Chapter 1
Jess
He left me the barn and everything in it, including the black horse he knew I loved so much. So why do I feel hollow as I stare at what's left of his things? The stale air in here has never bothered me until now, maybe because he was always with me when I was in here. Or maybe because he's gone and all that remains of him are material things that can never fill my heart the way he did.
"Look at the bright side, Jess. He gave you more than he gave any of his other grandkids." Allie--best friend and cohort in all of life's adventures--tries to encourage me. There is no way to comfort a heart that had someone it loved torn out so abruptly. Grandpa Gus was the only family I had left after what happened. Everyone blamed me too, except him. He was the only one who believed me and had my back.
"Yeah," I mumble, watching Cora walk through the old barn. The building leans on its foundation. It has since the day I came to live here nearly seven years ago. Grandpa said that's what gave it charm. Cora's mother, Glenda the "Good Witch" Knapke, said it should be burned as a practice fire for the fire department. But it's mine now and the tiny three-acre plot allotted to me in the will.
Cora glares at me and smirks. The old nineteen seventy-eight Thunderbird convertible that GG--Grandpa Gus--parked in this barn is gone. I watched Glenda and her husband move it out of here before the reading of the will, as if they knew what GG intended for me to have and they wanted everything of value out of this space. It's rightfully my car, but Cora will drive it around like some fucking roadster queen while I drive my beat-up Ford Focus. All because they read the will before the lawyer did.
I hate her. I hate this whole family. I don't even belong here. I don't belong anywhere. My stepdad's in prison, my mother god only knows where. I haven't spoken to her since she ran off with my high-school chemistry teacher after leaving my stepfather. At least she left him. She never believed me, but she was so grossed out by the thought of what might have happened that she couldn't stay with him.
"You're thinking about it again. Aren't you?" Allie nudges me with her elbow, and I turn away from Cora.
"No," I say firmly, but she knows me too well. "Let's just get out of here." I turn to go, but Glenda walks into the barn carrying a large clear tote. I can see through the translucent plastic that it's filled with old toy guns. Her head bobbles like a cheap Barbie with a broken neck, and she smirks at me as she carelessly tosses the box onto the ground.
"This was supposed to be Cora's." She dusts her hands as if the plastic gave her cooties or something. The week has been bad enough without having to interact with these people. GG died on Sunday afternoon in his sleep. Massive coronary, the doctors said. They planned the wake for Tuesday, and the will reading for today, Thursday evening. These people only care about one thing--money. Grandpa Gus was always right. He told me a million times why I was his favorite. Because I was here for him, not what he could give me.
"Then Cora can take it. It's only fair." I have to fight to keep the hatred out of my tone. Everything of GG's is sacred to me, even his old toy collection.
"Nah," Cora mewls, "broken toys for the broken girl." She smirks and walks over to the shelf of antique lamps, drawing a finger through the dust. When she looks over her shoulder, it's to glare at me. Then she and Glenda leave the barn, and I drop my head.
"Jess, I know you're really hurting. Those bitches know nothing, okay? You belong here." Allie forces me to turn to face her, and she wraps her arms around me. Tears sting my eyes.
"He wasn't even my grandpa. They've told me a million times that I don't belong here." I let her hold me, but my arms hang limp at my sides. I have no energy left for even crying.
"Like I said, they're bitches." Allie pushes me away and looks me in the eye. "He gave you more than all the other grandkids got. That should tell you something."
I swipe at my eyes and shrug. "I want him, not money."
"Come on, let's go home. We'll come back later to feed Jackson, but we'll take what we can now." Allie walks over to the tub of old toys and picks it up. I follow her, not much in the mood for caring about anything. I want a hot bath, a glass of some really strong liquor, and maybe if I'm lucky a string of gooning to some sexy lesbian porn or something. Anything to make me feel something other than angry and sad.
"Want me to sleep over?" she asks. She knows how hard it is losing GG. I spent every single evening with him having dinner and watching the Reds games. And in fall we'd tune in to the Bengals games. Those would carry us through almost to March Madness, and then it would start over. I hate sports, but I loved GG.
"Nah. I think I want to be alone tonight."
We walk down the long winding path past the pasture where Jackson grazes. His ears prick, and he turns them toward me as I pass. There is a silent exchange between us. I know he feels my pain too. Horses are such incredible creatures. They sense the emotion in their human and seek to comfort even when they have no words to speak or arms to embrace. Jackson loved GG too.
"Girl, you got a fucking horse." Allie snickers as if having a horse means I've made it big or something. Or maybe she's just a crazy horse girl. I roll my eyes at her, and I can't help but smile. She is the only person in the world who can make me smile when I'm feeling like this.
"I'd rather have GG." I feel like that line will be my new motto, at least for a few months or years.
"God, someone needs to mow this grass." She shakes her leg and stumbles a little. The grass is a bit long, almost to the knee, but three weeks ago GG's old tractor broke down, so it's been a while since it was mowed. I guess I'll have to hire a lawn service to take care of it since it's mine now.
I look up ahead on the path and see Cora and Glenda swatting at invisible insects. If Allie is getting bitten up by bugs, I can only imagine what those two are feeling. They drench themselves in every sort of stinky perfume. It probably attracts everything from flies to hornets. I can't help but snicker at them, especially Cora, who smacks her own leg at least a hundred times.
"Morons, wearing skirts and heels to a barn and wading through tall grass." It's like they weren't raised on the same property. Like they don't know what living in the country means. GG sold one invention after leaving the military, and this whole family went money crazy. They act like fucking Paris Hilton on steroids.
"Ouch," Allie mutters, and I realize she's wearing a skirt too.
