Being a rich Georgian socialite, I didn't have the need to work like the common people of the world. I found myself spending most of my days attending various events like gallery openings and mid-afternoon tea parties, which made my life extremely dull.
One Saturday afternoon my bore of a husband suggested that I go to one of his new business partner's house for a tea party so I could become acquainted with his wife.
I drove past the iron gates of her driveway to the beautiful plantation mansion with hundred year old willows that lined both sides of the drive. I thought to myself, 'Another afternoon sipping tea and eating finger sandwiches.' I wondered how I was going to fake interest in what this old hag had to say for the next three hours. When the door opened, I was truly surprised what I saw.
Alexis was about 24 years old, 10 years my junior, and was wearing a white linen robe. She had curly blond hair, flawless skin, perky breasts and a very petite body that made me a little envious.
I was no slouch myself. With my constant aerobic, 36C chest and the finest plastic surgeons that money could buy, I still had the body that could turn many young men's heads. But she was all natural and it made me a little mad.
"Hello, you must be Martha?" Alexis asked.
"Yes my dear, I'm Martha. I seem to be a little over dressed for the occasion. Or am I early?" I asked. I was wearing a floral dress that went past my knees and was quite modest.
"No you are on time and, like, I must have totally spaced out telling Bob to have you bring a swimsuit. But no worries I have one that you can wear," she replied nonchalantly.
Thinking that a proper southern lady doesn't wear someone else's clothes, let alone a swimsuit, I quickly changed the topic. "I can tell from your accent you aren't from Georgia."
"No, I'm from Cali but I met Bob when he was there for some conference thingy. I was working there as a waitress and when I touched his hand I just knew that our chi matched ... so two weeks later here I am." Alexis rambled on while we stood in the doorway.
At first I thought to myself that this young lady was a complete space cadet, but the more she talked the more I started to like her. She was wild, fun and totally different than all the boring ladies I had been around before.
"Oh, like wow, where are my manners? Would you like to come in?" she finally asked me.
"That would be lovely," I replied.
Alexis led me through the house and straight to the backyard, forgoing the normally predictable house tour, and took me to a small table by the pool. Once we got there she untied her robe and let it fall to the ground. She was wearing a very small blue bikini that barely covered her well-toned tanned body.
"Isn't this totally bitching?" Alexis asked me.
I blushed from her remarked and almost nude body, but enjoyed her openness and said, "Yes, it is very nice pool."
"So what do you want to drink? I have rum, beer, Jack, Jim, I have pretty much a full bar," she asked.
Again, I was taken aback by Alexis. Every tea party I had been to there had, well, there had been tea, but we had everything but tea.
"Do you have any wine?" I finally asked.
Alexis put her hand on her hips and opened her mouth in disbelief and said, "Wine? You really need to relax more girlfriend. I'll tell you what, I'll make you a killer drink I use to make in Cali, you'll totally love it!"
Before I could protest, Alexis left the table and went to the pool bar to make the concoction. I sat there waiting both nervously and a little excited. This was the first time in a long time that I had felt this way.
Alexis returned to the table with two large glasses filled with a pink slushy liquid in them and placed one of them in front of me.
"Now be careful, the first sip will make your lips tingle, and then the second sip will make your clit stand at attention," Alexis said laughing.
I was a little shocked at first by what Alexis said, but then I chuckled and said, "Well it has been a while since my little sailor has reported for duty, I'm afraid he is lost at sea." Then I took a deep draw of the drink she gave me.
She laughed and said, "You southern people say the funniest things. I think it's so cute!"
"Well my dear, we southern belles don't discuss about such things in the open in such colorful terms so we come up with little euphemism," I informed her.
Looking over her glass, Alexis looked confused.
"My dear, a euphemism is the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt." I said.
"Huh?" She said with a puzzled look.
Although she was very pretty, I was beginning to find out she wasn't very bright but she was still far more entertaining than the spinsters I'd been spending time with.
"For example, you would say that Bob has a nice hickory stick instead of a big, as you might say, cock," I said.
"Oh...now I get it!" she said exultantly. There was a twinkle in her eye. "And let me tell you, his 'hickory stick' is more like a hickory stump that gets buried deep in my field every night he's home."
I laughed and almost blew the cold drink out my nose when Alexis told me about Bob's manhood.
"Yes dear, that is how we here in the south use euphemism." I said as I used my napkin to clean my blouse off.
"Oh no, you got your drink all over yourself. I'll tell you what, why don't you go up to my room and put on one of my bikinis and we can go for a swim? Then you can tell me all about these 'euphemisms'," Alexis said.
I reluctantly agreed and followed her to her bedroom. She gave me one of her red bikinis and left me alone so I could change into it.
It was a small number that had a T-back bottom and the top just covered my breast.
Looking into the full length mirror in the corner of the room I realized how good I looked in it.
The ladies of the social circle I normally associated with would never wear something like a bikini, not that half of them could fit their fat bodies into one anyway.
