In his book, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell argues that snap decisions, the ones made with just a moment's thought, are the best ones. Instinct plays a big role in those decisions, supposedly. If instinct played a role in what I did with Danny that afternoon, what does it say about me? Had I been craving that without realizing it? All I know is that the snap decision I made that afternoon changed a lot of things in my life. I'm still trying to figure out if it's for the better.
Danny and I had all the kids, his three and my two, together for a play date. We did that at least a couple times a week since we lived so close together and the kids loved to play with each other. I do some bookkeeping on the side, but mostly I'm a stay-at-home mom. My husband is an engineer with the local transit company. Danny's wife works fulltime while he takes care of the kids and does the occasional freelance graphic design project. The kids were playing in the backyard and we were confident they could be left to their own devices for a while.
"Finally, a break," Danny said, flopping bonelessly onto the couch, his arms spread wide. "Hopefully they will wear themselves out and we can sit them in front of a video for a while after this."
Same old Danny, I thought, looking at him from the kitchen, which was adjacent to the great room. We could see the kids running around the backyard through the windows and patio doors. I'd known Danny for over fifteen years. We first met in middle school, when he started following me around with a puppy love crush. Love never quite blossomed between us, but a great friendship did.
"And how do you expect to get them all to agree on a video?" I asked. I carried two glasses of lemonade and joined him on the couch.
"I'll think of something. Thanks." He took his drink and sipped it.
"You usually do."
Danny flashed the charming grin that took years off his face. "I can get the kids to do what I want because I think on their level. You should try it sometime."
"Someone has to be the adult here. Besides, I'm not sure I could regress quite the far."
"I could fill the water guns again and we'll see how far back you can go."
"I don't think so. I am wearing white today."
"That makes it even better!"
Danny unashamedly stared at my chest. I'm sure he was wondering how transparent my white tank top would turn if he soaked me. Unfortunately for him, I was just wearing a comfortable, soft yellow bra with little blue polka dots underneath. Nothing too exciting, not that I thought there was much to see anyway. I'm not blessed with size up top. Don't get me wrong, I've got great tits, or so my husband always tells me. What they lack in size, they make up for in perkiness and shape. Every once in a while I'll joke about getting implants, but I'm not really serious about it. My guy friends are split on it; a couple have encouraged me to go for the double-Ds, while the others say they'll kill me if I mess with what I have. Danny's always fallen into the latter camp, despite that fact that his wife has big, natural breasts.
"Do you mind?" I asked when he kept right on staring.
"Not at all."
"Here, let me help you."
I used my arms to push my breasts together and leaned forward, creating a teeny bit of cleavage. Danny's eyes went wide and I playfully smacked the side of his head.
"Hey! If you're going to put them out like that, I'm going to look. You know I love your body."
I sat back and had some lemonade. "And you realize that it doesn't look like it did when we were eighteen, right?"
"I've seen you in a bikini, Kel. You've still got a rockin' bod."
I think I blushed, and I looked away so he couldn't tell. Yes, I put a lot of effort into keeping in shape, but I didn't think of myself as sexy. That's just not me. But with the way Danny constantly flirted with me over the years, I can see why someone might think I was. It's a good thing my husband isn't the jealous type, though I know Danny's wife doesn't love it.
He must have read the skepticism on my face. "You could, y'know, get naked so I can really be sure. It's been a while, but I still remember how hot you were back in the day."
Yes, many years ago, when we were about nineteen, I think, Danny and I briefly dated. Our friends and our spouses knew about that, but the secret was how far we went. Since it was only a couple weeks, I think a lot of people assume not much happened. They couldn't be more wrong. The first time Danny and I went on an official date we ended having sex in the back of a Chevy Malibu. I was coming off a long relationship that hadn't ended well and Danny was just a hormonal teenage boy, so we just sort of fell on each other the first chance we got. And then we kept falling on each other. I don't think I've ever had so much sex in such a small span of time, even on my honeymoon. The sex was hot. Unfortunately, we both realized we work better as friends.
"That's probably not a good idea, and I don't think either of our spouses would appreciate it," I said, though I have to admit, I wonder for a moment how he would react if I'd agreed. Or better yet, what if I just pulled off my top? The slack-jawed look on his face might be worth it, if I had the nerve.
"You're right about that, but why not? Everyone thinks we're already doing it anyway," Danny said.
"They just enjoy teasing us about it. I'm not sure that's a license to just hook up."
It was true. All of our friends, even my own husband, constantly teased us about how much time Danny and I spent alone together. They all said we were sneaking off and screwing while the kids played or napped. I'd even heard Danny referred to as my "other husband." Every once in a while, I wondered what it would be like to be that person. It wasn't that I wanted, or needed, to cheat on my husband, but wouldn't it be exciting to be that type of woman, the type who could just have a quick roll in the hay to satisfy her urges and shake it off like it was nothing? Sometimes I wish I wasn't always the responsible one, the one who always does the right thing. It's fun to be the bad girl. I should know. I got up to plenty of trouble when I was younger, before I became someone's wife, someone's mother.
I fixed Danny with an intense look. "And what if I said yes? Do you think you could do it?"
"Do what? I didn't really ask you to do anything."
"You wanted me to get naked so you could look me over. What if I said yes?"
"But you wouldn't."
"But what if I would? What if I did?"
I had him squirming. I knew Danny very well, and I could tell he thought I just might do something here. I could see the wheels turning. "Not that I believe you would, but sure, I'd love to see you naked. There's no harm in just looking."
I don't know what suddenly got into me, but I shot a look over my shoulder to check that the kids were all still outside and playing nicely. They couldn't get out of the yard on their own, so we were safe as far as that went. Danny looked at me expectantly, but with more than a little skepticism. He still thought I was just teasing him. And maybe I was, until I yanked my tank top over my head. Danny's eyes danced between my face and my chest. He wanted to look, but wasn't sure if he should. He couldn't decide if this was some kind of trick. I was surprisingly okay with it. It wasn't any different than him seeing me in a bikini top, which he had plenty of times before. My bra was nice, supportive and shaping, without revealing too much or really pushing me up. I didn't know if I should pose or do something sexy, so I just stretched out my arm on the back of the couch and sat there as if this was a perfectly normal occurrence. The longer I was topless, the more comfortable Danny became staring at my breasts.
"Those are pretty nice, Kel. But is that it? Let's keep going," he said, a smile creeping to the corner of his mouth. He'd always been competitive, and I knew he didn't like how comfortable I was when he had been nervous. He wanted to push it.
"Okay, fine, but you have to tell me if any of the kids come to the door."
My back was to the patio doors and I couldn't see outside when I faced Danny. The way the couch was angled, no one outside could really see me without coming right up to the patio doors. I reached back and unhooked my bra. For a brief moment I questioned my sanity, and took a deep breath. I shrugged my bra off and let it drop to my lap.
"Damn, Kel, those look good," he exclaimed. Danny didn't even pretend to be conflicted about where to look this time. It was a warm day, but my suddenly-exposed nipples drew into pale little points as they hardened. I'm the furthest thing from an exhibitionist, but I realized I liked Danny looking at me with such unbridled lust. I could tell he was struggling with the urge to reach out and touch me. I knew I'd fulfilled my side of the bargain and could get dressed, but I didn't.
"I'm holding up okay?"
"Better than okay. I'm telling you, your tits are as perky as ever. I think they're even a little bigger."
"Childbirth will do that. You've seen mine, now it's your turn," I said. The words left my mouth before I could really think about what I was saying. With me being half-naked, no good could come of this if Danny started removing clothing.
"That wasn't the deal," he protested.
