Untethered

"That's it, Shaie! I give up!" Lucy exclaimed, slowing down her treadmill after I upped the speed on mine yet again. I grinned as I watched my blonde friend slump over the console out of the corner of my eye.

It was Friday night and Lucy had gone with me to the gym for the only reason she would ever offer to join me as I exercised—she needed a favor.

"It's been less than thirty minutes," I told her, not sounding the least bit out of breath as I continued my pace. Lucy had been resting her head on her forearm, but she turned her head now so she could glare up at me.

"Yeah, well, some of us haven't been spending every spare minute of every day at the gym this past week." She pointed out sarcastically, lowering her machine's speed to a slow walk. "God! Can't you just mope around after a breakup like normal people?"

"It wasn't a breakup!" I said a bit too impatiently, not at all appreciating the reminder. Still, I tried to sound unaffected as I shrugged, "We just stopped seeing each other, that's all. There's nothing to 'mope' about."

It had been eight days since I had that big blow-up with Jamie, and I hadn't spoken with her since. She had called me—once, the day after—but I didn't pick up, admittedly mostly out of spite. I mean, I had practically begged her to talk to me that Thursday night and she had refused. Did she really expect me to just drop everything and come running just because

she

wanted to talk now?

She didn't try again after that and it became more and more a matter of pride for me during the days that had followed. I did everything I could to avoid her, even asking Lucy to go in my stead to a meeting about Floe's ad campaign just so I wouldn't have to risk running into Jamie at her place of work. But Lucy hadn't seen her anywhere in that tiny office space either, which could mean that Jamie was trying to avoid me as well.

I would be lying if I said that didn't suck as hell. Of course, I missed her. I missed the constant humming in my blood every time I was with her, which was precisely why I had been keeping myself active and busy these past few days.

Idle time meant that I would be thinking of Jamie, and why should I allow myself to do that when she clearly couldn't care less about me?

"Fine, it wasn't a breakup!" Lucy said now, her blonde ponytail swinging as she turned off her treadmill and stepped down. "Just don't make me run on that thing anymore."

I raised an eyebrow as she grabbed her water bottle and took a big gulp. I wore a headband to keep my short, dark curls from getting in the way, but I could still feel the sweat starting to trickle down the side of my face as I ran and wiped it off.

"No one's twisting your arm here," I grinned, making Lucy roll her big, blue eyes as she walked towards me.

She stopped in front of my treadmill, no doubt wanting my complete attention as she asked, "So, you'll do it? You'll come with me to Marnie's thing tomorrow?"

Marnie was her brother's fiancé. Waifish and red-headed, she was also a little bit ditzy, though in a cute, almost-endearing sort of way. Lucy and I liked her well enough—she and Tony seemed to make each other very happy—but we weren't exactly close.

"I just don't see why I should," I sighed, gripping the handles so I could keep my balance while talking to Lucy. "I mean, one perk of not being in the entourage is that I

wouldn't

have to go to ladies' lunches and gown-hunting, isn't it?"

"Oh, come on! Please?" Lucy whined, giving me her best puppy dog eyes, and I had to bite back my laughter. "I don't know anyone there—"

"You know Marnie." I pointed out. I could feel my chest starting to burn and slowed my machine down just a notch.

"Well, yeah, but she'll have her sister, her cousin,

and

her best friend there and they all know each other."

"So?" I asked as I tried to breathe evenly. "Luce, you've never had a problem winning strangers over. You don't need me as a buffer."

We looked at each other for a long moment before she finally dropped her hands to her sides.

"Alright, fine! You got me!" She pouted a little. "I need you there to help me pick out my dress. You

know

I suck at it."

I grinned widely as she said the words. Lucy wasn't lying—she had the worst taste in fashion I had ever seen, and I always found it just a little bit funny every time she was forced to admit it.

"What about Madison?" I asked, referring to the personal stylist Lucy had on call whenever she needed a new wardrobe.

"That's the thing—she called me today and told me she wouldn't be able to make it." Again, she gave me her puppy dog eyes, knowing very well that I wouldn't be able to withstand it for long.

I hit a button on the console and slowed down to a walk before sighing. "Does Marnie even know?"

"Yes, and she's totally fine with it!" Lucy breathed excitedly, smiling. We both knew she had already won. "Now, say you'll go with me."

"Alright," I sighed. I rolled my eyes but I couldn't help laughing at the tiny squeal Lucy gave upon hearing me say it. "Yeah, I'll go with you to Marnie's thing."

"Don't make me regret it," I warned good-naturedly after Lucy tried to go for a quick hug as she thanked me profusely, almost costing me my balance.

"Oh, I won't!" She promised as she gave up all pretenses of trying to exercise and grabbed her stuff.

She grinned happily, still facing me as she slowly began to back away—no doubt because of what she was about to say next.

"Now, you go keep...

not

moping around so you can get over your breakup faster, and I'll pick you up tomorrow at noon, okay? Great, love you, bye!" She said hurriedly, already turning and walking off even before she could finish.

"It wasn't a breakup!" I automatically called out, instinctively shouting the words so Lucy could hear them through the distance she had now effectively created, and bringing more than a few eyes at the gym towards me.

I glared at Lucy's retreating form while she waved at me without so much as another glance. It wasn't too late to change my mind still about helping her out.

Oh, who am I kidding?

I thought as I put on my earphones and increased the treadmill speed once again.

I had nothing better planned for tomorrow and, at this point, I'd welcome anything that could take my mind off Jamie—even if that meant going to a ladies' lunch and hunting for bridesmaids' dresses.

***

We arrived at El Hogar the next day a few minutes late. The restaurant was near the outskirts of the city and wasn't that easy to find. We still could have made it on time though, if Lucy hadn't decided she knew better than her car's GPS and taken a different route than the one it had suggested.

It was a beautifully elegant place, however, and—if the food was even just halfway decent—well worth the time and trouble it took to get there.

Styled and furnished like an old Spanish mansion, the restaurant looked every inch as expensive as its marbled floors, impressionist paintings, and chandeliered ceilings—not to mention the grand staircase that led up to the second floor. There were serene garden nooks on the sides for those who preferred to dine outdoors, and each table was sectioned and set up like a cozy, 18th-century dining room.

I trailed behind Lucy as a waitress showed us to our table, taking the time to appreciate how lovely this restaurant was. My eyes fell on one of the paintings as we walked, and I found myself wondering if Jamie would like this place, too, before I caught myself and shook my head.

I wasn't likely to find the answer to that now, was I?

I was coming off the heels of those thoughts as we neared the table, which was why, when I saw Jamie sitting next to Marnie, I had worried that I was starting to imagine things. But she was real, and she stared right back at me as we approached, clearly just as surprised by my presence.

She looked pretty as always, wearing natural makeup, with her long, brown curls flowing loosely past her shoulders and her tanned skin glowing against the thin-strapped, printed sundress that she had on. Actually, all the ladies wore dresses, likely because they would be easier to slip in and out of once we were in the bridal dress shop. Only I wore pants for the occasion since I wouldn't be trying on any bridesmaid's dresses.

Her hands went up against the edge of the table as Lucy and I got closer. She looked just about ready to push off of it and stand up at any second, but whether it was to go to me or get away from me, I couldn't tell.

Marnie immediately stood to greet us with warm hugs. She reintroduced her sister, Jenna, and her cousin, Grace—both of whom Lucy and I had already met—before she finally gestured towards Jamie.

"And this is my best friend, Jamie," Marnie was saying, and Lucy and I exchanged glances as we both realized why she had been at the engagement party. The redhead then turned to Jamie and gestured to us. "Jamie, this is Lucy—Tony's sister—and her friend, Shaie."

"We've met," Jamie said as the three of us practiced the art of politely smiling.

"Jamie's office handles the ad campaign for Floe." Lucy explained, steering clear of the other, more personal reason why we all knew each other.

She took the empty seat directly across Jamie, but the only other one available was right next to Lucy and, either way, I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid looking at the beautiful brunette throughout this lunch.

The food arrived soon after we were seated, and the rest of the hour passed by rather uneventfully. We all enjoyed the delicious dishes that Jenna—who had organized the whole thing—had ordered and conversations were kept light and fun. Of course, Jamie and I were never in conversation with the same people at the same time, both of us avoiding talking to each other to keep the peace, or so I assumed.

Inside, however, I felt anything but peaceful.

It was hard to sit across the table from her, and not think about how this exact same moment could have been different if only things were... well,

different

between us. I kept getting the urge to hold Jamie's hand or brush a strand of hair that had fallen across her face as she spoke to other people, and I grew increasingly frustrated—especially since she seemed to be having no trouble ignoring me at all.

It was that same frustration that had me blatantly flirting back with the waitress when she came to take our orders for dessert. Not my finest moment, certainly, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to show Jamie that there were people who wanted me, even if she didn't.

I felt a sharp sting on my ankle and automatically shot an injured glance at Lucy, who had done the kicking under the table. She had that "Stop it" look that moms got when their kids were misbehaving in public and I made the pretense of looking innocent before turning away. Still, I tried to sneak a glance to check Jamie's reaction—only to find her seat now empty.

My eyes quickly scanned the room as I stood, catching a glimpse of Jamie's printed dress just in time before she disappeared into one of the gardens and I instinctively moved to follow.

I found her leaning against a wall when I got there, head tilted and eyes closed as she breathed deeply, and I realized I didn't actually know why I had gone after her in the first place. I mean, looking at her now, all I could think of was kissing her—but that wouldn't really resolve anything, would it?

I glanced away, thinking I could still turn around now and go back to the table before she saw me.

"You didn't have to do that right in front of me, you know?" Jamie said suddenly, bringing my eyes back to her. She smiled a little before she opened her eyes and fixed them on me, and I thought her gaze was a little sad.

"I know," I sighed and nodded after a moment, admitting she was right. For some reason, though, I couldn't bring myself to tell her I was sorry. I guess I couldn't be that big of a person just yet. "I'll try not to order dessert again."

She laughed when I grinned at her cheekily, and I felt as if a huge tension had been lifted off my shoulders.

"We can do this, right?" She hedged, looking sideways at me. "I mean, we can handle being in the same room together for just a few more hours, right?"

I didn't know why she felt the need to confirm that with me, but I smiled and nodded anyway. "I think so."

"So... truce?" She asked.

"Truce." I said, and I meant it. If Jamie could act maturely about this after the passive-aggressiveness I had just shown, then the least I could do was try.

"Thank you," she told me, and her smile was a little less sad when she finally pushed off against the wall and walked away.

***

A half hour later, and whatever maturity I had mustered earlier was now hanging by a thread as I waited on a couch at the bridal dress shop. All I could think about was how Jamie was in one of those fitting rooms, trying on dresses, and that snowball was very quick to turn into an avalanche.

It started with an unbidden mental image of Jamie slowly taking her sundress off and letting the cottony fabric fall away at her feet. And then, I began to wonder what she might be wearing underneath.

No bra, definitely. Lacy panties, maybe? A thong? A lacy thong, even?

I thought about the tanned skin of her neck and shoulders. And then I thought of her ripe, round breasts and her nipples puckering in full attention... Before I knew it, I was seriously contemplating finding out which fitting room she was in and making a play for it.

I figured there was a good chance that she would let me, too. Jamie might not be so keen about me now, but one thing I knew for sure was that she very much enjoyed the sex while we were dating. We both did.

I ran my hand over my eyes in an effort to get my head straight.

I could still go. I could just tell everybody that I needed to be someplace else and leave, and Lucy would definitely understand. Besides, I was sure Marnie wouldn't let any of her bridesmaids pick something hideous to wear to her wedding.

I stood up and moved to find Lucy, only to see her emerging from the fitting rooms. She wore a dress that was so frilled and so goddamned orange, I had to laugh.

Who in their right mind would even think to try that on? Lucy, that's who.

"Don't!" She glared, pointing at me from a distance as soon as the first sound came out of my mouth. I did my best to contain my mirth and finally noticed that she had Marnie—wearing a bridal gown—with her as she purposely strode towards me.

Lucy said nothing else, merely grabbed my wrist as she passed and, suddenly, I found myself having to keep up with her pace just as Marnie was doing. My friend paused only long enough to ask the sales lady where their restroom was and quickly headed there, finally letting the two of us go once she had closed the door behind her.

"Tell her what you just told me," Lucy said to her almost sister-in-law, who was looking at her with the same confusion that I was feeling.

"You look like an orange-frosted cupcake in that dress?" The redhead replied uncertainly, clearly having no idea what was being asked of her.

Again, Lucy shot me

that

look, and I knew better than to laugh again, no matter how much I wanted to.

"No. About Jamie." She clarified to Marnie.

"Okay," the younger woman said, still looking puzzled. "Well,

her

dress was lovely!"

This time, Lucy couldn't help tapping her feet as she gave Marnie an impatient glance. "No. About Jamie's

ex

."

"Oh, you mean how she's been harassing Jamie lately?" Marnie's voice was actually excited, like how game show contestants responded when they were sure they had the answer right.

How that topic would even come up in their conversation, I wouldn't know—unless my blonde friend had been prying.

I stared back at Lucy while she waited for my reaction. Well, what did she expect? It wasn't like that information fixed anything.

I had stopped thinking there was something going on between Jamie and her ex on that same Thursday night when the two of us had imploded. Jamie's reaction alone told me as much, once I had calmed down enough to think about it. But that wasn't exactly why I wasn't seeing her anymore, was it?

My jealousy had stemmed more from the fact that I wasn't really sure that Jamie wanted me beyond the sex. Knowing that she wasn't having sex with her ex didn't change that one bit.

Still, I felt like I had to say something now, and I latched on to the part in Marnie's sentence that had at least piqued my curiosity.

"Harassing her?" I asked, drawing Marnie's eyes to me.

She looked uncomfortable all of a sudden, realizing that she had just shared information about her friend with two people who probably had no business knowing about it. She nodded anyway, having already said as much.

"Look, it's really not my place to say—," Marnie started, her green eyes darting around nervously, and I was ready to leave it at that.

But Lucy wasn't.

"Harassing her how?" The blonde pressed, not catching the look I had sent her way.

For a moment, Marnie suspiciously eyed us both before deciding to answer.

"Calling her, showing up at her work," she told us, her disdain for Jamie's ex, clear. "A couple weeks ago, Jamie had to call the cops because the woman wouldn't leave her apartment building. Of course, she'd already left by the time they got there."

I couldn't help but flinch as a wave of guilt hit me, realizing that I had been there when that was happening. I could have done something. I wasn't sure what, exactly, but—knowing what I knew now—anything would have been better than just driving away and leaving Jamie to deal with that woman alone.

Marnie folded her arms and fixed me with her gaze upon my reaction.

"I take it you're the girl Jamie's been seeing recently?" She asked cautiously, almost as if she wanted me to say no.

"Shit." She sighed audibly when I nodded. Then, she visibly straightened as she leveled with me. "Look, Shaie, Jamie's had it a bit rough. Her last relationship was so messy and abusive, she'd given up on dating altogether after that, which was why I was

so

glad when she told me she was trying again, but—"

I didn't hear the rest of what Marnie was saying as something suddenly clicked inside me, hitting on what had really been at the core of my frustration with Jamie.

All this time, I had been stupidly judging her efforts by my own standards to the point that I was blind, but now I saw it all clearly: Jamie

had

been trying. She

did

want me.

I felt free, all of a sudden. It was as if some shackle had been unlocked and there was nothing holding me back now from wanting to be with Jamie.

"Christ, Shaie, no! Haven't you been listening?" Lucy said exasperatedly, taking one look at me and correctly guessing my thoughts. "This isn't

just

dating for Jamie. This isn't like riding a bike for her; it's like trying to get back on the horse!"

"A horse that threw her off and then kicked her around a few times," Marnie nodded beside her.

I looked at both of them blankly, not sure what they were trying to tell me with that analogy. To be fair, I could be very singular of thought and all I could think of at that moment was how much I wanted Jamie.

Lucy touched my arm in an effort to get me to pay attention.

"It won't be easy for Jamie." She told me. "Which means it isn't going to be easy for you either."

"So, what, are you saying I shouldn't be with her?" I asked, every fiber of my being already rejecting that idea out of hand, and Lucy shook her head.

"I'm saying don't be impulsive," she clarified, fishing her car keys out of her pocket and placing them in my hand. "Go home, Shaie. Think about it. You can't do casual with Jamie. Are you sure you're ready to take that on?"