Who Needs a Guy - Alice

At the request - suggestion - from a couple of readers for continued stories in the series, 'Who needs a Guy?, here is a story from the 2

nd

and 3

rd

chapters. This story is about Alice. Through her high school days, college, and then beyond.

This a 'stand-alone' story however, there will be scenes and dialogue from those chapters that will be repeated, only this time, through the eyes of Alice.

It's a really slow build as Alice works through her insecurities first through high school and then later with the help of her caring freshman college roommate. So hang in there.

Just a quick note... there's no sex in the first chapter. Just a lonely girl coming to grips with herself as she develops her unique gift and prepares for the next chapter in her life.

I've always loved the soothing sound of a violin. My grandfather, from my mom's side, would play whenever we all got together for family gatherings. He gave me my first lesson when I was only eight years old and I haven't stopped since.

He knew me so well. He knew me better than my mom did. I think that I spent more time at his house than I qdid at my own.

When he and I got together, on an almost daily basis, he encouraged me to share my day at school with him... all of it. The bullying. The constant teasing. Junior High was the worst and it never got better.

Each time that I had had a bad day, he would hand me the violin and tell me to play something to chase all of that away. And it did. I had my favorite pieces that I had memorized. Each of those pieces would transport me into my own world. A world of peace and harmony. Many times brought tears to me and my grandfather. He often told me that 'I played like an angel'.

He taught me for as long as he could until his health started to fail. I think I was around 12 at the time that he passed away. I had lost my best and only friend in the whole wide world.

Standing next to the dark brown open casket in the church, I prepared myself for my last song to him. It was the piece that he asked me to play for him as he lay there in his eternal sleep,

Lady of the Lake

by Franz Schubert, more commonly known as

Ave Maria.

Closing my eyes. The tears were starting, and I hadn't played one note.

By the time the last note had drifted up to the heavens, I couldn't see through my pooled eyes. The church was dead quiet, except for the sounds of sniffles.

I don't know if it was acceptable. I didn't care. He was my best and only friend.

Leaning over the open casket, my warm lips kissed his soft cold lips, "Thank you, GamPa. I love you. Wait for me. I will find you."

........................................

Hi, I'm Alice. I grew up in a suburb of a rather large city with my parents and one older brother in a middle-class neighborhood.

I had quit growing by the time that I started high school. Standing around five foot three inches and tipping the scale at around 90 pounds soaking wet. I could, for the most part, just disappear into the mass of kids that were in my grade. Actually, I was pretty invisible to everybody. That's why I only had a few friends, and I was fine with that. I had my own world... my music. My best friend was a brown instrument lying inside a worn brown leather case.

After my grandfather passed away, I took private violin lessons from a music tutor that my parents somehow found. My parents weren't that well off, but my grandfather had put a sizeable amount into a trust fund in my name. That fund was to be used

only

for my private lessons and later for my schooling in music.

My music tutor was a middle-aged single woman by the name of Miss Jennings. She played the violin in the local symphony along with four other women who also played the violin. She was a stylish woman with an air of sophistication. She always wore her chestnut-brown hair up in a tight bun. She took her music playing seriously; like it was the only thing that mattered in the whole world. I don't know what she did for her 'day job' and I didn't really care.

Miss Jennings had me play for her the first time that we met so that she could assess my abilities to see what she was getting herself into. She also wanted to see if it was going to be worth her time, as she only took on students who had a gift and love for music.

I chose one of my favorites,

Swan Lake

by Tchaikovsky. Tucking the dark brown instrument under my chin, taking a deep breath, and closing my eyes, the first few notes filled the quiet room.

I guess that I should have known the effect that that particular piece would have on me. It always did, but given my nervousness at playing before a stranger for the first time, I thought I could keep everything under control. I was wrong.

Halfway through, I felt it. The first tear formed and then fell down my cheek. Then another and another. There was nothing I could do about it so I just kept going and hoped for the best when I finished.

Opening my eyes as the last note hung in the air, I saw Miss Jennings drying her own eyes.

"Alice, that piece is one of my favorites also. I've watched that being played by others with years of experience, but never have I ever witnessed what I just saw and felt. You, my dear, are going to become a fine musician someday. I will do my very best to guide you. And when you turn 18, I will personally introduce you to the city's symphony maestro for an audition. You will make a fine addition. Your grandfather was a wonderful teacher. But the passion and emotions come from you. It's a rare individual who can project their emotions through their music. You have a gift. A gift from God."

..........................................

I did pretty well in High School, scholasticly at least. Literature, history, and composition came easily for me. Math and the Sciences were difficult. Fortunately, my dad was a Chemical Engineer and came to my rescue.

I wasn't very athletic, actually I wasn't athletic at all. My mom was good friends with our family doctor. For the first three years of high school, she asked her to write excuses for me so that I wouldn't have to take PE. She knew that the prospect of taking PE, with showers and everything, scared the hell out of me. She also knew the reason, as she had gone through the same thing... for the same reasons... my self-confidence and insecurities about my plain body.

When I turned 18, just before my Senior year, my mom told me that she wasn't going to get me another excuse. She said that I needed to do something different. To do something to build my self-confidence to grow and mature as a person.

I hated her for that. How was I going to take PE? Changing in and out of my clothes in front of a locker room of strange girls and then taking a shower next to a naked girl. I was skinny with a flat butt and had no boobs, well not much. Fortunately, the showers themselves had curtains.

The first few days found me off in an isolated corner with a couple of other girls who were just like me. We quietly and quickly changed in and out of our clothes.

But then, just across the aisle, I saw girls just taking their time and casually chatting and laughing like it was no big deal standing there like that, with everything on display. Walking to and from the showers holding hands. God, I envied them. Their poise. Their self-confidence. The way they looked at each other. How they teased each other. The looks that they gave each other made me wonder at times if there was more it just being playful. But why?

.................................................

Miss Jennings introduced me to the symphony's maestro. He was an older gentleman with a stern and commanding expression. Miss Jennings made sure that I addressed him as 'Maestro Skyler'.

I had never been to the Music Center. I mean, my parents didn't have any extra money to spend on the concerts. So, as I sat across from his desk, in his ornate office I was nervous as hell. I was going to play in front of an experienced and professional musician for the first time.

I decided to play the same piece as I originally had for Miss Jennings.

Blocking out the rest of the world I poured myself into that classical ballet. This time, I kept myself in control... barely, but it was there... just below the surface.

Opening my eyes, I stared at his expressionless face trying to read his reaction. Nothing.

"You did well Miss Jennings. This young girl has talent. Talent that we could definitely use. Talent that I'm positive could be enriched playing here, and later develop more at some university's music department."

"Well Maestro, it wasn't all me. She came to me well-taught by her grandfather. But, like I've told her many times, 'the emotions are all hers. That's something that can't be taught'."

"Agreed."

Turning to face me, "So, Miss Alice, I take it that you're interested in joining our symphony. Yes?"

"Yes, Maestro. I am."

"Just so you know our schedule for rehearsals and performances; we have rehearsals here at the music center three times a week for two hours in the evenings. Our performances are every other week on Sunday afternoons. Each performance is different, or a variation on a previous one. That means that you will have to learn and practice new pieces of music every two weeks. Are there any issues with any of this with you, your family, or any other commitments?"

"No, Maestro. I can devote myself to my music. I don't see my schoolwork interfering. I'm doing well in all of my classes. And my family supports me."

"Excellent."

Taking a few moments, as he was lost in his thoughts.

"Some say that I'm a 'cruel taskmaster'. I expect perfection. We pay our musicians based on the take at the door. It's not much as most of the proceeds go to support the music center, along with donations from some of our more affluent members. But we like to show our appreciation for the time they have expended on behalf of the Center.

"Being the least experienced, I'm afraid that you will be on the lower end of the scale. I hope that that doesn't disappoint or discourage you."

"No, Maestro. Actually, I wasn't expecting anything. I just wanted a chance to play in your symphony with you and the other musicians and gain some valuable experience.

"Our high school has a band, but it's just horns, drums, and woodwind instruments. A violin would get lost in all of that 'noise' and I don't think that the music teacher could give me enough attention to help me progress, as I'm pretty sure that a violin is something outside his experience.

"So, an opportunity like this, is like a dream come true. I'd like to think that my grandfather will be looking down from heaven when I play."

The first warm smile, "I'm sure that he will."

The first rehearsal I was a nervous wreck.

First, like I said, I had never been in the music center. While not all that big, it was just an auditorium that was about half the size of a high school gymnasium. Still, it felt intimidating sitting there on the stage. Looking out over the sea of empty chairs, I tried to imagine people sitting out there watching us. A knot formed in my stomach. How was I going to do this?

Second, with the symphony I wasn't playing the whole time. I had to watch the music and the maestro to know when it was time to play.

Third, I was the youngest of everyone, especially among the women. Still, they welcomed me and tried to comfort me. Some were kind of 'handsy' on my back and shoulders. Not that I minded. It was just something that I had never experienced... another person's hands on me and just chalked it up that that was just their personality.

In the end, it was fine. I didn't mess up. Thank God.

....................................................

I made it through my first performance. My parents were there too. Being a musician, I was given 2 tickets. Granted, they weren't the best seats in the house, but the most important thing was that they were there and they were proud of their daughter. That meant more to me than anything in the whole world.

I loved my parents. I got over the whole PE excuse thing. It took me a while to realize that my mom loved me and that it was for my own good. I guess you could call it 'tough love'.

They were always there for me. Whenever I had a bad day, my mom who was now my closest friend, would sit with me in my room as I transported myself into my own world. Many times, as the piece ended I could see her drying her own eyes.

I got to experience my Senior Prom with a guy who played in the school band. I remember his name... Michael. Not 'Mike'.... Michael. He was an average-looking guy, who like me would easily just blend into the crowd.

Somehow I caught his attention during the school year. I don't remember how, I mean the only class we had together was English Literature. But he would smile at me at the start of class. He seemed like a nice boy. Quiet, like me. So, I was surprised when one morning as I was at my locker he came up to me and asked if I'd like to go to the Prom with him. I could tell that he was nervous, as this may have been the first time that he ever asked a girl to a dance. Hell, I was nervous as it was a first for me too. It felt good to finally be noticed.

My parents splurged on their only daughter for her first and last high school dance. I had my hair and makeup done by someone who knew what they were doing. I have to admit as I looked in the mirror... the plain-looking girl who usually looked back at me was gone. This new-looking girl was kind of cute. Maybe I should put a little effort into my looks. Not a lot, just some. Maybe it would make me feel better about myself.

I got to wear my first formal gown and got my first wrist corsage. With a little padding and a push-up bra, it looked like I actually had some curves.

In the end, it was fun. Michael was fun. He made me feel special. We danced a few dances. It felt good to feel his arms around me. He held my hand as we walked around and just enjoyed the decorations and everything. It was like a dream. I got out of my shell for one evening of fun. Maybe it was like being Cinderella for one evening. I didn't want the evening to end and turn back into a pumpkin.

Standing on the doorstep, I knew that Michael was nervous, as he didn't know how to end the evening. Hell, I was nervous as I didn't either. In the end, he just thanked me for going to the Prom with him. I thanked him and told him that I had a good time.

So no 'Good Night' kiss, not even to my cheek. Oh well. Not the end of the world.

.........................................

College was coming up. I had applied to a number of state universities that had decent music departments. Private schools were out of the question. Even with the trust money that my grandfather had set up for me, it wasn't enough to cover four years at a private college. Actually, I was concerned that it may not go as far as I was hoping even for state universities. Then what?

That fear was put to rest. After one of our evening rehearsals, Maestro Skyler asked to see me in his office for a few minutes.

This was the second time that I had been in his office.

He asked what my plans for college were. I explained that I had been accepted at a university at the end of the state. He nodded and added that they had a decent music department.

And then the surprise of my life.

"Miss Alice, I've watched you from the first day, right here in my office. I've watched your concentration, your dedication, and mostly your skills develop. You are going to be a fine musician someday. You have a gift a gift from God.

"I know that college can be expensive."

I was going to say something, but he just held up a finger to let him finish.

"The symphony is funded by more than just the ticket sales. It has donors... wealthy donors who, at one time, were musicians here in the symphony, but who wish to remain anonymous. This is their passion. An endowment fund was set up to lend financial assistance to up-and-coming musicians who get their attention.

For the second time, a warm and gentle smile appeared.

"You, Miss Alice, have received their attention. While your individual playing in the performances is drowned out by the other instruments, it's your emotions as you play that have caught their eyes. And yes, here at the rehearsals when you play individually, they sit off to the sides in the dark shadows, watching, and listening.

"They have authorized me to issue you a check for your first year of schooling. Beyond that, we will take each year as they come. But, I suspect that that will not be a problem."

I was speechless. Something like this has never happened to me.

Finally, as I was just beginning to form words,"Thank you, Maestro Skyler."

"Please, when we are alone, please just call me Mr. Skyler."

I could only smile at his relaxed and friendly manner.

"I don't know what to say. I'm humbled beyond words. I never expected anything like this. Is there some sort of commitment attached to this? I mean, people just don't go around giving money away without wanting something in return."

"No, Miss Alice. There is no commitment to them or to the symphony. They only ask that you continue in the pursuit of your passion and love of music. This is simply their way to help a young aspiring musician to excel."

That night, in my bed, I said a prayer of thanks. I wanted to believe that everything that had happened to me after my grandfather passed away was through his hand. Guiding me to Miss Jennings, which led me to the symphony to the eyes of the donors. Where was he going to guide me next? Who was going to be the next influence on my life? Perhaps someone to help bring me out of my shell. Perhaps to discover my still hidden and unknown 'inner self'.

I would have to wait and see. Sometimes those things come in little packages. Unexpected little packages.

.......................................

The closer that first day away from home came the more nervous I became. Sharing a room with a roommate... another girl. Living in a dorm with a whole bunch of girls. What if I didn't get along with my roommate? What if she didn't like me? What if she was one of those carefree 'Party Girls'? What if I didn't get along with the girls? My insecurities and fears were kicking into high gear.

But then it dawned on me that this might be like starting over. A new bunch of girls where, maybe... just maybe I could break out of my shell and let them see the real me. Maybe I could make friends and be someone's friend. Maybe I could become a stronger person.

Still, it scared the hell out of me. I don't like change. But change is what makes you grow as a person.