What the Hell

What The Hell - Chapter 3

What the hell... Betrayal, decisions made, new love?

Written by Aoife

I am certain this storyline has been written time and time again but let me throw my twist into this storyline. This jaunt could be thrown into several genres including First Time, Romance, Loving Wives, Group Sex, and of course my favorite, Lesbian Sex.

I will post this series in the Lesbian Sex category. This is simply to not confuse anyone or to reveal too much ahead of time.

I hope you enjoy this chapter.

~~~

I grabbed a t-shirt and tiptoed out, down the stairs to the living room. I grabbed Mom's blue and pink chemo blanket. I wrapped it around my body and curled up on my couch. I saw my phone sitting on the end table. I grabbed it and looked.

Damn! I saw that I had six new text messages. I didn't want to ruin my mood or upset myself. I simply turned my phone over and set it face down on the end table.

Reality hit me as I cuddled with my blanket. I was in love with my best friend Roxanna!

My phone vibrated and chimed again, another text. A minute later, it chimed and vibrated again. Out of frustration I turned the phone over and looked at the previewed message, it was from Lisa.

'

Welcome to our world.'

I screamed at the top of my lungs. "

Roxanna Marie! What the hell!"

~~~End of Chapter Two~~~

I heard her coming down the steps. I was upset, scared, frustrated but mostly hurt. She broke my heart, how could she betray me? She broke our confidence and trust. I felt used. I didn't even look up as she entered the room. I felt the couch shift.

"Don't touch me. How could you? How dare you?" I screamed at her in between the sobs and the tears.

I stood tearing the blanket off of me then watching it land on the floor. "Dammit" I bent and picked up my mother's blanket.

"I don't know why you had to tell her. What am I? Am I a fucking game? I gave you my heart, I gave you my soul. For days I cried, worried and stressed about falling in love with you. I worried about crossing the line with you. And you fucking tell our friend... over a fucking text that we had sex!"

I was outraged. "Not only did you tell her but you told her over a text, you did it behind my fucking back!"

"Out!" I screamed as loud as I could "Get the fuck out of my house!" I kept screaming at her. I just cried even harder, I fell to the couch and cried.

I sensed her wanting to say something and I screamed again, "Don't you dare Roxanna Marie, you fucking broke me, and thanks now get the fuck out of my house!"

I felt the couch move, I heard her walk up the stairs. It wasn't long, maybe five minutes later she came down the stairs.

"Alexa, please!" I could hear the sorrow in her voice.

"No! I don't ever want to speak to you, EVER!" I screamed at her again

I heard her whisper that she was sorry. I heard the open and then close. I laid there crying, my heart shattered. I should have known better. I cried harder knowing I was now destined for a life alone with a broken heart.

~~~

Al gave me my space, he didn't ask and I didn't share. I was silent for the next few days around the house, I didn't leave, and I just didn't want to be around anyone. On Sunday night, Al knocked on my closed bedroom door, I asked very politely to allow me some time to myself. He reassured me that he was here for me and he had big shoulders for me to cry on.

Monday morning I woke and dressed for work. When I arrived I stowed my belongings in my locker and then put the lunch I packed in the refrigerator. I clocked in and focused on my patients.

Twice during my shift Lisa attempted to speak to me. I stopped her by just turning and walking away from her. I ate lunch in the lounge and did my job. As in the past, when needed I smiled but I avoided any personal conversations. I crawled into a shell and ignored my personal life.

Pffft, I no longer had a personal life and had zero desire to have one. After the third night of crying myself to sleep, I realized that I hit rock bottom in my life. I needed to make a change.

I woke the next morning at six without the assistance of my alarm and made my way to the kitchen. Al had made some coffee. There was a note sitting next to a plate with a blueberry muffin.

"Call her. She needs to apologize."

I grabbed the note, crumpled it up and threw it away. I turned from the kitchen and went back upstairs taking a shower then dressing in comfortable jeans and a nicer sweater. I put my hair into a low ponytail and put on the cap I wore when mom was going through her chemo. It read, "Her fight is

my

fight."

The 'g's' were actually pink breast cancer ribbons. It is my favorite and the only cap I wear.

I got in my car and just drove. I drove straight to the Children's Hospital. As the clock struck eight, I checked in at the Information and Volunteer Services desk and made my way to the music room. I uncovered the piano and just started playing. There was no one present, I just started playing.

After twenty or so minutes, I noticed a few children had gathered and were smiling. Tears filled my eyes thinking of their fight, their challenges. I smiled for them and continued to play several sing-along songs, ones that would make them happy.

I paused after playing the Kermit rainbow song and excused myself. I told the children I would be right back that I needed the ladies room and a sip of water.

Within minutes I was back and started playing the songs they asked for from the book. I tried my best with most of them and some were very easy. It was all for them, all for them.

Then out of left field, like a bright light it hit me. I knew what I needed to do with my life. I needed to think. Goodness my heart was racing. I smiled and played for another twenty minutes.

Finally I came to the end of a sing-along song and apologized as I was going to take a break. Several children thanked me and a few even clapped. One little girl, with her father and mother in tow approached me. She asked if I would be back. I smiled, "I promise, in fact I will be back soon, very soon."

She smiled. I looked up at her parents. "I promise, I will be here tomorrow but there is something I must do. If you will excuse me."

The mother stepped forward and hugged me. "Miss you are an angel. Thank you." She released the hug and the three of them walked away back to the sadness which was their hospital rooms.

I closed up the piano and made my way downstairs stopping at the information desk to sign out and turn in my visitor's badge. I turned and moved to leave but stopped dead in my tracks, there stood Veronica.

She smiled a sweet smile and asked me to wait, she needed to speak with me but she was dropping off some items to the playroom. She explained, "Some small toys Joshua enjoyed. I thought the children here could use them."

"I can wait by the auditorium entrance; there is a nice seating area where we could chat." I half smiled and walked over to my left.

I watched as Veronica started walking towards me, when she was about fifteen feet away I stood. I tried to smile but it hurt so badly. Then I saw her eyes, and then I recognized the expression on her face. She stopped in front of me and opened her arms and nodded.

I closed the gap and hugged her softly. When I pulled back I felt her resistance, she wasn't ready for the hug to be over. I reciprocated holding her a bit longer. It was then I heard her whisper, "Who is she?" Then she released our hug.

I stepped back with a curious look on my face while fear gripped at my stomach. What was she asking?

She repeated and pointed at my hat. "May I ask who you are fighting for?"

"Oh, it was for my mother. She lost her fight; I just needed to feel closer to her today. Today is a big day, a potentially life changing day for me."

Veronica sat back. "I am sorry for your loss, I wasn't aware you knew of the challenges of a cancer family. Is that why you play here?"

I shook my head no. "I play here as they are the only ones who will allow this not very good pianist to play in public. They let me try at least." I smiled. "I am not that good."

"How dare you! I disagree; you are a very talented woman Alexandra." Veronica chided me. I blushed.

I interrupted her. I was afraid if she spoke first, she would try to compliment me again. "I am thankful for the letter you wrote. The hospital leadership made a big deal out of things and... well thank you Veronica. I am sorry for your loss and for your pain. I know that pain similarly."

I paused. "You wanted to ask me something." I queried.

She dipped her head slightly and paused, blushing slightly. "Um yes, I wanted to ask you out, if you were open to." She was stuttering. "I thought maybe you would enjoy accompanying me to the Wang this weekend. I have an extra seat and I thought you might..."

I smiled a half smile, "Veronica, I am sorry but I am just not dating now or in the near future. I truly appreciate your kindness but I am sorry. Maybe in a while, once I find that my head and heart have cleared and have healed some."

I stood, "I am sorry but I need to run." Tears filled my eyes as I walked as quickly as I could, not looking back. I got in my car and raced home as fast as I could. I was determined and hyper focused. My decision was made.

***

A few weeks later, I sat in the parking lot knowing the hell I was about to face. My fingers shook slightly as my thumb slowly pressed 'Send' on the email I had written the night before, saving it to my draft folder.

It was an easy decision to apply and arrange the interviews, all three of them. The HR team was very kind, scheduling them around my days off. I will admit it was scary to accept the offer for the ER Trauma Nurse role at the Children Hospital, but this is what I needed.

I walked in the front door making my way to the nurse lounge and stored my belongings. I took a deep breath as I clocked in thinking to myself that HR doesn't show up until 8:30 or 9:00, Mary Beth would be in around 8:00, which did scare me a bit. I love Mary Beth. I have been with her for the last eight years. My entire nursing career has been here, with her.

I knew I could avoid Lisa, she would hear through the grapevine. Today, I was starting my two weeks' notice having hit send on the email that contained my resignation.

Frankly, I didn't care what Lisa thought. I had avoided her for the better part of three months. This was a good thing.

I finished our change of shift process and started looking in on the two patients I was assigned. One was waiting for a bed in the med/surg unit with a respiratory issue, the other was an expectant mother who had a racing heart rate, and she took most of my time.

As if she was Big Ben, the clock in London, not the professional athlete, Mary Beth stepped into the ER and walked into her office. At 8:15, she walked from her office over to the nurse's station.

I watched this from afar; trepidation gripped my body as she spoke with one of the nurses. As Mary Beth was walking away from the nurse's station, she looked at me; I wasn't able to read her expression. A few seconds later a peer nurse walked into the bay and whispered that Mary Beth would like to see me.

I trembled in sorrow. I wasn't afraid, I knew this needed to be done, like walking out on Carl; I needed to walk away from this part of my life.

I walked to her office and before I could knock Mary Beth invited me in. She sat and I closed the door. She looked at me and simply asked what she could do if anything to change my mind.

I went on to tell her it was me, I needed a change and that I couldn't stay here after certain events occurred in my personal life. This was nothing against her or this amazing hospital; this was all about me and my personal life.

She frowned. "I know things haven't been well for you, you have had some tough challenges but I know this, you never brought them here and you were always an amazing professional. Just know I will welcome you back without a doubt in my mind. I will find a spot for you should you decide to return."

I thanked her and walked out of her office back to my duties.

That night when I got home, I pulled Veronica's business card from behind my driver's license. I sent her a text.

'If you are open to it, I would enjoy meeting you for coffee, or tea.'

I got a reply the next morning that she would enjoy seeing me for a cup of tea, as friends. We met two days later and over a nice cup of tea she shared with me that she had met a woman and was seeing where things were going. She was thrilled that I reached out to her but so far she was happy with Michele.

She smiled. "We are going slowly, at a pace I like."

My heart sank. Outwardly I smiled for her. She of all women needed some positivity in her life. We parted from our meeting promising to stay in touch.

Two weeks later, I was walking out of Massachusetts General Hospital for the last time as an employee. The staff had a nice lunch and a farewell cake for me. Lisa wasn't in attendance.

I thought I was free and clear but as I approached my car, Lisa caught up to me. She stopped me without making a scene.

"Are you really throwing this away? All the years? Our friendship? All of it?" She asked.

I turned slowly. "I threw nothing away. My supposed best friends had some fucking sicko, behind the scene scheme going on regarding my love life. It seems you two had more conversations about me and my sex life than I was privy to."

I slowly turned and tried to ignore the words which came next from her mouth. I couldn't, they were now burned into my memory as they grated at my soul. This was the second time in my life, someone who is no longer close to me called me that name. I pulled out of the parking lot and started crying while I drove home.

I really dislike the word

bitch

.

Oh, what the hell would I do now?

~~~

The sad part about starting a new job is the loss of seniority when asking for time off. Even though it was a cold day, I was sad to have missed Opening Day of the Red Sox season. I promised Al I would make it up to him. He told me not to worry; he would eat the peanuts I didn't. A family tradition missed for the first time in five years.

I kept my promise and visited the Music Room, now upstairs. I would sneak some playing time now and then on my lunch breaks. I saw a few familiar faces but I was hopeful when I didn't see them. I hoped they had gone home and recovered. There was always that hope.

Spring was fading away and summer was right around the corner. I walked out to the employee break area to get some fresh air. I watched people walk down Longwood Avenue. The Red Sox were in town this weekend and I was happy. Al and I had tickets to tomorrow, Saturday night's game. He was going to meet me after my shift. We would miss the first inning but that was okay. Any time I spent with him at Fenway was just the best.

I looked at my watch realizing I had only an hour remaining in my shift. I still rather enjoyed the twelve-hour shifts. My phone vibrated letting me know I had an incoming text. I looked at the preview, it was from Al. I will read it later.

I took the last sip of my tea, yes tea. I gave up coffee learning how much I enjoyed tea when I went through my whole life change five months ago. Anyway, I took my last sip of tea and walked back into the ER finishing my break.

As my shift came to an end, I clocked out and walked to the employee lot. The spring sun was dropping below the horizon. I thought I felt my phone vibrate again but I must have been wrong. I looked at the screen, there was nothing new. I started my car, synced my phone, turned on some music and started home. It was then I remembered that Al had sent a text, I called instead

He picked up on the second ring. "Hi dad! I am heading home now and traffic isn't too bad. It shouldn't be long at all. I missed your text, what's up?"

His voice was very low and hesitant. "Hey, no worries. It's fine, see you then you get here." He hung up. Well that was strange. I just drove, smiled and hummed. I was happy to have my quiet Friday night. I could shower then sit on the back porch and have a glass of wine.

I pulled into the driveway and took a deep breath. I could relax a bit. That thought disappeared as Al opened the door and held it open for me. I stepped into the foyer when he smiled.

"I need a favor, please." He paused. "Just please listen." He asked.

I turned to my left and saw Roxanna and Lisa standing in the living room. I looked at him and walked past him and up the stairs. Al called to me, I kept walking. I calmly walked into my bedroom and set my purse down. I grabbed a pair of panties, shorts, and a t-shirt and walked to the shower.

I stripped and showered, washing the day away. I dressed and calmly walked down the steps. I made my way into the kitchen and poured a glass of wine then walked into the living room sitting on the couch.

"It is out of respect for my mother, God rest her soul, and for my stepfather as this is his home. I will listen but know I want to drag both you out of his home by your hair. I should throw you out so you can rot in the street."

"Alexa." I turned quickly and glared at Al. "They have begged me to see you."

"Great, you saw me, I am still alive. Next?" I said as sarcastically as feasible.

They both lowered their heads. I took a sip of wine. Al cleared his throat.

"What? What do you expect? How did you think I would react? How do you think I should react?" I stood. I opened my arms in a wild gesture. "Dad?" I was upset.

"How would either of you expect me to react to this?"

I stood in a grand gesture. "Maybe you thought my reaction would be... oh I don't know. Maybe Yay! I have missed my friends who sold me out, who betrayed me." I looked directly at Roxanna, "The one who promised her love to me. The one who ripped my heart out and stepped on it like a... I don't know. The one who

broke

my fucking heart after I

begged

you not to! I begged you Roxanna!"

"Then my other best friend. Oh! Let me see." I turned to Lisa, "I believe the word was... of wait the phrase was..."

fucking bitch

!" Is that what you called me in the parking lot after I refused to speak to the supposed best friend who lied, stabbed me in my back, and sneaked around having conversations about

my

life? You backstabbing..."

"That's enough!" Al stood. "Alexandra that is enough. Now sit down young lady." He looked at me. "As you said this is my house and these are my

invited

guests. Listen to those words Alexandra,

my invited guests."

He sat back in his recliner.

I sat down. "Okay, I am here."

Roxanna started to speak and was actually rather solemn in her explanation of sharing our love and wonderful news with Lisa. It was meant with love and admiration. She professed that she still loved me. She started crying when she admitted that she was a fool.

"I haven't dated, I can't, and I still love you as I said I always would." She wept.

I turned my head slightly looking at Lisa. "Lex, I was crazy in my mind, I was losing my friend, I am so sorry that I called you that name. I shouldn't have." She lowered her head.

"Carl called me that name as I was walking out on him." I spat at her.

"Geoff admonished me like you wouldn't believe. He called me a damn fool."

She continued telling me how broken her heart was as well. She had missed our conversations, our friendship. She even attempted to joke that she missed her work wife. Tears welled in her eyes, as she apologized once more.

I stood, "Thank you for coming at the invitation of my stepfather. I appreciate your thoughts but it is late and I have work in the morning." I walked over and kissed Al on the cheek and climbed the stairs going to bed.