What the Hell

What The Hell - Chapter 4

What the hell... Happiness for whom? For two?

Written by Aoife

I am certain this storyline has been written time and time again but let me throw my twist into this storyline. This jaunt could be thrown into several genres including First Time, Romance, Loving Wives, Group Sex, and of course my favorite, Lesbian Sex.

I will post this series in the Lesbian Sex category. This is simply to not confuse anyone or to reveal too much ahead of time.

I hope you enjoy this chapter.

~~~

She broke the kiss as pulled back, only slightly. Her eyes focused on mine, and then she smiled and winked at me.

"Alexandra that my dear was worth the wait."

My mind raced, my nerves peaked and calmed all in the same breath.

Veronica squeezed my hand. "Breathe deep, slow, deep breaths. I will not hurt you."

Oh hell, don't fall in love Alexa, I thought to myself, don't fall in love you damned fool!

Then on second thought, what is the worst that could happen? What's the old cliché? In for a penny, in for a pound?

I wished her a good night with a soft kiss on her lips. I had to work in the morning but Veronica told me she would wait and that she understood.

She made her way into her car and me into mine. I do not know about her but I was floating and on the proverbial cloud nine.

I pulled into the driveway; the front porch light was on. There was a car parked on the street in front of the house. I walked up the sidewalk, opened and walked in the front door. As it closed behind me I heard Al call my name.

I turned to the left. "Ah come on!" I exhaled. "What the hell do you want now?"

"Please just listen to her, Alexa." Al asked.

~~~End of Chapter Three~~~

~~~

I came back downstairs after changing from my date with Veronica. I didn't care what my appearance was. I threw on shorts and a ragged shirt. I wiped off the little makeup I had on. I didn't want to look appealing or attractive at all.

I sat on the couch. "What do you want Lisa? What is it at this hour of the evening that is

so flipping

important that you are here?"

Al cleared his throat. "Al!" I bit at him.

He glared at me; my tone of voice was rude. "I am sorry dad, I am."

He spoke. "I want you to listen to her, and I mean listen and understand what she is saying."

"Thank you Mr. Fernandez." Lisa started. "I know you do not believe me, but I need you to know how sorry she is. Lex..."

"I do not care!" I screamed.

"Lex, I am begging you to listen and help me here. Our best friend..." I stood.

"No! She is

your

best friend. You both betrayed me eight months ago."

"Lex," she spoke in a rush. I rudely and purposefully interrupted her.

"No Lisa, my name is Alexandra, I am not Lex. You lost that privilege." I snapped.

"But I am asking you..." I cut her off again.

"Damn it Lisa! It's too late. I think I love Veronica!" I screamed, and then clamped my hand across my mouth. Dang it, I shouldn't have said that.

She stopped and looked at me. "Well that was fast, Alexandra."

I sat down, almost feeling defeated. Al let Lisa come in the house. It was obvious those two had spoken. Part of me still didn't care. I was still upset. I still felt as if I was used.

"Lisa, that isn't fair. How dare you judge me after what you have done to me?"

"Le... Alexandra, she needs to talk with you, to explain. Your best friend really needs to speak with you and you need to listen. She just seeks happiness; she wants to be happy again."

"I don't

need

to do anything Lisa! Her happiness has nothing to do with me anymore." I shouted.

Lisa stood and walked over to me, kneeling on the carpet at my feet. She took my hands. She went on to remind me of the memories of our best days, of days from our past as nursing students, as young nurses, friends, the dearest of friends, and a true life threesome.

When she used that word, my eyes opened wide.

"Wait!" I sat up straight, "What do you mean threesome?"

Lisa shook her head. "Come on, don't be naive. Don't kid yourself Alexandra, Roxie is highly sexual, I am as well. Frankly, you can give me a break; you are a slut just like us. You know how amazing the sex is with Roxie."

She looked at me again. "The three of us did everything together. Holy crap, Alexa, we called each other the day we got our periods, we blabbed to each other the first time we masturbated

and

got laid. Don't fucking kid yourself, we are three sluts from Southie."

I was in shock, dammit she was right. Who am I kidding? I am really nothing special or fancy like Veronica. I sat there shocked, she was right.

"What? Come on Alexandra, stop being like that. And don't you worry Geoff is well aware I sleep with Roxie now and then. Hell, he gets what he wants, what he needs and enjoys, and then some. Don't look at me with that expression."

"So this was all about sex for you two?" I questioned her. "This was insane!"

"No, that is where you, young lady, are unequivocally wrong. That is the point you are missing. Roxie has loved you and only

you

for her entire life."

She lowered her head for a second then looked up at me. Lisa spoke softly as she shared more. "Trust me; I know how much she loves you. I have felt that rejection from her a long time ago."

Her voice cracked slightly.

I sat there just shaking my head. "Lisa, you have to understand and see my point of view. I am by no means forgiving either of you. She sent you a text message as soon as she could and you did the same to me. Now it makes sense, welcoming me to your 'club'." The childish me actually used air quotes.

I just shook my head, "How could I have been so naive?" I said out loud to no one.

I spoke louder, "No, the better question is, why I was so stupid? I need sleep; I have to work in the morning. I will be in touch. Good night."

Al had gone upstairs after we started talking. I stood, walked her to the door and locked up the house. I made my way to my room and tried to clear my mind and sleep.

~~~

My night's sleep might have been rated in the top three "worst night's sleep" ever. I got out of bed, showered, dressed and made my way to work. I clocked and realized I had a pounding headache. From the employee lounge, in the medical box, I grabbed a few aspirins hoping they would work.

I shook off the words and worried about my patients. I had to put on my game face, forgetting about last night, for now.

We finished our shift change and then the red phone rang. It was Boston Metro calling, then we heard the scanner start chirping and the intercom announced...

"Code White, Code White External, Code White External"

We all flipped into trauma mode, as Code White alert sounded the teams responsible for a children's external medical emergency jumped into action. All teams were on standby, but we weren't on standby long. I was assigned to the triage team with Abigail, one of the PA's and two others.

Drunk drivers are the worst, especially in today's day and age. Ugh! I cried inside as we waited but stopped as the ambulances rolled in. A construction type truck, I heard it was a dump truck; rear ended a school bus going thirty-five mph. It seems the driver was still drunk for the previous night's party. The major injuries were coming here, well, that was to be expected.

As part of the triage team, I was assigned the last patients after they were triaged. My patient, a younger girl, was sitting next to a window. She was still being treated by the physician and I. We were getting the last of the glass from her cheek, forehead, and arm. Her mother and father stood with her as I reminded her she was still the most beautiful princess in the world.

My previous patient was stabilized and quickly moved to surgery to repair her shoulder, arm and ribs. She was thrown forward and then backwards after the crash.

In total, it was three hours later that we stood down from Code White. We still had two children in our ER. Six had been treated and released, nine were just bumps and bruises but sadly there were three, they were in the back seats, still in the OR.

What a challenging shift it was, the stress of the Code White affects everyone, including the Environmental Services team, they were in cleaning the bays as soon as a child was moved and a new bed ready. I made a mental note to send them a thank you card. They never get recognized whatsoever.

I clocked out and pulled my phone from my purse, I saw Veronica had sent a text. I smiled but then felt this pang of fear. I needed to tell her everything. I worried, Lisa was right; I am just a slut from Southie. Veronica doesn't deserve me; she deserves so much more than me. After all, she is a doctor, a clinical psychologist. It doesn't matter that she is a Psy.D, or a Ph.D., or an MD, she is still a doctor. Me? I am just a nurse, a slut nurse from Southie.

Oh, what the hell will I do? She is going to hate me for not telling her everything but she deserves the truth.

~~~

I got home and stripped and took my shower. I hadn't replied to Veronica's text message, I owe her better than that. I am such a horrible person. Al asked me as to why I was so glum and why the sour face. I shrugged my shoulders and mumbled.

I just reheated my dinner, ate some, and then kissed Al good night. I made my way to bed leaving my phone downstairs. I set my alarm for four thirty and went to sleep, or at least tried to sleep. Lisa's words rang in my ears and in my mind, 'We are three sluts from Southie."

I woke around midnight from something worse than a nightmare. In my dream I was sitting in the house, Al's house, now mine as he had passed. I was curled with a blanket and was alone. I sat on the sofa all alone.

I went and peed, then returned back to bed staring at the ceiling. I started to weep realizing I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. I decided I would send Veronica a text in the morning, asking to speak with her after work. I would let her down as easily as possible, she deserved so much better.

Who was I kidding? She is a highly educated doctor in clinical psychology, and me? I am just a slut from Southie.

I do not know why but I kept repeating that in my head.

It was just before four when I got out of bed, I showered, dressed and then made my way out of the house heading to work. Just before I clocked in at seven, I sent her a text.

'Veronica, I am sorry but I need to speak with you. Can I call you after work please?'

Veronica responded that she would love to talk after work, and she looked forward to chatting, she missed chatting yesterday.

Twelve hours later, after a clam shift, I clocked out. It wasn't a horribly busy shift. The evening was cooling; I walked slightly slower to my car rehearsing the words in my mind. I unlocked the car and had a seat cracking the window slightly for a bit of air.

I pulled my phone from my purse and dialed her number. Veronica answered on the second ring. She was upbeat, happy and so cheerful. I was going to change that.

I tried to put a positive spin on what I wanted to say but I took the entire blame, which I did deserve.

"Veronica, you are elegant, you are more beautiful than any woman deserves, especially me." I could hear her voice crack as she tried to interrupt me. I wouldn't let her.

"Veronica, please, let's not pretend I belong with you. You deserve someone much better than I am. I am absolutely sorry. I am just a slut from Southie, you are a woman of elegance, character, charm, and grace, you deserve so much better than me."

I started crying horribly, "I am so sorry to do this to you but I can't see you anymore."

I hung up before I could allow her to talk. I couldn't bear it anymore. I tossed my phone onto the floor of the car.

By the time I got home, I had five missed calls and several texts. The last text was simply

'Why? What changed in seventy-two hours? What did I do?'

I responded,

'You deserve so much better than some slut from Southie.'

I knew I would hurt her feelings.

I spent the next day, my day off in bed. Twice, Al knocked on my door wanting to speak with me. I just brushed him off. The next morning I followed my new routine waking, showering, dressing for work and allowing the shell to get thicker and thicker.

At breakfast Al asked if I wanted to go to the Sunday Sox game, he had bleacher seats, I declined preferring to stay home and read. When Al left, I felt overly lonely. I showered and dressed and went to the hospital. I checked in at the Information Desk telling them I was going up to play. They signed me in and smiled.

I played for the better part of ninety minutes, taking a few breaks, trying to make the children as happy as possible. I wasn't happy, I felt numb, and this wasn't enjoyable. I smiled and let the children know I would be back this week. I signed out and drove home.

I was off on Monday and planned to just stay around the house. Just after breakfast I got a call from Veronica. I didn't answer it, I just cried. I couldn't speak with her. I turned off my phone, ignoring it. I went to work the rest of the week and just like months ago; I fell into a trap of hell, work, and nothing more.

~~~

September was ending and we were filling out the October schedule, fall was upon us. A Halloween party was being planned for the children at the hospital. Each department was to participate; decorating in some fashion but the majority of activities would be on the fourth and fifth floors. There was a list of activities we were to sign up for including activities which would take place on the fourth floor. So far I have avoided putting my name on anything.

During the end of the shift staff meeting, it was announced again that volunteers were needed. I just cringed and kept quiet. As the meeting broke, my nurse manager, Lisa Washington-Miller approached me asking to speak with me for a moment. Inside I cringed again then walked with her following her to her office.

She smiled as she closed the door and asked me to have a seat. Lisa smiled and started with small talk. How have I been? How is the team treating me? She complimented me on the Code White again. I was waiting for it. She was buttering me up.

"So, will you participate by playing for the Halloween party upstairs? The nurse manager requested that I twist your arms, carefully of course, if needed. But she asked me to ask you." She smiled. "You are quite the hit up there."

Damn I was stuck; I thanked her for the compliment and told her I would think about it. At that point I realized I had made a mistake. I should have outright declined. I gave her hope and I gave her fuel for her fire.

"Good I will let the children know you won't let them down." She smiled. "Oh! And costumes are encouraged. You just can't cover your face. You know badges must be visible and well as your face, at all times."

"Lisa?" I paused, trying to find the words to decline and lie about it somehow but I couldn't. "Never mind, thank you." I nodded and excused myself telling her a white lie that I needed to get to a personal appointment. I clocked out and drove home seeking the quiet solace of my bedroom.

I got home and buried myself in my room. I started thinking.

I know, I know

it is dangerous when I think too much. Fall was here and I doubted I was going to enjoy it and winter. I cringed at the loneliness that the holidays would bring.

Maybe that was what I needed, though I had recently changed jobs, maybe a change in scenery is what I needed. I knew I could find a job with a travel agency. It could be an excuse to really disappear. But then who would take care of Al?

I heard a hard knocking on the front door. I shook my head out of the daydream and confusion that was my world. I took my time and walked down the steps. I looked out the center of the three small window panes to see who was out there. I didn't see anyone. Good they left.

Before I could turn and get up the steps, I heard the knocking again. In frustration, I turned and twisted the knob yanking the door open.

Oh wicked hell no! I froze in my tracks. I should have slammed the door but I couldn't move. Time had stopped and I was frozen. I fell to my knees almost crying, I couldn't do this.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. "No damn you, No!"

I looked up at her, she stood there with tears in her eyes, her voice cracked and she spoke. "Pl.. please, pleeaaseee! Let me talk to you. Alexandra, I am begging you please!" Her words were muffled through her crying and with the storm door closed.

She lowered her head and covered her face. I stood, wiped my face and then I half opened the storm door and stepped out, letting it hit my side. I wrapped my arms around her. My best friend needed me, I hugged her tight.

"I am still very angry and I am not talking to you but come inside, don't embarrass yourself."

I walked her inside and we sat on the couch, well I sat, she slumped, her head falling onto my chest. She just cried. I rocked her in my arms whispering in her ear. "It is okay, it is okay."

It was a good seven minutes until she moved her head and tried to speak. I pressed a finger to her lips.

"Shh, just shh." I whispered.

She started crying all over again. This time she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me tight, her head pressed to my body.

"Okay Roxanna, okay. Calm down that is enough." I whispered. For some damn reason she cried harder. "Hey it's okay, please Rox, please."

She blubbered on and on. The best I could understand was how I hated her, how I rejected her, and how she couldn't stand not seeing me. I couldn't understand it all, then as clear as day I swear I heard her say, "I love you so much, I can't live, I don't want to."

"Stop that nonsense right now!" I was firm, she just cried harder.

I just rocked her in my arms. Finally she slowed her tears and started to calm down.

She shifted her head, I was afraid that my now damp shirt would also be mascara stained and ruined for life. "Okay! No more crying, I insist." She nodded.

You can add snot laden stains to the list of issues with my shirt.

I slowly released my hands from around her back.

Dammit

I chide myself, she felt so damn good.

"Please don't throw me out, I need to apologize." She whispered.

"Okay you sit up here let me get you some water and we will talk. I promise I will not raise my voice, I will try, but I am still upset. You will have to listen to me as well. Is that a deal?" I was firm in my words.

She nodded. I stood up, walked over towards the door. She spoke up; begging me.

I turned assuring her I was just closing the door. I walked to the kitchen and got her some water. I came back and she was sitting there patiently waiting. I handed her the water, then waited.

She took a small sip and started with a significant rasp in her voice. "I am sorry. You have no idea the raw emotions I have right now...."

For the next ten or eleven minutes she spoke, she was calm, she was detailed and she was apologetic. She was sorry; she said at least ten times, she never meant to hurt me. I let her talk and I listened.

She went on to explain that her love for me got the best of her. She was thrilled, proud, and so deeply in love and to have made love to me, not out of spite, but out of true love that she had to tell Lisa. That is what she meant, she didn't mean anything more. Though it seems there was an unwritten connotation to her message.

She took a final sip of water and put the glass down on the table. "Lisa told you I rejected her love. It is because I love you, didn't she?"