"It looks like we have all the senior uniforms checked in. Everything is accounted for." Sara said as she made her way over to my desk. I opened my notebook and checked "Senior Uniforms" off of my to-do list.
Sara had volunteered to come in after her college classes were over for the week to help organize my room. Of course, I had no problem allowing this; it makes less work for me before the end of the year. For some reason, I found that I had missed her presence. She hasn't been in choir all year due to scheduling conflicts, meaning I haven't gotten to see her much at all.
While Sara walked towards me, my eyes lingered (perhaps a bit too long) on her figure. She held a nice hourglass figure and had no problem accentuating it with her choice of wardrobe. I shook my head and mentally scolded myself.
I can't think of her like that, it's something I have struggled with these past few months. I just can't get her out of my mind. I really shouldn't be thinking of ANY her like that, I am not a lesbian. She is a student, anyway. I would lose my job. This entire mess has been tugging at my sanity.
"Are you okay, Ms. Vhorde?" Sara asked with a concerned expression. I nodded, searching for something to say that wouldn't sound off.
"Yeah, yeah.. I'm fine. I was stressed about finishing everything before the teachers' last day, but it doesn't look like it will be a problem now. Thank you!" I smiled up at her from my chair. As much as my thoughts have been wondering off all day, I really did appreciate her help. Tonight, I might actually be able to go home and relax. Derrick would be out of town for a few days so it would just be me, my dog, and Netflix with the house all to ourselves.
"I really don't mind it at all. You know, you seem really stressed out lately. If you want to talk about anything, I am here. I'm not your student anymore, so it wouldn't be weird." Sara's words sent my brain into overdrive once again. I forgot she had already graduated! That was one of the last barriers my rational mind had to put up to stop myself from doing something stupid, something I would probably regret. Before I could stop myself, I could feel my mouth moving.
"Well, to tell you the truth, Sara, something has really been tugging at my mind for a few months now." I started, talking more to my desk than to her. Shit! What was I thinking? I can't do this, I am not gay. My mind searched for a way out, but the way she was looking at me from across the table was very distracting. There was no way I was getting myself out of this situation.
"For the past few months, I have had these strange thoughts. I tried to suppress them, because I knew the moral implications of them are not good, but there was no way I could keep them at bay."
I looked up at Sara to check her facial expression, mentally laughing at the irony of the situation. I have never cared about the opinions my students hold in relation to me, but now I just want her to feel the same way, more than anything. Her gaze just became more fixed as she leaned a bit closer to me, her hands pushed against the end of my desk.