I know it's been a while and I'm sure everyone has missed me.
Just another fun story
If your wife of 20 years all the sudden told you she loved you and in the same breath also said, "But something is missing," what the fuck would you do? Well, let me tell you, my story.
I met my wife, Kelly, at college. I'm not going to bore you with details, it was college. We got high, drank too much, and fucked like rabbits. I had been fucking Kelly off and on since our sophomore year; along with fifteen other guys that I know of. Hey look, to be fair, I was fucking any girl that would say yes to me too. And some said yes at the same time. High-five, that's right, I had a few threesomes at college.
Once Kelly and I got all the sex out of our system, we started dating exclusively. After college, we both got jobs pretty quickly and moved in together.
Unlike most of the kids that go to college, I took it seriously, and after college, I started working at an investment firm. I was doing well for myself and learning a lot. Kelly was interviewing for a teacher's position and working at a retail store temporarily.
When I was 23, my grandmother passed away. Jenny, that's my sister, and I didn't know that our grandmother was rich. But once we turned 25, we got a call from her attorney. Grandma left each of us five million.
My sister wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. When she was at college, she fucked more than Kelly and I combined. I don't even think she graduated college. But if she did, I'm sure she did it on her knees.
Jenny had issues too. She couldn't focus on shit for more than five minutes. One night I made her sign documents, turning all her inheritance over to me. No, I wasn't stealing her money. She just couldn't be trusted with that much money. Anyway, what should have taken a half hour, took three hours.
My sister was watching TV while I was trying to talk to her. She was walking around her apartment looking for something, for what, I don't know what, and apparently, she didn't know either or just couldn't remember. Then she was back to watching the TV, "What did I miss?" she said. She was watching "The Simple Life" for God's sake. "That's Hot," How many times did we have to hear Paris Hilton say her famous line?
Look, my mom and dad thanked me for stepping in before Jenny blew all her money. Jenny was an impulse buyer. There's no thought put into it, Jenny sees it and buys it. Giving Jenny money is like giving a kid a hundred dollars in a candy store.
As soon as the five million dollars were deposited in Jenny's bank account, she bought herself a Corvette. One day while driving down the road, Jenny turned to look at the cute dog or the cute guy walking the dog, either way, the outcome was the same. Jenny blew a red light, and the Corvette was totaled.
But maybe it was fate. The guy with the dog ran to see if Jenny was okay and it was love at first sight. They married a year later.
Jenny is now all grown up, but she's still fucked up. I know that's mean, but it's true. She's on some meds now so I guess she's a little better and she's married to Jim and he's a nice guy and he does a good job keeping Jenny out of trouble. They had a daughter too; her name is Beth and seems to be normal. I think she takes after her dad's side of the family.
So, like I said, I took my sister's money, and we became partners in an investment firm. Once she met and married Jim, who is an accountant and very good with numbers, I hired him to handle our books.
Enough of that, let's move on.
Kelly and I moved in together right out of college and eventually got married. We had twin girls (Sara and Tara). Our life was great for 20 years. Until that one night, Kelly wanted to have that conversation.
Kelly never saw that one coming. She thought I loved her enough to let her just go out and fuck any guy she picked up at a bar.
"Tom, you know I love you, but something is missing." That's what she said. And being the nice guy that I am, I asked Kelly what was wrong and what I could do to help. I was really thinking to myself, 'I hope she doesn't want another kid. Our daughters are freshmen this year and I didn't feel like starting over again.' Anyway, that's not what my wife wanted; my wife wanted to fuck another guy or guys.
She pulled out the whole lame excuse, "The girls are off at college, and I miss them. My whole life has revolved around them and now that they are gone and you are at work all day, I'm lonely and bored."
"So, let's go on a vacation and we can do fun things together. I don't need to be in the office every day," I said, still thinking about how this mess could be salvaged.
"Honey, you know Jerry from the club...." "Jerry!" I cut her off, "Don't tell me you're fucking Jerry, that pompous ass."
"No Tom, I'm not fucking him yet. I would never go behind your back."
"Yet!" Oh, how nice of my wife. She was so courteous to ask for my permission first. "Kelly, if you want to fuck Jerry then pack your bags and get the hell out of my house."
Of course, the waterworks started, don't they always? I don't know if she was crying because she was truly sorry or crying because I wasn't going to let her fuck, Jerry. Either way, I didn't care.
And then I get the famous, "But if you loved me."
So yes, I threw Kelly out and she moved in with her parents.
What did Kelly think I would say? 'Okay Kelly, you can fuck Jerry, do whatever you want, I'll just be waiting right here for you,' I don't think so.
Let me tell you a little about Jerry. Jerry is a pompous ass. He comes from money. He's a trust fund baby and has never worked a day in his life. Jerry lets everyone know he has money. He wears expensive clothing and drives fancy cars and always talks about the 20-something-year-olds he fucks on his boat.
I have money too, but I don't rub it in everyone's face; I earned my money. Sure, it started with ten million from my grandmother, but I invested it and watched it grow and from there, I got into investment properties and funding construction projects. Now Jenny and I are set for life.
Kelly would have been set for life too, but she suddenly got stupid.
Did you ever hear the expression "fell out of the stupid tree," Well that's Kelly and she hit every branch on the way down.
More about Jerry, he's like 35 I guess, a good-looking guy and he's a smooth talker. All the girls at the country club say, "
Jerry, he's the best!"
Kelly isn't the first wife he's hit on or fucked. And let's be clear, I don't know if Jerry had fucked Kelly yet. But I told Kelly when I threw her out, "If I find out that you have already fucked Jerry or that you are fucking Jerry or you would like to be fucking Jerry, I will divorce you and ruin your life."
Did I send her off to her parent's house crying? Yes. Did both my daughters call me and ask me,
"Dad, how could you throw Mom out of the house? She didn't cheat on you, that's why she wanted to discuss it with you."
Yes, they did.
Did my mom and dad think I should work things out with Kelly? Yes. And somehow felt it was my fault that she was not happy and wants to fuck other men. My dad and his advice, "
Are you taking care of her need's son? You know what I mean right Jim, cause me and your mom............"
I had to cut him off. I didn't want to hear about my 75-year-old parents fucking each other.
So, like I said, I threw her ass out and she's living with her parents.
Did I have a prenuptial agreement? Yes. Is my business protected so that my wife can't just take half of everything? Yes. Whose idea was it to protect my assets? It was my fucked-up sister's idea. It was the only time in my life that I ever listened to her. I remember the conversation.
"Tommy, if you're going to marry Kelly, you need a prenuptial agreement.
"Kelly loves me I don't need a prenuptial agreement."
"Tommy," my sister said to me as she stared me in the eyes, "A man gets bored he looks for a hobby. A woman gets bored she looks for excitement. A man gets excited over a new golf club. A women get excited over a new dick."
"Jenny," I said, "that's the stupidest thing I ever heard."
"But if Kelly really loves you then she will have no problem signing a prenuptial agreement."
So, Kelly signed it.
Let's get back to the present.
I cut Kelly off. I left that bitch broke.
I changed the passcode on all the doors and the garage of our..., I mean, my house. The company owns the house and I make minimal rent payments to my company each month. I had her car taken away; it was leased through the company. I also emptied the checking and savings accounts and transferred the money into a new account under my name only. I canceled our joint credit cards and only left her with one credit card. Let her figure out how to pay off her Amazon balance.