A Newfound Desire

I was turned on by my wife's newfound exploration of her sexuality, but I was a mixture of curious and concerned about how I would figure out where it was all coming from. Should I question her about it? Should I hire a private detective to see if she was having an affair? Should I investigate on my own? I had some tough decisions to make.

Amber and I had been through some hard times. We had been to some counseling at her insistence about a year before. Our sex life had been HOT before we were married but as with most couples, it cooled over time after we got married. As we began having children, it cooled even more as our time for each other grew less and our focus on the kids grew larger. She knew I wasn't happy and was frustrated, and it caused some tension for us, but we never came to a good consensus on what was "enough" time for each other.

Several years ago, she had found some magazines stuffed away in the new house we were renting. While I had looked at and read some porno magazines over the years, those had NOT been mine. She made it clear that she did not believe me and got furious. She told me it made it seem like she wasn't enough and our sex life deteriorated even more than it had after our children. We grew even further apart and that sent me further downhill and made me more resentful of the lack of desire she seemed to have for me. I was often angry with her, not only that she didn't believe me about those magazines, but that she was "punishing me" in my mind by withholding sex no matter what her reasoning. That eventually sent me looking more into online sites for pictures and video and even talking with people via IM's and email about my predicament.

About a year before her recent "awakening", she had found some of those sites on our computer and one of those conversations between myself and another woman about my frustration. I explained to her that I had never cheated on her with anyone and I was simply trying to understand what she was dealing with; to get a woman's point of view and that was true. I had never gone outside our marriage, but I was chatting with other men and women about my predicament and how did they handle it in their relationships. NOT healthy, but it truly was not nearly as bad as she thought it was.

Amber was devastated and furious and asked me how she was supposed to believe anything I told her. She demanded that if I wanted to stay married, we seek counseling so we did. It was positive and it helped us work through things together and things had slowly gotten better over the last year. We went completely without sex for a few months but over the last six months things had slowly gotten better and she had warmed up to me more. It was hard for me to understand if this rather sudden change in her sexual personality was her effort to make things even better now or were there more sinister reasons..... I was terrified of the answer, but knew I HAD to find out.

I decided I'd look through the laptop we shared to see if there were any tell tales signs of something going on. I went through the history to see if there was anything that tipped me off to anything inappropriate from her. Earlier that summer we had found some inappropriate sites that one of our children had visited when they borrowed our laptop so it wouldn't be inconceivable that she would have thought to delete anything in the history if she WAS doing anything she wouldn't want me to know about. I found nothing other than her typical sites and no pattern of her using the laptop that was outside her normal use. After she had found those sites I had visited the previous year, we had agreed that both of us should have passwords to the others email. I had never really bothered to look into hers but now I did. Searching through the trash, her sent messages and received messages, but there was nothing that led me to believe anything was wrong. I felt a sense of relief and yet frustration that I wasn't finding any answers.

I was contemplating how to proceed and had decided I was going to just be upfront with her and question her about things. I had to admit that when we had been the most straightforward with each other in the past year, it had been difficult at times, but we were moving in a positive direction and it truly had sparked some good conversations and changes in us both. I spent a few days thinking about how to approach that conversation. I went online and did some looking around on some marriage therapy sites and counseling sites at how I could proceed and approach the conversation in the least confrontational way possible. IF this was just her trying to make things better for us, I didn't want her to feel like I was accusing her of sleeping around and damaging a "good thing" that had come my way. At the same time, I didn't want to go blindly forward and be made a fool of if she was screwing around and that was the cause of the changes in OUR sex life.

We both had to be out of town for a few days on a business trip. While we would be traveling together with the entire group we worked with, due to the way we were set up to work, we would not be able to share a room. I decided that trip would give me enough time to think through things and when we returned I would approach the conversation with her.

Since I was staying in a suite with the people I was working with and she was with her work group in another suite, we saw each other every day, but were separated in the evenings to save money for the company. That gave me plenty of time each night to continue my research on how to approach the conversation. One evening, I opened my email to find a reminder from a company about computer surveillance software. We had installed a 90 day free trial of their software and it was going to expire in 5 days. I had TOTALLY forgotten about that software. When we had a problem with our children using the laptop, we had tried a 90 day trial of this software on the laptop we all shared. Since that time, we had purchased a desktop for the kids and bought a license for another "cyber safety" program for that computer, but I had forgotten that I had installed that original surveillance software on our laptop to test it out.

I began searching for the codes I had saved to bring up the hidden info it had saved. I had already resolved in my mind that the computer was not her source of whatever was going on, but this would give me even more peace of mind. I eventually found the codes I had saved for the passwords to open the program and kicked it open. I literally had not cleared the memory for almost six weeks so the volume of what was there was overwhelming. I began looking back through to see screen shots of our email, our news sites, our work programs but nothing amiss. Our children's use seemed innocuous as well since we had made it clear we would be watching their every move. It was getting late, I was getting tired and I was contemplating uninstalling the program and not bother to look through all the contents as it truly was overwhelming. It took a screen shot every 10 seconds while the laptop was in use and recorded every key stroke as well.

I decided to look a little closer to the time frame all these changes had occurred. I was still seeing nothing out of the ordinary and was reconsidering my decision just to uninstall and delete everything. As I continued to get greater comfort by not finding anything, I came across a picture that gave me pause.

It wasn't anything inappropriate, simply a screen shot of Amber sitting on our bed looking at the computer with a puzzled look on her face. That shot piqued my interest so I kept looking. As I continued I began seeing some screenshots of YouTube and various women in different kinds of sexy poses. Then there were searches for the words "nudity", "boobs", "breasts" and "naughty" with appropriate screen shots of some videos associated with all those words. My interest was definitely piqued.

I continued looking through the pictures now wondering just where this was leading her. As I continued to look, I skipped forward a few days. I saw a shot of a woman, obviously performing the beginnings of a strip tease. Holding her breasts seductively with her hands and over the course of these screenshots, she was slowly revealing more and more of her tits till she was holding them together shoving them towards the camera. As I looked at these screenshots, my heart skipped a beat.... Was this Amber? Was she making nude videos? I looked for the screen name on the YouTube channel. I had to search through several pages but found the name.... "naughtymomma" I continued looking and it became obvious, that it WAS Amber... she was making videos of herself in our bathroom and even in the bathroom the kids shared, where there was a shower.

As I looked through more and more of these screen shots, they became more and more blatant. I was stunned.... I was dealing with a HUGE gamut of emotions... I was hard as a rock, looking at pictures of my wife and contemplating the fact that she was making these videos... but FURIOUS that she was making these videos without telling ME about them... Was she making them for me, or for someone else? And what would I do about it when I figured this out.

It was already 11 PM and I needed to get some rest but my heart was pounding and my mind racing. I told my partners in the suite I would probably be up for a while working, but I was turning in so they wouldn't disturb me and I closed the door to my bedroom in the suite hotel we were staying in.

I began to investigate further. Checking the dates I could see that all this had occurred just a day or so before our first VERY hot encounter. I searched YouTube for that user name and quickly found her site. She had one of the more tame videos showing that I had seen and I watched it. She had started with a simple tank top on over her bra and slowly danced and stripped to the point she was holding her breasts in her hands and rubbing them together. She had made that video very obviously in our bathroom watching herself in the mirror while she did. She never showed her tits completely, but it was a VERY enticing video for any man. She was VERY careful to never allow her face to show but there was no doubt who it was or where it was made if you knew our house. She had one video that when I tried to click it said "Sorry this video deleted for violation of our YouTube policies".... obviously, that one must be more explicit.

I searched the keystroke records for the date and time that matched what I was looking at on the screen shots and found her password. I logged in under her user name and sat there shocked as I realized that this was not a single video... there were six videos staring me in the face. All made in the few days preceding a business trip I had to take that had kept me out of town for two nights in the week immediately preceding our first adventurous encounter. I was shaking and wasn't sure if it was from anger, shock or excitement.

All six videos she had made were careful to never show her face, but just from viewing the screenshot that represented each video, it was obviously she was certainly not shy about showing off her breasts. They had titles ranging from "bath time" to "wet t shirt contest". There were multiples of her in our garden tub... in the first of those, she leaned back, pushing her tits into the air and then took a bottle of soap and sprayed streams of white soap on her tits, obviously simulating someone cumming all over her tits. She then rubbed the soap in massaging her breasts and cleaned them off before ending that video. In "wet t-shirt contest" she wore a tight white t shirt, obviously with no bra underneath and then wet the t shirt. Her nipples, already rock hard and prominent underneath the t-shirt, grew even more obvious once it was wet. She stripped off the t shirt and played with her breasts for the camera in that one.

Years before, I had expressed some interest in playing around with some light d/s activity. She was had been horrified. I told her I didn't want to do anything extreme, but just some playful spanking or tying her up. She had explained at that time that her longtime boyfriend before me had been abusive (which I already knew) so the idea of being "out of control" like that or playing in any way with the idea of anyone striking her was just too much. I had let that go and accepted that I would simply have to give up those fantasies as long as I was with her. So to my INCREDIBLE surprise, one of the videos of her in the tub showed her taking lit candles and dropping the hot wax on her tits and specifically her nipples..... As I watched the wax drip down her breasts and her willingly doing that to herself, my cock almost burst through my pants.

I continued viewing all her videos in her "video manager" panel and the last one completely threw me for a loop. Her final video was titled "A little more". Her comment on that video stated "Is this more what you wanted?" As I watched that video, she started off in her pink bathrobe and began opening the robe to show off her tits again. She left the robe tied at the waist while she played with her tits. In this video, she had moved to the hall bathroom where the larger shower was installed. I wasn't sure why she would have moved and risked our kids discovering her making these even when I was gone... but it became clear as that video closed. A few seconds before the video ends, she begins closing her robe and covering her tits... I expected the video to end... but it didn't. She slowly reached below the knot in the robe and spread the robe apart between her legs. As she did so, she took her right leg and lifted it up to brace it on the toilet right beside the counter where she had obviously placed her camera... As she spread her legs, she lifted her robe and presented her beautiful raven covered pussy to the camera...... she held herself there exposing her most intimate parts to whoever was watching this video... and I wasn't sure just who that was intended to be.

I didn't know whether to cry, be furious or fall on my knees and thank the good lord that she had finally opened up sexually. My emotions were SO raw at the moment and so confusing. I couldn't believe that this was the generally shy and very certainly "sexually private" woman I had married.

I started checking for more details... These videos had been created in one evening and posted beginning at 2 AM in the morning while I had been gone. The final video of her showing off her pussy had been posted at 4:30 AM so she obviously was at least trying to avoid any suspicions from the kids. She had moved to their bathroom because there was nothing for her to brace herself on to show off her final "money shot" for her audience in our bathroom.

All of the videos in her YouTube queue except the one that was viewable by everyone had been marked "Rejected, inappropriate content" and obviously was why I had not seen them. As I explored more I noticed that the first one that was still up was clicked to public and it did not have that flag. Of the others, one was marked public but the others were marked private. I didn't know much about YouTube and their video content rules, but I was about to figure it out.

It was now 1 AM and I settled in for what I knew was about to be a long night exploring the background of her sexy new self.