just want that?"

In truth I really hadn't, not since I met Kristi. I knew what she meant though, I have been with enough different women to know just what she meant. I always marveled at how different just Kristi and Izzy felt, and tasted, and the different sounds they make as they reach orgasm, and how differently they respond to my touch. Variety is very exciting.

So OK, she just did what I had been doing, except it sounded like she meant to continue and even expand her activities. I hadn't heard any repentance in her words, or any hint that she felt she could quit even if she wanted to.

I was going to have to decide how to deal with this, or if I even could. I should have told her then about Izzy, it was the perfect opportunity to open up and share my own weakness, my own ugly truths, but I wasn't ready for that yet. It was cowardly, but I remained silent.