A Meeting of Souls

I remember the day I made my decision to switch to the medical profession. I had to undergo a full physical exam for the office where I had applied before they would hire me.

I had been to the Doctor many times, of course. Mostly the usual stuff from growing up, minor illnesses, and one broken thumb from a fall off a bike.

I was 18 when Mom took me in for my first full physical. She probably should have when I got my period at barely 13, but she didn't. All she did was explain to me what was happening, and calmed the panic I had felt when I discovered the blood in my underwear. I had thought I was dying from a serious disease!

I felt a major shock when the rather gruff old male Doctor felt my breasts, then had me lay on my back.

There was a nurse in the room as the Doctor poked none too gently around my privates. I was excited at the idea at first, then it hurt and I wasn't excited anymore!

No male had ever seen me naked before! I never knew my father. I asked Mom a few times about him, she would always try to change the subject, just saying that he had left when I was a baby. I sometimes thought about it, wondering why, but not much.

I do know I had all of these crazy feelings sitting there on the table, naked except for just the hospital gown. The Doctor caused those feelings to go away quickly, though. I was so glad when he was done, I just got dressed and left, happy it was over.

So I had a pretty good idea of what was coming for my next physical, and I wasn't pleased about it. But I knew I had to.

Here I was 22 years old, naked again except for the thin gown. Only the 2nd time in my life I was going to be checked by a Doctor, at least THERE!

I knew all about men, I thought I did anyway. I dated some, and when men got pushy for sex I would undo their pants and give them an orgasm. I found out very quickly that I really liked doing that, too! It gave me a feeling of being in control, having power over the situation. I loved the feeling I got when their eyes would go all screwy and they looked like they were in pain, I would hold them in my hands and tease and torment them until finally they had no control left at all! Many of them would try to touch my breasts or do something, I rejected them all. Once I had them in my hands, they quit trying to touch me nearly every single time!

Sitting naked in a gown waiting for a total stranger didn't give me any feeling of control at all!

Oddly, I was excited at the idea of being looked at and touched. But I sat there and tried very hard to put that out of my mind. I knew from the last experience it was going to hurt, I had braced myself for that.

I was surprised to see a younger man walk in! He was around my age, not my idea at all of what a Doctor should look like. Slightly taller than me, nice build, neat and trimmed, good looking! I blushed from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, barely managing a weak "Hello." at his greeting. I suddenly felt all exposed and helpless, nearly naked.

He smiled and told me he was "Dr. Petrovski", looking me pointedly up and down before checking the chart on his clipboard.

I was just thinking how silly checking the chart was, it was my first visit, when he said "First visit, I see!" Then I started to giggle!

He simply reached out and placed one hand on the side of my neck, the other on my stomach, and the giggles stopped instantly. "Nervous, I see?" he said with the same easy smile.

"Yes.", I responded. The touch of his hands sent little shocks through me, but stopped the giggling.

"Well, we will get through this, I am a little nervous, too!", he said. "I have only been working here a week!"

Somehow that eased my mind. He checked all the normal, took my blood pressure, then slipped the corner of the gown down and felt around my shoulders and the top of my breasts. His hand dipped lower, first tiny little circles around the soft flesh of my breasts. He grasped and rolled each nipple in his fingers, sending sensations through me. I felt a trickle of sweat drop off my forehead. I was wanting him to drop the gown, expose my breasts, look at me! He didn't, just felt me under the gown, then moved on.

I just sat there trying to hide my response, both ashamed and excited. I knew already he would find nothing amiss. Then he asked me to lay back on the table, so I did. I was suddenly aware there was no nurse in the room.

"I will do it this way if you don't mind!" he said, as he brought my right leg up, then lay it over to the side. "It seems to be more comfortable than the old way."

I just closed my eyes and allowed him to move me where he wanted. I felt his weight as he sat on the edge of the table and peeked at him as he reached up and touched me. He was looking right at my crotch, the gown was hiked up and I knew nothing was hidden. I felt the coolness of the glove, waited for the stab of pain as he inserted a finger.

Pain never came, first I felt the beginnings of a pleasant sensation, then I was moist and feeling that familiar tingle I get when I touch myself.

"Are you all right with this?" he asked. I managed a quiet "yes", here was a good looking guy with his fingers inside me asking me if I was "all right" with it...I couldn't help it, I felt the first spasm hit me!

"Oh!" He said, "I am sorry!" quickly withdrawing his hand as I blushed again, realizing my body had betrayed me.

"I will try to be brief, please take a deep breath", he said, then he reached and pressed the flesh next to my clitoris aside, and pressed gently upwards as I spasmed again with a 2nd orgasm.

Almost as soon as he started, his hands were gone, the gown pulled down, and I sat back up. I was having a hard time meeting his eyes, embarrassed.

The Doctor just smiled and told me I had nice healthy responses, then he stepped out of the room. I sat there for quite awhile, thinking. The excitement I had felt rivaled any other I had known up until then. My breath was still coming in little gasps, I pressed my thighs together firmly, then reached down and pressed my finger against myself. My body shuddered in release, then settled to normal.

I realized right then that I had wasted 4 years in College, I wanted to be a Doctor. I needed to have the feeling of being in control.

All my life I was the girl left over. All the way from grade school, for sports, I was the last or next to last one picked. No one ever noticed me, they walked by me like I wasn't there! The only times I felt in charge and important was when I had one of my date's erections in my hands, they never ignored me then!

I had learned that one way to take charge, and be noticed! But on dates with boys, I was always terrified someone would find out! I was fearful someone would say something, then there would be more laughs and more teasing. If I was a Doctor, no one could ever say anything, it would be my job!

I signed up for beginning night classes the next month, working for my RN license first. Here I was only 30 days into my very first job, and already planning on changing it.

I got a job as a secretary at a local Law firm, it was all I could find when I tried. There was a dozen other applicants, but I typed over 100 words per minute easily, that won the position hands down. The job wasn't bad, but it wasn't the dream all of my efforts to get my degree had promised. I listened as Mr. Hamilton, my new boss, went on about "our family here" and "work hard and you can advance". I watched as his bored eyes kept glancing over at his big busted Executive Assistant, who was sitting there in her too-short skirt pretending to take notes.

I thanked him sweetly and went out to my new desk, and settled in.

I just did the work, and lost myself in my evening classes. My pay was poor, I saved every place I could think of, to pay for the schooling. Then I added some weekend studies. Dating and men were out of the question. I spent 3 more years of my life like that, just moving towards the goal. My sex life was touching myself quietly at home in my little apartment, the fantasy always the same, an erection in my hands.

I got a couple of raises at work, not much, but it did help. I lived close enough to the school that I could walk, only taking the bus on the rainy afternoons.

I got straight "A's" like always.

One thing about the classes I hadn't realized, but quickly became the norm, was nudity. We practiced on each other in class. In our hands on classes, one of us at least, and sometimes several of us was the "body". The rest would learn the procedures using whoever was the subject for the day.

The first time it was my turn, I was subjected to every single one of my classmate's fingers exploring my insides as I lay there stark naked except for the drape.

One thing I mentioned in an earlier story, is that my anatomy is different. My late husband, Ted, called it his "outie!" and delighted in the way my body is. My outer vaginal lips are very large, I have almost no pubic hair, and when excited they get larger, to the point of beyond belief.

I used to be ashamed of that in high school, to the point of refusing to even shower with the other girls. "Wow, look at the size of the cock on her!" some would say, and other mean comments like that. They made me run and hide, crying. Even in College I had some concerns, but the more adult manners of my fellow students did put me at ease. At least no one teased me about it.

When it became my turn on the table, my turn as the "body", I just could not keep from orgasming as the students lined up and inspected me, feeling me inside. I had done the same to others in my classes already, of course. I somehow managed to hide my interest when inspecting my fellow students, especially the males. Well, I think I did, anyway.

There was no holding back that day. The instructor was Sally, (now the head of the HMO department where I work today). She noticed, of course, I am sure they all did. She spoke quietly with me after, saying, "Don't be ashamed, Honey! God gave you a gift!" I giggled, turned beet red, she smiled at me, we became fast friends after that.

Sally even helped me apply for a small Federal grant, I won it easily. That was a huge help, I was down to just over 100 pounds, sacrificing food to cover the cost of my classes.

Nothing more was ever said after that day in class, but I noticed the men in class now looked at me differently. A couple of them even asked me for dates, I turned them down.

There was only one other incident similar. Sally selected me for the subject female, I remember the fathomless look on her face that day. I had to get on the exam table, bare behind pointed in the air as each member of the class did a rectal exam.

There was no hiding, I was hopelessly and completely exposed to my 11 other classmates, one at a time! There was even a discussion of "bedside manner" as I was bent forwards on the table, knees at my chest, nude except for the drape over my back.

They were supposed to lean forward and not look, just feel, of course they didn't I am sure. I didn't orgasm that day, but I came as close as possible and still not! Later that same day I got to return the favor to one of the male students.

Sally always set the table up sideways to the classroom, so all of us except for the one stepping up to learn the procedure saw just the side of what we laughingly had come to call, the "victim!"

I remember that when it became my turn he was fully erect, his testicles and rock hard penis hanging down, engorged. My small digit slipped in with no resistance, he actually seemed to relax as I did the procedure. I had looked and then leaned forward staring off into space as we were taught. The tip of my index finger felt the nub of his prostate gland, I sensed his spasm as I withdrew. Sally was droning on about the normal reactions of the body as I snapped off the glove and dropped it in the trash, suddenly moist between my legs. I looked at her, face expressionless, but her pursed lips gave her away.

That was they day it hit me that she was arroused, too! I glanced around the room at the other girls, all were carefully hiding their feelings. Even a couple of the men had that same false expression of disinterest, I was beginning to think that maybe I was more normal than not!

Finally, I was just one completed assignment from getting my RN license in the Spring of 1979. I had to find a subject, do a full evaluation, and write a report.

I knew that a lot rode on that last completed report, because prospective employers looked pretty much at the total grade, then at the last work. I wanted to make it good, exceptional!

I knew that an entry level RN made twice the $290 a week I was up to at my current job typing up legals. Three full years at my job, doing my best, never missing a day, no upward movement at all! I had watched several Executive Assistants come and go, without fail they were big titted bimbos who spent most of every day taking calls I referred, doing their nails, and having me correct their mistakes.

One day the latest example came in all in a dither, her report was due that afternoon, and she wanted me to type it up for her. She had been particularly difficult to work for, always demanding I do her share. I had pages of drafts of my own to type up and correct, here she was passing off her work onto me! I knew I would be at least a half hour late for class as a result. She didn't even say, "Please!"

So I did it for her! I made typos, mispelled the client's name, the boss's name, wrong dates, then I took the piece in to have her sign it.

She did! Her exact words as she stormed out of the boss's office that Friday were, "You goddamned bitch!". I just looked at her, thinking of all the abuse she had given me over more than a year, and smiled.

The next Monday Morning, I was the Executive Assistant! Nice $100 a week raise, suddenly I could afford a few more things. I knew very well what part of the job entailed, by Tuesday afternoon I had Mr. Hamilton's pants down around his knees and his little penis in my hands! He did suggest that I "undress and join him", but I begged off with a lame excuse about being unable to because of some "surgery." I added that he was "much to large for me" as I handled his 5" erection with all my skills.

He seemed to accept that, even beamed at the thought, and I simply resigned myself to taking care of that once or twice a week, grateful that he didn't press for more. He found out quickly that I knew how to give him an orgasm he had never felt before! So he accepted what I gave him, and never really bothered me much. That plus since my work production was easily twice what anyone else in the office could do, he also understood about business!

Like I said, power, and now I had it!

Every afternoon, I made the walk from my apartment to my classes. On the way, several men would gather daily, street beggers. I tried to avoid them, some would utter profanity when they realized I wasn't going to give them anything.

One man stood up as I approached, I tried to step around him. He made some comment I didn't quite get, BS about the "war" or something like that. He held out his hand, palm up. I was not about to part with any of my precious dollars, I needed every single one for school.

I glared at him with my very best intimidating stare, then I saw his eyes. They looked right back at me, all the way through me to my core, I was sure of it!

Lord he stank! But those eyes, there was something in there, in this skinny, filthy street reject. He was younger than his appearence suggested, hair all wild and matted, scraggly beard. Just a horrible example of a person!

But those eyes! I saw they way he looked at me. It wasn't like the way a man looks at a woman in lust, it was something else. Then he stepped aside, allowing me to pass, letting his gaze fall as he moved away.

There was a flash of shame that came over me, I walked on to class, trying to shake off the feeling.

I thought about him several times during the next few days, it was like a song that gets stuck. I found myself looking for him as I walked to class. For days, no sign, then there he was!

He stepped up and tried again, I looked at him, the same eyes. I stepped around him, headed on to class. Something stopped me.

I looked back at him, said, "Hey you!" or something like that. He looked up, I said, "Come on!".

He just stood there, looking at me, through me. I suddenly felt fear, discomfort. I was naked, turned inside out, he saw me and my innermost secrets, he knew exactly who and what he was looking at! I actually shook my head, trying to get the sensation out of my mind.

It was months before I learned from him that he had felt the same from me that day.

Then I mustered every bit of courage I had, walked back, grabbed his hand. I took him with me, forcefully. He just followed meekly along like it was something he was supposed to do!

At the School, I stripped him, and shoved him toward the showers. I asked him his name, he looked at me and said, "Ted." He stood there quietly, naked, no hint of shame or excitement, then he just stepped in and washed. I went down to the cafeteria and grabbed a sandwich and some juice, he was towelling dry, still naked as I entered the room. I found some spare scrubs as he ate, he was obviously hungry.

Then I cut his mass of hair, shaved his face, leaving just a neat mustache. Suddenly here was a very good looking male, a solid 6' tall, body thin as a rail, but his arms were like steel. He was about 10 years my senior, the weathered face made it tough to tell for sure. He answered all of my questions politely and without hesitation. All the while he looked at me with those eyes!

I took him with me to get some clothes, spending money I could ill afford. We stopped and ate again when I saw the expression on his face as we passed a restaurant. By day's end I had rented a tiny studio apartment, and stocked it lightly for him.

We talked, lord did we talk, on and on for hours. I warned him about drinking or doing drugs, one time and it was all over! He looked at me and mentioned the name of a medication used for depression, a question in the word. I understood, back to Sally, she wrote the prescription.

I pulled some strings and got his Massage Therapist license renewed, easy to do with Sally's help. I had checked and found his name in the State registry, he was telling me the truth about that.

Sally did ask me, "Girl, what the hell are you doing?".

My answer was simply, "I don't know, but I have to!"

"Lee, you are spending the money you saved for your Doctorate!" , she exclaimed.

"Yes, I know." I answered her. My eyes started to dampen, I turned away quickly from her and left.

I even paid for the ad in a local paper, "Massage Therapist" etc, and got a phone hooked up. I "borrowed" a light portable table from one of the other classes at school, and sewed up some drapes, took lotions over. Ted had his first client within a week, then it was 3, then 4, perhaps soon he would be able to earn a living.

I wrote my report, outlining it similar to what I write here. I earned another "A" and my RN license.

For nearly two years I visited him at the tiny apartment I had starved myself to rent for him, almost daily. We would sit and talk, he told me about his work as a Massage Therapist. He seemed to be good at it, building a solid client base very quickly. By now he was a full 200 pounds, his massive shoulders and upper arms had filled out from his daily work.

I finally realized that most of his clients were female, I asked him about that one day. We got into a long conversation about sexuality. His responses about the things he took for granted startled me. I mentioned that some of that broke laws.

"The laws are wrong!" was all he said.