Sometimes the answers to those silent questions have always been right in front of you. You were just so close to the answer that you couldn't see it. But then, that's what best friends are for. To help you see the forest through the trees.
It felt wonderful to be home with my parents and on the farm with all of the animals again. The added thrill was that both of my brothers had gotten home a couple of days earlier also for their Spring break.
The first night when we were all together, my mom had prepared a feast on the scale of Thanksgiving. Sitting around the table the three of us shared our experiences from the last time that we were together. My brothers... a few of the parties they had been to. Dorm life. Me, my classes and my dorm life, glossing over Alice and Carrie only sharing Alice's love of her violin.
That night, alone in my old bedroom, it felt good, but alone. My thoughts though went back to school and the times with Alice and Carrie. It got me going. My nipples hardened and those familiar twinges in my pussy brought a playful grin.
One hand cupped my little breast and rolled my rubbery nipple between my fingers as my other hand slipped into my panties and found my favorite spot. Slowly, as I wanted this to last for a while, the tip of my finger danced around my sensitive clit with visions of Alice's and Carrie's topless bodies and their hard pink nipples. Nipples that I had sucked on and had enjoyed. Nipples that I wanted to enjoy again.
As my finger continued its dance, an image of what it would be like for someone else's finger to be doing the dance on my clit formed. Then a face formed on that image... Carrie. She was naked. In all of our playing around we had never gotten completely bare.
I wondered what she looked like 'down there'. How full was her bush and what did it feel like? Was it soft like mine? What did her pussy look like? I knew what mine looked like. Would it be different? What would it feel like to touch her pussy? To run my fingers through her wetness.
My finger glided through my open folds and entered to the first knuckle. Oh god. It feels so good.
What would Carrie's finger and or fingers feel like?
A second finger joined my first and the fullness in my pussy felt wonderful. I had discovered that if I held my hand just so, I could enjoy the fullness of having my fingers inside me and my thumb on my clit.
Slowness was going to have to be another time. Right now, I wanted to cum. To cum with the vision of my hand between Carrie's legs pleasuring her just like I was doing to myself. My fingers pinced down on my nipple. My thumb swirled around my hard clit. I could feel it coming like a freight train as I pressed my fingers as deep as I could into my body. Biting down on my lip as each wave of euphoria washed over me helped me to keep the announcement of my orgasm to myself.
I always enjoyed the 'afterglow' after some self-loving. But this time, there was a mixture of embarrassment, guilt, and confusing questions. Embarrassed and guilty that I had those kind of thoughts and desires about my college friend. Questions of why? Why did I want to do more than just kiss Carrie? Why did I want to touch and be touched by another girl? Why didn't I have any of these kinds of thoughts about some guy doing stuff to and with me?
Was I...? The word got stuck in my brain... was I... a lesbian? What's wrong with me? Girls aren't supposed to be attracted to other girls. That's not how nature works. Girls are supposed to be attracted to guys. To have babies.
That's
how nature intended for all of this to work.
Oh god... this is all so scary. What will everybody think? My family? My friends? My bestest friend Vickie? What do I do? What can I do? Can I just ignore all of this and pretend to like guys? To go through the motions later in life of finding some guy, getting married, have his babies. Live a 'pretend life' to be in love, happy, and 'normal'. But, I'm not normal. There's something wrong with me.
The magazines that I read in the library about girls being attracted to other girls never talked about all this scary emotional stuff. The articles just made it look like it was all fun, exciting, and 'no big deal'.
I have nobody to talk to. Certainly not my mom. Carrie? I don't think that she shares the same deep feelings, and or, desires that I do. I think that she just looks at the times we're together as just fun... something different. I'm pretty sure that if I wasn't in the picture that she would be just as happy messing around with some guy like girls are supposed to do.
That only leaves one other person in my life who I trust enough to share my deepest feelings and emotions. Vickie. She would be home in a couple of days. It would be a first for us. Me opening myself up to my very best friend. Part of me was scared. What would she think? I knew that we shared a special bond so that made it a bit easier... still.
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Whenever I had the chance to sleep in on the weekends, or when I had a late-morning class I would take full advantage. But laying in my bed and hearing the rustling downstairs, knowing that my dad and his helpers were about to head out to the barn for the morning milking, brought a smile.
Entering the barn in the early morning gave me renewed energy as I took in all of the sights, sounds, and smells of the cows being herded in. They knew the drill and it always struck me that each cow had its own special stanchion that it would head to. It made it pretty easy to tell if one was missing and still out in the field. It was usually a cow that was calving, or was having a problem calving. A missing cow always got our attention.
This morning, one was missing.
I found her lying down at the far end of the pasture. I could tell that she was having problems. Usually, it's an easy process. The beauty of nature. Once the water bag appears at the entrance to the vulva, it normally takes less than an hour for an experienced cow. I could tell that she had been here for a bit, as she was lying down. This was going to require the Vet.
Having been around cows all my life the birthing process was something that I saw on a regular basis and even a few vet-assisted deliveries. It always held me in awe.
Doc Iverson had always been our vet. He was in his late fifties about five foot eight and probably 180 lbs. Working with large animals kept him in pretty good shape. Sometimes I wondered if my small size would be a problem doing what he does.
"Hey, Lisa. Up early this morning?"
"Hey Doc. Yeah, woke up, heard my dad heading out to the barn. I just wanted to be there. Get back in my element."
As he started to check out the cow, we talked.
"Home for spring break?"
"Yep. Feels good to get away and be out here in the peaceful world."
"Still planning on going into Veterinary Medicine?"
"Yeah. I want to do what you do. Out here in 'God's Country'. Not some little animal clinic in the city. I just worry about being so little and not as strong as you seem to need to be."
"Don't worry about it. You've been around large animals all of your life. You learn the tricks, like when to stay out of the way."
Then, with a grin, "Although sometimes the learning process can be a bit bruising. Besides, sometimes having small hands is really helpful when you have to reach in and adjust a calf or a piglet."
Giving me a look, "Want to help?"
My face beamed. While I had watched him work on getting a calf out of a cow many times, to actually be a part of it would be a first.
Slipping on a clear plastic glove that went from my fingers all the way to my shoulders, I guess that I was ready.
With some prodding, he got the cow to finally stand up. I had seen this before, but watching his arm disappear into the cow's vagina, his look of concentration as his skilled hands and fingers checked things out to see what the problem was was fascinating. Talking to me the entire time, he explained what he was doing. What he was looking for and what he was finding.
Then it was my turn. Slowly my little arm reached into the cow's warmth and along the legs of the calf through the birth canal. The calf was stuck for some reason, we both hoped that it was still alive. We tried pulling on the calf's legs, but we couldn't get a good enough grip. Wrapping a stainless steel chain around the calf's hoofs gave us a better hold, as we began to slowly pull. With each of the cow's contractions, a little bit more of the calf's legs appeared until suddenly everything just slid out onto the ground.
Doc went down and pushed down on the calf's lungs to help get that first breath. A little jerk of the calf's body and I watched once again, in total awe, as it took its first breath. The miracle of life. This is what I wanted to do for my life.
Reflecting back on this moment, when classes, homework, and assignments seemed overwhelming this would give me the drive and inspiration to just 'suck it up' and dig in harder. As, once again, those inspiring words from my dad appeared in my 'mind's eye'.
"If you're going to do something... It only takes a little bit more effort to do it right."
Once the cow went over and started to clean her calf with her tongue we knew that everything would be fine.
As we cleaned up the best that we could, we chatted. It seemed like Doc wasn't in any hurry to move on to his next case. Or maybe he just enjoyed hanging out with this cute little pixie of a girl instead of old farmers. In any case, it was fun. He offered that maybe next summer, if I wanted to, that I could work in his office doing some everyday type stuff. It would probably boring at first, but it would give me a chance to see the inner workings of a Veterinary Office, where they took care of small animals... people's pets. He also threw in that maybe I could go on a few field visits with him or one of his vet techs. Adding, that that kind of experience along with my 4H activities will look really good on my Veterinary School application as they like to see more than just good grades.
Adding with a warm smile, "Who knows? By the time you graduate, get your degree, and pass your NAVLE exam, I may be getting close to retirement. You'd be a good vet, Lisa. Even though I've known you most of your life, just these last few minutes, here with this cow and her calf, shows me that you would be. You have a love of animals. That goes a long way.
"But you're also a 'people person' with a warm and caring personality, and that also goes a long way too. Vets are often compared to pediatricians because our patients aren't able to talk to us. So, we often have to perform some detective work in collaboration with the owner to deduce a pet's, or the farm animal's problem from medical behavior, and symptoms. It's especially important when you're dealing with a loved pet, whether the owner is an adult or a child. And your compassion for them when the news isn't good."
"Thanks Doc... for everything."
"If you ever need anything in your studies or anything, just drop me a line. I'll do what I can."
That brought a warm smile. Even though we were still both kind of covered in a bit of 'cow stuff' I still gave him a warm and appreciative hug.
By the time I entered the kitchen after my shower, I grinned. The aroma of frying bacon and fresh coffee had aroused my brothers from their sleep. Lazy bums. I mean it was already 8:30 and I had been up for the last two hours, or so... working. I made sure to rub in it that that was what and who they were. It was all done in our usual bother-sister bantering so it was all taken in stride.
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My grades came in the mail a few days later. My fingers shook with nervousness as I opened the letter. I was pretty sure that it was going to be pretty good, but until I saw it with my own eyes, it was 'nerve-city'.
I made it... Dean's List, not by much, but I made it thanks to Alice's help in my literature class. My parents were very proud. My brothers tried to hide it, but they were also proud, even though they once again lost out to their little sister.
Vickie and I got together shortly after she got home for her break. I had so much to tell her. That I needed to tell her. To share with her. I just hoped and prayed that things would be OK. Mostly that things would be OK between us.
