A New Start Doesn't Fix Everything

A huge thank you to my friend Randi not only for her amazing editing, but for her help and guidance....

Having good people in your corner is such a wonderful blessing.

This is a long story. Be warned.

*****

Unbelievable, what a stupid bitch... How did I allow it all to happen? I mean it was my own damn fault. I brought her into our life, I let it happen.

"Kurt, are you sure?" I asked, feeling the weight of guilt sink over me.

"It's going to be okay. Let's not sweat the here and now. Let's look into the future."

"But we don't know anybody there. We'll be moving away from our friends, our families. You don't have a job to go to there. Shit, what about your career?"

"Oh come on, Bligh. I'm a mechanic; it's hardly a career. I can do it anywhere. You need to take that job, otherwise you're going to end up working at some shitty job, you'll hate it and eventually, hate me for making you stay. It'll be the end of us."

"I would never do that. I simply need to know that you're actually into it, that you want to do it."

"Babe, I want it, okay? It's gonna be a new start for both of us. You're going to be the head Physiotherapist, and it's going to be fucking choice."

That's how we ended up in little old Kaikoura. We didn't have a lot of furniture, or much of anything really. We hired a big covered furniture removal trailer, and the job was done.

We found a small house on the outskirts of town. Four hundred and fifty bucks a week. It felt like so much money. It wasn't much more than a cottage, but it was the cheapest place we could find to rent that had a reasonable shed.

Kurt reasoned that if he couldn't get a mechanics job, he would do repairs from home, if he had to.

My new role paid eighty grand, so if he didn't find something straight away, we could get by. We didn't have a lot of debt to service. The flip side was, we didn't have much money, either.

The hospital was small; Kaikoura was hardly a sought after area. That's why I was able to get the job. They simply couldn't attract somebody with the required level of experience.

This was my first serious posting. I had filled in at small firms, temped and managed to get some experience. Unfortunately, there was no way of finding a decent position in Wellington. When I saw this one advertised on the net, I jumped on it. The moment I hit send, I was flooded with guilt. "What the fuck are you doing?" I berated myself. "You haven't even talked to Kurt." I was a nervous wreck for almost a month. It took so long to get a reply that I figured they weren't interested.

Then, after I had forgotten about it, Bam... There it was sitting in my inbox. An email asking me to go for an interview. I was overcome with emotion, elation, and fear... I panicked. It took me days to build up the courage to tell Kurt. I expected him to be angry.

"Bligh, this is a fantastic opportunity. Why didn't you tell me? Shit, we have to do it."

"I was scared, I know I should have told you, but I didn't think you'd want to do it. I'll just go for the interview, the experience will be great."

"Like hell," he stated firmly. "Fuck that. If we are doing this, we are going all the way."

*****

I had just finished making the bed when Kurt jumped me. My arms circled his neck as his lips crashed into mine. We fell back on the bed, and we made love for the first time in our new home.

We had two days to settle in before I had to start my new life. Of course, Kurt had to go for a ride. I heard the Yamaha fire up. When I walked outside, there he was, sitting astride the MT1. He smiled broadly with my helmet dangling from his outstretched hand. "Coming with?" he asked.

I didn't have to be asked twice. There was nothing I loved more than being behind my sexy man, my arms tight around his waist as we ducked and dived into corners, my head tucked into his back. He leaned so far it scared me. Behind the fright, though, hid the thunderous excitement, the thrill. God I loved it.

The feeling of utter freedom as we roared around the tight and twisting back roads. The wind in our faces, the sun on our backs.

The first day on the job was overwhelming. There were all the inductions and presentations to sit through. It was exhausting, so many names to remember, so many rules. The physiotherapy department was me, an intern and our receptionist, well, assistant really.

Sarah was wonderful. She went out of her way to make me feel welcome. She looked after introducing me to all the right people: the ones who could get things done for you.

"Well, how did the first day go?" Kurt asked, as I walked in the door.

"All consuming, overpowering, perhaps shattering is the most apt." Staring at him as he made us both a coffee, I asked, "What about your day?"

"I dropped my resume off at all of the dealerships. Met a few service department managers. A couple seemed interested. I even got around a few of the repair shops. Again, there was some interest, but nothing concrete."

The heat of the mug warmed my hands as I sipped carefully. "One of them will work out. You have a lot to offer, sweets."

"Yeah, I reckon something will pop up. You know, this is a choice little spot. I spent some time walking around. It's all right; I like it, I get a good vibe from the place."

"Sweet," I mumbled, trying to sound positive. "I'm glad. The hospital is awesome, as well. It was tiring, but it's really well equipped, and the people, I mean they are just so kind."

"I'll tell you what this is a choice little town. While I was handing out my CV, I walked around the town centre. I think this worked out really well."

"I know, right? I think the year will go quickly."

He walked over and held my hand. "Bligh... I was thinking, this could be the place, you know. Have kids, raise a family. This is so different to Wellington."

"Shit, Kurt, wow, you're way ahead of me. I was thinking, get through twelve months, then start looking for somewhere we can both get good jobs. Then maybe think about all that other stuff."

He laughed softly. "Yeah, okay, I guess I am moving quick, but I'm telling yah, babe, this place... Maybe after dinner we could go for a walk through town. I think once you see it, you'll love it."

Work got better every day. It didn't take long to figure out who the good guys were. As with every place, there were some hard to deal with people, to wrapped up in their own importance.

Sitting in the cafeteria, I was enjoying a nice hot scone with raspberry jam and cream. "Hey, it's Bligh, right?"

Looking up I saw this cute woman standing beside me. ""Yeah, that's me. Can I help you?"

"Nah, nothing special. Just wanted to say hi. I'm Allegra, everybody calls me Alle. Is it okay if I sit with?"

I waved to her, and she sat with her cappuccino, meat pie, and huge salad bun. "I'm working in Radiology at the moment, but mostly I'm in A&E."

Seeing her uniform, I figured she was a nurse. "Worked here long?" I asked.

"Nearly eight years. This is my home town. I came back straight out of Nurses college."

"Didn't think about going somewhere else?" I asked curiously.

"Nah, Mum was sick, and I needed to be close to home."

"Nothing too serious, your Mum I mean?"

"Breast cancer, but we caught it early so she's made a full recovery. Thank god. What about you?"

"This was one of the few spots looking for a physio. So we moved down from Wellington."

"We?" She asked, her face smiling. She was one of those people, when she smiled, it wasn't just her mouth, it was her whole face lit up, her eyes glistened. She really was a very cute woman. I judged her, god it sounds awful saying it like that. I figured she was about thirty five. Mostly on having worked here for eight years.

"Yes, my husband and I."

"No kids?"

"Nope, DINKS... Except Kurt hasn't found a job yet."

"What does he do?"

"Mechanic."

Sh nodded approvingly. "Oh, he'll be right. Plenty of places here. Shouldn't be a prob..."

Heck, she was infectious, she gave me her life story in no time flat, and I don't know why, but I reciprocated and lunch break was gone in no time.

That night, walking in the door at home, the place smelt awesome. Kurt had cooked dinner and done all the housework.

"Holy hang, babe. You've been a busy little beaver."

He greeted me with a kiss and a wonderful welcoming hug. "If I'm gonna be a kept man, thought I better do something to help out."

I lost my smile, I felt guilty enough about him having to give up his job. I nestled my head against his chest. "I'm sorry, Kurt, maybe we shouldn't have come."

"What the hell are you talking about? I was bloody joking. Shit babe, don't take me so literally."

When I peeked up, his face was full of mirth and there was no hint of animosity. "I'm sorry, it's just I do feel responsible. You loved your job."

"No, Bligh... I liked my job. I loved the people I worked with. Don't sweat it. Once I find a job, everything's going to be okay."

Dinner was lovely, and we went for a walk along the waterfront as the sun went down. Kurt had already found a pub he liked, and when we walked in, a couple of guys came over to introduce themselves. It was nice to have somebody recognise us, and they were nice guys, which helped.

That night, we made love and it made everything seem better.

I loved nothing better than lying in his arms. He was my world, and I felt safe and loved, my favourite place in the world, my head resting in the crook of his arm. Followed only secondly by being with him on the Yamaha.

At work, things fell into place. My new bestie Alle and I shared lunch every day, and I couldn't help but like her. She was effervescent, fun and chatty. She had the handy knack of making me feel right at home. She knew everybody, she was a mine of both useless, but fun info, and absolutely vital stuff.

My only worry was Kurt. I felt sure he'd be snaffled up quickly. His resume was good, he had so many great references, but nothing was happening for him. He seemed happy, but I wondered how long that would last if he kept getting rejected.

Walking in home after work one night, Kurt shocked and scared me. "Bligh, I've been offered a job."

I jumped into his arms, knocking him backwards into the wall. "Sweet, oh my god. Which dealer?"

"It's not as a mechanic, it's as a storeman, forklift driver at the cheese factory."

My spirits sagged, as did my body. "No, please don't do it. We are getting by. I make enough, you can wait for a decent job."

"Whoa, steady on, Bligh," he said reassuringly. "This is a good job, and the starting rate is more than I was earning as a Mechanic. One of the boys down at the pub put me forward for it. I've already been in for the interview. I start Monday."

Unconvinced, I winced, my words hesitant. "Are you sure? I don't want you to take it just because it's the first thing you've been offered."

"Nah, it's all good. It means I know some of the people, and they're going to put me through my truck and trailer license. I've always wanted that."

The job changed everything. It meant Kurt had to work most Saturdays, and most nights he had to work at least one to two hours overtime.

Alle picked up on my sadness, and soon we were going shopping after work, doing groceries together, going out with some of the other nurses for drinks after work. She was my saviour, and I really loved spending time with her.

Bubbly doesn't do her justice. Upbeat and super encouraging maybe.

She was my opposite: where I was tall and skinny, she was a little overweight, not heaps, but a little. Her rich auburn hair with a long fluffy fringe swirled across her face, giving that sense of vibrancy. She wore hers long, with flowing natural curls. Yeah, colour me envious.

My hair seemed lifeless and drab when I compared it with hers. I wore mine in a pixie bob, not for work as everybody assumed. No, it was the bike. I hated climbing off with helmet hair, all matted and tangled in horrid knots.

The first few rides, it took me two hours with a de-tangling cream and brush.

Alle had that bod, I called it boobalicious, or as one of the orderlies said jokingly, "She's got more tit than a V8."

Me, I remember being compared to an ironing board whilst going through my teenage years. I know it was probably funny for some, for me though it was traumatising, I was so conscious of my lack of boobs. I experimented with all sorts of things when I was an angsty teenager: stuffing my bra with socks. My mother chided me, tried to placate me, but what the hell would she know... After I got my first paying job, it was push-up bras and padding. I slowly came to grips with the fact that my boobs didn't define me. Plus, it meant I could go braless whenever I wanted. That was great for yoga and jogging.

Alle and I were definitely different. That didn't seem to get in the way of our blossoming friendship. She admitted to me early that she was bisexual. That came as a bit of a shock. I tried not to show it, but for some reason, it affected me. It came out when I asked if she had a boyfriend.

The reason for my discomfort... the way she said it left me wondering if she was actually hitting on me.

I didn't have a lot of experience in that regard. If she was, she never pushed herself. When we went out for drinks, she made a great ringleader. It didn't matter which pub we went to, she knew all the bar staff by name. It also kept us safe, because it wasn't just bartenders, it was the bouncers and security staff.

Kurt loved his new job, and he threw himself into it. I missed him like crazy, though; we had always been so close, talked every night after work and snuggled together. Now, he got home late and was always tired. It meant he was missing out on meeting our new friends, like Alle. I decided I needed to push him a little.

"What say we have a little party Saturday night. I want to show you off to all my new friends at the hospital."

"Sounds like fun," he replied. "I want you to meet some of the guys from work, as well. Nobody believes me when I tell them what a fox I'm married to."

"Hah, as if," I snorted. "They probably want somewhere to do their ironing."

"Bullshit, I showed them photos. They think I downloaded a movie star's photo."

"You are such a liar." I giggled playfully. "Don't stop though, I like it."

"So how many people do you reckon?" He asked.

"I dunno, babe. I have like ten really close friends, I'd like to invite all of them, and their partners."

"Sweet, I've got half a dozen from work. Most of them are married as well." He glanced, at me semi worried. "What about kids?"

"If we made it like an afternoon, evening thing, then the ones with kids who can't get sitters could at least come to the barbecue bit."

"Good thinking bat girl. What say we make it two O'clock start?"

I smiled, and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Kurt. I'm dying for you to meet some of my new friends, especially Alle. You're gonna love her like me."

"She's going to have to be pretty funny if she's going to live up to the hype. I mean, if I believed you she's the hottest thing next to you in the country. She's funny, can sing, knows everybody and she's a foodie. So hell, she sounds perfect."

"It means you're gonna have to get Saturday afternoon off work though," I said cautiously.

"Yeah, no worries, I've worked every one since I started there."

"Sweet, if you wanna work the morning. I can do all the prep."

"What... Nah, I wouldn't leave you with all the work. I'll take the whole day off."

It felt good knowing that we would spend some quality time together. We worked really hard getting the place ready, cleaning, and clearing the yard. It was full on.

"Hey bitch, what you doing?" I heard Alle calling from the driveway.

I rushed out to meet her, and she had bags of food and drinks. "What the hell, Alle, I said we had it all covered."

"Like hell, I don't know how you Wellingtonians throw a party, but down here, nobody comes empty handed. Now show me where to put all this bloody food aye."

"Come and meet Kurt first. I've been dying for him to meet you."

"Oh come on... If he's half as hot as you say, we'll get on great. I'll just spend the rest of the day gawking, and ogling him."

I led her around the back to where Kurt was loading some rubbish on the trailer before he made a dump run. "Kurt, come and meet Alle."

He strolled over casually. I saw it the moment they laid eyes on each other. Kurt was practically drooling, and Alle went quiet. It was one of the worst moments of my life. Just like that, there was a deep connection. "Hello, pretty lady," Kurt said, flirting openly.

"Ummm, hi to you. Bligh has told me a lot about you," Alle said hesitantly, the words coming uncomfortably.

I stared back and forth; it was like love at first sight, and we were all uncomfortable. Me most of all. To break the tense silence, I grabbed Alle's arm and led her away. "I'll show you where to put the food."

She smiled, but her cheeks were red with embarrassment. "Thanks, sweets."

"Well, what do you think?" I asked.

"Wow, he certainly is as hot as you said."

"What... I was talking about the food on the bench."

"Oh shit, sorry," she replied awkwardly.

People started rolling in later, and it was a great party. The food was awesome, and Alle wasn't wrong. There was all sorts of food, especially crayfish. That was sort of the local delicacy. Almost everybody brought some. Whitebait, as well.

For me, the party did have a downside. Alle, and Kurt were drawn to each other, and although I was busy trying to mingle and make sure everything went well, it was like every time I turned to look at them, they were together, talking, joking. What made me even more uncomfortable was that when I walked over to talk to them, they clammed up, and there was an awkward silence.

As the party dragged on, it got worse. It felt like watching a disaster happening right in front of me. Or worse, a rom-com movie where two lovers meet at a party, and they are magnetically attracted to each other. The furtive teasing glances, the constant touching, I guess it would have been romantic, except we were talking about my husband and my best friend...

What made it worse, I felt completely powerless... What was I going to do? Rush over, confront her and start ripping her hair out? In hindsight, that's exactly what I should have done.

Alle finally managed to drag herself away from Kurt at the end of the party. I was busy clearing up, and she fell in beside me to help out.

"Great party, sweets. Everybody seemed to have a blast."

"Yeah, you and Kurt seemed to hit it off." I said trying to keep my feelings of annoyance to myself.

She turned her eyes quickly to stare at me. What was hiding behind that forced smile... Guilt... Shame. "Yeah, he's fun, you're right. I like him."

"Yeah, that was pretty obvious," I sneered.

The smile disappeared off her face, and she muttered. "Bligh, we just hit it off, nothing to be upset over. I'm envious, he's everything you said. You're a lucky girl."

"Yeah, of course." I grabbed the rubbish bag I had filled with empty bottles and dragged it off towards the bins.

When I got back, Alle was gone. Kurt had stacked the dishwasher and got rid of all the paper plates. He slipped into my arms. "Choice party, aye babe?"

"Yeah, it was fun. You and Alle, seemed to hit it off."

Like Alle, his eyes couldn't hold mine, and at least I knew he clearly felt some guilt. He tried to deflect my suspicious glare. "She's as much fun as you said. Definitely the life of the party."

"Normally she is. Tonight all she wanted to do was talk to you, or so it seemed. Heck, you were never more than an arm's length apart all night."

He seemed shocked at my allegation. "Whoa, slow down, Bligh. You told me you hoped we'd get along. I was just trying to make sure I did the right thing."