A Little Revenge at Last
LATE NIGHT
It took two full weeks before my cell rang again. I'd already met Terry and given her the edited film.
"I've changed my mind" Terry said right out of the box.
There were several directions this could go, I thought, "I've changed my mind and I don't ever want to see you again" being by far the most likely.
"Abooouttt....?" I asked hesitantly.
"Chase" she said "I want him out of my life completely. If I could, I'd have him out of the kid's life too, but that's probably not going to happen, I'm told."
"No, not likely. Unless he's hurting the kids directly in some tangible way the Court most likely won't restrict his visitation rights. It is most likely to give him joint custody in some way with you. What changed your mind?"
I could almost hear the wheels turning. "Me. I've changed. I don't want to be the lonely little work widow, wondering whether my man will come home, or when, or if he's seeing someone on the side and someday decides he likes her better than he does me. He'd always find a way to cheat. I have to face facts—it's the way he is. He had the girls all over him before he chose me. He always will. I don't want to live like that. I want a man who feels like he's won the lotto because he's got me, and I want to feel the same way. It may take years to find him if I ever can, but I've got to take that chance rather than live a half-life" she concluded.
"Well, bravo" I said, meaning it. "I always thought a patch-up would be very difficult to pull off. And I think I have more confidence in your ability to find Mr. Right than you do. You know what the first thing is on your to do list don't you?"
"Get rid of the tapes" she answered quickly.
"Get rid of the tapes" I responded. "I deleted all the base films right after I gave you the edits. If you want, you can look at my computers. I know how to clear my discs of any residual data. I'll call Cliff and tell him to meet you. He's going to know exactly what to do. He's got a computer forensics guy who'll be able to figure out how to wipe the phone and even the burner cell if you want him to. But he has to be absolutely thorough, both the files and all residual memory--no trace at all. You'll get heat from the court on the deletions if they ever figure out that you've made them, but if you preserve the rest of your communications and you're clean, you should survive."
"Do you want my recommendation for an attorney?" I asked.
"Yes, absolutely, someone like you" she responded.
"I consider that a high compliment. Unfortunately, there are not many that aren't wrapped up in income production. I was. But I've got two who are as good as you can get."
"Thank you" she said.
"I hate to do it" she said after a long pause.
"To file?" I asked.
"No, to get rid of the videos. I like them, especially the second one" She continued.
"I'm glad" I responded. "I thought maybe I was too rough, demanding, in the second go-round."
"I like them because of the way you are. Yeah, you're rough as hell, but it's because you're so into it. There isn't a second on either tape where you're not totally into me. I can see it in your face, your hands, your body. You were having a great time--getting your share. But every ounce of you is focused on me and how I'm feeling right up until you finally lose it. I love that. I don't think I've ever had that with Chase, ever."
I was disproportionately proud and happy. She wasn't talking about sex, she was talking about connection. When I had finally mastered my emotions, I responded "that is one of the best thing anyone has ever said to me."
"You're always asking questions that get me into trouble" she said lightly. "Now let me ask you one that could get you into trouble."
I thought to myself for a long while. There was really only one question that could cause this kind of consternation and I thought long and hard before I agreed to answer it. "Ask away" I answered.
"Do you love me?" she asked simply. Yep, that was the one.
"Yes, but it can't survive. I am drawn to you like a bee to honey. I think about you all the time, not just the bedroom time, but the other times. The way you look when you get the fire in your eyes, about conversations we've had, and yes, when I think about the sex, about you orgasming in the middle of the café, the conflict between the goody two-shoes housewife and this inner beast you let out. But it isn't just that. I find myself wishing I could see what you're like with your kids. If I could safely watch you with them from afar I would. I bet it's your best moment. When we don't talk, I wonder about where you are, what you're doing, how you're holding up. I want you to do well, even if it means I don't. I think that is at least a kind of love" I concluded.
"I do too" she answered quietly.
"But I also know it isn't going to work" I continued, "not in the long run. Electric sex isn't enough standing alone. I'm too old to start with a new family, too crabby, too set in my ways. I wouldn't be good with the kids even if you wanted to entrust me with the stepfather role. Plus, having me show up during your divorce would be an utter disaster for you. I'd be deposed and I wouldn't lie, so you'd lose all the leverage that years of his infidelity have given you. I need to be invisible as far as Chase is concerned."
"Does that sound like a cop-out?" I asked.
"No," she replied quickly, "It sounds like the truth, just like always."
I pulled the phone away, not trusting myself to speak. A few deep breaths later I responded more jovially than I felt: "now, that's the way to do it. If you're going to dump a guy, don't give him that "you're a great guy—it's my fault" bullshit, just give that hungry bastard one real compliment."
"Who said anything about dumping you?" Terry answered, laughing lightly.
"Not me" I answered hopefully.
"Not me either," she replied "but I don't think you're wrong either—about not being around."
"Agreed" I said. "So...how can I help the lovely Ms. Ryan? I've certainly enjoyed 'being helpful' so far. Maybe play '50 ways to leave your lover' over and over until you pick the right one?"
She chuckled at that. "I still want to give that bastard a sendoff that he'll never forget. Every time I think about 'well, I've gotten to sew my own wild oats,' then I realize he's been screwing the western world for the last ten years. What was the ten-penny word you used? Juxtaposition?"
"Juxtaposition" I responded "contrast."
"Yes, well, I want to set up the contrast between what he wants from me and what he'll get for the rest of his life, which is not a damn thing. The films would do it, but it would be awkward standing there watching a film of us having sex. Plus, it would immediately put him on the track of finding the films once the divorce papers hit him. No, we have to deliver the message personally, up close."
"Maybe I'm being dense. Why can't you just walk down the hall and tell him?" I asked.
"Now you're not thinking like a lawyer" she said. "This is about persuasion. I want his last memory of me as his wife to be a real-life enactment of what I'm going to get from other men after I leave him. I'd like him to see the bad-girl side of me that he could never bring out, the one he won't ever get to have. And, I'd like him to remember it for the rest of his miserable life.
Plus, if I'm being honest, I have to admit I'm a little bit scared. I'm afraid that if I just went there with the film I'd chicken out on the way and the whole thing would go down the drain. I don't want that."
"Personal" I said "as in, you, me and him?"
"More like as in 'you, me, him, and a couple of your bad-boy friends" she said, pausing for emphasis.
"Are you sure?" I asked. "One part of me says hooray, the sex would be hotter than hell, and, have I mentioned, I would like getting into your pants. You could be the baddest of the bad girls, just for one afternoon, and it would be something he'd never be able to get out of his head. I think there is a way we could do it and leave you with a clean slate that he'd run circles trying to prove once you filed for divorce. But it's like all things, there is risk, and it's bigger with more people."
"Ok, if you have a plan let me hear it" she said.
"Well, exactly how bad do you want to be? I asked.