A Story of Guilt

Sandy whipped the steering wheel of the little Kia to the left, barely missing a small pickup that had started to pull out from a stop sign on the right.

She shook her head to clear it, for some reason she felt funny like she could not concentrate. Even worse, her stomach was churning like she needed to throw up.

Home. She needed desperately to get home, inside where she would be safe.

All she could think of was that she had to beat Jack home also, she had to. Glancing at the clock on the dashboard, she saw that it was barely after 5 PM, Jack normally walked in the door at 20 minutes after.

She put her foot down even harder, the peppy little engine responded as she flew past the next stop light on the tail end of the yellow.

Rounding the last turn, the tires protested as she made the quick right up into their driveway, hitting the brakes hard to stop before ramming the garage door. Realizing she was slightly too far over for Jack to get his giant Dodge pickup by and into the garage, she jammed the car into reverse and backed out onto the street.

Then she saw she had pulled out right in front of old Henry, their neighbor, that was also coming down the street. He slammed on the brakes of the impossibly bright red 1956 Ford he was driving.

She saw the startled look on his face for an instant before pulling quickly back in, moving the little car farther over. She was glad she hadn't hit him. Henry loved that old car, spending hours polishing it until it appeared to be wet even when it was dry.

"Sorry!" She called out, waving before she ran inside the house. Henry shook his head, waved back, then headed on down the street.

She thought that she would go over later and take him some cookies that she made and apologize. She knew he loved those, and Henry was such a nice old man.

Often when mowing his lawn he came down the street and did theirs, too. If a light switch didn't work, he was always right there to fix it for her. He treated her like she was a daughter that he never had.

Many times Henry stopped by and sat on her porch with her and just talked while they sipped tea. She loved the long funny stories he told about his Navy years. Henry was well into his seventies, and chock full of stories.

That was such a crazy thing to think of at a time like this. Wiping her tears, she did her best to compose herself, then went inside.

Sandy ran up the steps to their bedroom, she tossed her purse on the bed and stripped off her outer clothes.

"Oh, God!" She thought to herself when she saw the obvious signs of what she had done on her simple white cotton panties. She stuffed them in the bottom of a nearby wastebasket, then pulled the wadded up papers loose and pushed them firmly down on top of the garment.

In the shower, she only took a couple of minutes to soap up and rinse off, the water running so hot it stung her skin. She sobbed again as she washed herself inside, seeing more evidence pour out of her.

She was pulling on her blouse when she heard Jack's truck, there was no missing that huge diesel engine with it's oversize exhaust system.

Downstairs, she went into the kitchen, setting some pans out on the counter just as she heard the overhead door on the garage come up.

"Hi, honey!" Jack came up the steps from the garage and into the kitchen. He walked over and hugged her from behind like he always did, then kissed her on the back of the neck.

Sandy nearly froze for a moment. Did she get clean enough? Would Jack smell the man and know?

"Want anything special for dinner, Jack?" She asked him, trying to cover the sudden panic that poured through her body.

"Whatever you want to make is fine, babe." He answered, heading off to the living room to read his newspaper.

The newspaper!

It was outside in the yard, she always brought it in and set it on her husband's armrest.

"Where is the paper, babe?" He asked.

"It must be outside, I guess I forgot it. I will go get it." She called back.

"Relax, I will find it. The damned kid probably threw it in the bushes again." He grumbled. He went out and was back in seconds.

"It was right there on the porch." He said more to himself than anyone.

Dinner was normal, but Sandy's mind was in turmoil. Jack ate a lot like always, complimenting her as he often did even though the meal was just some canned corn and leftover meatloaf she had perked up with some fresh onions and a few chopped mushrooms, plus a salad she had whipped up quickly and garnished with the apple cider vinegar he liked.

She felt a little flash of pleasure as he used a piece of bread to wipe the remains of the simple butter sauce she had made to pour over the meatloaf. It had a tiny pinch of Italian seasoning in it, one of her Mother's secrets.

Jack was sitting there eating, acting perfectly normal. How could he not know? It was like she felt that he was supposed to know, but of course he could not.

Jack. Sweet and wonderful Jack, he trusted her completely, she knew that.

Now she had betrayed him.

"How was your massage today, hon? Is that still helping?" Jack asked through a mouthful.

"Fine." She answered, feeling a start flash through her at those simple words.

Jack knew she got the weekly rubdowns, ever since her accident she had been going once each week and they really did help.

Sandy got up quickly and went into the kitchen, she had to to hide the trickle sliding down her cheek. She wanted to just burst out into tears, let it all out but she was terrified.

So desperately she wanted to tell him, confess. But Jack would leave her, and she would die if he did that.

Jack trusted her completely, and now? The tears slid silently down her cheeks, Sandy quickly ran some cool water. rinsed her face.

Perhaps he would beat her? God she hoped he would beat her, punish her.

But he was a kind and gentle man, she knew he would not. She had never heard him even raise his voice, not one time. Even when he was upset about something, he normally took a few seconds to collect himself before really saying anything.

A large man, well over 240 pounds, Jack somehow got more attention when he was like that. His calm voice would develop an intensity that no one could ignore.

The rest of the time he had a constant lopsided grin, looking like he was always up to something. He teased her often, making her laugh, part of what Sandy loved about her man.

Finally getting herself under control, she brought Jack some tea. He always liked his tea after dinner. Without fail he would move the tea bag up and down by the string until it was cool enough to take a sip, then he would squeeze the bag out carefully and set it on the saucer.

"You look a little tired, honey. Have a busy day?" He asked, smiling at her.

She very nearly blurted out her confession right then, but instead she just said that maybe she could use a nap.

Later as they prepared for bed, Jack hugged her from behind, his hands coming up to stroke her rib cage just underneath her very full breasts. That was a sign she knew very well, but she couldn't, not yet.

It was like doing that now, after what she had done just a few hours before would be an even worse betrayal.

"I am really tired, honey." She told him.

"No problem, babe. Love you." Jack gave her fanny a final rub, his lips brushed the back of her neck and he went to bed.

+++

Everything had started when Sandy slipped down at the 24 hour convenience store. All she wanted was a half gallon of milk, she was right in the process of making her scalloped potatoes when she ran out.

She could have just put them in the oven, they would have been all right but she wanted them perfect. Sandy always wanted everything perfect for Jack.

Normally she went on into town to the big store, but that was several miles and the little store on the corner was just a few blocks. She parked and walked in, got the milk and started for the counter when her feet went right out from underneath her.

There was a cooler they kept ice cream in, the drain from it had clogged. Water ran across the floor, nearly impossible to see against the white tile.

Several people were gathered around her when she came to. Sandy had no idea at all what had happened, her head stabbed with pain.

"Are you all right?" Someone asked.

"Yes, I am fine." She sat up, then her head spun and she went right back down.

Sandy woke up again in the ambulance. A young man was looking down at her, attaching wires and things to her upper body. Another man was pressing his fingers to her side like he was feeling for something.

In shock she realized she was nude to the waist, there were strange men in there with her but they finished up quickly and covered her with a drape.

The rest was a blur, the hospital room seemed to have way too many people in it. She felt a tug and realized a nurse was cutting off the rest of her clothing. She was grateful when the woman quickly drew a sheet over her.

A young man dressed in all white came in and placed a catheter inside her, she knew it and was embarrassed but her head was spinning and she could do nothing about that. She did try to move, squirm away but her right leg would not respond.

"Please try to hold still." Someone told her.

The man was gone quickly, replaced by an older female nurse that was looking at her, saying something she could not understand.

"My head, it hurts so bad." She complained.

An older man in a white smock said something to a different nurse, moments later she felt a needle in her arm.

The last thing she remembered was a blur of faces as they rolled her down a long hallway.

When she woke up again, Jack was there. He had a concerned look on his face. He was holding her hand, now she knew everything was going to be all right.

+++

It was four days before they released Sandy to go home. That had been one strange face after another for the first day or two, then things got quiet for long periods. Mercifully it was a female nurse that came in and removed the catheter, she disliked that since it felt just like she was wetting herself.

The CT scans showed she had a small blood vessel bleeding inside her head, but that cleared up on it's own quickly. She also had a cracked rib that hurt like hell, and a sprain in her back.

For some reason she could not walk without a crutch, her right leg would not hold her weight. When it had folded underneath her as she slipped and fell, something had happened. Her right hip was swollen so badly that she could not fasten the snap at the front of her slacks.

Jack was upset that she had been hurt and went to talk to the people at the store, they refused to discuss anything and referred him to their insurance agent.

The little store did everything they could to try and make it out to be Sandy's own fault through carelessness.

That was a mistake.

Next a different insurance man came by the house. He told them that since Sandy was "just a housewife" she had no income, therefore there was no financial concerns, only medical.

"Sign here." The man told her, pushing a stack of papers her way. Jack stood up and showed the man the door, telling him calmly they would be in touch.

Furious now, Jack hired a lawyer for her. The man was well known for being brutal, in very short order he had a copy of the store's surveillance tape which showed quite clearly what had happened.

All of the medical bills were paid first by their own policy, how a trauma room overnight plus a three day hospital stay and one ambulance trip can cost nearly $50,000 was something of a surprise.

Neither Sandy or Jack had any experience at all in anything like this, but the lawyer certainly did.

The lawyer had insisted Sandy go for physical therapy, since her back and hip hurt terribly and she still was struggling to walk.

The older lady at the clinic was named Kathleen, she was gentle and had her exercise to build up her muscles. She also did some rubdowns on her hip and back, that seemed to really help.

Sandy had softened some over the years, the side effect of the therapy was her body slimmed back down quickly.

The fact that food seemed to have no taste added quickly to her weight loss.

The little store's insurance company finally agreed to cover the costs of the therapy, since it was obvious they were stuck with liability, although now they were arguing that is was half Sandy's fault for being "inattentive."

+++

Jack was the one that noticed the real changes, there were some things Sandy just did not remember like the first time she got into the little stick shift Kia, then tried to drive it like an automatic. She drove it all the way to the store and back in low gear, plus she killed the engine with the brakes when she stopped.

"There is something wrong with the car." She told Jack, so he went out and checked. It was fine, so he asked her to show him what was going on. He sat in the passenger seat and watched as she struggled with it. Jack carefully explained how the machine worked, even though she had been driving it for over a year.

After that one he began to pay closer attention to her.

Then one day he happened to need the checkbook, he glanced at the figures and they appeared odd. There was nearly a thousand dollars missing from the total, he sat down and added up the checks and got it rebalanced.

For some reason Sandy just could not add up figures correctly. There was more, like way too much salt in some mashed potatoes she made, that by itself was a small thing but not like her at all.

After speaking with their lawyer, Jack sent Sandy to see a specialist, he found nothing wrong at all but Jack could tell something wasn't right.

"Blood outside the human brain is toxic, there are just so many things we do not know." The Doctor told him.

"What do we do, then?" Jack asked the physician.

"We wait. Sometimes these things fix themselves." The man told him.

After a few months many of the tiny little odd things she would do faded and she seemed normal again.

Jack didn't mind at all the fact that having lost nearly 20 pounds in six short months made her look just like the girl he had married rather than the soft 33 year old woman she had become before her accident.

Jack even got busy and worked on his own mild pot belly with some success.

It was nearly a year later before Sandy's hip was much better. The settlement was quite large, the amount was a surprise to both of them.

The insurance company had tried one last silly stunt, they still claimed Sandy was "50%" at fault because of carelessness. When Sandy fell, her hand had struck the floor and became badly swollen, so the hospital had to cut her wedding ring off. That had cost just $100.00 to repair, the insurance company sent a check directly to them for $50.00.

Hoping of course that they would cash that, not understanding the consequence.

The lawyer had a field day with that one, and the company folded when they realized a jury was going to see what they had tried.

+++

"I am going to really miss having Kathleen rub out my back and hips." Sandy told Jack one evening.

"Hey, there is no reason you can't go get that done, babe. The insurance company won't cover that any more but what the hell, we can afford it." He told her.

"Maybe I will." She answered, not really thinking about it much. So after about a month she called her therapist to check on getting a rubdown.

Kathleen gave her the phone number of a local massage therapy studio and spa since she worked mostly with accident victims for a Doctor and her sessions were very expensive.

"That's usually about $50 an hour instead of a $250 Doctor's office visit, Sandy." Kathleen said.

Sandy called and made an appointment at the spa, the lady was very good and she felt wonderful after. She began to go once a week. It was so nice that she even suggested to Jack that he should go himself but he would have none of that.

"How would I be able to stand it, some sweet young thing rubbing my bare butt?" He teased her.

"Oh, it's not like that, it's just a massage." She giggled at his teasing.

"They rub your butt, don't they?" He asked, reaching out to give her a pat on the fanny.

"Yes, but they are all women." She said.

"Maybe I should come down and watch that?" Jack grinned.

"Pervert!" She laughed. That set things off, Sandy loved the mild teasing and the way Jack would then make sweet love to her after.

+++

For a couple of months everything was like that, she would do her weekly shopping, then shower and go down to the spa. One of the ladies would work on her, some were better than others but all of them were good.

One hot sunny day she arrived for her appointment, looking forward to doing a quick soak and then getting her massage.

"We have two of the regular therapists off sick today, but we do have our newest one on call if that's OK?" The receptionist told her.

"Sure, that will be fine." Why not try someone new? She thought.

They led her into the back, she stripped down and soaked in the huge hot tub for a few minutes. Then she did a quick shower, tugged on the soft fuzzy white robe they supplied and went to the little room.

The woman told her that Randall would be in in a few moments. Sandy had barely set her purse down when that registered.

Randall? A man? She turned towards the door to tell the receptionist that she had better cancel when there was a knock and it opened.

There stood one of the most beautiful men she had ever seen in her life! He had on a pair of fairly long shorts and a white tank top, his arms were very muscular. He had dark wavy hair, a rugged look to his features, and was about her age. He wasn't really tall or even big, but he looked like he might have just stepped out of a magazine photo.

"Hi! I'm Randy, are you Sandy? Boy, we won't have any trouble remembering each others names, will we?" He gave her a disarming grin.

"I..I don't think....I have never...." Sandy managed to stammer, feeling herself blush.

"Now you aren't prejudiced because I am a male, are you?" He grinned again. He appeared so relaxed and at ease.

"I..well, no, of course not." She answered, tugging the robe more tightly around herself.

"Good. Go ahead and get undressed to your level of comfort, here is a top sheet to use for a cover, I will be back in in a few minutes." He left, she stood there not knowing what to do.

"He is a professional, and it's just a massage." She thought to herself finally.

Sandy quickly tugged on her bra and large white panties, and got on the table like she had so many times before, pulling the sheet over herself securely.

Normally with the female therapists she undressed completely, but this was a man! She really wanted to just go home but she was too shy to say anything, afraid she would appear silly. The receptionist had acted like it was normal, so maybe it was.

+++

Randy had barely managed to keep a straight face when he saw this client. The robe did not hide the fact that she had a fine set of jugs on her.

Finally, a hot one! He was sick and tired of the old ladies, overweight men. After about a dozen clients just like that he was ready to quit and go back to free lancing, but he needed the money.

He had instantly spotted her reservations at having a man work on her, and shifted into his most charming manner to relax her. The basic shyness was the key, she found it hard to say no.

Working at the spa he was getting four to six clients each day, at his home office two was a good day. Sometimes there were several days in a row where he got no calls at all.

The real problem with working free lance was one gay guy after another. That made a extra few bucks, and he didn't mind too much giving them a hand job, but he preferred women.

Especially the housewives, he had gotten a couple of them down on their backs in the past. A few of them were really easy, but some he had to slip up on. Now it had been weeks, of course he had no problem picking up a gal in a bar if he wanted to, but seducing some jerk's old lady was way more fun.