Wow! Chapter 1: Our town of 3,100 rednecks.
Things were different back then. The most thrilling part of any date was running the drag in a boys 68 GTO convertible with five or six of us jammed into the car. Of course, cars were bigger then. Sterling Padering had a 67 Mustang GT. The most we ever got in there was five, and that was only because Heather, the slut of our group didn't mind sitting on a guy's—any guy's lap.
The drag was two miles long. It started at the water tower and went down Main Street for a mile. At the traffic light, we turned right down Route 66 for a mile to the Dairy Maid. Then we turned around and retraced our journey—over and over, for hours. Of course, gas was like nineteen cents a gallon, and you could drive for days on that, even in a beefed up muscle car.
It was a custom, if there weren't stags in the car, to venture out to our version of Lover's Lane for an hour or so of making out before going home. Those make out sessions were usually very mild by today's standards. A whole lot of kissing and, if the guy was lucky, a little second base action. I only let one boy get that far with me, and that was only after a dozen visits to Lover's Lane with him.
"Rim Lane" was just a little cow path off "Lover's Lane." It was just a sandy path with brush on both sides. It got its name from the condoms left hanging on the bushes. After time had eroded them, there was nothing left of them but the thick rims at the top, hence, "Rim Lane." I'd never gone there.
So, now that you know how things were when I was young, perhaps you can better appreciate how blown away I was when I moved to Dallas after college. I was no longer a virgin, but I was still that same small town girl.
* * *
Wow! Chapter 2: Volly
I was thirty two when Volly got hired on at Douglas and Douglas, the advertising firm I'd worked for since graduating. They had expanded into Europe and needed those with an understanding of the language and culture of their native land. Her real name, I learned almost a year later, was Walberger Lefeld. She was a first generation immigrant from Germany, and since Germans pronounce Ws like Vs, her nickname in German was spelled "Wolly"—in English, "Volly".
Volly was not a super model. Her hair was too straight, her face too plain, her hips too wide, and her breasts way too large for her body. Still, she was sexy in the way she carried herself. She was confident and bold—two qualities I lacked.
Volly and I became good friends, and she kept me constantly laughing with her broken English and her German ways. Germans used a different structure with verbs at the end of a sentence. There were startling differences in our customs too. On more than one occasion, after parking our car and heading inside to a movie or restaurant, if someone was ahead of us walking, she would say, "run!" and she would drag me along to get ahead of the next person. Americans are too polite to do something like that.
She would curse at the woman who had a crying baby in a movie. Germans would not think of taking a newborn to a movie, or just about anywhere else for that matter. She was appalled by houses on the same street being different shapes and colors, explaining that the city should require all homes in a neighborhood to be identical, "more uniform, and more appealing to the eye."
When it came to nudity and sex, she laughed at our Puritan values. "Sex, sex is. Life sex is. No sex, life no is. Nudity, nudity is. Why Americans so ashamed of bodies are?"
One time in a club, she spotted a hot guy walking in the door with his friend. She jumped up and almost ran over to him. They talked only briefly before she returned to our table. "What was that all about?" I asked her.
"He cute is, no? I first in line dance want. He will not . . . how say, need hit me. He knows dance answer yes is."
I laughed till my eyes watered. "Hit on you, Volly. You don't want him to hit you. You want him to hit on you . . . to flirt with you."
"Flirt? No, I he sex with us has."
"You mean with you—not us. You want him to have sex with you."
She shrugged, "You no sex with him want, okay. I him myself take."
"Take him for myself." I corrected her.
She looked puzzled, "You don't I sex too can have?"
I gave up, "Never mind. If he asks you, just say yes and then shut the hell up."
"Yes, I shut fuck up can, and sex with him get."
I had to laugh, her English was improving.
The guy did ask her to dance after awhile, and her answer still sends me into a fit of laughter every time I remember it. She answered him, "Yes, dance first, sex after dance."
* * *
One evening over Chinese take out at my apartment; Volly said to me, "G, you quiet seem. What my friend wrong with?"
"I need a man, Volly. I haven't had a date in so long, it's killing me."
"Your fault. You shy are. You no let men know you sex need."
"I'm beginning to think you are right, and trust me; I'd gladly do that if a man walked through the door right now. I really need a man's tongue and cock right now. I need to cum so bad . . ."
"I don't have big dick cock you for, but I tongue for you have. You cum from tongue can if want. I you cum make. You I cum you make?"
Wow! It didn't take a linguist expert to understand what she just offered to do. I'm sure my eyes shot open and I could feel my face blush. "Thank you, but no. I'll manage."
She shrugged, "Okay, cum from fingers make. Not bad cum with fingers. Tongue better organism make."
I giggled and almost corrected her, but then decided not to go there.
* * *
The following week, Dale, a male friend from work told me he'd been invited to go skiing on Lake Texoma, a very large lake on the Texas, Oklahoma line just north of Dallas. Jimmy Houston, the famous TV fisherman from Oklahoma calls it "the lake Okies built for Texans to fish in."
Dale continued, "Kyle asked me if I knew any women to invite, and I thought you might like to join us."
"There's going to be two of you, right?" I asked him.
"Yes, if you have a girlfriend to bring along, that would be great."
"I have someone in mind. I'll ask her."
Volly, at least after I looked up waterskiing in the encyclopedia and showed her a picture, said she never had, but she would love going on a boat. She'd never been on a boat.
So, the two of us ended up on the boat of a guy we didn't know, with one of our coworkers. I was wearing my bikini, and showing off a good portion of my 34Cs. Volly, strangely enough, was wearing shorts and a tube top that was being stretched to the point of ripping from having to contain her huge breasts.
Since neither of us knew how to ski, we watched the guys take turns while we enjoyed the mid-morning sun. Kyle, the owner of the boat, let us steer it some, with him hugging us from behind, his hands ready to take the wheel on a second's notice.
While the guys were taking a break and we were just drifting in the middle of the huge lake, Volly started stripping off her clothes. She wasn't wearing a bra—which we already knew, and we quickly found out she wasn't wearing panties either.
"I now swim. Boys, G tongue and big dick cock for organism needs." And she dove over the side of the boat into the water.
I found myself sitting there, my jaw agape, my body chilled, Goosebumps popping up over every square inch of my skin, staring at two guys who were both trying to decide if they'd just heard what they thought they had. All of a sudden, my bikini was way too small.
Finally, I managed, "Sometimes, her jokes get lost in the translation."