Zelmas On Tour Pt 01

This is a sequel to Vix's Licks, picking up after the epic gig at the Magna Carta, and following Vix's band as they continue gigging and then embark on a European tour.

Some readers will already remember Orchid Bliss and Della Delight from "Anja's Game" and "Della does the Delphi."

***

'It's almost a double bill,' said Dad. 'Officially you're supporting, but Orchid Bliss are only a little way further down the road than you. They have a deal with Draken Records, and an album in the pipeline. I've spoken with them and they are happy for you to have the same set length, as if you were equal-billing. They are not at all like Speling Eror. Della really is a delight.'

This all sounded brilliant to me. I already knew of Orchid Bliss and their flamboyant front-woman, Della Delight. They were from up north, with a successful single, "Over You, Under Me" to their name. Their set was a 50/50 mix of covers and original stuff and they were well-known, nationally, whereas we were still quite London-centric. The roaring success of our recent gig at the Magna Carta was just the start for us though.

Thanks to Dad, we had signed a quite lucrative deal with Circular Records, to first of all release "The Cream Song" as a single, followed by an album of covers (from our current setlist) and then, within two years, an album of all original songs. That felt faintly scary to me but Dad said it would be 'a piece of piss.'

Dad, with the help of the garrulous Larry Teal, had managed to get us two gigs; the first was this one at the Almacén with Orchid Bliss, and the second was five weeks later at The Garage, supporting Wet Leg. Larry had been very impressed by our gig at the Maggie (I could almost see the ££ signs in his eyes) and had used all his infamous blagging skills to secure what were really two dream gigs for a band that was barely up and running. I had to tell Roo.

'Hey babe, Dad has booked us two gigs...'

'Wow, brilliant,' she said after I'd explained, 'Neither of them will be as easy to upstage as the Erors, but we'll hold our own. That Della Delight is a sensation. She's a whole lotta woman, and a massive personality by all accounts.'

'What about Wet Leg? Have you seen them?'

'Yeh, saw them at Glastonbury last year. They're good. Weird name, but they say they chose it completely at random. Nothing to do with the unfortunate experience of having a wet leg. Yeah, right.'

We chuckled. I'm sure most women have experienced the wet leg at some point in their lives. For me, it was as recently as the Magna Carta gig...

'You coming over tomorrow babe?' I asked.

'Just try stopping me.'

We were still rehearsing each Saturday and Sunday, and it was normal for Roo to come on Friday and to stay the whole weekend. Mads' situation had changed now, and she was spending as much time as she could with Nena in Bristol, only returning to London for session jobs, or our rehearsals.

Our threesomes in the cottage were a thing of the past now (shame) but Mads still stayed there when we were rehearsing. I suggested that Nena could come over and stay with her there, and maybe sit in on our practice sessions sometimes - her input was sure to be interesting -- and Mads liked that idea, but it hadn't happened yet.

Mum's new album was about to be released, The Chootes European tour, which we'd be supporting, was on the horizon, and we had gigs booked. Our Maggie gig had made a bit of a splash in the music press, getting a five-star review on the NME website, and journalists already wanted to interview us. It was all very exciting.

Anyway, Roo came over that Friday and after we'd eaten and socialised with Mum and Dad for a while, we escaped to my bedroom and looked up Orchid Bliss on YouTube. There was a full gig on there, and we settled down on my bed in just our underwear to watch it. We always get straight down to underwear; it's inevitable that sex will happen, and it just saves a lot of urgent fumbling.

I have a big screen on my bedroom wall, which is great for watching live performances (or porn), and we reclined on the bed, full of anticipation, and pressed play. Our jaws dropped as soon as Della burst onto the stage. She was astonishing.

I don't think it's unflattering to say that Della is a larger woman. She's tall and extremely curvy, with a lot of rather wobbly flesh, including tits that even Olivia would envy. She's strikingly good-looking, with wild black hair and smouldering eyes, and her repertoire of facial expressions is mesmerising; from sultry glares, through scorching pouts, to lip-curled snarls and teeth-baring sneers, and her vocal repertoire was the same. She was like Florence Welch, Linda Perry and Beth Ditto, all rolled into one. A stunning combination.

Some larger women can be self-conscious about their fleshy bits but not Della. She absolutely revels in them, deliberately making her thighs and her bum wobble and swinging her huge boobs from side to side. I loved watching her. It was great to see a woman completely happy in her own skin, like she was saying 'Here I am, I'm big, dontcha just love it?' And I did.

I looked at Roo and said 'Christ on a bike, she's awesome,' and Roo was nodding, her eyes wide.

Della had on a black lace mini dress, with no bra, and she threw her body around so much I was amazed those huge boobs didn't fall out. She also had black heels, black stockings, and black-painted nails, which was a stunning look with her dark hair and eyes and she made absolutely no attempt to conceal her stocking tops. In fact, she made a point of flashing them on a regular basis. I was moist by halfway through the gig.

'Do you ever wear lingerie, Roo?' I asked.

'What, like stockings and suspenders and stuff? Yeh, I have done. I had a girlfriend called Zoe and she loved it. She liked me to dress up and wear cheap-looking makeup, so I looked like a pornstar or something. It turned her on somethin crazy.'

'Would you dress up for me?'

'What? Of course I would. I'd do anything for you, jo, you know that.'

'Black stockings under a mini dress, with high heels and no knickers,' I said, giving her a coy look.

'Really?' She turned to look at me. 'Would that turn you on?'

'Yeh, especially if you queened me on the living room floor.'

She smiled, 'Mm nice. Why the living room floor?'

'Dunno, it just seems naughtier.'

'Well, only if you take me shopping to get the outfit.'

'Deal,' I grinned.

She climbed on top of me, playfully pinning my arms down with her hands. 'You really like being dominated, don't you?'

'Mm hmm,' I said, acting deliberately pathetic.

Actually, I think I'm a bit odd in that I like being the domme, as well as being the sub. They each hold a different kind of excitement for me. On this occasion though, I was enjoying being the submissive one and I was positively salivating at the prospect of eating her pussy. I just love eating pussy. If I could eat my own, I definitely would.

'Well now, I think there's probably something you want to do for me, am I right?'

I nodded slowly, and she crawled up over me until I was face to fanny with her pretty pink knickers. She hooked a finger into the elastic and pulled her gusset aside, revealing her pussy with its crinkled protruding inner lips and its neat patch of curly black pubes. She moved her hips from side to side, vaunting herself, and I lay there adoringly and just waited for her to queen me.

'You like my pussy, don't you?'

'I love it.'

Suddenly, she surprised me by rolling off me, whipping her knickers off, then straddling me again. She shuffled forward, bringing her sex even closer... 'Now... tell me what you love about it.'

I knew 'everything' would not be an adequate answer, she wanted details, so she could revel in my adulation. I reached around her hip and brushed my fingers across her pubes, loving the feel of them, and the feel of her bum cheek against my bicep. 'I love your pubes, how soft and silky they are, and how they contrast with your skin.' I trailed a finger down the length of the pouting flesh of her labia minora... 'I love the texture of your inner lips and the way they protrude rudely. Soo gorgeous,' I whispered as I gazed at the way they yielded to my touch, parting with the softest of pressure.

She chuckled very slightly as I drew a fingernail up between them, revealing the glistening flesh within her slit, and I blew on the wetness, making her shiver. I could sense her breathing increasing as she looked down at me, and her smile morphed into a rapt gaze as her arousal took over. She was loving this.

And so was I... Using the finger tips of both hands, I parted her soft outer lips, and continued my homage; 'I love your clit. How it shows itself, bold and slightly bluish when you're aroused, like now.' I looked up at her and held her gaze as I raised my head and kissed it, with exaggeratedly pursed lips.

'Fuuck,' she hissed, breathily.

I used my arms to urge her to shuffle forward even more, so I could dip my tongue in her wet slippery entrance, then I licked my lips with relish. 'Mmm, I love how it tastes, how it smells...' I rubbed my nose across her clit, which was hot and amazingly hard, then thrust my tongue as deeply into her as I could, opening my mouth wide and pressing my face hard against her in a clash of squishy lips.

She quivered and gasped, 'Oh fuck, Vix, you're so naughty...'

I bent my head forward and rubbed my nose up and down against her entrance, streaking it with droplets of her white cream, and I smiled up at her, knowing how hot that would look.

She was trembling now, so much I could feel the tremors in her legs, and her breath was noticeably unsteady. She started to play with herself, rubbing her fingers up and down over her clit while I held her wide open with my fingertips, and her juice began to drip. I wriggled down slightly, to bring my mouth under her so I could catch the nectar, and she went faster and faster, twitching and whimpering as she built herself up towards her climax. I slipped my tongue into her, giving it a delicious bath in her milky river, and I squeezed her tightly against me with my arms.

She couldn't last long, and she came in a rush, spreading her legs wider and pressing me down into the bed as she humped my face mercilessly. 'oh, oh, oh, f, f, f, f, u, u, u, ck, ck...' until the ecstasy faded and she flopped forward with arms spreadeagled.

I lay there with her mons pressing on my forehead, and just let my tongue idly toy with her pussy lips until she gave a sudden intake of breath and rolled off me. 'Fkin hell Vix that was SO hot. I loved it,' she said, breathlessly.

'That makes two of us,' I sighed, as I gently played with my tingling pussy. I needed to come, and I took her hand and placed it with mine as a wordless request. She didn't need anything more, and she began to tease my clit with soft, circular caresses. I enjoyed a wonderful three-handed wank as Roo's expert fingers joined in concert with my own. A concert of clit rubbing and finger-fucking, to bring me to a scorching orgasm.

We lay together in the aftermath glow, licking and sucking each other's tasty fingers, and blissfully kissing, savouring the flavours on our tongues and salty lips, then we slipped into slumber.

***

The girls arrived on Saturday morning and we had coffee in the tuning room while I told them about the latest developments. Nikki jumped up and clapped her hands, then unexpectedly bent down and clasped me in a hug. I think she was the most excited of all of us, but we were all still riding a euphoric high even three weeks after the Maggie.

Jemma had a theory that, when we looked back over our lives in the future, they would be divided into AM and PM. We looked baffled until she said, with a grin 'Ante Maggie and Post Maggie.' It really did seem that big an event.

Our rehearsals were as smooth as silk now, and we were all yearning for the next gig. I especially couldn't wait to meet Della and the rest of her band. I confess I had watched her videos on YouTube more than once, along with a candid interview on IndieCentral, where her dry sense of humour really came across. She spoke at length about the unabashed sexuality of her stage persona, and I realised I could learn a lot from her.

The Almacén gig was two weeks away and we busied ourselves polishing up our sound. I knew we'd have to be on top of our game if we were to avoid being completely overshadowed by Orchid Bliss, and I felt we needed to add a bit of spice to our "show" as well as our music. I talked with the band about making our image a little "hotter."

There were mixed feelings. Mads thought it would be a mistake to 'try to out-Della Della,' and that was of course true, but it didn't mean we couldn't add a little sexual pizzazz of our own. I thought we could easily come off as pretty tame if we didn't.

Mads had her very sexy black leather thing going on, with that amazing bodice, or a waistcoat with no bra under it, and her cuban heels, and Roo had her bikini tops (as well as the cerise one she also had versions in black, gold and electric blue). Nikki always turned up in a sexy dress of some kind, and Jemma had been known to swap her baggy trousers for a mini skirt with tights or stockings.

My look at the Maggy gig - sparkly black crop top, red short shorts over black tights, and a pair of red bianca-style high heels with a slight platform under the forefoot -- seemed to go down well, but I wanted to sex it up a bit more.

We decided to go a little more extreme and vampish with our makeup, and I bought a pair of fishnet tights to go under my "hotpants," but then, Jemma came up with a masterstroke:

'You know, Della's all about those big boobs. She's very proud of them, and they are practically her trademark.' We all nodded. 'Why don't we all go on wearing a pair of giant novelty fake breasts? It would be a laugh, and the crowd would surely know what we were getting at. I'm sure Della wouldn't mind us poking fun at her like that.'

'Brilliant, Jem,' I laughed, and the idea gained universal approval.

Mads went a step further, suggesting we learn the ZZ Top song, "Legs" but modify the lyrics to "boobs" or "tits." Our enthusiasm for this ran riot, and rewriting the lyrics came easily to us. We changed the first line from "she got legs" to "she got boobs," and (sort of) rhymed it with "She can't lose." Then, in verse four, we changed "legs" to "tits" and rhymed it with "she's a hit." We were very giddy girls by the time we actually started learning the song, which is a very simple little ditty really. It didn't take us very long, and Mads and I added some pretty cool harmonies that those beardy boys in ZZ Top would kill for.

We decided we'd do it as our opener, as a sort of tongue-in-cheek tribute to Della, comedy fake tits and all. We didn't know how she'd react, but everything we knew about her suggested she would probably quite like it.

I was soon online, looking for five pairs of comedy boobs. They needed to be BIG to have the right effect, and to be worn over clothes, held on with string so they could be easily discarded after the first number. It was easy. I was actually amazed how many of those things are on the market and I got some beauties; big and shapely, with exaggerated nipples. This was going to be fun!

As a precaution, I ran the idea past Dad, and he gave a wheezy chuckle. He thought it was a novel idea, but said he'd talk to Larry, to check that the venue was comfortable with it. Turned out EVERYONE thought it was a great idea.

A week later, we got another boost when Roo informed us that she'd got us a gig in Glasgow, Scotland, of all places. She'd heard (through what she called her "Scottish circle") that The Delgados were doing a one-off gig at the brilliantly-named King Tut's Wah Wah Hut, and there was an opening for a support act. She'd immediately volunteered us, without really thinking about it.

The Delgados had only recently started gigging again after a long hiatus of more than 15 years, and supporting them was a great opportunity for us to widen our audience beyond London. The place, which only holds 300, would surely be packed.

The gig fell neatly between the one at the Almacén and the one at The Garage, and we managed to arrange for Dad to "loan" us two of his most trusted roadies, Joe and Ben, along with their van. As with the Speling Eror gig, we'd be using some of the Delgados gear on stage, so our pile of kit was a bit smaller than it would have been. The time was rapidly approaching when we would have to buy our own van, and employ our own road crew though.

Anyway, first of all, there was the Almacén gig, and for that, our arrangements were exactly the same as the Maggie one, with Ed, Max and Marv helping us sort everything out, including a proper sound check. Orchid Bliss have only a very small crew; two daft lads called Jez and Stu, a soundman (who was also a third roadie) called Jonny, and their manager, Chas. They were all extremely laid back -- completely unlike Speling Eror's sulky crew -- didn't hassle us during sound check, and even took a genuine interest in what Marv was doing (he's way more experienced than them).

Doors opened, the place started to fill, and that familiar butterfly thrum in my belly made its unwelcome presence felt. We retreated backstage. Not to the big tuning room where Roo and I had shared our first kiss, but to a smaller room we'd been allocated.

We caught a glimpse of Della as she turned into the corridor leading to the ladies, and I was almost tempted to follow her but thought better of it.

In the room, there was much hilarity as we put on our silly fake breasts, and Jemma took a picture of me pretending to suck one of Roo's massive plastic nipples. We'd told Larry that we'd only emerge when he was finishing his intro, so we listened carefully until we heard him talking, then we crept out and tried to stay at the back of the stage, out of the spotlight, until it was time to kick off.

Larry finished his little spiel and, as arranged, all the lights went out. I stepped up to the mic, in darkness, and gave my little intro; 'Hi, we're The Zelmas. Enjoy,' and the stage lights came on as we hit the first chord, revealing the five of us, resplendent in our big plastic boobies.

The crowd looked stunned: For a few seconds I saw numerous slack jaws as they obviously thought 'WTF?' but then they got it, and a huge roar went up. We raced through the song, which seemed to be well--received, and when we finished, we all threw our boobs into the crowd. That also went down well, and the icing on the cake was spotting Della, near the bar, grinning and raising her glass to us. Fantastic.

We continued through our set, with "Hazy Shade of Winter," "You Really Got Me," etc and the crowd were rumbustiously enjoying it. It wasn't quite as wild as it had been at the Maggie, but a pretty enthusiastic reaction. I'll take that.

Our self-penned "Cream Song finished the set, and we got a solid roar of cheers and applause as we took a bow and left the stage. We made our way through the crowd towards the bar, and I looked to see Della but she seemed to have disappeared. Probably preparing for her performance. A few people -- well, five -- were wearing our fake tits, and I wasn't at all surprised to see they were all blokes.

We watched Orchid Bliss' crew reorganising the stage for a few minutes then I headed to the loo. On the way there I met Della and her band emerging from the backstage corridor, and she gave me an unexpected little hug and a kiss on the cheek 'Nice one, Vix, I enjoyed you.' Wow she was so fucking hot close up. I was in awe.

Their performance was as electrifying as expected, with Della -- of course -- the centre of attention, and we all watched her with some kind of reverence. I doubt even Nikki and Jemma were immune to her sex-appeal. I don't think they were actually on the turn, but I suspect it's impossible, even for straight women, to watch Della and not be affected. She's an elemental sexual force.