The Most Mysterious Song

"Come with me," June said, leaning in close so her daughter could hear her over the live band.

Ava just glared at her in that way only teens can manage, and turned back toward the stage.

"I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Then

go!"

"You're fifteen," she yelled back. "I can't leave you out here on your own!"

"You definitely can!"

"Ava--"

"I'll be fine! God!"

June moved back in front of her seat, more upright now, though she and her daughter were sharing an uneasy glare, and she tried to gauge how well her bladder was holding up against how long the concert had already been going on. Could she make it another hour? She thought maybe, and was particularly happy when the band finished one song and went straight into the next one. The fewer long and talky introductions the better, she thought.

The next song was different from everything else they'd played, a new one she'd never heard Ava sing, but it was hard to tell because the crowd was getting extra loud. At a couple of points during the first verse, she started getting this incredible sense of déjà vu. Was it even déjà vu? She'd never heard this song, had she?

And then the chorus arrived. June's knees wobbled, and she dropped down on the sweaty, flimsy plastic seat, ignoring the frowning side eye from her daughter. The rest of the audience was standing and dancing, and cheering though a lot fewer were singing along than during earlier songs.

Her heart was

thudding

in her chest, leaving her with a bewildered feeling.

This song

. She doubted herself for a second or two, then her lips formed the next words as if on autopilot, and her mind reeled. She knew her blood was pumping because her heart was as loud as it had ever been, but she felt cold under the skin. For a moment she thought she might have been having a stroke.

"

Are you okay?

"

June peered towards the stage, now hidden behind a sea of swaying bodies. She would have stood, but didn't think her knees were up to it. Ava's favorite band, Schitzo Squirrels, had a throng on their feet. The sheer number of bodies gave a stifling quality to the heat, just like there had been back then. She felt dislocated, like she was becoming unglued from time.

June had been dancing along, mostly out of politeness and a willingness to appease her daughter's interests. She hadn't been paying a lot of attention to any of the other songs being played, though she had had absorbed most of them through osmosis when Ava belted them out while trying out clothes or new makeup styles, but she couldn't hide her physical reaction to that wrecking ball of a song.

Never that one. It was a song nobody knew, one she sometimes thought she'd dreamed up. One that haunted her.

And yet, here it was, suffocating her in the exhausting summer heat of a cramped stadium venue, filling the minds and ears of the thousands of people around her. Reaching into her chest and grabbing her.

Her song.

Their

song

. Other people were singing it too.

"Mom, are you okay?

"

June jumped, suddenly aware that her daughter had been trying to get her attention, and she nodded in a purely parental instinct. It was her job to make sure her child was safe, and so she nodded and said "Yes," when she was most definitely not okay.

"You look all pale!"

Ava didn't look like she trusted June's wordless assurances, but went back to dancing anyway after a few seconds. June took a deep breath to settle herself, braced her hands on the armrests, and pushed to her feet. She didn't dance, though. She just got up, leaned a little to the side, and watched. The whole second verse was wrong. Some of the first verse too, she thought, though she hadn't been able to hear much beyond the ringing in her ears. They were using a totally different guitar arrangement, one that was a lot more rock and roll, but the synths were...

She found herself staring at the keyboardist, simultaneously sweating and shivering as he filled out the sound.

When the song wrapped up, the crowd got loud. The band were all looking at each other proudly, very excitedly. The singer moved back toward the drums to grab a drink of water, and while he did, the bassist moved up to one of the microphones.

"

You like that one?

" he asked, voice booming through the PA. When the crowd roared, he smiled and said, "

Yeah, us too. We wanted to put that on our last album, but the label killed it. If you know, you know.

"

At the mention of

the label,

about half the crowd went into boos, to which the bassist shrugged and held his arms like

what can we do?

, but the rest of the crowd was still cheering. By the time the singer got back to the mic, the drummer was cracking out a countdown with his sticks, and they launched into another song.

June didn't hear a word of it.

***

"Mom!"

"What?" June said, head whipping away from the road ahead.

"You are being

such

a weirdo!"

"What?" Sure that there was no immediate crisis, June looked back and forth between her daughter and the road for a few seconds while she drove. "Don't call people weirdos. It's rude."

"I've been trying to talk to you for like ten minutes, and you just keep giving me

yeah

and

uh huh

."

"No you haven't," she said, defensively. Wanting to avoid the looming back and forth of did not/did too, she grasped for diversion. "What did he mean by 'if you know, you know'?"

"What?"

"After that one song, he said, '

if you know, you know'

. What did he mean?"

"After Blame the Wind?"

"That's... What?"

"It's the most mysterious song on the internet. Chase the sky, or... I dunno, I've seen people call it Subways of the mind."

"What do you... what does that mean? Most mysterious song?"

"Like, people have been searching the internet for

literally

decades trying to figure out who it's by."

June felt her jaw going slack, a little at a time, as she stared forward along the road.

"That's why Kiko, the one guy, was saying the label wouldn't let them record it. Nobody knows who wrote it, so nobody knows who gets credit."

"I do," June said, a little bewildered. "I mean, I don't know how anyone heard it but I know who gets credit."

For the first time since they got in the car, Ava's fingers stopped flying around the keyboard on her phone. Her head turned very slowly. "You said you didn't know what it was."

"Yeah, not by that name!"

Ava snorted. "Like you knew that by any other name."

"I

do

," she said, feeling that chill under her skin again. "I helped write it."

For the first time in weeks, June got to see Ava put her phone away. Shoved into a pocket. Her daughter's wide-eyed concentration was all on her. "Mom, are you shitting me right now?"

"No! I mean, they sang some of the words wrong, but I'm sure it's the one that I... we... well I better start with the beginning."

***

The summer when June went interrailing was a hot, carefree one. She was set to start college in the autumn, and the August beforehand was dedicated to exploring the old continent. She and her two best friends, Molly and Clara, had planned the trip for months.

The feverish excitement was easy to recapture, even years and decades later, as was the confusion and anger when Clara decided not to go at the last possible minute, because she found a new boyfriend and he didn't want her to go. A close second was the subsequent confusion and anger when she and Molly had turned out to be a match made in hell for traveling purposes. They had gotten into furious fights, finally deciding to part ways and travel alone rather than together. They'd been in Amsterdam, and in a fit of rage they'd divided Europe amongst themselves; Molly would take the southern half and June could have the north. June had left for Germany that very evening.

***

Ava, eyes as wide as saucers in the gloom of the car, said, "Wasn't that reckless?"

June rolled her eyes. "The world was different back then. Besides, who would've even known? If I wanted to call home, I needed to make collect calls through the phone operators."

"What's a collect call?"

"Just listen, will you? This will take forever if you keep interrupting."

"Okay okay."

***

June arrived in Frankfurt late at night. Usually, she and Molly would select from the offered accommodations, as various hostels and B&Bs advertised at railway stations, but all the booths had closed.

She regretted splitting up with Molly. Being alone in a strange country, in the middle of the night, didn't feel the kind of adventurous she'd been yearning for. The railway station, while not empty, felt cavernous and brooding. It really hit her how far she was from everything and everyone she knew. She was on her own.

She heard voices a little further, energetic babbling. She ambled that way, hoping it would be someone maybe also interrailing who she could ask for directions. And that they spoke English. She wasn't at all sure of her German proficiency, and the late hour diminished her confidence.

The group turned out to be four young couples, southern Europeans by the look of them and the note of their rapid bantering. They had an assortment of bags and cases for musical instruments and were gesturing around, talking quickly in a language June couldn't pin down. They didn't pay any attention to her, and she slowed down when she approached them.

One of the girls flicked her hair back, rolling her eyes, quipping something to the boy next to her. Others laughed and started to gather the bags.

June got scared they were leaving, and stepped closer, clearing her throat. "Um... excuse me?"

They all looked at her, an assortment of brown and black shaggy long hair and brown eyes on all of them. Faded jeans. Hippie style dip dyed shirts. Then, tentatively, friendly smiles.

"You interrail?" asked one boy.

"Yes!" June said, relieved. "You know a place to stay tonight?"

"A hostel, yes," said the boy. "We need one girl. You coming?"

June raised her eyebrows. "You what?"

The sassy girl from earlier nudged the boy and turned toward June. "They have room for boys, room for girls, six beds," she said, smiling at June. "Is expensive for three girls. But four, maybe."

June looked at the crowd and realized she had mistaken one of the boys for a girl. It was difficult to tell, they all looked alike, with their long hair and slim bodies.

"I'd love to tag along," she said quickly. "Just that... I only have travelers' checks, and I need to cash them out, and before that I don't have any German money."

The others looked at her, looked at each other, then succumbed to a rapid conversation and much handwaving. The sassy girl smiled at June. "You come along," she said. "We pay, you pay us back. I'm Daria."

"June."

Daria rattled off a list of names, pointing at the others. June caught Mick and Esteban, and Penelope, and smiled at the rest. She would get them in time, or she would not, if they parted ways before that. They gathered their belongings and were on the move, June among them. She felt a little out of place still, but not as forlorn as just a minute earlier.

The hostel was in an old wooden building, a labyrinth of corridors and small rooms. June was so tired she just followed the others, setting up on her bed as soon as they were admitted, and sleep came quickly.

***

"Wait," Ava said. "You just climbed into bed with people you'd never met?"

"

No

," June said. "I said

hostel

. They're, like, cheap accommodation, mostly with bunk beds. You can pay for a bed and not an entire room like in hotels. It was a thing back then. I don't know if they still have them."

Ava gave her some side eye, and June thought maybe the young these days weren't hungry enough for experience to settle for anything. The standards of many things had changed when she wasn't paying attention.

"What was that? What did you call it? Interrailing? I thought it was called backpacking," Ava said. "I hear people talk about backpacking around Europe."

"Well, a backpack is how you carry your stuff, right? Some people hitchhiked--" Glancing at Ava she decided she did

not

want to get into a discussion on how dangerous that was. "--but mostly it was, you got this ticket, and it gave you unlimited rail access for a month. Europe is good with trains."

"Uh huh," Ava said and gave her a frown. "But still... sharing with people you just met..."

Oh I shared with Daria,

June thought, and

no you wouldn't, my uptight child,

but that long-ago summer was still occupying her mind and she continued.

***

The morning was sunny and cloudless, the air filled with bird noises and the laughter of the other girls. June was flustered with how they dashed around the room, naked, borrowing hairbrushes and clothes and chattering in what she now knew to be Greek. She herself skulked into the shower tightly wrapped in her towel, a change of clothes under her arm, trying not to pay attention to the others in case they were laughing at her modesty.

The day would be another sweltering one, the heat hanging in the air from early morning. June loved the stopped, drowsy feeling of midsummer Central Europe. People ate ice cream and lounged in the parks. She chose a light summer dress, and was delighted with how similar it was to the other girls' attire. The others seemed to want to hang out with her, and she hoped it would last once she had paid them back for the night's accommodation. The air around the group was captivating, a little like joining the circus, or a group of traveling gypsies in the romance novels June had once read off her grandma's shelf.

All of them spoke passable English, but Daria's was the strongest. Whether this was the reason Daria took on the role of interpreter and guide for her or whether June latched onto Daria because she was the easiest to understand, June didn't know.

June had marked Frankfurt, months and months ago, as the city she was most looking forward to. It was why she had picked northern Europe and let Molly have the whole Mediterranean. Her family had owned an aging encyclopedia, and the pictures of Frankfurt gave it a mystique. Many of the cities in Europe blended the old and new side by side, but for whatever reason Frankfurt had captured June's eye. It had been all she talked about before leaving, and was at the top of her list when anyone asked what she was most excited for.

Now that she was here, she hardly paid it any attention, because Frankfurt did not compare to Daria.

Daria was all ovals. Her face, her nose, even the way her hair came down in luscious waves. Most of all, though, it was her eyes. In the middle of walking around, at any given moment, Daria might just turn around and stare at her.

"What?" June said, blinking and flushing.

"Lunch? Yes? Mid meal."

"Yes!" June gave herself a little shake, returning to herself after having been caught by one of those looks. "I'm starving!"

Daria gave her a knowing smirk, but said nothing. Konstantin, the one who seemed to pay the most attention to Daria and who may or may not have been her boyfriend, slung an arm around Daria's shoulder and herded her forward, rattling off a few long sentences in Greek while pointing at a folded section of a map.

The street opened to a tiny marketplace, and June gasped in delight.

"What?" Daria asked, smiling, detaching herself from Konstantin and stepping closer to June.

"Look at that! Such beautiful old houses!"

Daria looked around the clearing, as did the others while June rummaged for her camera. June captured the tiny Catholic church, the stony house beside it, and then, for reasons she couldn't explain, Daria.

"παλιά σπίτια," Daria said. A few of the others chuckled. One of the boys pointed to the other side of the clearing, toward a cluster of faded, striped parasols, and the group started moving that way.

"Oh, but I still don't have any money," June said, slowing down.

Daria turned towards her, reaching to take her hand. Their hands were almost the same size, and their fingers interlocked easily.

"I pay," Daria said, throwing the mass of her gently sloping hair over her shoulder. "We go bank later."

***

June had been worried, but even after she had exchanged some of her travelers' checks and paid Daria back the group didn't show signs of ostracizing her. They hopped around the city, checking out the sights, and June took pictures of everything. She also took care to include Daria in as many photos as she could. The rest of the group, too, but mostly Daria.

Toward the evening they headed back to the hostel, buying food stuff and cheap wine from the nearby store. The hostel had a garden, and they settled there, setting the rickety wooden table with bread and olives and baloney, then sat around on the sun-faded chairs and grass that was slowly turning yellow in the heat. One by one the instruments came out. June didn't know any of the songs, which were mostly in Greek anyway, but the hair on the back of her neck stood up with how mesmerizing it all was. The darkening night, the air still very warm on her bare arms and shoulders; the tang of red wine on her tongue, the tickle of grass blades against her shins. The way Daria danced, when she and one of the other girls got up to improvise a wild and energetic show to one of the songs.

June was excited to be included, even though she felt profoundly outside of everything, and not only because of the language barrier. Europe was understandable, but it also wasn't. She had spent hours daydreaming about being in Frankfurt, but the reality was so different. Nothing felt like she had thought it would. Everything was smaller but also bigger, the people were friendly but felt alien. The wine was getting to her head, and judging by the rambunctious manner the music grew wilder, it did to others too, and yet nobody seemed to care. She was free, she was on her own, and yet she wasn't alone.

***

"Getting drunk?" Ava gave her a serious frown now. "I thought you said you were eighteen?"

"Nineteen," June said. "The limit was sixteen in Germany then. It's different in Europe."

"I'd say," Ava said. Then she grinned impishly. "We should go vacationing in Europe next summer."

"When you've turned sixteen, you mean? Fat chance."

Ava shrugged as if to say

oh well, I tried

. June took the exit from the freeway to their suburb, almost regretting getting close to home. She was deep into the memory now, and she couldn't remember the last time they had conversed so easily, really building the connection.

Ava seemed to also realize they were almost at home. "But what's all that got to do with the most mysterious song on the internet?"

"Okay, so. I spent the following days with Daria and the group, and slowly I put it together that they were on their way to Berlin. Daria, another girl and three of the boys formed a band, and they had connections to a recording studio up there. They were going to record their first album." She closed her eyes and snapped her fingers a few times. "Ruined Gods. That's what they were called. Anyway, one of their mates was driving through Europe with most of their equipment, and once they got to Frankfurt, the team would split up, a few guys to go with the driver and the rest via train. I had no real plans, so when they asked me to go with them I readily accepted."

"So you recorded the song at the studio?"

"To put it shortly, yes. But we also composed the song together, me and Daria, before that. But I'll tell you about it later. It's so late, you need to get to bed when we get home."

"Mom!"

"I know. I shouldn't have agreed to this on a school night, even if it is your birthday and your favorite band."

Ava knew better than to argue. June parked, and the two of them got into the house. Their dog, Chester, received them with a wild tail and a few celebratory swirls, although June thought he probably thought they were silly to be out so late. All three of them were all so set in their ways, and this wasn't usual.