Ashley and I, Brett Pierson, first met in third grade. For some reason we were always friends, even though we were quite different and usually hung out with different crowds. I was more of an introvert – although I consider myself an ambivert – while she definitely is an extrovert. Both of us are decent looking although we'd never make it as one of the "beautiful people," and we have average builds.
Although Ashley and I went to the same elementary school, same High School, same college, and same graduate school, and are the same age, and got jobs less than a mile apart in the same city after we completed our graduate studies, we only went out on two real dates – once in High School, and once in college. We only kissed romantically three times (yes I counted). Although we always enjoyed each other's company and had good times on our two dates, either because we didn't want to ruin our friendship, or because there just didn't appear to be any real flair or chemistry, neither of us pursued a true romantic relationship. It seemed that we enjoyed it more when we were in groups, or doing non-romantic things together.
Since we've known each other since we were eight years old, we know a lot about each other, and have confided things over the years that we would never tell anyone else. We often were sounding boards for each other, especially when it came to issues with the opposite sex. Also, we really did have each other's backs. There were literally dozens of times that she helped me out when I needed it, and I reciprocated, including, but not limited to, advising what others were saying about us, and pitching in on yardwork or house work when overwhelmed. Each of us also did one thing that "wasn't entirely legal" for the other person. It became natural to help each other and when we had a problem we turned to each other first, before our parents, siblings, or other friends.
Whenever Ashley and I met in person or talked on the phone it was like a beam of sunshine hit on a cloudy day. I used that analogy once to her, and she wholeheartedly agreed. We often called each other "sunshine."
I was probably the only person on earth who actually knew Ashley's biggest secret (although others suspected). When she was a senior in college she had an affair with a young (only two years older than us) married visiting assistant professor from France by the name of Jacque. I think that she would have married him if he was willing to divorce his wife, but he wasn't. Anyway, at the start of graduate school she met Martin and they quickly became serious.
Since I was Ashley's best male friend, I was one of the groomsmen at the Ashley-Martin nuptials shortly after we finished graduate school. Not too long after that, I met my wife Janet, and we got married two years after Ashley and Martin did, and it was Ashley who threw me my bachelor party and was the only female participant.
Ashley normally didn't drink much, but the night of my bachelor party made an exception, likely in an attempt to get me drunk and to "loosen up," the only consistent complaint Ashley had about me in all of the years that I knew her. The few times that I did drink I had an extraordinarily high tolerance for booze, and never got drunk. Therefore Ashley got herself three sheets to the wind while I was still sober. When Martin – who was also there – was playing pool at one of the bars we bar-hopped to she pulled me aside and confided something to me that I don't think that she ever would have if she were sober. She was still periodically fucking Jacque.
Removing her slurred and sometimes unintelligible words, our conversation went something like this:
"How's that?" I asked.
"Well he quit academia and now is an international businessman. The first time he came to the U. S. on business he looked me up. I didn't want to fuck him, but he does it so well I couldn't help myself. He's come to the U S on business three times since then, and each time I've visited the city he has business in and we fucked for two or three nights."
"Does Martin know?"
"Hell no! He wouldn't take kindly to that."
"How are you able to get away?"
"I lie – I don't want to do it, but I want to fuck Jacque more than I don't want to lie to Martin."
"You're living dangerously, aren't you Ashley?"
"Maybe, Brett – but we only live once."
"Why are you telling me this?"
She got a big grin on her face – in fact she was grinning the entire time she was talking to me, obviously excited about her affair, but the grin got bigger. "I needed someone to confide in because no one else knows, and it's more fun to have someone know your secret than to keep it to yourself, and you're my longest standing friend so..."
At that point, the booze really caught up with her. She rolled her eyes, and I caught her as she collapsed. Martin and I carried her to their car and he took her home. Fortunately, the bachelor party was two days before the wedding, not just the day before, otherwise I doubt that Ashley would have made it. At the wedding she looked great, though, was her normal happy extroverted self, and didn't touch an ounce of booze at the reception.
While Ashely had apparently shrugged off not just her affair, but that she told me, it had a profound effect on me. It really bothered me. While I had always accepted Ashley as who she was and never judged her, and while she had done dozens of between nice and wonderful things for me over the previous almost twenty years that I had known her, I was definitely not a fan of cheaters.
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Over the next two years I was busy with my profession and establishing and persevering in a loving relationship with my wife Janet, so that even though I saw Ashley at least once a month, and more often three or four times, and we talked on the phone weekly, her affair drifted into the back of my mind and I never confronted my feelings about it. She had never brought it up again after the time she was drunk, although I was certain that she was seeing Jacque when at the last minute she canceled on a party Janet and I were hosting to take a "business" trip – on the weekend – out of town.
Perhaps one reason why I never confronted myself – let alone Ashley – about her affair was because I never warmed up to Martin. He was too arrogant for me, and in my humble opinion – I hope that I wasn't being too judgmental just because Ashley was my friend – he didn't treat Ashley well. Even though Martin was not someone I liked, he was a smart detail-oriented guy; he had some sort of financial job. Inevitably, I'm sure that he found out about Jacque – or at least became suspicious enough to confront Ashley about it.
It was a shock to some of our friends when Martin and Ashley filed for divorce. She just cited "irreconcilable differences" in her comments to everyone else – though not to me. One Saturday when Janet was visiting her mother, Ashley invited me to a baseball game, and afterward we went to a park and she bared her soul.
"Martin confronted me with suspicions that I was having an affair. He suspected that it was with the same guy as in college – I guess one of my so-called college friends told him about her suspicions. I denied it, but when I did I realized that the love I had had for Martin had almost evaporated, and that fucking Jacque six or seven days a year was more important to me than staying married to Martin. Divorce looked good to me. Does that make me fucked-up, Brett?"
"Ashley, you know that I've never judged you. What I do know is that regardless of whether anyone thinks that you're fucked up, you have to do what you have to do. I consider your relationship with Jacque something that is likely to cause you great pain in the future, and I certainly don't approve of it, but it's not for me to say whether or not it means that you're fucked-up."
"But what you're saying, sunshine, is that you'd never have an affair?" Ashley asked with uncharacteristic meekness.
"That's one thing that I'm saying. However, like I said, I'm not judging you. I don't like it, but I love you as a friend and – like always – will stick by you."
We talked a little more, she eventually got a rueful smile on her face, and we concluded our serious talk with "You always will stick by me – you have since third grade – won't you?"
"You bet sunshine!" I replied with a happy smile.
She gave me a friendly peck on the lips then we went to a country-western restaurant that had dancing. Even though we both had no country-western rhythm, we ended up having a good time doing the Texas two-step and the schottische, the latter a dance that I had never heard of before let alone done. By the end of the evening we were both perspiring and laughing our asses off.
Ashley needed a little propping up during her divorce proceedings and afterward, but fortunately things had not been too acrimonious so – with the help of yours truly, Janet, and some of her other female friends – she came out of it just fine.
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Ashley's personality did not allow her to be without male companionship for too long, however. It was only six months after her divorce was final that she started seriously dating Peter – a guy that she met at a singles event. Peter was much different than Martin. Peter was a humble yet confident, gregarious guy. He was a runner, like I was, and shared with me a keen interest in tennis and volleyball, sports that neither of us were particularly good in, but really enjoyed playing and watching. I hosted Peter's bachelor party after Ashley accepted his marriage proposal. Since it was the second for each (Peter's first wife had died in a car crash) they got married within two weeks of when Peter popped the question in a small simple civil ceremony, although at the reception there were at least seventy five people. I was Ashley's witness at the wedding, Peter's sister his.
There was – to me – one disturbing aspect of the Peter-Ashley nuptials. Ashley made an impromptu out-of-town two night trip in the two weeks between the proposal and the ceremony. By the fact that she didn't look me in the eye when she told me about the trip I knew what it was for – Jacque was back in the country. That upset me a great deal.
Peter and Ashley seemed to be happily married so I put her affair with Jacque in the back of my mind. However, over the ensuing three years some things started happening that occasionally brought it to the forefront, even though my very friendly relationship with Ashley never changed.
–I became pretty friends with Peter. We had some enjoyable outings together sans wives.
–Ashley and I started seeing more of each other, and talking more often on the phone, than we had at almost any time in our lives after we had completed our schooling. It was rare when I didn't get a half dozen texts and a phone call from Ashley every day, and we met for lunch, or for an outing, with or without spouses, at least once a week. Also we both joined the same health club – Peter and Janet were members of another club closer to where they worked – and we worked out at the same time two or three times a week. Ashley beamed even more than previously whenever we met and constantly solicited my good-will although that certainly wasn't necessary in view of our "best friend" status. We called each other "sunshine" at least once per meeting.
