I lay on my side, on my expensive 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. At that moment I felt childish for crying like a baby. People died all the time and no one knew that better than me. As a heart surgeon it was my job to repair the otherwise irreparable and I was good at my job. Years of careful planning and dedication had gotten me that. Countless hours studying and more overtime than any human should do, most of it unpaid, had made me the best in my field and as a result I had become accustomed to the few who died here and there on my table. They were as good as dead when they walked in anyway, I was their last chance and I understood not all of them could make it. But I still couldn't stop the tears that flowed down my face.
My day at work had been horrible. That day all I had to do was repair a simple heart murmur. The patient was a three year old child who had heart issues her whole short life. The murmur had been detected in the child's native country of Somalia. The child's parents didn't have the money to seek medical treatment but an international program managed to help out and sent the child to me, free of charge. The condition had been worse than I was lead to believe. A simple heart murmur turned out to be a serious heart valve issue that wasn't detected at the hospital. That combined with the child's small size made it impossible for her to make it through the procedure. Her stats started dropping as soon as I had her opened. I barely even made it to her heart before the time of death was called. All my colleagues told me that it was of no fault of mine that the little girl died, I knew that but a child had still died on MY table, under my hands. I had to deliver the news to the child's temporary guardians and that was when I realized that I didn't even know her name. I mumbled through the explanation of what had happened before clocking out for the day and speeding home.
Tears soaked my incredibly soft sheets as I felt a soft body slide in behind me in the bed. I knew who it was and if anyone could repair the pain in my heart it was Vicky. I knew her body better than I knew my own, that was for sure. Her body was, as always, soft and warm. Her legs bent into mine, her knees pressing against the back of mine. Her right arm found its way under my head and cradled me softly. Oh, how I loved her.
"You okay, baby?" She whispered into my ear as she moved hair away from my neck. She kissed the exposed flesh on my shoulder then her left arm encircled my body, hugging me tight. She knew my work was hard and this hadn't been the first time she had come home from a long day at work (as a psychiatrist) only to find me sobbing on the bed.
"No." I replied weakly. I grabbed her arm and wrapped it tighter around my lithe body. I slowly told her what had happened and she just nodded and kissed my neck and shoulder as I spoke, comforting me when it became hard to speak.
"Do you know her name now?" Vicky asked carefully, trying not to go all shrink-ish on me. She knew I hated it when she tried to evaluate me.
"Yeah but it's a little late now don't you think? I probably should've known that before I killed her." I told her angrily. Vicky just held me tighter and kissed me again.
"First off, you didn't kill her, Kayla. You were her last chance and if you couldn't do it then no one could've. Secondly, you know her name now and although you're right, you should've known that before, now you won't forget it."
"I really don't want to talk about this anymore." I said as I wiped my face off.
"How about we just take a nap?"
I nodded and Vicky wrapped her arms around me after turning off the bedroom light. Sleep didn't come so easily to me and I knew Vicky wasn't sleeping either. She just ran her fingers along my naked skin until I was able to find some not-so-peaceful sleep.
I don't know how long I was sleeping but the clock read 2:12 am when I finally got up. I was awakened by a chill that ran across my back. Vicky had gotten up and had left my back uncovered. I wrapped myself in the sheet and sat up on the bed. I was about to get up and find my love when she walked into the bedroom again wearing nothing but a pink nearly see-through nightshirt and a pair of panties.
"Oh shit, did I wake you up? Damn, I was trying to be quiet." She said as she placed a tray on the bedside table. I could smell what it was. Hot chocolate with whipped cream and sugar cookies. Both of my favorites. I pulled Vicky into my arms and she tumbled onto my lap. She had baked fresh cookies while I slept, she as more than I deserved.
"No, you didn't wake me up." I told her as I kissed her lips. Her soft flesh touched mine and in that moment I forgot everything bad that had ever happened in my life. When I was with her she was all that mattered.
"Relax there, tiger." She laughed as she stood back up. "Drink this before it gets cold. It will make you feel better." Vicky handed me the hot mug and I drank slowly at the delicious concoction. No one could make hot chocolate like Vicky, no one. When the chocolate and cookies were gone, Vicky just sat and looked at me for a moment. When I started to feel a little awkward, I asked her why she was staring.
"No reason, I just love the view." She said swiftly. I had to laugh at the fact that she was so serious. I didn't doubt her answer for a second. It was almost like she knew what I was going to ask before I even spoke, like she knew her answer. I leaned in and kissed her again.
"I love you, you know that?" I asked her as I cuddled her close to my body. She sighed and held onto me.
"I know that baby, just like you know I love you." She answered. Abruptly she sat back slightly and stared at me again. "Hey, shouldn't I be holding you?"
"Nope." I said playfully. "You are exactly where you need to be, in my arms."
"That was smooth." She giggled. "Very smooth." That sent me into a fit of laughter. I quickly flipped her over and pinned her under me. I kissed her softly but I wasn't surprised when her tongue licked at my lips. I opened my mouth to her and our tongues danced around in a pattern that they had done a million times over.
"No more of this." Vicky laughed as she finally pushed me off of her. She was panting softly as she tried to catch her breath. I simply smiled at her. She was everything I loved in the entire word. "You have a lot of work tomorrow and it's already late. So stop tempting me and let's go to sleep."
I grabbed her and kissed her again, ignoring her comments. I even stepped it up a notch as I started to rub her nipple through her thin top. "We slept all afternoon."
"Why must I always be the grown up?" Vicky panted out as she furiously tried to push my hand away.
"I'm a big girl, Vic; you can let me make my own decisions." I laughed as I kept my fingers tightly attached to her nipple. I knew she was right, at least partly. I needed rest but I knew I could do it.
"Okay that's it." Vicky sat up and pushed me off of her completely. I smiled and watched as she rubbed her face in frustration. She wanted sex just as much as I did. "It's a quarter to three in the morning and both of us have to work tomorrow. If you can't act like a responsible adult then I am going to make you sleep on the couch."
"Okay. Okay! If that's what you want then that is what you'll get." I couldn't help the small laugh that came from my lips. I lay my body back on the bed, facing the ceiling. "Babe, you want me to turn the air up a bit?" I asked in a calm and level voice a few moments later.
