What turned me on Pt 14.
When I awoke that Sunday morning, I felt like a train had hit me. Even though I hadn't drank a lot, the late hours, the loudness of the bar, the dancing, and my self-exploits, had left me sore, achy, and tired. As I sipped my first cup of coffee, my head was still spinning that I had seen Jane. I danced with her, gave her my number, and played with myself thinking about her, as I had some time ago.
I almost felt panicked, and uneasy, as if she knew I was becoming a lesbian, or even was a lesbian, and that I was there to meet women. I thought to myself, "Seriously, we ran into each other at a lesbian bar, what other evidence did she need?"
I felt fearful she was going to look at me differently or tell everyone she knew an old client was trying to seduce her. I couldn't fathom why I had those fears. She didn't know anyone I knew; we hadn't done anything. I didn't try to kiss her. I didn't ask her back to my house. I wasn't groping her in her private areas as we danced. So maybe it was just the after-effect of seeing her and dancing with her, that made me nervous. Somewhere in those thoughts, albeit self-induced, unrealistic fears, I suddenly began to really know what Mary felt like. And I understood it even more.
All those fears heightened when at 11:08 A.M. my phone rang with a local number I didn't recognize. I answered the call and I heard her sweet voice on the other line; "Hi, Jill. It's Jane."
I was rather surprised she called. I figured I wouldn't hear from her at all, let alone from her so fast. I was in essence, unprepared for this conversation. However, she was so polite and communicative throughout that it took the burden off of me to keep the conversation moving. In talking to Jane, she told me she had gotten home after 4:00 A.M. and was so exhausted, but she had so much fun at the bar dancing, and being "young and wild" again. We talked for a while and I probably sounded like a babbling idiot, because I was at a loss on what to say. But in the end, as we were winding down the conversation, I asked her if she'd like to meet one night during the week for dinner, so we could catch up more and she said; "Yes."
We texted back and forth throughout the week and agreed to meet on Thursday night at the Margarita Bar and Catina near her office. I was a nervous wreck getting ready to see her. I must have put on seven different outfits before I finally settled on a long black dress, off the shoulders, with heels and hose. I wanted to look good and be fashionable, but I didn't want to make it seem like I was there for a romantic dinner, because I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
I was shaking and my stomach was doing flips when I walked into the restaurant. Jane was in the lobby and greeted me with a hug. We were seated quickly and ordered our food. As the night progressed and the more we talked, laughed, and just had a great conversation, the nervousness wore off. I'll spare the whole lengthy conversations of our lives, our upbringing, and our daily grind and just let you know in the end, I felt as if it was one of the best nights I've had where I just got to sit down, talk and get to know someone more. Throughout the next week or so, I'd hear from Jane sporadically, and I felt we were starting to build a friendship, more than just attorney-to-client moments.
I wasn't sure where this was all leading. Maybe nothing sexual would ever come of it. Maybe I had just found a new friend. I thought - at that point - that I should just continue to focus on developing a friendship with her and not be so concerned about trying to sleep with her. And just see where life was taking me.
But my newfound desire to be bolder, and more aggressive in my own life, led me to be more assertive and I asked Jane if she would like to come over for dinner next weekend when I was child-free. Her response was, "Oh I'd love that. So, the following Saturday she came by me.
That Saturday late afternoon, I was in a frenzied rush trying to get my place spotless, make myself look presentable, and cook us a dinner, I hoped she'd enjoy. She arrived with a bottle of wine in hand, dressed more casually than I had ever seen her before. She was in jeans and a casual women's shirt. She had make-up on and her hair was down, but she didn't look as stunning or as sharp as she usually does. It didn't bother me. I sometimes look like steamed rolled trash, so I get the everyday look when you don't have to be all glamoured up for work or pleasure. I gave her a tour of the house and she complimented me, on doing well while trying to deal with work, kids, and life.
We ate dinner and talked, having a wonderful conversation. Even though it was very nerve-wracking to have her in my house, I was glad she was there. But after dinner, as we sat on my couch sipping wine, the night took a turn that left me even more unsure of where this was heading.
We sat on my love seat, opposite one another, angled to face each other more. We talked about everything from kids, to work, to money. Turns out, Jane was once married and divorced just as quickly. She married a guy she was in love with just after they both graduated from law school. But shortly into the marriage, the spark they once had, faded and they both chose different roads, so they split. She never had kids, and even though she had dated, she never found anyone she wanted to settle down with again and have a family life. I think it bothered her that at 40, she hadn't had the love and companionship she truly desired. But being in her line of work, she also saw the devastation, heartache, and vile disgusting things, people do to one another after love fades. And I think it probably hardened her to not take that risk. Can't say I blame her.
But here's where the night went sideways. Jane asked me, "Have you dated anyone since your divorce?"
My head sank and I didn't know how I should answer that, so I smiled and groaned out; "Yeah, but...."
"But, What?" She asked. "Was he a nice guy?"
I grit my teeth and kind of moaned aloud. I wasn't sure I wanted to tell her about Mary. I didn't want it to come off wrong. I thought about not being gender specific and just saying "It didn't work out"
I surely didn't want her to be running towards the door if she wasn't supportive of a different lifestyle. Or think negatively of me, if that wasn't her cup of tea. I decided in my quick thoughts that it would be best to tell her. I had nothing to hide and if she didn't like it. Oh Well!
I put my arm up on the back of the backside of the couch, took a long swig of wine, took a deep breath, looked into her eyes, and said; "We'll it wasn't he; it was a she. And it didn't quite go as planned."
"What?" she spoke out in surprise. "Tell me about it." She furthered. "I would have never expected that."
I kind of chuckled and bobbed and swayed my head up and down figuring out how to relate this story, without coming off as crass, or a nut job. Jane could tell I was holding back and not just coming right out with it.
She reached out her arm, placing her hand on top of mine along the backside of the couch. "It's okay," she said. "If you don't want to talk about it, I understand."
