A Better Man

This was inspired by the song, "A Better Man," by Pearl Jam.

"Hey Ron, how come you never said anything to me about moving? I thought we were best friends, man," Alan Rinearson said to me when I answered my phone one morning at my office.

"What? What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked my best friend and next-door neighbor of 10 years. "What makes you think I'm moving?"

"Could be the moving van in your driveway and the fact that several pieces of furniture have been moved into it," he said in an aggravated tone.

It was probably a good thing I was already sitting down when I answered my phone. I got woozy. My brain suddenly felt like I had been drinking heavily.

"Have you seen Laurie around anywhere? People are just taking stuff... out of my house? Seriously?"

I know I sounded unhinged, because at that moment, I was unhinged.

"Yeah, bro, she's been directing things occasionally," he answered. "So far I've seen what looks like most of a bedroom and most of your living room furniture go into the van."

Alan worked from home a lot as a forensic accountant. He was a solid, stand-up guy not taken to whimsy. What he was describing to me didn't sound good.

"I have no idea what's going on, dude. I'll be there in 15 minutes. Thanks for the call," I said as rose from my chair.

I practically ran into my boss's office, told him I had a major personal problem at home and that I had to leave, and ran out of the office. He told me to keep him apprised and told me to go.

Fourteen minutes later--I know because I looked--I was pulling up in front of my house. Son of a bitch, I couldn't get into my driveway because there was a fucking moving van there. Forget the Goddamn strange car in my driveway, this was a fucking moving van!

I know I skidded to a noisy stop in front of the house. I jumped out of my car and ran into the house through the open front door.

"What the fuck!" I screamed at the two guys who were carrying my living room sofa toward the door where I stood.

"Dude, stop yelling and move the fuck out of our way," said the big guy carrying the back end of the sofa.

"No. No. No. Put the fucking sofa down and get out--NOW!" I yelled.

Both guys put the sofa down and looked disgustedly at me.

"So you're obviously the loser husband your wife told us about, although she didn't think you'd be home quite so early," the big guy said.

"Fuck you, buddy, and get out of my house! Nothing in that damned truck better be taken away from here!" I yelled.

He raised his hands in the universal surrender gesture just as my wife of 15 years walked into the room.

"Ronnie. I didn't expect you to be home quite this soon, but it doesn't make much difference. Guys, go back to loading what I told you to load," Laurie said.

The two guys picked up the sofa again. I sprinted past both, went up to my bedroom and got my Sig Sauer from my gun safe. The two had loaded the sofa into the truck and were walking back in the door when I got back downstairs, my gun drawn on them. They both raised their hands, and the smaller of the two literally pissed himself as he squeaked out a noise. My wife's eyes couldn't get any larger.

"Face down on the ground, both of you!" I yelled.

"You get over there with them," I said to my wife, who started to tremble as she quickly moved across the room.

I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket with my gun still drawn on the three. I dialed 9-1-1 and told the voice on the other end of the line that my wife and two moving men were stealing the contents of my home, and I had them laying on the floor with my gun pulled on them.

"Please remain calm, sir, and don't do anything stupid. I'll have officers at your house in just a few minutes," the young female voice said.

"We'll be here waiting... calmly," I said to the voice before I hung up.

"Everybody stay calm like I told the woman on the phone," I said to the three people laying on the floor face down.

"Ronnie. Ronnie. Please calm down. There's no reason to shoot anybody," my tearful wife cried, quite literally.

"I'm not planning on shooting anybody... as long as you all stay exactly where you are," I said, a lot quieter than I had been to that point.

I saw the big guy lift his head off the floor and maybe--maybe consider doing something stupider than what I was doing.

"Really? I see you're thinking about doing something, but I'm advising against that," I said to the guy. "The cops will be here in just a few minutes, but if you insist, I will drill you and won't lose a minute's sleep over it. Ask my wife, I don't often question myself over decisions I've made."

He put his face back down on the floor.

"Smart," I remarked.

"While we're waiting, why don't you explain to me what the fuck is going on here, Laurie," I said.

"Uhh... I'm leaving you, Ronnie," Laurie said. "This is... I'm taking some of the furniture and some of the stuff I want from the house. This is a no-fault state, so I want my half, and that includes furniture and stuff.

"I've left you the master bedroom but I've taken the guest room furniture. I'm going to take the living room but I'm leaving you the family room. I'm going to take all my stuff and half of my decorations and stuff in here.

"You get the kids, but I still want to be able to see them whenever. I'm just going to be across town."

I kept my gun trained on the big guy while my stomach did flip-flops. I'll admit that I never saw this coming and I had absolutely no fucking clue that she was leaving me. I wasn't born yesterday, though, so I knew she wasn't leaving me to go live by herself.

"Who is my replacement?" I asked, trying my best not to sound pathetic.

"Caleb. Caleb Primmer, the man I went out with right before you and I started," she said.

I staired daggers at my wife for several silent seconds.

"You mean the man who broke your engagement to go off to the left coast with another woman? His soul mate? A woman he later married?"

She blushed deeply from her position on the floor. She was about to answer when two police officers showed up in the open doorway, guns drawn on me because I had my gun drawn.

"Drop the weapon, sir. Put it down slowly and gently," the older of the two officers said.

I followed his instructions immediately, but made sure to move slowly and deliberately. There was no way I wanted to be an accidental "suicide by cop."

Once the police secured my gun, we each gave the officers our stories. Apparently, my wife was moving into an apartment with her former fiancé, who recently moved back to town after divorcing his wife. My wife decided he was her "real" love, not me, and she would throw me away for him.

"I couldn't find a better man than you when we married... but Caleb's always been my number one, and if he's available, well I've got to do what's right for me," she said.

"Wait a fucking minute!" I shouted, the veins in my neck probably sticking out. "You're telling me that I was just a placeholder? I'm a good man, but he's better? I'm number two, but he's number one?"

Her face was practically magenta in color. She looked everywhere but directly at me. She finally nodded slowly.

"You bitch! You absolute fucking bitch!" I snarled.

After an uncomfortable silence of several seconds, Laurie asked the officers if she could get the rest of the things she wanted and leave. I reminded them that possession was nine-tenths of the law, so the furniture, which belonged to us both, needed to stay in the house.

"That's exactly what our city attorney's policy is," the older cop said. "You two need to put the furniture in the van back inside the house. Nothing of shared ownership is to leave the house until a judge says so, or you two agree to it. Mrs. Sanders can take all her clothing, toiletries and anything that is just hers, including jewelry."

The cops stayed in the house until all the removed furniture was returned. Laurie then loaded several suitcases in her car, and she and the two moving men drove off. The police then handed my gun back, unloaded, with the clip separately.

After putting my gun back in my gun safe, I called Alan and told him what had transpired, thanking him for alerting me. I then went to my favorite hardware store and changed out all three door locks and the garage code. The only way Laurie was getting back into the house was if I let her in.

My kids got home from school a few hours later, and it nearly broke my heart having to tell them that their mother had gone to live with another man and that we would be getting a divorce in the near future. The kids, 12 and 10, were old enough to understand divorce--several of their friends' parents were split up--but they couldn't understand why their mother just left us. I had to admit I wasn't totally clear on that concept either at the moment, but hopefully would be finding out in the near future.

"You must have screwed up big-time, Dad, for Mom to be mad enough to leave you for another man," our oldest, Karen, said. "Did you cheat on her or something? Did you forget her birthday?"

My feelings were incredibly hurt by Karen's accusations. I wasn't the one who left her spouse and kids to be with another man.

"I'm pretty sure from the little bit she said that this isn't a

me

problem, or even a

we

problem. I'm pretty sure this is all a

Mom

problem," I stated flatly.

Both girls looked at my face and could see that I was struggling mightily to maintain my cool. I could see the looks of pity on their young faces... before their selfish interests kicked in at almost the same time.

"Are we going to stay in the house with you or is Mom going to take us to wherever she is staying?" the younger, Susie, asked. "Are we going to have to move or something? What's the game plan here, Dad?"

I didn't enjoy being grilled by my daughters, especially since I detected the attitude that they seemed to think the break-up was on me.

"For right now you two will be staying in the house with me," I answered gruffly. "Beyond that we'll have to see. Maybe when your mother has some time in between playing kissy-face with her new boyfriend she and I can talk."

The kids looked shocked and gasped at the kissy-face and boyfriend references, at least having a clue that this had something to do with their mother doing things that maybe wouldn't pass a wife and mother test. After several seconds of silence, Susie threw down the gauntlet.

"Why don't you call her now and get her over here so we can talk," Susie commanded.

"We... white girl? When I get her over here to talk, you two will be upstairs. There are certain things that should stay just between a husband and wife. When she and I are finished, I'll call you two, and then you can have some time with her."

They both nodded in agreement and kept looking at me. Finally, Karen quietly said, "Now, Dad. Call her."

I winced at her attitude, but I knew she was probably right. I hit my wife's number and put the call on speaker.

"You're on speaker," I said as I heard her pick up. "Keep the language clean and acceptable."

"Umm... Umm. Okay," Laurie finally responded. "Are the girls in the room with you?"

"Ye-e-es. They insisted I call you right now and set up a time when you can come here to talk to us. First you and I will talk, then you and them will talk. They want it sooner rather than later. I can call for pizza delivery, and we can eat after we talk tonight... if any of us feel like eating by that point."

We all heard her swallow hard. "Okay. I'll be there in 15 minutes," she said, her voice a rasp barely above a whisper.

We all heard her car pull up in the driveway. I asked one of the girls to let her in, since I knew her key wouldn't open the new locks.

Karen hugged her mother hard when Laurie walked into the house. Susie ran up to her and did the same. Laurie looked at me with guilt playing across her face while she hugged Susie.

"You're not going to pull a gun on me again, are you?" Laurie meekly asked.

The girls' faces showed shock before they turned to glare at me.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you later," I said to the pair.

"Not this time... unless you try again to steal some stuff."

This time the girls glared at Laurie. She didn't look comfortable.

"Okay, time for you two to disappear upstairs... and close your doors," I said. "We'll let you know when it's your turn to speak."

The moment the girls closed their room doors, Laurie jumped in with both feet.

"How dare you threaten me with a gun? I live in this house, too, and I don't take kindly to threats like that!" she growled harshly.

"Well excuse the fuck out of me!" I responded just as harshly. "I come home, not to find the cliché 'strange car in the driveway,' but the non-cliché 'strange moving van in the driveway,' and I find two numb-nuts stealing furniture. Then I find my supposed loving wife helping direct them. You're lucky I just threatened to shoot you. You do remember that I've won several shooting contests in the past. The three of you would have been dead well before the police arrived!"

She paled immediately as my statement sunk into her brain.

"What the actual fuck is going on, and why were you trying to steal furniture, you dumb bitch? All you gave me earlier was that you're leaving me for the man who was once your fiancé."

She gave a hard swallow as she sat down on the end of the living room sofa. I could see she was practically trembling.

"Could I have a glass of water, Ronnie? I can get it myself, if you'll let me?" she asked.

I gave her a sweeping gesture toward the kitchen in acquiescence. I sat down in a chair closest to her end of the sofa and waited. She returned shortly.

"Do you remember me telling you that I was engaged to be married before we met... his name was Caleb Primmer?" she queried tentatively.

"Yeah. You two were together for a couple of years before getting engaged. You said he broke off the engagement and took off to California with another woman... whom he later married. Long story very short, you were devastated and didn't date again for a year, at which time you met me... and the rest is history," I said.

"How did we get from there to you leaving me for him and trying to steal furniture?"

"I-I really, really loved Caleb. I thought he was my soul mate, and we were going to be together for the rest of our lives," she started. "When he broke the engagement, I was devastated... but I still loved him deeply. In fact, I never really got over him..."

"Oh fuck. Here it comes," I interjected weakly as I suddenly knew where this was going.

"Yes, I connected with you and we fell in love, but truthfully, I always kept a big piece of my heart in reserve, in the crazy hope that someday he would come back to me. When you asked me to marry you after we were together for a year, I knew I would never find a better man to be married to... if I couldn't be married to Caleb. You were handsome, funny, witty, intelligent, kind and had a bright future ahead of you.

"For me, you were the perfect man... next to Caleb. And I do love you, and we have had a great life together, but my heart never let go of Caleb. There's always been that little spark of hope that someday he would come back to me."

I felt like I had gotten punched in the stomach by Mike Tyson and Tyson Fury all rolled into one person. I seriously thought about throwing up all my meals from the previous week. I felt tears dropping on my cheeks.

"So I was always second-best in your heart? I was just a placeholder, all this time?" I squeaked out pathetically, even to my own ears.

"No. No. You weren't a placeholder. I never thought in reality he would ever come back, so I gave you all my love..."

"Except for the big piece you held back for him," I interrupted. "You said so yourself, Laurie. I was a placeholder, even if you didn't admit it to yourself. And I was always second-best.

"You couldn't find a better man... if you couldn't have Caleb."

She dropped her eyes and confirmed my thoughts.

"How did this go from being an almost unobtainable dream to you leaving me for him? When did he come back here? When did you two hook back up?" I asked.

She blushed again. Damn.

"How did you know..." she started hesitantly.

"I pride myself on not being an idiot if not exactly being observant," I said. "All of a sudden, you're stealing furniture and bugging out on me? You've already fucked him, found you two are still compatible and now you're leaving me--and the kids--for this fucker.

"How long has he been back? How long you two been fucking?"

"Do you have to be so crude?" she asked.

"Are you fucking serious?" I replied. "You've been lying to me for the whole time we've been married. Now you've added fucking another man to your list of crimes... and you're upset because I'm talking to you exactly like you deserve? Delusion... thy name is Laurie.

"Now... how long?"

She exhaled loudly, took a long drink of water and exhaled again. She stammered, then stuttered.

"Two months... several times each week," she whispered.

"Fucking bitch."

Her eyes filled with tears. There was a time I would have wrapped her in a hug. Now it was taking everything I had in me not to slap the shit out of her.

"I'm sorry, Ronnie. Really. I never really thought I had a chance to get him back," she said.

"But you're not sorry about lying to me for 15 years? Not letting me find someone for whom I'd be number one. I deserved to be number one for someone, the way you were always number one for me.

"If it wasn't for the kids, I'd say you wasted 15 years of my life. Damn, woman."

We spent the next few minutes talking about her trying to steal furniture from the house and sneak away without even telling me. She admitted that she thought she could get half of the furniture since we lived in a no-fault state, and she wanted something comforting from her now "old life."

We also talked about visitation for the girls. I told her she could see them as much as she wanted, assuming Caleb was good with that. I also warned her that Caleb had better never make an improper move on either daughter, or I wouldn't hesitate to go to jail for shooting him. She assured me that he wasn't that type of man. I argued back that since he was the type of man who didn't have a problem sleeping with another man's wife, who knew what he was capable of doing. She growled at me. I made the sign of a gun with my right hand. She paled.

Once we were done, I called our daughters downstairs to talk with their mother. The girls asked me to leave the room so the three could talk privately. I was not happy with that request, but I had always respected their privacy in the past, so I believed I should continue to honor that privacy. I went up to the bedroom that used to be Laurie's and mine, but would now be mine solo. Laurie had earlier removed all her clothes and possessions. I flopped onto the bed and realized how exhausting my day had been. I wondered if every day would now feel like this.

In the next few minutes, I think I ran through almost all the great moments of my life with Laurie, from our first date, to our first sex together, my marriage proposal, our wedding, the birth of our two girls, several great anniversaries. All of it now tainted with the stain of my wife's infidelity and her leaving me. My sadness turned to rage in my heart as I thought about all of her deception... more than 15 years' worth. Maybe I just should have shot her when I had the chance.

A sickening thought hit me while I laid on the bed seething: how many others knew I was just a dupe? How many of her family and close friends knew that she was just using me as a sucker until her Prince Charming showed back up? Deceived, cucked and humiliated. Great. The fucking triple crown of pathetic.