A Marriage Redefined

That younger lover is now my husband, and he's been asking me questions about my past.

Compared to him, my past was very eventful. I was a gogo dancer as a teenager and once I turned 18 I became a stripper until I was 25. My husband knew about my past as a dancer, but I never gave him any details about what I did in those days. I also told him I only had 9 sexual partners before him, but in reality it was well more than that.

At the time I was proud that I was able to live on my own, that I was able to manipulate men, and even women, and that I had more money than most of the people I knew. I wanted to learn what love is and to do that I had to explore.

And I also enjoyed sex. A lot.

When I met my husband, all of that turned to shame. I wanted to hide and ignore my past because of his inexperience. I didn't want him to know that aspect about my past. I even ended up ripping up a bunch of pictures I was afraid he would find.

We didn't have a good sexual life as our relationship went on. We had sex maybe 3 times a month if I was lucky but sometimes we would go for half a year without it.

A few years ago he started asking questions about the previous men I had slept with. He seemed to be so focused on the genitalia and sex with the men I dated that I was starting to fear he might be gay. That's what led me online to start searching for why a man would ask questions like this of his wife.

What led me to fear that he was gay was that I shared a little bit about a boyfriend I dated in my early twenties. When I described how large his cock was, I could tell it was a huge turn-on for my husband and it sparked our lovemaking again.

I thought he was fantasizing about the cock, but now after some research, I think he has a kink for envisioning me when I was with my past partners.

As I said, that former lover of mine was very well endowed. I didn't just love his cock, but he may have been one of the true loves of my life.

His cock was at least 9" or more and twice the girth of my husband's. It took until the third time we had intercourse before I could fully accommodate him, but he made me orgasm multiple times during each of our lovemaking sessions.

I'll share these details because, not only is it a turn on to materialize it into words, but I have emotions I too need to understand.

Climaxing when filled with a large cock is amazing. The stretching sensation is extremely pleasurable, and the compressing contractions of the vaginal walls are so pronounced. You could also vividly feel the throbbing and pulsing of the cock during the man's orgasm and ejaculations.

As far as ejaculations are concerned, my previous lover's ejaculations were, dare I say, humorous? I say humorous because of the sheer volume and distance he could ejaculate. I wasn't accustomed to witnessing a man capable of doing that before him. I'll admit, it was sexy.

Besides the cock I miss so much, he also had a great body, and he was a really fun. Always wanting to do something new. He was a foreigner and I found that to be super sexy. Plus I had a thing for older men and he was almost 10 years my senior.

The only reason we didn't work out was because even though he loved me, I didn't think I loved him at the time. Additionally, he also lived in Europe and we constantly traveled back and forth to be with each other.

I so want to tell my husband these details the next time he asks me about it. I want to be honest with him and tell him that I've slept with many more men than I've told him.

I love him. I don't want to be a disappointment to him. I don't want to hurt him with the fact that I was promiscuous in my youth. Yet because I don't want to disappoint him I'd like to tell him these details if it's a turn-on for him. I want to please him, and if this is truly a kink that he has, I would enjoy exploring it with him. Especially if it meant we would have more sex.

All of this said, there are things that I don't know and have not asked, mainly because I'm afraid of how he might answer. While reading I've learned about the hotwife and cuckold fetishes. I have no interest in being with another man. Yet I know that there are many men out there that fantasize about sharing their wives, and watching their wives with another man.

I also don't know if he's turned on by the humiliation aspect of having a smaller penis than my former lovers. Of all the men that I slept with, my husband has one of the smallest. Again, it was never an issue with me, I actually told him he had the perfect size. I know that there are some men that are turned on by being verbally humiliated about it. I could explore that with him if he desires, but it would "hurt" to say those things to him. What if he's not turned on by being smaller and I happen to bring it up? Won't revealing his small size in comparison to all the others devastate him?

Where do I go from here?