"I can't".
Olivia knew she shouldn't have come to this bar on this night, at this time and wearing this dress. Her thoughts raced at a speed that was trying to match the fear - no - exhilaration that was coursing through her. She had been engaged in a fierce debate with her own mind just a few hours prior in her dimly lit apartment, trying to rationalize why she couldn't stop herself from putting on the new black, lace underwear she had purchased earlier in the day, or the thigh-length, midnight blue cocktail dress that had been hung towards the back of her closet for months. Olivia gazed at full lips and and mascara-coated eyelashes in bathroom mirror while her hands threaded a favorite earring through her left earlobe. Olivia firmly placed her palms on the bathroom counter and barely whispered "What am I doing...?" before reaching for her phone and keys as she turned to step out her front door.
Her mind rushed forward to the present moment. Strange but safe hands were slowly pushing through her chestnut-brown curls, caressing her head in a way that made her skin come to life with warmth. "Quinn, I...". Quinn. Olivia enjoyed how the name sounded rolling off her tongue. Rolled in a way that both scared her and made her want more. The soft but strong hands moved down her neck, across her collarbone and between her breasts. Fingertips continued down her to her waist and paused while Quinn pressed her lips against Olivia's shoulder before making their way back to her neck.
"Do you want me to stop?" Quinn had pulled back slightly, with green pools filled with concern as she whispered the question. Her hands dropped slowly to her sides.
"I can't. I mean, no, I don't want you to stop. But I can't. Michael will be back tomorrow and I don't even know why I came". The words stung as they left Olivia's mouth, which already missed the lips in front of her. "It was a bad idea to invite you here." Here. Downtown. Four blocks from Olivia's place. The bar had been packed with young college students, recently single professionals and a few older locals who were trying to capture a bit of youth while enjoying a cold beer. The place had just opened a few weeks ago, and Olivia had suggested it to Quinn when they had exchanged information on the train. They had been seated across from each other and Olivia couldn't help but notice the short, brown waves, white collared shirt and smooth tan slacks that came together with the scent of sandalwood. Slender fingers were connected to hands that seemed precise in their movements, such as scrolling through emails or adjusting locks of hair that had fallen forward. Quinn quickly flashed a smile and was not shy in asking about Olivia's line of work. Olivia could feel her heart increase in rate, and began to overshare about her new job, recent move, boyfriend Michael and the experience of adjusting to the city.
"Ah, a boyfriend yeah? He's a lucky guy". Olivia blushed as Quinn casually dropped the line. "Yeah, he's a good guy. Smart and funny." Olivia could feel the rumbling of the tracks underneath her seat. It was both distracting and arousing, and she wasn't trying to ignore it. She hadn't even thought about Michael today. All she could think about now was the woman in front of her. Quinn's androgynous look and confident gaze was stirring something inside of Olivia that she hadn't experienced in a long time.
Now that she was in the newly minted bathroom of this stupid bar that she had chosen for this stupid idea, Olivia apologized to Quinn and stepped back out into the crowded room. She cursed herself for giving Quinn her number; for inviting her out and not telling her boyfriend. She exited the bar before Quinn could stop her, and began swiftly walking towards her place.
"Are you okay?" Olivia stared down at the text from 'Q'.
"Yes. I'm sorry. I just panicked." Olivia stared at her phone and watched the elipses appear.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Quinn replied.
Olivia couldn't help thinking about the fact that she never wanted to 'talk about it' when she needed space from Michael. Never wanted to talk about it when he wasn't able to satisfy her in the way she needed, or when she was upset. All she wanted to do was talk about it with Quinn. Olivia placed her phone back in her coat pocket and continued on her way home. She entered the apartment, hung her coat, grabbed her phone and plopped herself down on the couch. No more texts had come through, and she felt the pang of regret for not responding earlier. Fuck it.
"I know this sounds crazy, but can you just come over?" Olivia stared at her message nervously and waited while the ellipsis appeared, stopped, and appeared again.
"Give me the address and 20 minutes." Quinn replied.
Fifteen minutes had passed when she heard the buzz of the building door alarm. Her stomach was in knots as she accepted the request. A soft knock on her front door led to the sight of Quinn, brushing her short waves of hair back with her fingers and looking unsure. Olivia invited her in and apologized again for leaving the bar so abruptly.
"It's really fine. I don't want you to do anything you are not comfortable with." Quinn said quickly. "I would just like to get to know you".
