The Versatility of Fire

"Indeed indeed, I cannot tell,

Though I ponder on it well,

Which were easier to state,

All my love or all my hate."

- Henry David Thoreau

Their first year of college, Elena Bernardi and Rachel Davies were inseparable. At parties, in the classroom, in the dining hall, at bars and at the sketchy alley they had to venture to get their fake IDs for said bars.

"You're like the sister I never had," Rachel would say, and a piece of Elena would scream in protest. Their closeness was

nothing

like having a sibling — it was different. Better. Something she treasured more than anything. Men would come and go in Rachel's life, but Elena would be there.

That is, until the Fight.

~~~

Nobody fucking told her that Elena would be at the party. Jia was the one throwing it and she

knew

and invited them both.

"Who's Elena?" Kyle yells over the music.

"Some bitch," Rachel snaps. "You don't know her."

Paige looks guilty. "Sorry, I just thought you should know."

Kyle throws up his big hands defensively. He was a cute football playing freshman who followed her around like a puppy. "I was just wondering..."

"I'll be right back," Rachel says. She heads for the bathroom and her eyes can't help but wander around the blue LED lit room. She knows she's here, but the place is so packed that she hasn't seen her yet.

Rachel finds the bathroom and, once the door is closed, she lets out a deep sigh. She looks in the mirror to check her eyeliner to find that it smudged from the cold, outside air.

She pisses, washes her hands and checks her makeup and hair one more time before exiting the small white room.

As soon as she takes one foot outside, a familiar brunette stumbles backwards into her and, as luck would have it, it was none other than Elena herself.

"Watch it!" she barks.

"Sorry — " She sees Rachel and her thick eyebrows rise. She's in her favorite jacket and a pair of black jeans with her long brown hair in a ponytail.

"Yeah, I know. I'm not happy about it either."

The music comes to a halt as Jia steps up onto the common area's table. She cups her tiny hands over her mouth to be heard over the chatter. "Alright, everybody! Who wants to play spin the bottle?"

"Fuck yeah!"

"Wooh!"

"I'm down."

"We're playing Go Fish here! Get off the table!"

Jia just laughs. "It's

my

dorm. You can relocate! Whoever wants to play, gather round!"

Rachel rolls her eyes and reluctantly gravitates towards the small wooden table — she briefly considers leaving, but that'd be letting Elena win.

Once its cleared, somebody places a corona bottle on its surface and gives it a twirl.

Kyle quickly takes his place besides Rachel. "Is this really a good idea with Covid?" he asks, but his question is lost amidst the excited babble of the party. He repeats his question again, louder this time.

"If it lands on someone you don't know, and you really feel uncomfortable, just kiss the hottest person in the room," says Jia, a mischievous smirk on her lips.

If the room was buzzing before, it's now a roar of entangled conversations.

"Everybody ready?"

~~~

Elena is working on her fourth drink. She told herself she'd shut herself off after this, but she knew herself better than that. Parties like this had her puking her guts up the next morning at least twice.

That Rachel didn't immediately storm out of the party surprises her. Surely, she wants to but won't. Stubborn girl.

A few rounds go by and sure enough, the bottle lands on her after some buff guy. Elena crinkles her nose. She's not into men in the slightest, but it wouldn't be the first time she kissed one. She dated a lot of boys before coming out.

She scans the circle of faces for the second-hottest girl in the room (the hottest to her, of course, was Rachel). She nearly settles on Jia when a devilish curiosity overtook her. What would Rachel even do if she kissed her? It's not like Elena's exactly sober and it's not like Rachel isn't consenting to the rules of the game.

Overcome by a sudden boldness, she makes her way over to the tall stranger. He's grinning at her (the poor, poor fool) and she can only imagine how that grin fell away when she turns her eyes to Rachel. She's on her phone, seemingly no longer interested if she wasn't chosen, but Elena knows the truth. She uses her phone as a mask of indifference, and it reminds her of the Fight, when Rachel would hide behind a screen while Elena

begged

her to talk to her.

The bitter memory stirs up something deep inside her, and before she knows it, she's swooping down to crash her lips against her ex-best friend's.

Their audience sees two people of the same sex kiss and erupts into hoots and hollers, completely ignorant of what Elena just did aside from Paige and Jia, who were foolish enough to allow the two girls in the same room. Meanwhile, Rachel is statue still, her lip gloss sweet on Elena's tongue. She'd expected a shove and a slap, not this. When she pulls away to look down at her face, the girl is clearly dumbfounded.

"What the fuck?" she says, her voice barely audible beneath the howling bystanders.

Elena says nothing, her heart beating heavy against her ribs. What the

Hell

did she just

do?