Chapter 6
Allie
Sunrise on Saturday morning comes too early, especially when you're lying in Jess's bed with her sheer curtains and floral wallpaper. My place has blackout curtains so no light comes in. She calls me a vampire sometimes, but when you stay up as late as I do on a Friday night, those curtains come in really handy.
I shield my eyes against the assault and squint at the clock, still flashing three a.m. after Thursday night's storm. My phone's downstairs where I left it in my purse, but Jess's phone is on the nightstand. I rise up and reach for it, and my tits brush over her shoulder. She starts to stir as I check the time--before eight in the morning. God, what did I do to deserve a curse this morning?
Jess yawns, and I replace the phone as she turns onto her back and looks up at me. "Allie?" I retreat to my side of the bed as she rubs her eyes, and I cover myself with the comforter up to my chest.
"Drunk Jess strikes again." Jess looks disoriented, but I know she wasn't so drunk that she forgot inviting me to sleep in her bed to hold her.
"At least we didn't fuck again." Her tone is dry; she's beating herself up for drinking too much, but honestly Hennessey is pretty strong shit. Even if she'd only had one shot she'd have been plowed.
I have a wise crack ready to go, but she frowns at me, so I hold it in. "Do you need some water or something?" I scoot closer to her. It hurts my heart to see her struggling so much. She and her grandfather were so close. I can only imagine how badly it hurts her to be grieving his loss. Maybe a trip to the farm and a ride on the horse will cheer her up. I have nothing to do today, except hang with her.
"No, that's okay." Jess turns to her side and rests her head on her folded arm. "I appreciate you holding me last night. I'm sure it was awkward. I don't know what comes over me when I'm drunk."
"It's okay." Her warm complexion and stormy eyes are beautiful juxtaposed to the cream comforter. Hell, they're beautiful all the time, and I'm like some pasty vampire queen. No wonder I want blackout curtains.
"I'm kinda concerned about the drinking though. I know you are really hurting but alcohol is dangerous, hun. We should think of some way to help you grieve that doesn't include drugs or alcohol." I tuck a stray brunette hair around her ear, and she shrugs one shoulder.
"What's gonna help? Nothing will bring him back. And Shep is--well... Shep..." She sighs and closes her eyes. We do have to figure out what that gun did to Shep but given her grief, we've made it a back burner sort of thing. Right now my goal is to get her out of bed and to get a smile on her face.
"Okay, so that's a valid point." I think about Jess for a moment as I pull her against my body. The blanket stays lodged firmly against my chest, creating a barrier. She lays her head there and wraps her arms around me. Our legs tangle together beneath the covers. This isn't the first time I've held her for comfort, just the first time really doing it naked. The first time was after her stepdad did unspeakable things to her. That was a very steep valley to lift her out of.
It occurs to me that the thing that got her out of that hole was when we stumbled upon a super ridiculous anime porn of Alice in Wonderland and laughed all the way through it. I caught her touching herself a little but never said a word to her. She admitted later on that she used masturbation as a sort of stress relief because it got her mind off of reality and gave her a boost of endorphins. That's why she was playing Thursday night when I came over--she wanted that break from reality.
"I have an idea." Her eyes pop open, and she scoots back so she can look up into my face. "Your stress relief... Maybe you should try that. Start the day off right, and we'll take Shep to visit Jackson, have a ride. Anything to get you up out of this bed and keeping your routine."
She scrunches her forehead. "I'm not horny."
"Yes, that might be true, but you know it helps release negative stress hormones and gives you the good relaxation hormones." I shove some hair out of my eyes and shrug a shoulder. "Maybe just try it. I can go make some coffee and walk Shep, give you privacy."
She struggles to free her arms from the blanket's folds and grabs my wrist. "No, I don't want to be alone. It's quiet, and I get in my head."
"I mean, you could put on your porn or whatever. Then it won't be quiet."
"Allie, what's going on between us?" Her question strikes a nerve. I am here to comfort and help her, not discuss whatever awkward situation we have going on. So I fucked her, and she fucked me back; it doesn't mean we are falling in love. I already told her it's just like hair and nails. Best friends take care of each other, nothing more.
"We are just best friends, Jess. That's all. Nothing weird is going on, no lovey dovey emotions. Just me taking care of you because you're going through a hard time." I don't feel the least bit awkward offering to give her space to self-pleasure because I know she does it, and she knows I do it too. It's nothing more than a physiological response to external stimulation that causes a chemical shift in the body.
Jess's eyes look away from mine, and I can't tell if she's feeling embarrassed that I know her secrets, or if she's upset with me for insinuating that the answer for her grieving is masturbation. I can see how both could be true. I never meant that in a bad way, just that I know it will help her. I sigh softly, trying to think of a way to get my foot out of my mouth and actually help her, but she opens her mouth first.
"You know I was a virgin." Her eyes lock with mine, and I see a bit of pain there in her expression. It's indistinguishable from the pain I saw earlier this week when we laid Gus to rest.
"Yes..."
"What he did to me didn't count." She presses her lips into a fine line. "You were my first."
"I know, babe. He is a horrible man, and he's paying for what he did to you." I can't help but reach out and curl another hair around her ear.
"What if it doesn't work again?" Jess bites her lip, and her eyes plead with me to comfort her.
