My deepest appreciation to Cw5523729, Grania2, Xpoerotica, Decal_last and Gonzo437a for helping me with their hard work, editing and advice. Thank you for putting up with my mindless ramblings, guys, with your help and a LOT of luck, maybe one day I'll become a better writer.
*****
ANNIE'S STORY
Sara is always with me.
I carry her here, in my dimples.
When I smile, those are her thumbs pressing on my cheeks: "Smile, mommy!"
I love you so much, my beautiful baby girl.
Sue has Bill, they're soulmates. One says "jump", the other says "five bucks." I wanted that. I would've loved to have that. But yeah, that's theirs.
Bill knows the lyrics of Kim Possible. Bill tag teams with her on their Beat A Map and Shoot A Map games. Only Bill would pick those awful sandals her mommy bought and glue wings on them to create Super Sue, the Messenger Goddess, and fastest runner in all of Olympus.
I used to be Bill's goddess too.
I would uncover my legs when he went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, grunting at the IED shrapnel wound on his back. He'd come back, notice my feet and softly rub them with those warm paws of his before covering them so I wouldn't catch a cold. Sometimes, he'd just stand there in the dark, staring at me while I pretended to be asleep, bursting inside with joy.
There was a yellow book on the nightstand where Bill would write down the stupid things I say in my sleep. "Screw your jello veggies. Nuke the entire site from orbit. Mercury pow." I would get so mad. One day, we got into a fight over disposable diapers and I threw it away. The look he gave me when he came back from the store and saw it in the trash, it's as if someone had killed his brother.
There were a lot of fights after Sue was born.
We were just two stupid kids playing mamas and papas, arguing bitterly over whose turn it was to go check on the baby.
Slowly, we learned how to be grownups. It was hard, but with our parents' help, we built a home. For a moment there, we were happy. Maybe even happier than we'd been at the beginning. Wiser, at least. There was hope for us, I got to roleplay Arcee, Cheetara...
And then I lost Sara.
My beautiful baby girl. Listeria, the doctor had said. An internal infection in my uterus, from drinking unpasteurized milk back at the farm. I had flown home in tears after I misheard Bill calling me a blimp. He was poking fun at the
wimp
, after six years old Sue beat me at video games.
My stupidity cost us our Sara, I killed our baby girl.
My world ended on that day.
I turned to Bill for comfort, but I couldn't stand to look at the pain I had caused. Listening to him quietly crying in the bathroom at night, when he thought nobody was awake, crushed me. My love, my best friend was hurting because of me. I had one job and I'd fucked it up.
We drifted apart.
Bill found refuge among his buddies; I had the girls' nights out three times a week.
I'd sit there with the bomber squadron, as Bill called us, watching Julie and Trish Cavendish make a fool of themselves on karaoke nights while Carla cheated on her husband with her boyfriend Rollo, three booths over. Watching them making out seemed so mean, stupid and meaningless, just meat rubbing meat. How could someone do something so selfish and cruel to a loved one?
One night, her husband caught them.
Carla was furious with me, I had ruined her life. I was supposed to be on lookout, the eyes of the whole operation.
I never was, I just went out to drown myself in the faces in the crowd and numb the pain I had caused Bill.
Rollo ambushed me weeks later in the club's bathroom.
He stuck his tongue down my throat. It tasted of bad coffee, cheap cigarettes and Tequila. I struggled and he twisted my wrist, making me shriek in pain. I screamed, again and again, his hand covering my mouth. Nobody heard me over Depeche Mode.
Enjoy the Silence.
My throat was sore from screaming when he opened his fly and I was transported back to Dutchess with Todd all over again, the week I quit college. At least Rollo didn't break my nose.
My mind fled to my little angel Sara and I pictured this brute, this monster ejaculating in me, his filthy seed desecrating my baby's sanctuary tomb. I threw up on his face and shirt, on his pants and shoes. Rollo slapped me and ran away in disgust.
My baby girl had saved me.
Carla's still apologizing to this very day. Too little, too late. The squadron broke off; Trish couldn't stand to look at her. Julie got married again, swearing up and down to anyone who'd listen to her that two time's the charm. Me, I continued to go out at night, walking around the streets alone, afraid to go home and face the destruction I had inflicted on my family.
That's when Robert Rice entered the scene, about a year ago.
Maggie was head over heels with her suave outside consultant straight outta Centaur One Media.
Bill found his nerdy gigolo vibe both hilarious and just sad. One time, during hay season, he saw Robert sneeze and nicknamed him Moustatchoo Bob; it caught on in the office.
I felt so sorry for him.
I continued to call him Robert, of course. Every time I met him, I'd apologize for my husband and his stupid nicknames. He must have seen it as an opening to make his move on me. And he got me.
Oh, he got me real good.
He kissed me while groping my breasts in a dark booth over at Mathilda Cafe. I slapped him for taking advantage of my sympathy. Robert wouldn't take no for an answer. He doubled down on his advances, groping me any chance he got. I couldn't rat him to Maggie, whose side would she pick? Some administrative assistant or her top guy who had shown her how to snatch the great E. M.Parker? My work began to suffer. At home, there was Bill lumbering about.
Life had officially become Hell.
It was a month ago.
I was rushing a reviewed sample page from E. M. Parker's manuscript to the Raven Skies' website admins when Robert ambushed me.
"Hey, Annie, I love the perfume you're wearing today," he grinned, pinning me against a wall.
"Let me go, Robert, I won't tell you again," I hissed. "I will report you, I swear!"
A mocking voice boomed from across the hallway:
"I dunno, Annie."
We turned to find a tall, dark stranger staring at us in our compromising position: "I think you are missing an opportunity here. He really is one handsome hunk of a man."
Robert stood up straight ready to fight when he noticed the guy's size.
"Are you sure you don't wanna hang out with this superfine piece of man meat?" The stranger limped in like a wounded pelican, smirking, clenched fists.
Towering over Robert, he grinned while his hands reached for Robert's crotch.
"Nice tool," the stranger smirked, grabbing his cock through the fabric and Robert's face went white as a sheet.
"You should really try it, Annie." He joked, his eyes carving into Robert's. "No? Then... can I have it?"
Robert practically ran away screaming, that was the last time he had tried his moves on me.
"Hi, sexy, I'm Josh! Josh Allen!" my guardian angel introduced himself.
He extended his hand to lift me up and I've never let it go since.
Wherever Robert and I went, Josh went. His eyes, like a bird of prey tracking Robert's every move. Josh taught me how to smile again. His boyfriend Johnny was a family counsellor and little by little, they showed me how to forgive myself for killing my Sara. It still hurt. But I could almost pretend to be a normal person now.
And then, hope returned.
I was sitting at Mathilda Cafe watching them make out and I wished I could have that.
"So, why don't you?" Johnny turned to me. "You do have one of these at home too, don't you?"
"Do I?" I mumbled, tearing up.
"Oh, baby you still love him, don't you?" Josh smiled. "Then, that's all that matters."
"I can't... I can't look him in the eye, all the pain I caused him..." I sobbed. "How do you drown it out?"
"Well..." Johnny whispered, smiling. "Have you tried fucking his brains out?"
My eyes swelled in shock. God, men are disgusting.
"Fuck his brains out, baby," Josh yelled, startling a nearby waitress with his rallying cry. "Make hubby squeal!"
I became their pet project for days; the two perverts bombarded me with an unrelenting motivational barrage of pep talks and ego boosts until I finally caved in to their depraved taunts.
That night, I practically raped my husband. It was easily the best, most amazing sex we'd had since Sue was born.
As I watched his face distorted with pleasure, I realized for one brief moment that there was no pain in his eyes. Not anymore. He had forgotten our baby girl.
Bill had Sue, after all. And so, I would have Sara.
