Tomorrow Is Promised

This is the third part of a three-part series.

Here is where I would tell you that you should read "Lady of the Lamp" before reading this since this story picks up right after that one ends. However, I still need to write it. Until I do, it is enough to know that after the events depicted in "Throwin' Pennies in the Bay," Judy falls in love with Jon, and they marry. They have two beautiful girls and are madly in love. Then Jon is killed.

© 2020 Candy_Kane54

***

June 1993

I was finally returning to work after two months off for grievance leave. These past two months have been the hardest two months of my life. "I still can't believe he's dead," I thought as I pulled into the parking garage at my workplace. Seventeen years of happiness and love were taken away in an instant by a sixteen-year-old going on a joyride after stealing a car. The kid had run a red light and t-boned my husband's car, killing him instantly. I sat there in the car, thinking about the injustice of it all.

Jon was interred in Pacific Crest Cemetery in Redondo Beach. I'd been there daily since his burial, sometimes with the girls, mostly by myself. The gravestone had been installed, and the grass was beginning to grow over the raw earth. I had bought the plot next to him, so I could be buried next to him when I died. Now that I was returning to work, I'd have to stop the daily visits and restrict my visits to weekends. Eventually, I'd have to stop. Otherwise, I'll never be able to move on. But I won't just yet.

I loved my job at Raytheon and was glad I had this to focus on instead of dwelling on my loss. I'd worked here since shortly after we moved out here for Jon's career ten years ago. He took the CTO position at Candle Corporation, so we found a place to live in Manhattan Beach. Jon's commute to Santa Monica hadn't been that bad from there. I went to work at Raytheon in El Segundo once both girls were in school.

I was looking forward to returning to work. Still, I wasn't looking forward to dealing with all my co-workers wanting to give me their condolences. However, it was human nature to want to console your friend's loss, so, for their sake, I would just endure it. At least I'll be able to avoid a lot of their solicitousness until after the staff meeting.

I pulled myself together, exited my car, and headed into the building. By the time I entered the lobby, I was composed and ready to face my co-workers. As I passed the front desk while on my way to the elevators, Peggy looked up, smiled her patented bright smile, and said, "Good morning, Judy. It's good to see you again."

I smiled back, saying, "Thanks, Peggy. It's good to be back."

Peggy was our face to the customers. She knew everybody and everything that went on in the building. Her infectious smile and positive attitude lifted anybody it was directed at. I felt a little lighter in my step as I made it to the elevator. I silently thanked her for knowing what to say to make me feel better. Once I reached my floor, I stepped off, relieved once again that an earthquake hadn't struck while I was in the elevator. My biggest fear since moving out here was being in an elevator when an earthquake hit and getting stuck. I made my way to my office without running into any co-workers. As I entered, I could see the accumulated paperwork waiting for me.

As the lead for the in-house software development group, my people had kept me informed of what had happened in the last two months, so I wouldn't have to work very hard to get back up to speed. Bob Speigel, my lead developer, had done yeoman's work covering for me while I was gone. Thanks to him, my desk wasn't completely buried in paperwork. Once I had everything under control, I wanted to talk to Steve Wilson, our in-house software group manager, about doing something for him.

To be honest, it hadn't been until the past week that I was even interested in catching up, but I managed to get through the last of it last night. Even so, I was sure I had hundreds of messages to respond to, which would keep me busy most of the day. Thanks to Bob, it wasn't worse.

I turned on my computer and rearranged the paper clutter on my desk. I stepped out of my office while waiting for the computer to boot up. I went to the break room across the hall and poured myself a cup of coffee. By the time I was back at my desk, my computer was up and running. Of course, several software updates were waiting to be installed, so I set up the queue and started them. Hopefully, they would all be done by the time I returned from the staff meeting.

With coffee in hand, I stopped by Bob's cubical to gather him up and head to the conference room. As I came up to his desk, I said, "Good morning, Bob,"

Bob looked up from the printout he was poring over, saw me, and smiled, saying, "Good morning, Judy. God, I'm glad you're back!"

I smiled back at him as I said, "I'm glad to be back. Thanks so much for everything you've done for me the last two months."

"I'm glad I could help," Bob said. "Now that you're back, I'll be able to get back to work on this damn bug in our e-File app. It's been giving me fits."

Bob was referring to the in-house application we called e-File that allowed collaboration between geographically dispersed groups. Raytheon had offices and plants all over the country. Using e-File allowed people from every location to share files and make changes without losing anybody's thoughts. Think of it as a configuration management tool for any electronic document, not just for software. This was the backbone for everything we did in the company. Therefore, any bugs found in the application need to be fixed as soon as possible.

"Okay, Bob," I said, "I'll let you get back to that full-time, but I need to borrow you for one last time for the staff meeting this morning. Steve, or one of the other leads, may ask a question about something I'm not back up to speed on, so I'll need you to answer it for me. I should be totally back on top of things by next week."

Bob grunted, but I knew he wasn't upset with me. "Come on," I said, "I'll buy you a coffee?"

Bob looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Okay, you had me at coffee."

We stopped by the break room so Bob could get some coffee before heading to the conference room. We got there and sat down just as Steve walked into the room. Steve took a minute to welcome me back and gave his condolences for my loss. All of the other leads echoed his sentiments. Not exactly what I wanted to endure first thing, but at least it was done with, and I could move on. After that, I paid attention to what the other leads said, needing to catch up on two months of everything. It turned out that nothing was directed my way, so I didn't need Bob to answer anything for me. Oh, well, better to have him and not need him than the other way around.

Once the meeting ended, I let Bob return to his bug hunt. I took Steve aside and told him how much I appreciated how Bob had stepped up and stood in for me for the past two months. Steve told me to write a commendation for him, and he'd use it to get Bob a performance award the next time they're approved. I thanked Steve and headed back to my desk. Bob would appreciate that because a nice $10K bonus in the paycheck goes a long way. I promised myself to get that into Steve's hands before the end of the week.

Although the staff meeting had been short, the rest of the day dragged on. I was continually being interrupted by co-workers stopping by to say hello. Most of them tried not to upset me by giving me their condolences, but their carefully avoiding saying anything about it was almost as annoying. However, I accepted their words in the spirit intended, smiling at them and thanking them for stopping by to see me. I did miss hearing from my friend Megan McNeil.

Megan had been the lead for software development on missile control systems that we were doing for the Medium-Launch Vehicles program. Their group depended heavily on the in-house applications I was responsible for, mainly e-File and e-ConFig, so we had many opportunities to work together. Megan went on a sabbatical last year to teach, her life-long dream. I was so happy for her, even though I missed her terribly. She and I had been about as close as two women could be without being in a relationship. She had confided in me that she was a lesbian, and I told her I once had a lesbian affair in college before I met and married Jon. I had to admit I had been tempted, but I was so in love with Jon that I settled for fantasizing about it. Megan didn't try to do anything because she told me the one line she wouldn't cross was being with a married woman. I told her that having an extramarital affair was a line that I wouldn't step over either. So we settled on being the best friend the other could ever want.

Megan and I would always come to each other whenever we needed someone to talk to. Megan would tell me about the women she wanted to see that didn't work out. I would let off steam whenever I had an issue with the girls or Jon at home. I remember a particularly emotional event where she had fallen head over heels in love with a Major in the US Air Force. She wouldn't give me a name, but I figured it had to be someone from the local Air Force Base. More than anything, I think this triggered Megan's decision to take a sabbatical and go into teaching, which she had always wanted to do.

I was so happy for her when she called me and said that she had accepted a tenured teaching position at MIT. I was sad because it meant that she was moving across the country and won't be returning to work here at Raytheon. Megan mentioned that she was breaking off a relationship to take the position. Megan cried when she told me about that. Megan said she had thought she had finally found the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. I wished I could have been there to comfort her.

By the time I was satisfied that I had caught up enough with correspondence that needed attention and started getting back into the details, it was time to head home. I was exhausted when I got home. When I entered the mudroom, my younger daughter, Emily Sarah Liles, came running up and hugged me, saying, "I love you, Mom. I'm glad you're home. How was your day?"

Emily had just turned 14. She was already 5' 5", taking after her father's height, with brown hair and blue eyes. Even though my girls were supposed to be with my mom, I wasn't surprised to see her since I had seen Mom's car in the driveway when I pulled in. I returned her hug and said, "I love you too, sweetie. It was a long day. Where's your grandma?"

Just then, my mom, Elizabeth 'Betty' Saginario, came out of the kitchen and greeted me. She was 5' 5" with blonde hair and blue eyes. I certainly didn't get my height from her. "Welcome home, angel. I thought I'd fix you a nice dinner. I figured that you'd be tired tonight."

Seeing Mom, I nearly broke down as I approached her and hugged her, saying, "Thanks, Mom. I love you!"

Mom returned my hug, saying, "I love you too, angel. We're going to have chicken Alfredo tonight. Go get changed. It'll be ready in fifteen minutes."

"Yes, Mom," I said, letting her go.

My older daughter, Amelia 'Amy' Hazel Liles, came out of the kitchen just then and hugged me. "Love you, Mom," she said before letting me go.

Amy's 16th birthday was coming next month. She was already 5' 7" and, like Emily, would be tall like her father, with honey-blonde hair and brown eyes. "Love you too, baby," I said as I headed upstairs.

Once I got to my bedroom, I removed my work outfit and hung it up. I pulled on a pair of jeans before pulling on my old Tech sweatshirt over my head. I looked at myself in the mirror as I finished my toilet in the en-suite bathroom. At 5' 9", I was tall, but I have kept my trim athletic figure, despite giving birth to two beautiful girls. My brown curly hair below my shoulders resisted being straightened as always. My expressive brown eyes made me look younger than the 37 years I've lived. I would celebrate my 38th birthday next month, coming within two days of sharing a birthday with Amy.

When I returned downstairs, my dad, Joseph 'Joe' Saginario, waited at the bottom of the stairs. He had just turned 65 last month but didn't look it. Dad was 6' 2" with brown hair graying at the temples and brown eyes. He could have been an older version of Jon, so if you were a psychiatrist, you could say I had married my father. He wrapped his arms around me in a big bear hug, making me feel safe and loved. He said, "Love you, sugar."

"Love you, too, Dad," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and laying my head against his chest. "Thanks for coming over tonight."

"No problem. Your mom and I figured you'd be tired after your first day back to work," he said.

We broke our hug and headed into the dining room to get ready for dinner. The girls helped Mom set the table and bring in the food, so Dad and I sat and chatted about current events.

"So, how was your golf game today?" I asked. Dad has taken up golf since he retired and loved that he could play nearly year-round without traveling far from home. He seldom went a day without playing a round of golf on one of the local courses.

"It was pretty good. I shot a 79 today," Dad said, looking pleased with himself.

"That's great, Dad," I said. Then I snarked, "When do you plan to go pro?"

Before Dad could answer, Mom and the girls came in with the rest of the food and sat down. We all bowed our heads, and Dad led us in prayer, and after we crossed ourselves, we tore into dinner. It was delicious as always, Mom being the great cook she is. I fondly remember the hours we spent in the kitchen together while I was growing up, teaching me her cooking secrets. Despite her best efforts, I was only a so-so cook. At least I didn't burn water, but my attempts at making some of my favorite dishes never turned out as good as when she made them.

After dinner, Mom helped me with the dishes, even though I had a dishwasher. She always insisted on washing them before putting them in the dishwasher. I gave up trying to explain to her that it wasn't necessary. Once all the chores were done, Mom and Dad headed home after eliciting promises from me that I'd call them if I needed anything.

When my parents retired, Dad from IBM, and Mom from teaching, I was so lucky they had decided to move out here. They had really enjoyed the area and the weather whenever they had come out to visit, so they wanted to live here when they retired. If I hadn't had them to lean on, I don't know if I could have survived the past two months. I think I would have just laid down and died except for them and my two daughters.

Once my parents were gone, the girls and I sat down and watched 'Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' and 'Hearts Afire.' Then the girls went to their rooms while I reviewed some of the papers I had brought home. I worked until the girls came out to say goodnight before getting ready for bed. I hugged them, telling them I loved them before sending them to bed. I ensured the house was locked and the security alarm turned on before heading to my lonely bed.

I dreamed about Jon. He hugged me and told me he loved me and was sorry that he wasn't there for me. I hugged him back and told him I loved him too. Jon cupped my face with his two hands, locked eyes with me, and said, "I want you to find someone to love. I don't want or expect you to stay alone. Please, Judy, find someone. You have my blessing." I nodded and told him that I would. Then he leaned in and kissed me. I woke up with, I swear, the feel of his lips on mine. As that feeling faded, I vowed to do what Jon wanted: find someone to love. I fell into a dreamless sleep, wondering how I'd find someone to take Jon's place.

July 1993

Now that I was back up to speed and had gotten all of the backlogged issues taken care of, it was time to start planning for the next update of our in-house product update tool, e-PUT. This tool kept track of the bills of material (BOMs) for the products we made. It also kept track of the version of the product that was currently approved to be built.

On top of that, there were different types of BOMs. There was an engineering BOM (eBOM). This was, in essence, a list of all of the parts used to build the product. It also listed how many of each part listed was needed to make the product. Then there was the manufacturing BOM (mBOM). It contained all the parts and ordered them by sub-assemblies, which were then used to make the product. Since the mBOM of a product could be different, depending on which plant was making it, we needed to add a view functionality on the mBOM.

Adding views to the e-PUT tool would be a significant update, adding a lot of complexity to the application. I pulled my whole group into an all-day meeting to review our users' requirements. We wanted to organize the work into builds so that we didn't have to make the entire upgrade all at once. I tasked Bob to take the lead on that. He had finally found that nasty bug in the e-File application and got it fixed. The four members of my team responsible for e-PUT will report to him. Bob had shown he was ready to take on additional responsibility. I was happy to offload some of my work onto him.

I arranged to get together with Rick Allred, the manager of the configuration management group, to get us configuration management support for the update. I requested an additional two user seats for our group to use. Rick said he'd get on that, and we should have them by next week. I thanked him and returned to my desk, glad to have one more chore completed and off my desk.

***

My 38th birthday is tomorrow, my first since Jon died. Amy's 16th birthday was yesterday. Because our birthdays were so close, we've always celebrated both on the day in between. It would be a more somber occasion, but I was determined to keep it upbeat. I think the girls were trying to do the same thing on my account. We decided to go to Marie Callender's in Redondo Beach for dinner instead of cake and ice cream.

We really loved Marie Callender's salads and pies. As far as the girls were concerned, they'd never get tired of eating there. Of course, with their metabolism, it wouldn't be a problem for them. On the other hand, I would gain twenty pounds if I tried to do that. While I enjoyed yoga and how it kept me limber and toned, it didn't burn many calories. I do that by running.

We parked down by the beach and walked up to the restaurant, enjoying the beautiful weather. The cooler air coming off the ocean kept it from getting unbearably hot. Once we got inside, the hostess seated us and handed us the menus. Once we ordered our drinks, we spent the next ten minutes figuring out who should order what. We would all try each other's dishes, a family tradition we wanted to keep.

It wasn't quite the same without their father here, boasting that he could eat everybody's food before we could. He had been the carnivore, always ordering the pot roast or the meatloaf while we girls ordered salads or pasta. He would eat more of our salads or pasta than his own food, knowing we would eat what he didn't. I ordered meatloaf with a loaded baked potato, his favorite dish, to honor his memory. Emily ordered fettuccine Alfredo, and Amy ordered a Cobb salad.

While waiting for our food, we talked about the upcoming school year. Amy would be a junior at Mira Costa High School, while Emily would join her as a freshman. I knew Emily was looking forward to attending the same school as Amy. Despite the 21 months difference in age, they had always been close. They had really enjoyed being in the same school previously.