A Different Solution

Another one of my older stories; one of the very first, in fact. It went through a number of changes and I still felt like it was missing something so I held on to it. It's been edited (by me) any number of times and I've reached the point where I can't seem to bring anything else to it.

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A DIFFERENT SOLUTION

Can the marriage be saved by her lover?

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HENRY

Kim and I had met in college. It was a small college in the South Bay area of California. The freshman dorm on campus was 11 stories tall, by far the tallest building on campus and even the surrounding area. My room was on the 8th floor, which was all male. Hers was on the 9th floor and was all female. I first met her during a mixer between the 2 floors. She was friendly and we seemed to have a rapport, but I met several other ladies as well and nothing in particular happened at that time. We were both athletes: she was on a tennis scholarship and I played baseball. I had not been highly recruited out of high school but played my way into a scholarship by my junior year, giving my parents' finances a much-needed reprieve.

We spent the next 2+ years in each other's periphery, sharing some classes, running into each other in the weight room, that kind of thing. I don't recall seeing her around with other guys, and thought perhaps she had a boyfriend back home. We had casual conversations here and there but nothing of a romantic nature.

One night we ran into each other at one of the campus restaurants. It was full and I invited her to share a table. We ended up having a really good time talking, staying for several hours. Finally, I took a chance and asked her on a date. She looked at me with a sly grin, saying "I thought we were already on one." Things took off from there. Two weeks later we were intimate for the first time and soon we were spending the night together most every night, either at her place or mine, depending on the circumstances.

Shortly before graduation I hit one knee and proposed, and she excitedly accepted. We were married within 6 months and had a romantic honeymoon (courtesy of Kim's parents) in Hawaii.

I took an entry-level position at a local computer engineering company and Kim signed on to teach 9th grade math and be the school's junior varsity tennis coach. We were both excited to have children but waited a year into the marriage before making the choice to begin trying. Kim went off birth control and we leapt in with gusto. Two years later, however, we had no luck in conceiving so went to a fertility specialist to rule out any medical causes. Unfortunately, that plan was unsuccessful: Kim was sterile. It turns out she had some battles with illness as a child (taking up tennis originally to build strength as part of her recovery) and they had robbed her of her ability to have children. We were both devastated but her more than I, understandably. It didn't change the way I felt about her and I was prepared to spend my life with just her, with perhaps looking into adoption at some point in the future.

Kim was positively inconsolable for about a month, but then her mood improved rather quickly over the next few weeks. She had been in counseling but I still thought that to be a remarkably fast recovery, though what did I know.

As part of her mental recovery from the news, Kim scaled back her teaching schedule. She was now teaching just a couple of classes early in the morning, returning

in the afternoon to coach the tennis team. Obviously, this affected her salary but her mental health was more important, and it wasn't long before I got a salary increase that made up the difference.

Kim and I, even at the beginning, were not the type to have hard, heavy sex every night; though that was her choice, not mine. Many nights were spent cuddling and kissing and fondling; it was more intimacy than sex. But we did do have sex fairly consistently 1-2 times per week. There was a dark month after the news, when there was none, but then this schedule resumed and never wavered. We were both satisfied with this schedule and our relationship continued as it always had. I was happy with only her and believed she was happy with only me. There were no individual late nights out with friends for either of us. We did have some friends that lived nearby that we socialized with but there was nothing I would consider inappropriate going on. No 'harmless' flirting or anything. I was never alone with the wives and Kim was never alone with the husbands. There was absolutely nothing that made me think anything was up.

Then I made the mistake that seems to lead to discovery of this type of thing: I went home early. It was the Thursday before her birthday and I had made plans to spend the weekend in the Napa Wine Country, going on winery tours and taking a trip on the famous Wine Train. I had taken off Thursday afternoon and Friday and planned to surprise her. As you have probably guessed by now, I was the one in for the surprise.

There was the requisite strange car parked on the street, but it could just as easily have belonged to someone visiting one of our neighbors so I paid little attention to it. I walked in the front door as normal. I was neither quiet nor loud. Kim was not in the living room or the kitchen so I headed upstairs. I heard the moans as I got to the top of the stairs and there seemed little doubt what was going on.

Now from what I've read, a great number of men in this situation whip out their camera phones to record the evidence then take off. They consult a lawyer, begin divorce proceedings, and make elaborate plans of revenge against their soon-to-be former wife and their lover. A smaller number seem do what I did, which is rush in to break things up, prepared to beat the crap out of the man interloping into my marriage.

Without even looking at my intended target and in a blind rage, I rushed in and grabbed the guy by his arm, yelling as I did so and preparing a staggering blow.

"Get off of my wife you son of a...!"

I heard my wife scream "NO!" at the same time the reality of the situation struck me. I simply stopped, shocked at what I had discovered. I barely heard Kim when she spoke.

"Honey, go wait for me in the kitchen and we'll talk. I'd like to clean up first."

In a daze, I walked downstairs and straight out the door, climbing into my car and driving away before realizing I had no destination in mind. I pulled over to the side of the road. My phone rang but I declined the call then silenced the phone. I ended up at the home of my friend, Matt, and his wife, Angela.

Matt's smile when he saw it was me at the door faded instantly when he saw the look on my face.

"Come inside, buddy. What's happened?"

Angela came in from the kitchen to see what was going on, standing silently as Matt sat me on the couch.

He asked, "Did you and Kim have a fight?"

I just looked at him and mumbled, "Yeah, a fight."

I don't think either of them believed me but they let it rest for a while. I asked if I could crash there tonight and Matt assured me their guest room was always available, but suggested it might be better for me to go home and work things out. I knew I would have to eventually but couldn't face the idea right now, needing to come to terms with what I had seen.

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KIM

I realized immediately that Henry's car was gone. I had hoped he would wait for me downstairs so we could talk, but apparently the shock had been too great. Why had he come home early? He had never, ever done that on a Thursday. Had something happened at work? I grew increasingly worried as the sun went down and I heard nothing and he wouldn't answer my calls. It was nearly 9:00pm before the phone rang for the first time. I grabbed it without checking the caller ID.

"Henry, baby, is that you? Are you okay?"

But it was a woman's voice I heard. It was our friend, Angela.

"Kim, he's here and he's fine. He's been here since this afternoon."

"Did he tell you what happened?"

"Not really. He showed up at the door looking like he had seen a ghost and Matt helped him to the couch. Matt asked if you guys had a fight and Henry said that was it, but it was clearly more than that. What happened is your business, Kim, so you don't need to explain to me. I just wanted you to know he was okay."

"Thanks, Angie. Would you mind if I came over there to talk to him?"

"We certainly don't mind. We're here to help. If you think that's best then you're welcome. He's in the guest room."

I made the drive over to Matt and Angela's house, relieved that I knew where Henry was but unsure of what I might say to him. I thought it would be best to handle this at home, where happy memories surrounded us, so getting him home was my goal.

I knocked on the front door and said my hellos to Matt and Angela, thanking them for being there for Henry and for letting me know where he was. I found my way to the guest room. I tapped on the door and opened it after hearing 'come in' from the other side. I found him quietly reading. He glanced up from the book and saw me standing in the doorway.

"Kimberly, if I wanted to see you right now I would have just stayed at the house."

I noticed his use of my full first name, a sure sign that he was angry.

"I came here to get away from you and clear my head. If you can't respect that then I'll go somewhere where you can't find me until I'm ready."

"Henry, we really should talk about this right now. Let's go back to the house."

"No. As of now you have no say in what I do or where I go. Leave now or I will."

I started to protest again but the look on his face suggested that was not a good idea.

The tears started to run down my cheeks as I left the room, ran from the house, and drove back to my own empty house. I sat at the kitchen table drinking a glass of wine and didn't stop until I had finished the entire bottle. I had hoped he'd never find out, but now that he had I hoped he would understand if he could just let me explain. Perhaps I should have handled it differently, but that point was moot now. Despite polishing off the bottle of wine I only managed a fitful night of sleep alone in our bed.

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HENRY

The house was empty when I finally crawled out of the guest room. I found a note on the kitchen table:

Henry,

Help yourself to whatever you'd like for breakfast. Take your time. Then go talk to your wife. She was in tears when she left. She loves you, you love her, so you can work it out. Be sure to lock up when you leave.

Matt

I went back to the house and Kim was not there. A quick check of the clock indicated she was probably in one of her classes. I had planned to have her call off work for the surprise weekend, but I never got a chance to tell her about it so of course she went to work. Assuming she was keeping her regular schedule, she'd be back in about an hour. To pass the time I packed a couple of bags and got my toiletries together. While I had made no definite decision at this point, my staying here tonight seemed unlikely so I may as well be prepared.

When her sedan pulled into the driveway, I was aware of my relief that she was, in fact, alone, and then realized that the strange car yesterday had likely belonged to her lover. Besides, it was unlikely that they would be at it again so soon under the circumstances. I watched out the window as Kim got out of the car and walked to the house. I opened the door as she approached. She looked tired, and I doubt I looked much better.

"I'm glad you're home. Are you here to talk?"

"Yes, I am. Kim, if we're to have any hope of getting through this I need you to be completely honest with me. Please respect me enough to do that, even though I am aware you didn't respect me enough to remain faithful."

I prepared 2 glasses of water and joined Kim at the kitchen table.

Kim spoke first. "Henry, I understand that you're upset..."

For some reason, this angered me immensely.

"Do you? So, you know what it's like to walk in on your wife having sex with another woman. Do tell me about your experience. We'll compare notes."

"I didn't say I know how you feel, just that you're upset. If you'll let me explain perhaps you can understand and we can get past this."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Since about a month after we found out I couldn't have kids."

"That's been two years, Kimberly! Two years! And how often?

"Every Tuesday and Thursday. Sometimes the day would change but rarely."

"Twice a week? That's more than you want to have sex with me. 'Let's just cuddle tonight' you'll say. Now I know why."

"It's not like that, Henry. Can I please try and explain this without you interrupting? We just end up all over the place."

"Fine."

"Henry, I do love you so much. But the fact is that I've known I was bisexual since puberty, and in truth I've always been more interested, at least physically, in women than men. I mean, I dated some guys in college, had feelings for a couple of them and messed around a little bit, but I always had female lovers. My roommate, Kelly; Liz and Catherine from the tennis team. But as junior year was coming to an end, I knew I had to make some decisions about my future. I knew what I wanted to do for a career, but my personal life was more confusing. I asked myself what I really wanted, and I realized that what I wanted more than anything was a family. I wanted to marry a man, have kids, and live the dream. Then you and I started seeing each other, Henry, and I did fall in love with you. Did you know that you took my virginity? I don't think I ever told you that. Anyway, I committed myself to you fully. I stopped being with other women and focused on us. The day you proposed was the happiest of my life. My dream was coming true. Did I miss the intimacy of the other girls? Yes, I did. But I took comfort in my future children and a man I loved who loved me. I was happy, right up until that horrible day at the doctor's office."

The memory of that conversation with the doctor brought tears to her eyes. I could only sit there and digest what she had just finished telling me, trying very hard to keep my promise of not interrupting. She gathered herself enough to continue.

"We were both devastated, I know. But it was my fault that we couldn't have kids. I was depriving you of the kids you wanted so badly. I even told you I'd understand if you left me, and part of me hoped you would just to lessen the guilt I felt. But you stayed. You talked about our vows, in sickness and in health, and promised you wouldn't desert me. That should have made me feel better, but I still felt like I was depriving you, even though you chose to stay. I was a mess for a month, with no way out. You tried everything, and I loved you for it but it just made my guilt worse. I thought about killing myself, to free you and me from the childless jail I was responsible for, but I was too weak, I guess. Then out of nowhere I got an email from Kelly. The email itself was nothing. She lives in Ohio now and was trying to reconnect with some of her college friends. But it reminded me of the times we had spent together. Suddenly I was thinking back to the decision I made and found myself re-examining it. Would I have made the same choice if children weren't part of the picture? But of course, it wasn't that simple because I already had you. I loved you and wanted to stay your wife. But I needed something or I wasn't going to make it. And so, I began carefully looking for a female lover, and after a couple weeks I found Wendy, the woman you found me with. We met a couple times just to get to know each other but, even then, I started feeling better. By our third meeting we were in bed together and have been ever since. I know you noticed my change in mood because you mentioned it to me. That's why."

"Do you love her?" I asked

"I do love her. I have very strong feelings for her, but I love you more."

"Do you intend to keep seeing her?

"Not if you don't want me to."

This answer irritated me.

"So, this is truly a case of not being sorry you did it. Just sorry you got caught."

"Yes, Henry. I wish we hadn't been caught, but if I hadn't done it I'd be dead now. That I believe. I can't be sorry I did it."

"So, what I'm hearing is that you can't be happy, fully happy, just being married to me. Either you need to have kids or you need to have a woman as a lover. Does that sound right?"

"No baby. I can be happy with just you."

"But not as happy as you'd be with me and Wendy."

"I've not thought of it in those terms, but perhaps that's true. I don't know. I've never been with just you without the hope of children, except right after we talked to the doctor, and obviously I can't trust how I felt then."

"Why not just be with Wendy? You could have divorced me and been with her. You said yourself you prefer women to men."

"Even if that was what I wanted, which it's not, that wouldn't be possible. First, I love you, Henry. My life couldn't be complete without you at this point. Second, Wendy is married and has 2 children. Even if I wanted to be with her she's not available."

"Is he aware of your relationship with his wife?"

"Yes. She told him before they ever got married that this was part of her life that he would need to accept. She loved him but was prepared to move on rather than sacrifice part of herself. I've met him and her kids."

"Well isn't that nice. Everyone's in on it but clueless old Henry. So where does that leave us? I certainly still love you, but I'm in an impossible position. Either I deny you something that you feel you need to be truly happy or I allow it and suffer myself, in addition to being reminded on a daily basis that I'm not enough for you, like you are for me."

"I wish I knew, Henry. I, of course, would hope that we could go on as we have. Since Wendy is a woman she is providing me something you can't, at least on a physical level. As wonderful a man as you are, it's not possible for you to provide me the same intimacy that a woman does, any more then she can provide what you do. I don't feel I've taken anything from you by being with Wendy. The sex life you and I share has been the same the entirety of our relationship. It didn't change when Wendy came into my life. All the time I've spent with Wendy was while you were at work, until yesterday, so I never left you waiting at home to spend time with her. But perhaps the simple fact that you are aware of it is enough to make it impossible to continue."

"I've been over it and over it in my mind, Kim. I can't see any way out of it except for us to divorce so we can each start over."

"No Henry! Please don't say that! I love you and I need you!"

"This would allow you to follow Wendy's lead. You can tell any future prospects about your need for other women so you could do it freely. Surely you could find someone that was okay with that, as Wendy did."

"But I love you, Henry. There will be no future prospects because the only man I want is you. Isn't there some way we can work this out?"

"Okay Kim. I'll give it some more thought. You've given me some things I hadn't considered. One thing I must insist on: No more rendezvous with Wendy. For us to have a chance you need to restrict your intimacy to only me. If anything even slightly suspicious happens I file for divorce that day. Understood?"

"I understand. Will you be coming home then?

"Yes, for now. Rebuilding our relationship will also be necessary if we are to stay together, and we can't do that living in different places."