The Music Student And Her Teacher

As always, I need to thank a couple of friends who helped with this story.

My friend Nicole who helped me develop the story, and made many suggestions. My friend David, who did the editing. It is such a pleasure to work with wonderful people.

Even with all of the fabulous help, there will still be some errors. I own those, because I can't help but tinker, even after editing. You want somebody to blame, pick me....

*****

"Okay, yeah I got it." Why was she always on my back? She never rode any of the other students like she did me...

It seemed everything I did was wrong. Nothing was ever good enough for her.

She walked away towards the blackboard. While I frowned, watching her walk away. That was the other thing that annoyed me... The way my body tingled after talking to her, my heart beat a little quicker, my pulse rate thumped a little harder.

I hated that she affected me so deeply.

Staring back down at my composition, I tried to understand what it was she actually meant...

I let my pen follow the notes as I wrote them down. Music theory, a dark curse that blighted my life. I hated it. Perhaps because I never fully understood it.

Theory didn't excite me at all. I hummed the notes I'd written, and I thought it was okay...

Music was my passion and I lived to perform, to sing my own songs. I undertook the degree so I could learn more about the technical aspects of the music industry. The production, recording, marketing and of course the performance... Theory... Sigh, why did I have to learn it? What relevance did it hold for me?

I wasn't going to be writing classical compositions. My life was focused on pop, rock, popular contemporary music.

"What'd she lay on you this time?" Adi whispered, leaning closer.

"I dunno... Something about the rise before the chorus being in the wrong key?"

"Oh yeah. Slide it over here, give me a look?"

Miss Hansen was busily writing on the blackboard and couldn't see. I slid it across to Adi and heard her giggle mischievously. "Shit girl. You transposed the key. How is it you can sing like an angel but can't see this shit?"

"I don't need a lecture okay. Can you fix it or not?"

With an anxious disgruntled sigh, she replied. "Yeah, course I can, but you better hush your mouth or I'll throw it in the bin."

"Sorry, she just winds me up. Why she picks on me I'll never understand?"

"Oh yeah, she's got it in for you for sure."

"I'll buy you a drink later if you can fix it?"

"Sweet, I got it. I don't get you. This shit is easy peasy."

I glanced back up at Miss Hansen as she wrote out something on the blackboard. There was something about her that aroused feelings inside me that I couldn't explain.

I watched her hips swaying, the black culottes hugging her hips as they swayed magically. She certainly was an attractive woman. Talented as well. Why she taught here at the university confounded me.

Okay, classical wasn't my gig, but I'd watched her with the Auckland Philharmonic at Christmas in the Park. She was good, like really good. Yet here she was trying to teach us dummies music theory.

The Christmas in the Park wasn't exactly classical, more contemporary music given the orchestral touch-up. Miss Hansen had been the soloist, her Cello playing was pretty amazing.

"Right class, let's go over this again," she called out dragging my thoughts back to the class.

I'd done a little research, and she was way too good to be here teaching. She'd studied at The Juilliard School of Music in New York. Why the hell she came back to shitty old Auckland amazed me.

It had to be love. Why else would she give up a life like that? Maybe there was some guy she was in love with, or maybe he dumped her. Yeah, that had to be it. Some hot dude dumped her arse, and, broken hearted, she returned home to try and heal... Yeah, a fellow student, or a musician maybe...

He'd have to be hot because she was right up there...

I glanced up at her. Yeah, she had it going on for sure. Her Facebook page said she was single, but it didn't have a birthdate... I guessed she must be thirty-something... Definitely early thirties. Her face had an innocent appeal. Yeah, she looked... how would you describe it... Sweet... Naive wholesomeness? Unable to suppress my snigger... Was that even a word, maybe more unsullied, sincere.

God, I was like some sicko stalker bitch. Why she intrigued me... I dunno.

Adi slipped my edited composition notes back. Looking at them I still didn't really understand...

Ignoring the sheet, I went back to my newest song. This one I liked. The lyrics fitted, and the melody had a sweet lift into the bridge which I really liked. I could hum it perfectly in pitch, I just couldn't write it down...

"Who cares," I muttered silently.... Dismissively. It's not like I was trying to pass the stupid thing anyway. My marks in the performance and other areas would possibly carry me through, even if I failed theory.

The bell rang announcing the end of the class. Miss Hansen waited by her desk, hand-out waiting for our compositions.

Passing her mine, I noticed her frown and the very dubious look she gave me. Wow, she never even looked at the other students.

"Hey, let's grab something from Nick's, and grab a spot out in the quad," Adi said grabbing my arm and dragging me after her.

"Steady on girl," I said huffily. "That Tee cost fifty bucks."

"Chill, you know how quickly the seats get taken, that's all."

"What's the deal between you and Hansen? She seems too harsh on you a bit aye?"

"Yeah, I dunno what her deal is. Did you see the look she gave me when I handed her my comp? She looked sus as."

"She knows you too well."

I grabbed a double chicken bowl and coke.

"What you got going on tonight?" Adi asked.

"Not sure, probably catch up with Donny, maybe head down to Shadows, see who's playing."

"How's it going, you've been seeing Donny a lot lately."

I shrugged, stuffing some of the chicken noodles into my mouth.

"That didn't look positive."

"Yeah nah... I dunno. He's just you know a guy. You know what they're like. I mean when a guy fobs you off so he can watch bloody rugby with his mates, he's not that into you."

"Tosser," Adi said laughingly between mouthfuls of rice.

"Yeah, it's not the first time though. I'm not feeling it. I think I'm gonna chuck it in with him."

"Yeah, you're way too hot for him anyway."

"Piss off girl. The moment I dump his arse, he's gonna have half the girls on campus chasing him."

"I was being nice."

"Oh thanks... Nice huh. The thing is, I haven't been feeling it with him. In fact, I'm sick of guys. I might give the whole dating thing a miss. I wanna focus on my songs."

"You... Giving up guys. No way."

"Dunno, I just need some space."

"Space... This is starting to sound like one of those it ain't you, it's me, speeches."

"I don't reckon I'll need to use that one. I think he's been pulling back as well. I reckon he'll be chuffed when I tell him it's over."

We sat in a comfortable silence as we ate our lunch. The quad was alive with students and people in general. Sipping my coke, I let my eyes wander around. This year there was a diverse group of students. After Covid, the overseas students were starting to come back.

The university did attract a lot of foreign students. Personally, I liked it. Meeting people from different countries, learning about their culture.

"So you telling him before you go down to Shadows, or after? I just don't wanna put me big foot in it," Adi said. "I was thinking of going as well. I'll probably see you there."

"Sounds good. Yeah, I'll tell him later probs. "

Not a conversation I envisaged having at the start of the day, but... It had to happen. My problem was... I didn't know what I wanted. Donny was a nice enough guy, he was in many ways like me, drifting. He didn't love me, we weren't in love. We were just locked into this relationship and the only thing holding it together was sex.

Even that wasn't that good. Sex, yeah that was part of the problem. If the sex was amazing, I'd probably overlook some of his shortcomings. It just wasn't.

Like all my boyfriends the sex was simply okay... If I had an orgasm, it was because I got myself off while we did it...

Oral sex for Donny was a blow job. He'd gone down on me maybe twice in all the times we'd been together. Then it was just a cursory quick lick and then a quick fuck till he came...

There was no intimacy, kissing and cuddling. No long conversations in the fading post-orgasmic light. Masturbation was so much more fulfilling.

Curled up on my bed, I gave him a call. He picked up quickly. "Yo, hey babe. What's happening?"

"Donny, where are you?"

"Down the pub, we finished early. Just having a few bevvies with the boys. What's up?"

"We need to talk."

Silence, I could hear the noise in the background. "You there Donny?"

"Yeah, I'm here. What do yah wanna talk about?"

"Us, or really. The end of us. I still want to be mates, but you and me. I think it's over."

"Fuck, you couldn't even do it to my face. You dump me over the phone. Jesus, you cold bitch."

"Sorry, but you're the one at the pub... Coulda come to see me. You know my classes finish early today."

"Fuck you, Izzy. I've had enough of your shit."

"Sweet, that makes it easy then. You can pick your stuff up whenever you want."

The beeping told me it was over... Not even goodbye. Just a brusque fuck you... No tears, we weren't that close.

I'd hoped for a Taylor Swift moment. Breakups are supposed to produce songs, and lots of them. I sat pad in hand, but nothing... No bright lights, no tearful nights... Just a sad feeling that another relationship had ended...

The next few days were filled with studio time, working on recording. Our challenge...Record our debut album. I had the songs, which I thought were pretty good. I had the melody, and the arrangements.

Over the last two months, I'd been working with a producer to record them, hopefully producing something of value.

It'd all been going pretty good. There were enough musicians on the course to rope them in to play. Where it became difficult was explaining the melody, and inferences.

"Why don't you just write it all out. I'm struggling to understand what you want," Pete the keyboard player said.

"Yeah, easier said than done. I'm shit with the theory side of it. Let me show you." My piano playing was average, so showing wasn't that easy either.

Most of the students all said the same thing. They wanted the notated sheet music with the arrangements all charted. Fuck... They were all good dudes, and were super helpful. It just took more time. They were busy as well, and finding time to get together was trying everybody's patience.

As if life here wasn't hard enough, my student loan was maxed out. Trying to find work with flexible hours was almost impossible.

Checking my bank balance on my phone only added more weight to my problems. Adi had called inviting me out for drinks, but unless I could swindle some freebies by flirting, I was fucked...

I'd tried busking, and although it did earn me a few bucks, I didn't really know much about it. There was more to it than standing on a street corner performing. You had to find a good spot, lots of foot traffic. You had to know what were the best times, and of course you had to have something they wanted to listen to.

Most of my songs were pop ballads, love songs, and they were written to have full production. Playing guitar and singing along didn't do them justice.

All it did was frustrate and leave me feeling despondent... Cover songs were the way to go, but figuring out your audience, and what was going to excite them. Another issue.

I watched some of the other buskers and marvelled at their skills. They knew who to play to, what songs worked. It was a skill, a gift, a talent. There was more to busking than met the eye...

The upshot was... I was broke as...

My friends were sweet, and always brought me some drinks, but it made me feel shit that I couldn't pay them back.

"Izzy, shut the fuck up okay. We don't care girl... Forget it. When you become rich and famous. It'll be you buying us drinks."

That was the one good thing about having a boyfriend... He brought the drinks... All I had to do was fuck him... That was all good when we were on, but towards the end of my relationship with Donny I felt a bit like a hooker. The sex was awful and I only did it to keep him happy.

"Miss Watson... Did you hear what I said?"

Glancing up at the irritated face of Miss Hansen. I muttered, "No, sorry."

"I said, would you stay behind after class today. I would like to talk to you."

"Yeah, no worries," I replied huffily. What the fuck crawled up her bum. She didn't have to get snarky.

"Wow, what'd you do to piss her off?" Adi asked quietly.

"Dunno, guess I fucked something up again."

"Not sure about that, she doesn't usually get so snotty."

"Yeah, guess I'll find out later." The class was as boring as usual. Most of it I spent writing songs and fooling around.

Watching Miss Hansen always made me feel uneasy. There was something about her that created questions. Like why did my pulse speed up when she approached me? Why did my armpits get sticky?

"Thank you, Miss Watson. I appreciate you staying behind."

"No worries. What's it about?"

"During our last class I asked you to notate a song I played for you. When I checked your work, it was wrong."

"I remember. You asked me to fix it."

"Correct, and I noticed that it has indeed been fixed."

"Cool, was it okay?"

"Yes, it was excellent. Can you explain to me what you did?"

She had the sheet music in her hand. Her eyes flicked from the sheet to me.

"Sorry, I don't remember the piece."

"Not surprising. Would it surprise you to know that Miss Drumm's sheet was identical to yours?"

"Nah, not really. Adi's great with theory."

"Yes, she is." She put the sheet on her desk and leaned back against the edge of it. Her arms folded tightly across her chest.

"Miss Watson, I don't like cheats. Do you understand? There was a pause as we silently stared at each other. Jeez, she was so intense.

"Miss Watson, I don't care what you think of my class. I don't even care if you fail. What I will not have is cheating. You can fail, but please. Do not take Miss Drumm down with you. She is a good student, but if I see any evidence that she finished your work again. I will fail her as well. What's more, I will report both of you. Do you understand that?"

I nodded acceptingly. "Got it."

Unfolding her arms, she reached behind gripping the edge of the desk, her legs crossing. "Can you explain why you take my class so frivolously?"

"I don't understand it. I can never work it out. None of it makes sense."

"Really."

"Sorry, it's not you. I've always sucked at theory. None of it makes sense."

"Then why did you take the class?"

"It's part of the syllabus. I had no choice."

"Explain why you're here, Miss Watson. What exactly do you want from your time here?"

"I want to be a singer, a performer. I wanted to learn about the industry so I could grow my career. All the other classes are great. I simply suck at theory."

"Were you good with math?" she asked. Her tone now softer, the hard edge blurred.

"Nah, Math was awful. I got a pass mark, but only just."

"Music is simply math. Scales, dimensions. It is not that hard."

Wincing at her remark. I shrugged. "It is for me."

Standing, she walked past me behind her desk. "Very well. All I ask is no more cheating."

"Thanks, Miss Hansen."

Walking away I sighed, thinking. That was lucky. She could have turned us in. Then Adi would have been in the shit as well.

Adi and I met in the quad for lunch. "Well, what did she say?" she asked me.

"It was a lecture about cheating. She knew you fixed my sheet."

"Oh shit... Really." Her shock was obvious, and she had a really scared look on her face. "Am I in trouble?"

"Nah, she told me it was my last warning and to never let it happen again."

"Damn... Thank God for that. I need to score well in Theory. Not sure I'll get through on my other classes."

"Nah you got it. You're killing it."

"Maybe, but I don't have your talent. You're gonna make it, me, I'm not so sure. There's thousands of violinists in the world."

"Not here in NZ, you know that. You're gonna make it. You'll be up in the town hall with the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra. 1st chair I bet."

She nudged me on the shoulder. "Stop it. I'll never be that good."

"Not if you keep talking like that."

"Nah, I'm a realist. Maybe you'll give me a spot in your band?"

"Always... You know that." We shared a tight hug and went back to our food.

It came out of nowhere. "You know she's gay right?"

"Who?" I replied who were we talking about.

"Miss Hansen."

"No way... Who told you that?"

"Lawrence... He heard a couple of teachers talking about it. Apparently, that's why she came back to New Zealand. She had her heart broken by a woman. She came home with her tail between her legs."

"Shit... That's tough. I feel for her."

"Yeah, it's a cruel world, but it does sorta explain the way she dresses. I mean yah never see her in a dress, or a skirt. She always wears those baggy pants. She never even wears anything that'd show off her figure."

"That doesn't mean she's gay."

"Maybe not, but well you know. I'm just saying."

For some reason that made me look at Miss Hansen with different eyes. She did have a sad sort of aura. Like something really bad happened to her.

It didn't explain the way she made me feel, all squiggly and tingly. The way my heart rate went up when she leaned over my shoulder to check my work...

The way I couldn't drag my eyes away from her arse when she wrote on the blackboard. Especially when she balanced on one foot to reach higher... That really made her arse tighten and stand out even more...

Collecting my mail, I flicked through them. Bill, bill, Pizza bonus give away. Then my heart stopped. I came to a wobbly standstill staring at the envelope. With my eyes closed, I ripped it open.

We are pleased to inform you, that you have been selected to attend the auditions for New Zealand Has Talent.

I'd applied before, but this was the first time I'd made the auditions. I was gonna be on TV, not just TV, but the biggest bloody show of the year. I nearly died, right there and then. My heart felt like it was gonna leap out of my chest.

Everything else just vanished. I had to call Mum and tell her. Then it was Adi and all my other friends. I had to tell everybody. I was gonna be on TV...

Everybody congratulated me. Mum nearly had kittens when I told her.

Adi and my student friends held a party to celebrate. It was only the auditions, I tried to tell them all. Nobody cared, they were simply elated for me.

The first day at the auditions was hard. There were literally hundreds of other competitors. Still, something about the demo tape I sent in must have excited them.

I watched empathetically as performer after performer got cut. A never-ending line of people walking out in tears. The cameras loved all the drama. Luckily, I got through. I figured I was going to make it when the producer asked if they could come to the Uni, and shoot some footage of me. Just day-to-day stuff.

It wasn't just at Uni either. They asked if they could get some footage of my family to build a backstory. Surely they wouldn't go to all that trouble if I was shit"

I imagined they'd only do that to contestants they thought would do okay... We had to sign confidentiality contracts. We weren't allowed to discuss anything about what was filmed for the show. All we were allowed to say was we were in the show... I thought that was because the show wasn't shown live. The actual contest would be over before it went to air.