The Love That Just Couldn't Be

Starting my first year of college, I never knew things would change so drastically from how they were at high school. Back at my high school, no one really spoke to me, or even acknowledged my existence. I guess I couldn't blame them, no one wanted to speak to the lesbian. You see, most people think that homosexuals are just sex- hungry people that can't keep a relationship. That wasn't true at all. Being 18 years old, I had only went as far as making out. I had always been afraid of getting hurt in a relationship, so I distanced myself from others. I had yet to find someone that was worth giving my all too. I mean, I had experimented with some friends in the past - but nothing serious. Coming to college, I really wanted to start living life.

My first week of college was fine. I got along quite well with my roommate - who was extremely fit. Although we never became close friends considering our classes weren't at the same time - making us never see each other. It also didn't help that she spent every weekend at home, leaving the room to me. It was almost as if I lived alone. My roommate never fully moved in. She just brought enough clothes and food to last the week and went back home. Any snacks she left behind after the week, she gave to me - so I wasn't complaining.

The college I attended, made it mandatory that you must live on campus the first year. It almost made me feel bad that she was forced to share a room with me, even though I knew it wasn't my fault I didn't have much of family nearby. I chose this college because it was almost an hour away from home- which made me happy. My family was never thrilled about me being a lesbian. So I figured if I could attend college far from home, I can freely express my sexuality without any worry.

One night I was walking back to my dorm from my last class. I felt quite a wave of loneliness hit me. Being far from home, and having an invisible roommate, left me alone a lot. I shouldn't beat myself up though, I was bound to meet some friends.

While still thinking, I made my way down Cretan Circle and found myself lost. I had only been in college for about two weeks at that point and didn't have much of a chance to get used to all the parks and roads. I really felt helpless at that point. There was no one around and I had no one to call. So I proceeded to sit down on a bench located in the circle. It was getting dark out and I didn't exactly feel safe. It was at that moment, I could hear footsteps coming closer to me. I began to become extremely frightening. 'What if someone is going to rob me? Or even kill me?' I thought to myself.

I held my breath and then finally let out a gasp of relief when I saw it was one of the girls from my Chemistry class. She was about 5'6", quite thin with mid-length black hair, glasses and green eyes. Her name was Zoey, if I'm correct. She was dressed in tight blue skinny jeans, and wore a V-neck band shirt. Zoey was actually quite attractive, even though we had never actually spoke. I could use a good friend.

"What brings you here at this time of night?" She said to me. "Um. You see, I'm kinda lost." I said in embarrassment.

Zoey then proceeded to reach her hand out to me, signalling for me to grab her hand & get up. "What's your name?" she asked me. "It's Veronica. I already know your name - it's Zoey." I said, as I hoped I didn't sound creepy. "How do you kno-" she began to say. "We're in the same Chemistry class. I always hear Mrs. Bykovser asking if you're coming to school or not, because you're always late." I quickly blurted, but also said in a humorous way, trying to save myself from becoming a permanent creep in her mind. I was making a new friend, I didn't want to fuck that up already.

"Oh, yes I believe I recognize you now. We'll have to chat more in there." Zoey suggested. "Oh yeah, definitely."

Zoey sat down on the bench next to me and we spoke for a few moments. She didn't acknowledge the fact that I was lost and it was becoming quite dark. Oddly, I didn't mind because I really enjoyed her conversation. We both agreed to become lab partners, since neither of us knew anyone in that class. After a few minutes our conversation was cut short.

Well, as much as I'd love to help you, I really have to get back to my dorm." She said. "Agreed. And no, really it's fine. I'm sure I can-" But she cut me off. "You didn't let me finish, dear. I would love to help you, and yes I do really need to get back to my dorm. So why don't you just come crash at my place for the night. And in the morning I can help you back." She suggested. I was actually quite surprised. I had just met her.

"Are you sure you're okay with that? I mean, really I'll be fine. I don't even have anything to change into." I said. "I don't mind. You seem like a cool girl. I usually let my friends stay at my dorm if they don't feel like walking across campus. I don't have a roommate so I can basically do whatever I want. You can borrow a shirt or something. It's getting late and it wouldn't be safe for you walking around, even if you did know where you were going." She said. "That's so kind of you, but I have homework to do." I said to her. "It's Friday, you have a whole weekend to get it done. Just come on, we can watch movies and play video games." Zoey said with a smile. She really seemed sincere. "My roommate has plants that need watering and she goes home for the weekend." I lied. Well, only partly. I just wasn't sure how I felt about hanging out with Zoey so soon. I really liked her, but I didn't want to mess up our friendship already. "Look, kiddo. It's getting dark and cold out here. So either you willingly come back to my dorm, or we'll be standing here all night." She said sternly. "Look Zoey, it's awfully nice of you to invite me back to your dorm. But I really should be getting-" but I couldn't finish my sentence.

At that moment Zoey had grabbed my backpack that still lay on the bench and began running with it. "If you don't follow me, you'll never see this again!" She said with the biggest smile on her face. I had no choice, I began to run after her. I had chased her until we both reached her dorm, both of us gasping for air.

"That wasn't very nice." I said with sarcasm. I secretly was glad she had done it, or she would've never gotten me to leave that circle. "Well, I wasn't about to let you find your way home and end up getting killed. And I was not about to let myself freeze to death making sure you would make it somewhere safe for the night." she replied, being serious.

Zoey unlocked the door and we entered her cozy dorm. In there she had a medium sized bed, small flat screen television, two dressers, purple couch, and a desk where her laptop was located. It seemed like a lovely place to stay. She also had a bunch of band posters around the room. It smelled absolutely wonderful in her there.

"Just set your stuff down wherever and I'll grab you something to change into. You're just a little bit smaller than me, so you should fit into basically whatever." Zoey said. Zoey had a great looking body. She was about had long legs, a curvy but fit stomach, a cute ass and I'm assuming probably C sized breasts. It made me wonder if she liked her appearance. I don't how someone like her couldn't. She was right though, I was a tiny bit smaller than her. I stood at about 5'5", around 120 pounds and my stomach was thin and flat. I had long blonde hair with green eyes. My breasts weren't huge, but my ass was quite an attraction. I remember walking down the halls in high school and would have guys smacking my ass. Speaking of boys, It made me wonder if Zoey had a boyfriend, it seemed that way. I only assumed that because she had a red teddy bear on one of her dressers that looked like some kind of Valentine's day gift. I had never received anything on Valentine's day. Well at least, nothing with a loving meaning behind it.

"Here you go, V." Zoey handed me a pair of comfy looking shorts and a big T-shirt that read 'The Golden Age of Grotesque.' On it was a man with dark black hair and much make up. It appeared comfy.

"The bathroom is right over-" as she went to point she saw I was already in the process of changing and had my shirt halfway over my head when she looked. "Oh shit, sorry." Zoey said as she looked away. "No, don't apologize. I just didn't see much point in going into the bathroom. It's not like I'm getting naked." I heard her giggle. "Sorry." I added. I felt bad. I should have been more respectful. She probably didn't want a half-nude girl changing right in front of her. I finished putting on the clothes then rested my stuff on the couch.

"So if you don't mind, I was just going to finish up this homework then watch a movie." Zoey said - breaking the silence. "That's fine with me. What movie did you have in mind?" I had hoped it wasn't anything scary, I hated horror movies more than anything. I guess I tried to keep myself away from those things, considering I was alone a lot. "Well, I don't want to bore you, so how about a horror movie?" she immediately said. It was like she already had that in mind. If so, why did she ask for my opinion? I couldn't tell her that I was scared of a few monsters and a bit of blood so I just agreed. Zoey finished up the work in a matter of minutes. She then signalled me to come sit with her on the bed.

"You didn't think I was going to make you sit all over there by yourself, did you?" she looked me right in the eye when she said that. "Well, I just didn't know if me being so close, would make you feel awkward considering we've just met." I was being quite honest. "Don't think like that. I consider you a good friend already. I feel as if I can trust you, you're cute and I like being around you." Zoey said to me. "Thanks." I replied with a smile. She had just called me cute. Was she saying this in a friendly way or did she mean something else by it?

As we watched the movie, I began to tense up. Zoey had turned the lights down, and this was quite a terrifying movie. It wasn't long before it had me screaming and hiding my face behind Zoey. She had actually giggled at my actions. But then she could tell that I was really getting upset.

"V, are you okay? I can turn it off. I have plenty other movies that we can watch." Her tone made me sense that she felt bad, which I didn't want. "Nahhh, I'm cool." I lied. "It's just it's been awhile since I've seen a good horror flick. I love watching stuff like th-" but then another horrific scene occurred and I found myself screaming yet again. Zoey got up and turned the movie off, and then walked over to a lamp and turned it on.

"I'm sorry. I'm lame. It's just I'm always alone... so I don't like to ...scare myself. I mean I don't..scare myself. I mean, things scare me..I mean-" I shut up. I didn't know what to say. So I just looked down and played with my hands. "Dear, stop worrying. It isn't a big deal. I've seen that movie like five times, I was getting bored with it anyways. The only entertainment I had was watching you get all worked up over it." She looked at me with a cute smile and pinched my cheek.

-This is the part of the story where readers think Zoey and I worked our way up to becoming intimate, but that wasn't quite the case. Actually, quite the complete contrary.-

"Now, tell me more about yourself." Zoey said. We began to talk throughout the night and I really opened up to her. I spoke of how I had never allowed myself to get close to others, for I was afraid they would leave me. She had told me that she had a lot of serious friendships, but no real relationship. She confided to me that she always attached herself to anyone she could because she never had many people in her life. That made sense, considering she wouldn't let me go home tonight. After speaking to her about such personal subjects, for what seemed like hours, we both ended up falling asleep in her bed.

I woke up that morning to find Zoey laying on me. She had her left thigh on top of my legs and her hands were both curled up beside her. Her head rest gently beside my left arm. It was obvious that she shifted this way during her sleep, but I didn't mind. I glanced at her clock which informed me that it was already eleven in the morning. Thankfully, it was Saturday and neither of us had class. I layed there for what seemed like a lifetime, just thinking.

A little time later, Zoey's eyes began to open. She quickly realized she was on me and sat up, "Sorry." she mumbled. She looked back at me with loving eyes, "What would you like to do today? Perhaps go to lunch or something..? I'm quite busy the rest of the weekend." "Yeah, that sounds lovely." I smiled. "But I don't have anything to wear. Unless you want to meet up for dinner sometime this week instead." I rather have a long evening with her then a brief lunch. She sat there thinking for a moment. "Hmm, yeah I suppose dinner would be better." she decided. "Let me give you my number and I'll call you this week." "Okay." I smiled.

And so with that I changed back into my clothes from the day before and Zoey lead me to her car where she drove me to the entrance of my dorm section.

When I arrived to my dorm I realized that all of my roommates stuff was gone. Although we weren't close, I really wondered what had caused this. Usually when she left for the weekend, she at least left her books, stereo and a few boxes of personal items here. But they had all vanished.

I decided to ring her and find out what had happened. After a few rings, she answered. "Hello?" "Hey, Jasmine. Is everything okay?" I replied. "I figured you would call. You see, I'm having some family troubles and I just couldn't handle going back and forth so much when I'm dearly needed at home. So I'm transferring to Trumbull instead. Sorry I couldn't say goodbye." She didn't seem sorry. We barely spoke as it was, so it didn't bother me.

After finishing up the conversation with Jasmine, I took a needed shower. I realized that I had Zoey's scent on me. It smelled wonderful. It almost made me not want to shower. As I made my way into the bathroom, I took a good look at myself in the mirror. Did Zoey find me attractive? Was Zoey even bisexual - or maybe even lesbian? I wasn't going to let it crowd my thoughts. Although it had been ages since I've gotten a true taste of attention from anyone - I didn't want to mess up this friendship.

While in the shower, thoughts of Zoey really filled my mind. Just remembering her soft skin up against mine, and the way she smiled. Her laugh, was so gorgeous - it just made me wonder what she'd sound like climaxing. It turned me on. Before I knew it, I was playing with my nipples. I let the soap wash over my body as I cleaned. I thought about what it would be like - having the touch of a female for the first time. The thoughts drove me crazy. I was already incredibly wet, not much teasing was required. Before I knew, I had one of my fingers inside of me - twisting and turning. I had never normally used more than one finger, but today it just happened. Like magic, I was pumping two fingers in and out of me. I lay my back against the wall of the shower and threw my head back. The pleasure was taking over my body. I slowly began sliding down the wall of the shower as I began to climax. In and out- faster- my fingers pumped. I let out a loud moan as I could not hold it in any longer. I had never experienced such an amazing masturbation session. The only thought in my head - was Zoey.

Usually my masturbation fantasies were just about random women I found attractive, not someone I knew personally. I just couldn't help but want more and more of Zoey. She was like the perfect girl.

My fingers pushed deeper into my tight sex. My legs began to tense up and I bit my lip from pleasure. "Fuck." I said. My hand working furiously getting me where I needed to go. The thoughts of Zoey really began crowding my mind. I could just imagine her on top of me, kissing my neck and rubbing the inside of my thighs. That was all it took, and I had an orgasm like never before. With a loud moan, I slowed down my fingers and tried to catch my breath. After I came, I gently lifted myself up from the bottom of the shower. I washed my body for the second time, and then I finished up.

Through the week, Zoey and I met up for a few hours everyday, just hanging out. Although she hadn't spent the night again, and we still had yet to have a dinner date. Normally we would watch movies, talk about life, make jokes, draw pictures and listen to heavy metal music. I loved being around her. Sadly, she hadn't passed any moves on me, at all. But I cherished the time we had together. I wasn't sure about my feelings for her. She was a great friend though. But I tried to avoid thinking about our future together. Would we remain friends after college, or be more than that? I knew bringing up the subject to Zoey would probably scare her off. Sometimes she would often talk about her sexual experiences with guys. So I assumed she was obviously straight. I did notice she always found a reason to randomly hold my hand, or hug me. Once when I was crying, she even kissed me on the cheek. She was truly sending mixed signals.

I just decided I would stop thinking about it, although it wasn't easy at all. Finally weeks turned into months and you could basically call us inseparable. We called each-other every day and hung out whenever we could. Still, it seemed she tried to avoid staying the night again.

Finally one day during a homework session, Zoey said "You know, how about we go out tonight? Just you and me, to dinner." I smiled at her, "That sounds lovely. Where to?" "Oh, you'll find out." Then she winked at me. 'What could this mean?' I instantly thought to myself. I mean I've had friends take me places before by surprise, but nowhere fancy and always on a special occasion. I would just have to see what tonight would bring to me. At that moment, I had no idea how tonight would affect the rest of my life.

After finishing up our study session, she dropped me off at my dorm and I prepared for the evening. Half the items in my room were Zoey's, considering she always dropped by here after classes. I didn't mind, at all. I found it odd that she never asked for them back. And when she was here, she never took them with her - even if I reminded her.

After calling Zoey to confirm our evening plans, I decided what to wear. Since she refused to tell me which restaurant we would be attending that evening - so I wasn't sure how to dress. Zoey was always pulling surprises on me.

I tried on some jeans with a V-neck shirt, but it didn't feel right. So instead I put on a slim, black dress. It fit my body well and made my chest pop out. For once, I felt quite sexy. I was also overjoyed that I finally had a reason to wear the dress. Perhaps I could really show off my body to Zoey, whether she'd admit if she liked it or not.

Nearing five o'clock, I headed outside where I saw Zoey parked in her car. She drove an SUV. To my surprise, she got out of the car, walked to the other side of it and opened the door for me. I showed my gratitude by giving her a smile. I also noticed she was dressed in a light blue dress, so I knew I had dressed appropriately.

On the way to the mysterious restaurant, we didn't talk too much. It seemed as if there was tension in the air. During the ride, I went to change the radio and my hands met with hers. "Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead." Zoey said to me. "No, silly. It's your car. Play whatever you'd like." I flashed a smile. "How about we go for random?" She said as she carelessly grabbed a CD and popped it in. Before I knew it, I was listening to Nirvana. "You have great taste in music.." I complimented. I was being honest. "Thanks." Zoey smiled at me.

We pulled in to a restaurant I had never seen in my life. It was absolutely huge. It basically looked like what you'd see in a romance film. We both got out of the car. Astonishingly, Zoey grabbed my hand and led me to the entrance. Her hands were so warm and gentle. If she allowed it, I would massage them everyday for her. Of course it would just be an excuse to hold her hand. I could feel my hidden feelings for her, bursting out of my heart. All of this was too much for me, on top of all her mixed signals lately.