I looked at the clock on the wall. 11:55 pm. Soon it would be over.
Everyone in the room was quiet, as the curtain behind the glass inched opened. I saw to the left, the warden and standing next to him two prison guards.
To my right, stood a man dressed in a white lab coat standing in front of a small table. On it lay a trio of chemicals. The first was an anesthetic. The second was to paralyze. The third was to stop the heart. My mind began to wander. Was he really a doctor? Did the prison really need a doctor to give a lethal injection? Couldn't a nurse or even a phlebotomist do this? Strange the thoughts that were creeping into my mind.
11:57 pm
At least the clock was digital so I did not have to hear the insistent tick tick ticking that comes with a traditional timepiece.
My mind began to wander again thinking back to what led me to this point in my life.
It started in college when I literally ran into Becky during lunch. I spilled my entire milkshake on her, embarrassing both of us. After multiple apologies and some begging, she agreed to go to dinner with me. Our relationship progressed. We dated for about 4 years, and as everyone expected, we were married in a beautiful ceremony in front of our friends and family.
6 years later, we were on top of the world. Becky had risen quickly to the number two spot at the most successful real estate business in town. She was a natural at selling things. In parallel, my self-owned business as a bush pilot / hunting guide / trapper had recently been written up in a series of magazines as one of the top hunting experiences in the upper Midwest. My schedule was filled for the next 30 months. Life was good for both of us.
So, it came as a surprise when Becky came home and announced to me that we were pregnant. Apparently, her cold medicine interacted with her birth control pill and to quote a proud Canadian, "I had slipped one past the goalie."
Even unplanned, we were extremely happy with the pregnancy, and decided that we would start the next phase of our lives together as we had been doing for the last 10 years. We told our parents and friends, and they were overjoyed with our announcement.
It came to us as an even bigger surprise when the baby was born and it was clear to everyone in the delivery room that she was definitely not mine. Let's just say the child's race did not match mine and leave it at that.
After what seemed liked minutes of silence between the doctors and the nurses, I let loose into Becky with both guns a blazing. Words like fuck, slut, unfaithful whore and even cunt were flying from my mouth. I held nothing back, and she said nothing. She stared at me in shock. I continued on for a few more minutes before I eventually tired out. Everyone but the baby who was crying in the background remained silent. Not a word. Not from the hospital staff and not from Becky. So, I left.
I walked right out of the hospital without talking to anyone and went to be by myself for a while. I figured I needed to collect my thoughts without any outside influence. With my hunting and survival skills, I could have remained off grid for months if not years, so there was little fear of anyone finding me and trying to give me the excuses I am sure Becky was concocting in her mind.
Looking back, this was probably the worst thing I could have done to myself. A strong imagination is not your friend. Isolation makes your imagination even stronger. For a solid week, I imagined and created every possible scenario of what Becky and some stranger or strangers could have done. Where they did it. How they did it. What she said about me. Everything and anything became possible in my imagination. My mind was in a very dark place most of the time, and as the week passed, it only got darker.
After a week of self-loathing and solitude alone the mountains, I made the decision to come home and end this charade. I got in my truck and proceeded to drive to my residence.
