A Successful Failure

Chapter 1

"You okay there, boss? You're looking a bit rough this morning."

I looked up to see my PA standing in my doorway. "Morning, Sally. I didn't manage much sleep this weekend."

She came on in, carrying two cups of coffee, and sat down across from me, like she did every morning. "Ah, celebrating again? I seem to recall you being in much the same state a couple of months ago, right after your anniversary."

I took a sip of coffee before responding, enjoying how she always made it perfect. "Not quite. We found out that Cindy is pregnant."

Sally leaned forward with a strange look on her face. "I thought you didn't want kids. Didn't you even get a vasectomy?"

"Well, it's Cindy that doesn't. I would love to have children, rather than just nieces and nephews.

"That's why I put off getting the snip, until I was sure our marriage was going to last. I decided three years was that milestone, so I did it as an anniversary present. I couldn't get it scheduled as soon as I had hoped, so I barely recovered in time to celebrate.

"Then, it turns out that there can be viable sperm hanging around above the cut for about a week after the procedure, so here we are."

"Didn't the doctor tell you not to have unprotected sex until your samples came back clear?"

I chuckled ruefully. "Yeah, we found that warning in the paperwork, after she missed her period."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"We're not sure yet, although adoption is the most likely. We talked some, but she spent most of the weekend just yelling at me for knocking her up."

* * * * *

Cindy may have never wanted to be pregnant, but nobody could claim that she didn't give it her all. She followed every doctor's recommendation and even joined a support group for first time pregnancies. It was bittersweet seeing what a good mother she would be, as I also knew that I would barely get to see the child before it was given to another family. Still, I made sure I was the most supportive husband possible, and I was right there with her for every appointment.

I especially enjoyed the first sonogram, getting to see my child moving on the screen. I almost cried when the doctor said it was a girl.

"I don't think I can give her up. Would you hate me if I wanted to keep our child?"

The doctor had left the room, but Cindy was just lying there, staring at the picture from the ultrasound. Still, I didn't want to get my hopes up. "Are you sure? You've been so adamant that you don't want children."

She looked up from the picture, with a look in her eyes that I'd never seen before. "Did you hear her heartbeat? Did you see her moving?"

I nodded, not sure where she was going with this.

"Before, it was all theoretical, and all I saw was sacrifice and inconvenience. I was just seeing everything motherhood would take from me."

She paused to rub her belly with a smile.

"Now, it's real. There's a new life growing inside me, and I'm seeing what motherhood will give me. How could I give that up?"

I wrapped her up in a big hug and smiled through happy tears. The upcoming birth of my daughter was no longer something to dread.

* * * * *

Time seemed to fly by, and I found myself rushing Cindy to the hospital.

Olivia Marie Masterson came into the world after 3 hours of labor. Cindy was exhausted, but I don't think I'd ever seen her happier than when our daughter was placed in her arms. I eventually got to hold my precious child, and Cindy later said that she had never seen me happier than at that moment.

For several weeks, Cindy wasn't up for more than just cuddling, but I felt that Olivia was worth that sacrifice. In time, Cindy was ready for very gentle lovemaking, then we slowly worked our way back up to the full range of activities we had enjoyed before. With that, life seemed to settle into a new normal and we were a happy family of three.

It was several months later that I noticed that Cindy was getting more moody than usual. I chalked it up to postpartum depression and did my best to support her and cheer her up. Our sex life became a roller coaster. One night she would almost kill me, in a very good way, and the next she was a complete ice queen.

I was happy when she found a support group for new mothers. She spent a lot of time with them, and it seemed to be helping, as she settled into a middle ground funk. I thought about suggesting she see a therapist, but I had a business trip coming up, and I didn't want to upset her right before I took off for most of a week.

* * * * *

I walked into the house Monday night and smelled something delicious. I was flying out the next morning, so I figured she was giving me a nice sendoff. Well, that was until I saw how nervous she looked as she sat at the table waiting for me. She mostly shook it off and shooed me off to change while she served up supper. The food was good, but it was overshadowed by whatever was about to follow.

"Let me clear the table and then we need to talk."

I nodded, but still rose to help her put away leftovers and rinse the dishes. Once we were finished and back at the table, she took my hand in hers.

"I'm sorry that I've been so moody lately. I went through a lot of emotions when I was pregnant with Olivia. I thought things would settle back down after she was born, and they did, for a bit. As I watched her, I realized that I wanted another child, and I wanted to give you a son. That thought made me happy, until I remembered that you had had a vasectomy. I would go from hating you for agreeing, to loving you for making such a sacrifice for me.

"Finally, I decided to see a therapist. After the first session, she suggested that I get my blood tested to see if there was something hormonal going on. I got the results back today, and they did find an anomaly in my blood chemistry. It turns out that I'm pregnant again."

She looked at me with the most hopeful expression on her face, but I was shocked into silence.

"What? Who's the father?"

Her hopeful expression changed to hurt as she whispered, "You are."

"That's impossible," I raged. "I had a vasectomy and it's been too long for it to be old sperm in the tubes, like with Olivia."

She couldn't stop herself from crying, as she tried again to reassure me. "You are the only man I've ever had sex with. I've never cheated on you, and I never will!"

I was crushed, but I could see that she was as well. I hugged her as we both cried.

* * * * *

I had intended to keep my distance, and went to sleep with my back to her. Still, I woke up snuggled against her, just like every other morning. We both knew I couldn't get out of my trip, so we agreed to finish our talk when I got back.

Our business plan was created as a group project while I was working on my MBA. The professor was so impressed, he submitted it to the university's business incubator. They agreed to fund our startup, not even waiting for us to graduate. In exchange, they got a temporary share of the business, and we had to agree to participate in their symposium each semester for five years.

When I arrived at the airport, I could tell that Sally knew something was wrong. She wasn't happy that I wouldn't talk about it, but she let up when I promised to explain later. I trusted her as a sounding board, so I was looking forward to hearing her advice.

All our rooms were together at the end of one floor. Mark was either a bit naive or he had something going on with Amy, because he always booked us with our PA in a connecting room. I guess, in theory, this made it easier to work together in the evenings, but bringing our PAs was more of a junket for them than work. They had been life savers since the company grew enough for us to need them, so we didn't mind letting them come along on the company's dime.

When we got to the hotel, I invited Sally into my room. She listened to my tale, and then thought for a minute before responding. "Are you sure Olivia is yours?"

"I did a paternity test when Cindy started her mood swings."

She nodded, then asked, "So, what do you want?"

"I want to wake up and find that this was just a bad dream.

"I don't want to lose Cindy, and I don't want to be a part time dad to Olivia. If we divorce, the court will order alimony and child support, so I'll have all the costs and none of the benefits. I just don't know what to do."

I couldn't help it, and I started crying. Sally quickly knelt in front of me and wrapped me in a hug, letting me cry on her shoulder until I could get myself under control again.

She pushed me back in my chair, but kept her hands on my shoulders as she looked me in the eye. "Did you and Cindy ever talk about getting your vasectomy reversed, so you two could have another child?"

I looked at her in disbelief. "They can do that?"

She just shook her head, clearly frustrated. "You two didn't do any research before your vasectomy, did you?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but she cut me off.

"Don't answer that. If you did, you wouldn't have Olivia and you wouldn't be in this whole mess.

"You still love her, don't you?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't have given up having children if I didn't. That kind of love doesn't just disappear in a poof of smoke."

She nodded, more to herself than to me. "What if you could level the playing field? Would that allow you to stay with her?"

I'm sure my confusion was clear on my face as I asked, "What do you mean?"

She blushed a little and looked down, before squaring her shoulders and looking me in the eye again. "I mean, if she's stepping out on you, what if you were to step out on her as well? You'd both be equally guilty. Would that be enough to allow you to keep your marriage, and your family?"

I gave that some serious thought. "I don't know. I can't even imagine cheating on her, much less going out looking."

She blushed again and looked down shyly at the floor. "You don't need to go anywhere. I'm right here."

I lifted her head with my finger under her chin. "Why would you do that? I didn't think you even dated."

She smiled that same smile I saw every morning when she came into my office. "I don't date much anymore, because I can't find anybody that measures up, at least not since I started working for you."

She took a deep breath before she continued. "You have no idea how much I've fantasized about you getting divorced, only for me to swoop in and rescue you from your heartbreak. To be honest, part of me is screaming for you to divorce her so I can do just that. However, I love and respect you too much to hurt you that way. If giving you my body will allow you to stay married and be happy, I'm willing to settle for that."

I tried to speak, but only a few strange noises came out, so I just stared at her in disbelief.

Finally, I managed to pull myself together enough to respond. "I don't know what to say, other than that I'm flattered that you feel that way about me, but I need to be alone to think."

Sally stood up, kissed me on the forehead, and returned to her own room. I tossed and turned most of the night, and I'm pretty sure I heard similar sounds next door.

* * * * *

Morning came far too soon, and I was distracted throughout the day. Luckily, we didn't have to present until the next day. After things wrapped up, we got together for dinner at a local restaurant. They were concerned, but I assured them that I would be ready.

When we got back to our rooms, I knocked on the connecting door. I could see hope and fear warring on Sally's face, as she failed to hide her emotions. I took a deep breath and dove right in.

"I want to thank you for your support, both personal and professional, since you became my PA. I have come to trust and depend on your advice and dedication, but I had no idea that you had such feelings for me. I am honored, and a bit overwhelmed."

I paused to take a breath, but saw her face start to fall, so I quickly continued. "I probably wouldn't have called it love, but I do have strong feelings for you as well. I'm not sure how things will go once we get back to the office, or even if we will be able to work together."

As I paused again to catch my breath, I could see the tears starting to form in her eyes. Looking directly into those beautiful orbs, I finished what I needed to say. "But, I'm willing to risk it if you are.

"I'll leave my connecting door open, and you're welcome to spend the night in either room."

I wasn't sure if she would say anything, so when she didn't, I just nodded and returned to my own room. I paused, but didn't hear her following me. I was a bit disappointed, but schooled my face before I turned around. As I turned, I found myself catching a naked woman, who smothered me in kisses as I stumbled to the bed.

It was different than being with Cindy, but it was also the same in many ways. We fucked, and we made love, and we spent time just exploring each other. Finally, we dragged ourselves into the shower, and then slept in her bed so that neither one of us had to sleep on the wet spot in mine.

Sally's plan worked, as I was on top of my game for the rest of the symposium. Each evening, we started out playing in my room, before sleeping in hers. I was excited to get back home to Cindy and see if this really would let me overlook her infidelity, and remain happily married.

* * * * *

I arrived home to find a very horny pregnant woman waiting naked for me. My view really had shifted, and I had no problem carrying her to our bed, where we alternated between making love and fucking, until we were both too tired to continue.

Things went great, both at work and at home. Sally and I couldn't get together much, but we had an occasional nooner. Meanwhile, Cindy and I were acting like newlyweds, as her pregnancy hormones were making her hornier than ever. I was looking forward to having another child, and had mostly blocked out the fact that it wouldn't be mine.

Then, after a couple of months, it started to go off the rails. This time it was Sally who was not her usual, cheerful self. Instead, she seemed sad and withdrawn, but didn't want to talk about it.

Finally, she hesitantly entered my office. She closed the door behind her and wearily dropped into her usual chair. We just stared at each other for a minute before I asked, "What's going on?"

She dropped her eyes as she responded. "Well, I have good news, and I have bad news." She looked back up at me with a strange look in her eyes. "Then, I have news that I think is good, but I'm not sure how you will take it.

"First, the good news is, I don't think Cindy cheated on you."

I just stared at her for a moment with my mouth hanging open.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, the bad news is that I think your vasectomy failed." She pulled out a sterile sample cup and set it on my desk. "Your doctor is expecting you to drop a sample off at the lab over your lunch hour." I saw the old Sally break through, as she winked at me and added, "Let me know if you need any help producing the sample."

I just sat there and stared at the cup. The realization that I might be the only one cheating in my marriage hit me hard. Eventually, I got my wits back enough to ask, "Didn't you say there were three things?"

"Yes." She hesitated again. "The way I figured out that you aren't shooting blanks, like you're supposed to be, is that you knocked me up too."

"Oh, shit!" was all I could say, as I fell back in my chair, while my world crashed and burned around me.

* * * * *

I really didn't want to go home that night and face Cindy. I had accused her of cheating, and now I had to tell her that I was the cheater. Sally tried to cheer me up, but she didn't know what to say either. Finally, I bit the bullet and headed home.

Cindy's face fell as she met me at the door, as she could tell that something terrible had happened. She did her best to be loving and supportive, which only made me feel worse. She managed to steer me into my recliner and knelt in front of me. "What's wrong, honey? What can I do?"

I couldn't help myself and started bawling like a baby. She leaned forward and hugged me until I calmed down enough to talk again.

"You better sit down. This is going to be hard on you too." The worry on her face deepened as she sank into the chair next to mine.

I grabbed her hand, trying not to squeeze too hard, but afraid to let go. "I'm sorry, but I didn't believe you when you said I got you pregnant. It was killing me, and I was considering divorce. The only thing holding me back was Olivia, but I wasn't sure I could stay with you, even if that were the only way to stay in her life.

"Sally knew something was wrong, even before we got on the plane, and forced me to tell her. She talked me down from divorcing you, telling me that she knew how much I loved you and how much the divorce would hurt me. She even went so far as to offer herself to me on the side, so I could get past your infidelity by being equally guilty. I kicked her out of my room, but I didn't sleep much that night and missed pretty much everything the next day, as I was wrestling with my thoughts."

I risked a look at Cindy as I paused to breathe a bit. There was a look of sheer horror on her face, but I had to soldier on.

"She was right, I didn't want to lose you, but it was eating away at me to think of you with another man. In my weakness, I took her up on her offer. We spent the rest of the nights together.

Since we've been back, we've gotten together two or three times each week. I thought I had made the right choice, as things had improved between us, and things were still great in the office. It truly seemed like a win-win situation." I had to stop again to wipe the tears out of my eyes and off my cheeks.

The silence stretched on for a bit before she decided to speak, even if she couldn't control the pain and anger in her voice. "So, what changed?"

With a sigh, I answered. "I found out that you didn't cheat on me."

I could hear the frustration in her voice as she reminded me, "I told you that." Then it was her turn for a resigned sigh. "So, what finally convinced you?"

I couldn't look at her. "Sally made me submit a sample to the lab. They confirmed my sperm count is low, but not zero like it should be. My vasectomy was a failure."

Cindy looked a bit puzzled. "And why did Sally make you submit a sample?"

I let go of Cindy so I could bury my face in my hands, and just sobbed for several minutes. Finally, I managed to say, "Because she's pregnant too."

Cindy sat there with a stunned look on her face for a minute, then staggered to her feet. "I need to think," was all she said before going into Olivia's room and closing the door.

* * * * *

Olivia's room was also the guest room, so it had a normal bed in it along with the crib. I figured I'd be sleeping in there, but Cindy chose to instead. I never saw her in the morning, and dinner was a mostly silent event each evening, so it was unexpected on Saturday when she pushed her plate aside and spoke to me.

"I had lunch with Sally today."

That took me by surprise, as Cindy hadn't been very happy with either one of us since my confession. "Oh? I didn't think the two of you were on speaking terms."

"I wanted to hear her version of what happened.

"She fell on her sword for you. It was all her fault, and she took advantage of our situation to get you into her bed. She promised to not ask for child support, and as soon as she can find a job, she is moving back home to live with her mother, so she will be out of our lives."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, I think she really..."

My mind went blank, and I missed the rest of what she said, as I realized that my stupidity had ruined the lives of two of the best women I knew.